


Habits

by dannaskouhai



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 21:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 92,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5841991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannaskouhai/pseuds/dannaskouhai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Deidara just landed the coveted job of Co-CEO at the worldly known company, Iwa Stratos. Sasori is a hipster computer programmer at a famous Information Technology company, HelioTech. What happens when these two unlikely souls end up owning a penthouse together? And they say old habits die hard</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Own Place

“Damn, Deidara, you’re one lucky fuck, huh?!” the silver-haired man cupped his hand on the shorter guy’s shoulder, smiling widely.  
“Thanks, Hidan, un, but would you mind not cursing so much? We’re actually in society right now,” the blonde next him said curtly. The two had just grabbed a quick bite to eat at a little café on the corner and were now making their way through the throng of the many people that infested the sidewalks every day. The silver-haired guy, Hidan, had just been told some good news by the guy next to him.  
That guy was none other than Deidara Hayashi. A 6’2½” 24 year old just coming out of grad school and already landing a job as co-CEO of the worldly known company, Iwa Stratos.   
“How much is it paying you?” they had stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the signal that it was safe to cross. A line of taxis moved like a yellow serpent through the intersection. Deidara looked up at him with his bright, cerulean blue eyes, thought a moment, and then looked away. “I’d rather not tell, un.”  
“The hell not?!” his friend suddenly yelled, igniting a few passing glares from pedestrians as they received the signal that they could walk. He gave his normal, pale red, wide-eyed stare. “You’re co-CEO of Iwa Stratos! Not even those that work in the lower ranks of the company can get an opportunity like you have and you’re just coming out of Graduate School!”  
“Doesn’t mean I’m not paying for that decision, though, Hidan,” Deidara exclaimed. “Because of what I’ve done, I’ve racked up a total of nearly $400,000 in student debt, un. I just got the first payment deadline sent to my email yesterday. If I don’t meet that deadline with the first payment, the bank will start charging interest and one only knows the consequences of banks putting interest on loans, let alone ones that are overdue, un.”  
“But your new job will easily help pay that off, right?”  
“Yeah, I guess so, un.”  
“…You still haven’t given me an answer as to how much they’re paying you.”  
“And like I said not two minutes ago, I don’t want to say, un.”  
“And I repeat my question, why the hell not?”  
“Damn, you’re a pain sometimes,” the blonde took a deep breath before continuing. “There is a thing called modesty in this world, Hidan, un. A concept you may never understand, but a concept, nonetheless. And in this concept called modesty, it is a widely accepted rule and law that you shall not discuss the amount of pay you receive with someone in a public place, un.”  
“…And why is that?”  
“It’s rude,” Deidara said bluntly.   
They had reached an area where the crowd had thinned out to about four or five people passing every so often. Noting this, Hidan took the opportunity, grinning like the Cheshire cat. “Well, now that we’re not in a huge crowd anymore, mind telling me now?”  
“You’re persistent, aren’t you, un?”  
“Bet your ass I am.”  
Deidara thought for a moment, tugging on his beige scarf as he did so. His eyes traveled to the ground as he mumbled a quick response.  
“…$1.4 million, un.”  
“$1.4 million?! You’re shitting me, right?” his voice raising several octaves higher caused many to turn towards the two men standing leisurely off to the side.   
“Would you please mind keeping your voice down, un?! This is the exact reason I didn’t want to tell you!” the blonde snarled.  
“Well, damn, sorry man, but what would you expect my reaction to be?!” Hidan laughed loudly, finally composing himself. “I mean, with that pay, you should easily be able to pay off that debt, right? You’d be done within a year.”  
“I guess, but I have to worry about paying for the other things, too, un.”  
“Like what?”  
“Now that I’m not living on campus anymore, I have to find a place on my own, un,” Deidara explained. A sudden cold wind sent a chill down his spine. It was nearing the end of October, two weeks away, to be exact, and he started his job officially in five days.   
He would like to find a place before then.  
“I know this swanky new apartment complex that just opened up near the HQ building for Stratos,” Hidan explained. “Kakuzu and I stopped by the other day and that fucker bout nearly passed out at how expensive it looked.”  
“I’m trying to find an affordable place, Hidan, un,” the blonde said smugly. Yes, he and Hidan had been friends since middle school, but there were many times when he questioned whether his friend had his best interests at heart.  
“It can be affordable! On my and Kakuzu’s salaries, no, but on yours and someone else’s, yes.”  
“Mine and someone else’s?” Deidara knitted his brows together in confusion.  
“I’m saying that if you don’t want to have pay so much, think about having a roommate to help split the cost.”  
“Never pegged you as the smart one,” Deidara laughed at his friend’s smug look. Hidan harrumphed and crossed his thickly muscled arms over his chest. “Oi, I’m trying to fucking help you here, ass wipe.”  
“And I appreciate it,” the blonde’s grin faltered slightly, “but I don’t think I could trust having a random person living with me, un.”  
“The apartment complex offers applications that you fill out if you’re interested in having a roommate.”  
“So you’re telling me it’s just like college all over again?”  
“Basically.”  
Deidara sighed, not really believing a single word the guy was saying. He ran a hand through his long blonde bangs that hid half his face. The idea of living in an apartment right near HQ was definitely a check plus on the right end of the spectrum, but the idea of having a roommate was a check minus on the very wrong end.  
The purpose of getting his own place was so he could be on his own, not worrying if some other random person would be able to make payment every month or not.  
“Look, I can see you don’t believe or are seriously doubting me, so here,” Hidan pulled out a piece of paper and pen from inside his jacket and scribbled something quickly onto it. He handed it over to Deidara, and he scanned the words.  
It was an address.  
“It’s for the apartment,” the silver-haired man explained. “At least go and take a look at it. A co-CEO of Iwa Stratos deserves to live like one.”   
“Thanks, Hidan, I’ll think it about, un,” he folded the paper up and stuffed into his back pocket. “I need to get going, though. The art shop closes at 5 and it takes about 30 minutes to walk from here, un.”  
“You still sculpt in your free time, huh?” Hidan smiled, hands on hips. Deidara laughed. “When I can, yeah. See ya.”  
“Before you leave,” his friend said, his face suddenly growing serious. “I’m going to tell you something that might piss you off.”  
“Okay, what is it, un?”  
“We’ve been friends for ages and I’ve noticed you’ve become so dead fucking serious now.”  
“It’s called growing up and maturing, Hidan,” Deidara gave his friend a stern look. “Happens to everyone.”  
“Yeah, I understand that, but it happened to you so fast,” Hidan exclaimed, averting his gaze. “You aren’t as laid-back and easy-going. And you even talk fucking serious, too. Before you started grad school, you never told me to keep my voice down when I started cursing. I could say shit, fuck, cock, hell, ass, you name it and not get ‘scolded’ once.”  
“What are you trying to say, un?”   
“I’m saying that you need a fucking break,” Hidan said, placing a finger on the blonde’s chest. “Right before you start your job. Come grab a drink with the guys and have one last free night before you get chained up in that job of yours.”  
“Alright, alright,” Deidara threw his hands up in mercy, a small smile igniting his face. “A drink for old times’ sake. What day and time?”   
“I’ll talk to the others and let you know on a later time,” the silver-haired guy smiled as he turned away, not even saying ‘good-bye’, just giving one of his signature waves.  
Deidara shook his head, turned on his heel, and headed off in the direction of the art shop.

* * *

Clicking away rapidly on his keyboard, the redhead scanned over the 5 pages of code he’d just typed out, looking for any errors. He’d been working on this particular program for days and he had only finished the first level with a whopping 500 pages of code to go along with it just this afternoon and was finally getting started on the second one.  
“Mr. Akasuna, how are we doing over here?” one of his co-workers asked as he walked by. The redhead didn’t look up from the screen as he replied. “Fine.”  
He clicked on, stopping for a second to run the program, seeing if there were any errors. Noting none, he continued on, getting another three pages completed before his phone buzzed the alarm.  
Sighing, he leaned back and stared up at the ceiling with his bright amber eyes. He clicked his tongue, the piercing knocking against the back of his upper teeth.   
He wanted to stay and work more on the program, but he had somewhere to be in an hour and his phone had just reminded him.  
So, he unplugged his laptop from the universal cable, saved his work, and stuffed it into his lap bag, slinging the strap over his shoulder.  
He trudged down the tiled hallway, passing his boss’s office room. He knocked on the glass to get his attention. The man looked up from a call. “Yes, Mr. Akasuna?”  
“I’m taking my leave for the night. I’ll get more of it done once I can.”  
“Roger that,” he promptly returned to the call.  
The redhead continued on down the hallway and passed through a door that led to the main stairwell of the building.   
He was one to take the stairs due to the fact that he didn’t trust elevators much.  
Staring out the glass walls as he made his way down to the first floor, his eyes grazed over the buildings that seemed to touch the cloudy sky, yearning to reach the stars above.  
The redhead went by the name of Sasori Akasuna, a 6’2”, 25 year old computer programmer who’d been working for the same company for going on five years now.  
The job paid very well; a whopping $350,000 a year, to be exact.  
However, in the five years he had been working at the company, he had yet to find a place of his own. He’d been staying at his friend’s, Pein’s, house for the longest time, and no doubt the spiky, orange-haired guy was getting annoyed with the redhead’s overdue stay.   
Sasori just didn’t know where to start looking.   
Reaching the first floor, he stepped out into the late afternoon bustle of the city, the cold wind slapping his face like needles. He grunted, pulling his scarf up closer to his chin.  
He hated the cold.  
Hated the harsh winds, the constant stuffy noses, and the chances of getting sick go up ten-fold.  
Summer was the best season.  
However, November was beginning in two weeks, which definitely placed him closer to summer, but he’d have to endure almost another four full months of winter to get there.  
He stopped at a crosswalk, eyes traveling up to the grey clouds rolling overhead.   
If anything, it’d start raining soon.  
This made Sasori curse under his breath.  
Cold rain was the worst.  
He moved through the crowd of people in the intersection, their voices mingling together to create a loud, indecipherable sound that rung rather annoyingly in the redhead’s ears.   
He hated large crowds.  
This was why he questioned every day why he even lived in the city.  
Suddenly, his phone began ringing. Pulling it out of his black coat pocket, he noticed it was his friend, Pein.  
He touched the green icon and held it up to his ear. “What do you need, Pein?”  
“I need you back at my place in 10 minutes.”  
A smile quirked at the edge of Sasori’s lips. “That sounds a bit wrong, Pein.”  
“Ha ha ha, Sasori, you’re so funny,” he heard the sarcasm in his friend’s voice. “Seriously, though, you need to be here.”  
“I have a meeting to go to, Pein,” the redhead said matter-of-factly. “I can’t just call and cancel 30 minutes before I’m supposed to meet the guy.”  
“Well, you’re going to have to,” Pein’s voice had grown serious. “My place in 10 minutes or I’m changing the locks.”  
With that, the line went dead and Sasori placed his phone back in his pocket.  
Guess that meeting will have to wait.

 

He reached Pein’s apartment in less than seven minutes, relief washing over him when his key still fit in the lock. He opened the door and walked in. “Hey, Pein, what was it-?”  
He immediately ducked as a book came hurtling towards his head. It hit the door with a loud thud and fell to the ground. He turned his amber eyes to his friend, glaring. “What the hell was that for, Pein?”  
“I have been kind to you for the past five years, Sasori, but I’m at my limit here!” the orange, spiky-haired guy said, his face turned into a very angry snarl.   
“What are you talking about?”  
“Your damn puppets, that’s what I’m talking about!” Pein yelled, holding up a puppet arm. “I came back to find a bunch of these littered around the living room! Thought you were one to keep everything organized?!”  
“I am,” Sasori stood up and walked on into the apartment. However, seeing the living room, he even doubted himself.  
Puppet parts were scattered everywhere. A few arms were on the couch, a leg and a hand were on the glass coffee table, and a few heads were on the floor.   
Even he was appalled at the state he’d left the apartment in.  
“Well it obviously doesn’t seem like it!” Pein yelled, joining him in the living room. He heaved a deep sigh, running his hand through his hair. “Sasori…I’m glad you have a hobby outside programming; really, I am. You aren’t consumed with your job. But, we had an agreement that these would stay in your room and not overtake the rest of this place. My apartment isn’t big, so even a tiny bit of clutter looks like a lot. I mean, Konan came over last night and screamed bloody murder when she saw one of your damn puppet heads on the coffee table! This has been happening frequently just recently and, I don’t know why, but you have to change something or…”  
“Or what?” Sasori asked the question, but already knew the answer.  
“You get a place of your own,” his friend gave him a sidelong look, almost pitiful. “You’re making enough money now, Sasori. It’s time you live on your own.”  
“I know, I just…I don’t know where to start,” the redhead plopped down onto the couch, inspecting one of the arms off to his left, noticing a slight scratch near the joint.  
He’d have to fix that later.  
“I’m not throwing you out on the streets yet, but…” Pein didn’t finish his sentence, which made Sasori worry. He gazed down at the floor. “But what?”  
“I’m giving you five days to find a new place,” his friend said bluntly, walking back into the kitchen. “If you can’t find one, oh well. I’ll change the locks without making a new spare. You’ve been my friend for years, but it’s time you about grew up.”  
Feeling more annoyed than anything, Sasori picked up the scattered puppet parts and took them to his room, slamming his door as he did so.   
Five days to find a new place.  
Awesome.


	2. Surprising Family Relations

As Deidara scanned the shelf of the limitless supply of clay, he thought about the apartment complex Hidan had mentioned earlier.   
He definitely needed to find a place of his own; that fact was obvious.  
He needed to find a place close to work; it offered that.  
And he didn’t want to have to pay an excessive amount on a place; that could happen.  
However, the idea of having to fill out a survey as to who his roommate could be reminded him so much of his days of college, that it was seriously turning him off.  
However, now that he’s finally out of Grad school, yet he didn’t have a place to call his own, he had to move back in with his parents, and that alone was more embarrassing than anything.  
He was a 24 year old, with a job, and he was living with his parents.  
How weirdly cliché could one person get?  
Sighing, he turned his attention back to the clay. He needed a specific type in order to make his sculptures, clay that won’t crack.   
He grabbed the type he knew would work and headed to the register, cash in hand.  
As he was paying, his phone began buzzing in his pocket. He extracted it and noticed it was Hidan. He took the call.  
“What is it?”  
“Wow, asshole, just left not too long ago and you’re already sounding like a grouch,” came the immediate, annoyed response. Deidara sighed, closing his eyes. “Sorry, but, seriously, what is it that you want?”  
“Just wanted to give you a head’s up on the meet-up, if you were still interested.”  
“Yeah, I guess, un.”  
“…Wow, well, you have four days to actually get a fucking good attitude, so you better fucking perk up before then,” Hidan growled into the phone. “See you at 10:00 then.”  
Without giving a goodbye, Deidara ended the call and stuffed it back into his pocket and walked out of the store, bag in hand. He enjoyed Hidan’s company and all, but sometimes, he wasn’t so sure why he befriended the vulgar-mouthed guy.  
They had met back in middle school and, even though he tried to search his memory, he couldn’t remember how they had become friends.   
They just did.  
And even though he had said yes to the night at the bar, Deidara wasn’t looking forward to it.  
He wasn’t much to drink and he had other priorities on his mind.  
Like finding a place of his own.  
Thinking that, he pulled out the piece of paper that had the address for the complex written on it and stared down at it.  
Couldn’t hurt to take a look.

 

No wonder Hidan had said Kakuzu about passed out when they had first ever seen the apartment complex.  
The building itself was at least a good 20 stories high, with nothing but giant windows overlooking the skyline up above.   
Staring up into what felt like infinity, Deidara gulped.  
Why would Hidan ever suggest a place like this?  
He knew he’d be able to afford it, but, damn…this was asking for a lot.  
Sighing, he strode into the main entrance of the building, eyes instantly locking on to the three huge chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling above. The massive cylindrical lighting reflected off of the dark granite-tiled floors and lit up the buttery-leather seating area off to the right, which was equipped with a coffee maker and simple magazines littered across the coffee table.   
There wasn’t a front desk in sight, Deidara noted.  
He continued walking, finally noticing a door labeled Sales Rep and gently knocked three times.  
“Please, come in,” came a soothing voice.  
Grabbing the knob and twisting it, the blonde opened the door and his gaze landed on a man in a regular grey and white suit. His long, raven-black hair was pulled into a low-ponytail that draped delicately across the left shoulder, and his piercing, onyx eyes gave the man standing in front of him a once over before smiling broadly. “What may I help you with today?”  
As soon as Deidara was about to explain his reasons for even entering the building, the man laughed lightly. “My, how rude of me. I should introduce myself first,” he cleared his throat and stood up, his height a good three to four inches taller than the blonde. “My name is Itachi Uchiha. I’m the sales representative of this apartment complex. This particular complex was just recently renovated to accompany the growing expansion of the city. As you may know, this location is desired by many people for its local dining and shopping, its up-to-date technology, and, most importantly, its short distance to the HQ building of Iwa Stratos. What building we are in right now is just the company’s, where people come to make payments and sign the papers. Now, what is your name, sir?”  
“Deidara Hayashi,” they exchanged handshakes. “It’s a pleasure to me you, Mr. Uchiha, un.”  
“Formalities aren’t my thing when it comes to people that are around the same age as me,” the raven-haired guy smiled as he sat back in his plush, dark leather swivel chair. “Just call me Itachi. And please, have a seat.”  
“Thanks, un,” Deidara perched himself in one of the chairs facing the huge desk, noticing how clean and organized the stacks of paper were. There were a few seconds of awkward silence until Itachi finally broke it with another clearing of his throat. “So, as I asked before, what may I help you with today?”  
“Well, I’m looking for an apartment, un,” the blonde began. “And one of my friends recommended this place, un, and I-”  
“That tick you have,” Itachi interrupted him, extending his index finger in his direction, “is it normal?”  
Clueless, Deidara blinked his cerulean blue eyes. “Um…I beg your pardon, un?”  
“There, you did it again.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, un.”  
“You did it again.”  
“Um…what, un?”  
“You say ‘un’ at the end of nearly every sentence,” Itachi finally explained, sounding somewhat annoyed. “I was just wondering if that’s normal or not.”  
“Oh…it is, un,” Deidara exclaimed, feeling flustered from embarrassment. “I’ve had this ever since I was little. Most people just ignore it, un.”  
“It’s fine, no need to get embarrassed, I was just wondering,” the raven-haired boy reached down, opened a drawer, and extracted a folder filled with papers. He slapped it onto the desk and turned the beige cover over. “So, you said you’re looking for an apartment and your friend recommended this place. Why is that?”  
“Well, I recently just accepted a job at Iwa Stratos, and I also just got out of Graduate School and had to move back in with my parents, so I’m hurryingly trying to find a place of my own, un,” Deidara explained, shifting slightly in his seat.  
“Oh, that’s terrific news! What job position did you get?” Itachi began to sift through the papers, onyx eyes scanning the different apartments that were for sale. Deidara cleared his throat, not sure if he should tell a complete stranger about what job he just got.  
But something about this man gave him the impression that he could trust him.  
However, he wasn’t quite expecting the reaction he got when he said, “Co-CEO.”  
Itachi immediately froze in place, the paper he was just about to grab slipping from his fingertips. He slowly turned a wide gaze to the blonde. “How did you, a recent graduate of Grad School, manage to land the job of co-CEO at the worldly known Iwa Stratos? Not even those that work in the lower fields can even get a chance like that.”  
“You sound like my friend when I told him, un,” Deidara leaned back in his seat. “I majored in Business and went to Grad School for it, as well.”  
“That doesn’t mean you can get a high-ranked job like that so quickly,” the other boy exclaimed. “If you landed a job like that, you must know someone in the company.”  
“You’re one of the few who actually figured it out, un,” the blonde smirked, quite surprised by how easily this man was reading him. Hidan had only freaked out at the pay, not necessarily at the job.  
Because he knew why Deidara had received the job so easily.  
“Okay, then tell me this,” Itachi leaned on his forearms for effect. “Who do you know in the company that allowed you to get that job?”  
“None other than the owner himself, Saburo Iwa.”  
“And may I ask what your relationship with Mr. Iwa is?”  
The blonde smirked, crossed his arms over his chest, and calmly said, “He’s my uncle, un.”  
Itachi nearly fell out of his seat, looking like he was trying to grasp the situation but was doing a horrible job doing so. His eyes grew to the size of disks. “Y-your uncle?!”  
“My mother’s maiden name is Iwa. She married a man whose last name is Hayashi, un,” Deidara explained. “Due to my uncle and my high-ranked Business degree, I was immediately offered the job of co-CEO alongside my cousin, Ino. But I would love if that information was kept solely between us, un.”  
“O-of course, Mr. Hayashi,” the raven-haired guy straightened his tie before continuing. “So…obviously with your pay, you can easily afford one of our apartments?”  
“Yes, quite easily, actually, un. However, I was hoping if I could look at having someone live with me to split the costs.”  
“You mean you want a roommate?”  
“Precisely, un.”  
“Surely someone with your pay wouldn’t mind spending a few extra thousand here and there to live the life of luxury, right?”  
“I grew up not living the life of luxury, Itachi,” Deidara exclaimed, leaning forward in his seat. “My mother did not want the Iwa name to follow her after she married, un. It isn’t that we lived paycheck to paycheck, but I was taught to use my money wisely, on experiences rather than materialistic things. Yes, I can afford one of your apartments on my own, but if having a roommate would make it cheaper, by all means, allow me to sign the papers, un.”  
It was at that exact moment that Deidara realized he wanted to live in one of the apartments, and he wouldn’t mind having a roommate. If he picked the right place, he’d have enough space of his own inside without having to deal with the other person.  
“Okay, well, if you want to do that, I am happy to help. Did you have anyone in mind you’d like as your roommate?” Itachi pulled out a pen from the breast pocket of his jacket and a piece of paper that said Roommate Application on top and set them both on the desk, clicking the pen open.  
“Actually no, un. I was just gonna wing it and see what it would be like to live with a stranger.”  
“You don’t mind filling out our survey for that?”  
“My friend already explained to me what all I’d have to go through to get a roommate, un. I wouldn’t mind.”  
“…Alright, here it is,” he handed Deidara another piece of paper, the writing looking exactly like what he had to do back when he had been registering for college as a freshman. He extracted a pen from his bag and began answering the questions.  
Would your place be a lively place?  
Are you allergic to any animals? If yes, please list.  
What are your hobbies?  
Are you more introverted or extroverted?  
Do you smoke?  
The blonde sighed as he filled in the survey.  
Why was he doing this to himself? He hated the process the first time, so why was he allowing himself to do it again?   
Giving the finished paper to Itachi, he just prayed the guy would find someone he would actually be okay living with.  
Glancing at the answers quickly, Itachi placed the paper on the desk, smiling at the man in front of him. “Okay, now that we have that taken care of, why don’t we start looking at which apartment you’d like.”

 

Sighing, Itachi flipped the folder shut. The clock read 7:50 and, knowing traffic, it would take him a good hour to reach his house.  
Perks of living in the suburbs.   
He had just spent a grueling two hours discussing apartments with Deidara Hayashi, finally coming to the conclusion that the blonde wanted a penthouse.  
For someone so modest with his money, he sure didn’t mind splitting the cost for luxury.  
He closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair.   
Deidara Hayashi was related to the infamous Saburo Iwa himself. Hell, the company name was called Iwa Stratos!   
Not very many people would be able to hide that fact.  
So how is a 24 year old punk doing it so well?  
Lost in thought, it took Itachi a couple of seconds to realize his phone had been ringing. Surfacing from his haze, he pulled out his phone and smirked at the Caller ID.  
He pressed the green icon and speaker and set it on his desk. “Why, Sasori, long time no talk. How long has it been? Three, four years?”  
“Try only six months, asshole,” came the annoyed response. “I’ve been busy with life.”  
“Same here, but at least I stay in contact with my friends,” the raven-haired boy exclaimed. “But, any who, why is it that you’re calling?”  
“I heard you moved up to Sales Rep in your company and I happen to be looking for a place.”  
“Pein finally get tired of you?”  
“…I don’t need your snide remarks, Uchiha, I just need your help,” Sasori’s voice had grown more angry now. Itachi chuckled. “My, is this how friends speak to each other? Not from what I remember.”  
“Dammit, if you’re not going to help, I’ll take my business elsewhere and you can explain to your boss why you lost a sale!” the other guy screamed into the phone, causing the reception to static slightly. Nothing was said for a few seconds, and Itachi heard the redhead cough. “I’m sorry, I just…yes, Pein is getting tired of me. With everything I do, his place can’t hold both of us down much longer. I need a space of my own that isn’t too expensive but has the amount of space I’m looking for. So that’s why I’m coming to you for help.”  
“What is it about my apartments that interest you?”  
“Location and space; that’s all I need.”  
“But with my apartments comes a pretty penny. You sure you can afford a place like these on your own?”  
“What are you getting at, Itachi?” the raven-haired boy smirked. “I’m suggesting that maybe you could look at living with someone to help split the cost.”  
“Like hell am I getting a roommate!” Sasori screamed. “I’ve been out of college for four years now! And from past experiences, having a roommate never ends up good!”  
“However, you want one of my apartments,” Itachi explained. “Due to their prime locations and spacious floor plans. We both know that on your own, your paychecks would barely cover each month’s costs. But with someone else’s help, you could live in one of these. The choice is yours. No other place offers what I can and am offering you.”  
Silence filled the other end and he began to wonder if the other had hung up when a sigh echoed in the tiny room. “Fine…I’ll settle for a roommate.”  
“Good. Shall we fill out the survey over the phone or would you like to come into my office and do it personally?” without realizing it, an air of huskiness had grown over the raven-haired boy’s voice. He smirked again. “I wouldn’t mind either way, but if you came into the office and entertained me, I’d give you an offer you couldn’t refuse.”  
“Save the sexual innuendos for Kisame, Uchiha,” Sasori barked, annoyance prominent. “I’ll fill the survey out over the phone. I want to know something, though.”  
“And that is?”  
“Who would I be rooming with?” Itachi extracted the form he had just filled out with Deidara, a smile quirking at the side of his mouth. “That’s for me to know and you to find out in five days. Though the person I have in mind is interested in a penthouse.”  
“Wow, going big, huh? Just who is this guy, Itachi?”  
“Oh, believe me,” the raven-haired guy clicked his pen open. “You’re in for a hell of a treat.”


	3. A Chance Encounter

Sasori ended the call and laid back against the pillows on his bed, amber eyes pointed at the ceiling, his critical gaze noting the random cracks and nail pops here and there. His room wasn’t particularly big; it had the necessities, like a queen-sized bed, a desk, a dresser, and a nightstand, but that was pretty much it.  
The rest of the space was filled with his puppets.  
He wasn’t sure when his obsession with puppets began; he just knew it had started around the time when he was 8.   
Shortly after his parents had died in a car accident and his grandmother had to take care of him.  
His grandmother had never really been home when he was growing up.  
Maybe that’s where his obsession had begun.  
To bring an air of company to his childhood loneliness.  
And shortly thereafter, his obsession sprung into a chaotic nightmare, taking over his life whenever he had free time from work.  
He would spend hours upon days working on a single puppet, perfecting the joints, the limbs, making sure that no cracks or scratches ever surfaced on the perfectly polished wood. He had started out with small puppets, the ones they use to entertain children at young ages. But then, he grew impatient and tired of making such easy ones, that he quickly began making life-sized puppets, ones that required more care, more work.  
For him, perfecting a life-sized puppet meant more to him than completing a new program for his company.  
Thinking on that, he wasn’t too sure why he had become a computer programmer.  
Sure, he found the tedious work appealing; challenges had always thrilled him, even as a kid.  
However, sitting at a desk for hours on end, staring at a bright screen while barely glancing in any other direction, slowly grew boring and the time would rapidly draw out to a melancholy rhythm that would cause any sane person to become crazy.  
Yet, that was how his life had been for the past four years and wasn’t likely to change any time soon.  
Besides, he had a new issue to worry about.  
The penthouse that he had just signed out for over the phone with Itachi.  
That damn bastard, Sasori thought, gritting his teeth, he needs to cut the crap on those sexual innuendos. They piss me off.  
The redhead will admit this: he was gay.  
Knew he was when he had reached junior high.  
And he was open about it, too. He didn’t have a problem telling women that he was gay, especially any that tried to hit on him.   
Something about women annoyed the living shit out of him.   
Men were easier to read and understand and they told things like how they were; if they were angry at you, they would say something, if they wanted to go do something, they would tell it.  
They didn’t do what women do and give the silent treatment, hoping the guy would be able to read her mind, though everyone knows men are not mind-readers, and fix the situation.  
They were straightforward and easy.  
And Sasori found that very attractive.  
He’s had a few relationships over the years, but none that had meant anything to him.  
Though he was gay, he was picky about the men he dated.  
And guys like Itachi, who were openly gay, also, but very flamboyant about it, were not his favorite cup of tea.  
Most of his friends weren’t gay, but they sure as hell made fun of him for it.  
He would often play-flirt with them because he knew they would never take the bait.  
But when it came to actually poking fun at his gayness, he closed down rather quickly.  
In this society, though it was acknowledged, being openly gay was still not very accepted.  
And for Sasori, it made him very angry when people found entertainment in his predicament.  
Maybe that was another reason he loved his puppets so much.  
They didn’t say or need anything.  
Didn’t judge him for how he acted or how he was.  
Just sat there and looked perfect.  
A new thought finally surfaced in his head.  
He wondered who his roommate was going to be. Itachi hadn’t said anything over the phone, just told him that he was “in for a hell of a treat”.   
Whatever the hell that meant, Sasori hadn’t a clue.  
All he knew was that they would be meeting in five days, so he hoped they would be able to get along.  
If Itachi does everything right, he shouldn’t have a problem at all.   
A knock on the door aroused him from his thoughts and he stood up and walked over to the door, throwing it open. Pein stood on the other side.  
“Who were you on the phone with just now?” he asked.  
“Itachi,” the redhead said bluntly. “If you must know, I just found a place so I’ll be out of your hair soon.”  
“That’s not what I was saying, Sasori,” Pein exclaimed, eyes slightly widening. “We’re both grown men with jobs. And as grown men do, we need places of our own. Believe me, I’ve enjoyed having you here, but I know, deep down, you wish for a space of your own, too.”  
Sasori knew he was right.  
Pein was completely right.  
He knew he was eventually going to need a place to call his own.  
He just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon.  
“Well, I’m moving out completely in five days, so that’s how long you have left to put up with me,” he leaned against the doorframe, annoyance evident on his face. “Now, if you would please excuse me, I have a few more lines of coding I need to finish before tomorrow or my boss will have my ass.”  
Pein just sighed, eyes focusing on his friend. “Okay, have a good night. Oh, but hey!”  
Sasori was about to close the door when his friend’s sudden increase in volume had him turning back around. “What is it?”  
“I got a call from Kakuzu a while ago,” the spiky, orange-haired guy explained, “a bunch of us are going out for drinks this Friday night. Interested in going?”  
“I don’t necessarily care for drinking.”  
“Then don’t drink; just show up and be social for once.”  
“I am social, Pein.”  
“Grumpily saying hi to people is not being social, Sasori,” Pein chuckled lightly. “Seriously, though, just go. You might actually have fun.”  
“Whatever,” Sasori closed the door without giving his friend an answer.

 

It was the next morning and Sasori’s alarm clock aroused him from his slumber. He reached over and slammed the snooze button, groaning into his pillow.  
It had been a horribly late night.  
What had started as him just getting about 100 more lines done turned into him actually finishing the second level of the program. Racking his brain, he couldn’t remember specifically what time he finally went to sleep, he just knew he had passed out some time after 3.  
His boss will be happy with him, knowing that he finished.  
But he sure as hell was tired.  
And in need of some caffeine.  
But due to the fact that Pein had no idea how to make coffee, and due to that fact, there wasn’t a coffee machine, or even a Kuerig, in the apartment, he would have to run to the nearest café and grab an expensive cup of brown liquid.  
He groaned, again, at the thought.  
He was not looking forward to pointlessly spending money on a drink.  
Yet, despite his distaste for doing so, he yanked the covers off of him and got up and got dressed.  
Walking into the main entrance of the apartment, he grabbed his coat and scarf, put them on, and exited, locking the door behind him.   
Once outside, he turned left and began to stride down the already bustling sidewalks. The café was only a few blocks down, and he didn’t need to be at work for another hour, so he figured he could kill some time inside.  
Stopping to wait at an intersection, Sasori wondered why he moved into the city in the first place.  
He absolutely hated the constant honking of horns, the endless chatter of conversations scurried about amongst the crowds of people continuously moving up and down the streets, seeming as if they’ll continue to walk into infinity and never stop. He hated the steam that would rise up occasionally from the sewage system below, adding a foul odor to the already polluted air that he breathed daily. And he certainly hated the rudeness that embellished nearly every human he ran into. There wasn’t a day that went by without at least one person cursing at him or giving him the finger.  
So why, if he hated all these things, did he allow himself to become embedded in the system?  
Maybe it was mostly due to work, but he had other reasons.  
Reasons he often pushed into the back of his mind.  
Just as those thoughts were about to surface, the light signaled to walk, and his mind blanked as he crossed the intersection, eyes focusing on the café on the other side of the block, right at the corner.   
From the looks of it, there didn’t seem to be a line.  
Thank God, Sasori thought, the one thing I didn’t want to deal with in the morning was people.  
He picked up his stride, the smell of coffee beans already reaching his now tantalized nostrils.  
One thing was for sure: he loved coffee.   
Nearly inhaled the drink whenever he got one.  
Something about it, though there were excessive amounts of caffeine, relaxed him and made him prepared for the day ahead.  
Reaching the café, he rushed over to the door and threw it open, bolting into the warm space when he accidentally barreled into a person exiting.  
As they slammed into each other, Sasori made out the sound of a lid popping open and the splashing of liquid onto a surface. He moved away quickly and saw that the person had spilt their drink on themselves, and the contents were slowly soaking into their beige scarf. Noting the long blonde hair, he cleared his throat, slight embarrassment instantly etching his face. “I’m terribly sorry about that, ma’am.”  
“Do I look like a fucking woman to you, un?” came an oddly deep-voiced response. Surprised, the redhead whipped his face up to stare at the person.  
And was immediately attracted by the view laid out before him.

 

Luck just didn’t seem to be on Deidara’s side recently.  
Due to the fact that he had had a nearly two hour long meeting with Itachi the night previous, and his parents lived in the suburbs, it had taken him nearly three hours to get home, only to realize that he had needed to go to the HQ building and pick up some paperwork he needed to fill out before he started his job. So, he immediately had to come back and retrieve them, and then finally stay at home.   
And just this morning, he had woken up with a random severe headache and, though he hadn’t wanted to, he got up and got dressed and made his way by train into the city, knowing a cup of coffee from his favorite café would help relieve the pressure against his brain.  
However, just as he was leaving the cozy space, some asshole had decided to come barreling inside and run smack into him, causing the lid on his cup to pop off, spilling the contents all over his favorite scarf, the beige color now permanently stained light brown.  
And now, the dick head had decided to call him “ma’am”.  
“Do I look like a fucking woman to you, un?” he growled, anger slowly rising in his body. The other person lifted their head to make eye contact.  
Deidara wasn’t sure what to make of the guy standing in front of him.   
For starters, they were around the same height, though he knew he was just a bit taller. After that, his cerulean blue eyes moved over the face, passing the surprisingly almond-shaped, light amber orbs, noting what looked to be black gauges in both ears and an industrial piercing in the right one, gazing at the piercing in the right eyebrow, and finally landing on the spiked snake bites against his lower lip. The guy also had short hair nearly the color of blood, with the tips dyed bright green, and wore clothes very similar to what everyone called a ‘hipster’.  
How old was this kid?  
He had yet to answer the blonde’s question, so he asked again, “I said, “Do I looking like a fucking woman to you, un”?”  
The guy blinked a few times, then smirked. “Well with that hairstyle of yours, I wouldn’t assume otherwise.”  
Even though he was now seething, Deidara caught a glimpse of another piercing on the redhead’s tongue.  
Just how many did he have?  
Internally shaking his head, he grabbed the grey scarf wrapped around the man’s neck, yanking his face close to his, despite the stares they were both now receiving. His face turned into a snarl. “You’re going to pay for another one, asshole, un. And you’re going to apologize for acting like a smartass punk.”  
“Now, now, we don’t want to start a fight,” the redhead’s smirk grew into a devious grin. “I don’t want to have to hit a girl.”  
The blonde tightened his fist to a near choking grip, his molars grinding together in an attempt to keep him calm. “Say that one more time. I fucking dare you, un.”  
Just as the guy was about to say something, probably another smartass comeback, they were interrupted by one of the employees, the one who makes the drinks. She placed a comforting hand on Deidara’s shoulder. “Calm down, both of you. Here,” she held out a newly made cup out to him, smiling, “this one is free of charge.”  
Letting go off the scarf, he grabbed the cup and muttered a, “Thanks, un.”  
She made her way back over to the counter, the people in the café still giving the two guys stares. Deidara glared at the redhead. “Don’t create problems for yourself, kid. Won’t get you anywhere, un.”  
“Kid? I’ll have you know, I’m 25,” the guy crossed his arms over his chest, giving him that same, annoying smirk as before. The blonde’s grip on his coffee tightened slightly. “Then maybe it’s about time you started acting like you are, un.”  
With that, he moved past the kid and walked out, entering into the crisp morning air.  
Just who was that punk ass kid?!  
Well, in actuality, that kid wasn’t even a kid; he was a 25-year-old man.  
At least a year older than he was.   
Yet, the way he looked, dressed, and acted gave off the impression that he was still only a teenager.  
If that asshole has a job, he wondered how he’s maintaining it looking that way.  
His cell phone rang in his pocket and he extracted it, noticing it was Itachi. He brought the speaker to his ear. “What it is, un?”  
“I was wondering if you wanted to see your apartment? The staff worked all night getting it cleaned and ready for your move-in,” the raven-haired guy’s voice rang. Deidara looked at his watch. “I don’t have anything planned right now, so I guess that will be fine, un. Mind if I bring my friend along?”  
“Not a problem. See you in an hour?”  
“An hour, un,” with that, he ended the call and dialed a new number.  
His best friend just might want to witness the spectacle, too.

 

“What happened do that scarf of yours?” Hidan asked, eyeing the light brown stain. Deidara looked down at it, sighing slightly at the remembrance of the incident at the café. “Ah, some punk ass knocked into me and I spilled my coffee.”  
“Fuck, sorry, man.”  
“It’s not a big deal, un.”  
“Anyways, looks like you took my fucking advice, eh, Deidara?!” Hidan exclaimed, a near maniacal laugh escaping his throat. “Say, what was the deciding factor?”  
“Location and space, un,” the blonde said, eyes landing on the apartment complex, the top of the building grazing the sky. It was roughly 10:30 in the morning and the day, though it was mid-October, was surprisingly sunny. There were a few white, puffy clouds here and there, but other than that, the sun was shining down on the city, beating its warm rays against building windows, though the cold wind whipping through the streets did well in hiding the heat. Compared to yesterday, which had been grey and ominous-looking, it was a nice change.  
“That’s it? Those are pretty simple reasons,” his friend remarked.  
“Why can’t they be the only reasons for you, un?”  
“Because you decided to sign a lease on a penthouse, in a newly renovated, multi-million dollar apartment complex, owned by a very well-known housing company which specializes in selling houses and apartments that go for a million dollars or more,” Hidan explained in one breath. “Location and space cannot be your only reasons.”  
“Unfortunately for you, they are, un,” Deidara retorted. “I needed a place that was close to the HQ building and I needed space for all my stuff. This particular apartment complex was the only one that fit the bill, un.”  
“Okay fine; fuck the other reasons. But why did you sign for a fucking penthouse if we both knew you were looking to spend less money?” Hidan asked, running ahead to place himself in front of the blonde, his height towering over the latter’s, who sighed. “I decided that if I was going to live in such an expensive apartment, I might as well go all out, un. Rarely do I have reasons for many of the decisions I make. I trust my instinct, un.”  
“That will get you into trouble, my friend.”  
“Since when did you become so philosophical, Hidan, un?”  
“Oh shut the fuck up,” came his friend’s annoyed response. They reached the apartment and Itachi stood at the entrance, decked out in a now black and white suit, hair still in that low ponytail that now was draped over his right shoulder. He removed the black shades, revealing onyx eyes that glinted in the sunlight. He smiled widely when he saw the two other men appear. “Glad you could make it! Sorry for the sudden call.”  
“It’s not a problem, un. I’m excited to see the place,” they shared a firm handshake. Deidara raised a hand over to his friend. “This is Hidan, un. He was the one who advised me to come check the complex out. Hidan, this is Mister – “  
“Itachi Uchiha,” the silver-haired guy said, smirking.  
Deidara blinked at him. “You know Itachi?”  
“Hell yeah, I do!” Hidan walked over and clapped the raven-haired man on the shoulder. “He dates Kisame, Kakuzu’s brother. I’ve known this bozo for about three years now.”  
“Your vulgar language hasn’t changed a bit, Hidan,” Itachi chuckled.   
Deidara was still standing over by himself in shock.   
The connections his friends had astounded him. Sure he was friends with Kakuzu and Hidan, but little did he know that both of them knew people that were only just recently introduced to him.   
“Anyways,” Itachi suddenly clapped his hands together, bringing the blonde out of his thoughts, “how about we go take a look at that penthouse?”  
“Sounds good,” Deidara was the first to enter the complex, walking down the long corridor until they reached the elevators. They slid open with ease at the push of the Up button and the three men walked in, quaint music filling the atmosphere as they moved up the levels.  
“The penthouse, per your request,” Itachi explained as they passed level 10, “has two stories with a 270 degree view of the city’s skyline, given to you by floor to ceiling windows on every side. The two beds are on the second floor, with a conjoined balcony that overlooks the view. The kitchen comes equipped with an island able to sit up to eight people, if you and your roommate just so how happen to want to throw parties here and there.”  
“By the way, who is my roommate, un?” Deidara asked as the elevator passed the 15th floor.  
“You’ll find out on Sunday. Don’t worry, I gave the same response to your roomie,” Itachi smirked over his shoulder. “Now, continuing on; the living room is equipped with an electric fireplace that can heat the entire penthouse, so you don’t have to waste heat during the winter. On top of that, your penthouse has been completely furnished, so it’s move-in ready.”  
From beside Deidara, Hidan whistled lowly. “Damn, Deidara, when you said you’d go all out, you really fucking went all out.”  
“Furniture shopping is a waste of precious time, un,” the blonde exclaimed, shrugging his shoulders as if it was a completely normal thing for people to buy move-in ready places.   
Deidara hadn’t planned on signing for a penthouse.  
It had just happened.  
Probably the biggest reason why he had signed for a penthouse was because he wanted to see as little of his roommate as possible. Therefore, a huge space was required to do so and no other apartment had been offering that kind of privacy he had been looking for.  
A penthouse had seemed to be the only solution.  
Suddenly, the elevator stopped moving, the glowing light illuminating the number 25. Itachi grinned as the metal doors quietly slid open. “We’re here.”  
The three men were greeted by the sight of the only set of double doors on the entire floor. The raven-haired male swiveled around and grinned at Deidara as he handed him a set of keys. “Here’s your ticket to paradise. Go and have a look see.”  
With that, the blonde moved forward and placed one of the keys into the lock, turning it until he heard a click. With a slight push, the doors opened widely, and he was instantly captured by the sight laid out before him.  
The foyer was a spectacle in itself.  
What started as a beige stucco hallway immediately opened into a circular room, the same beige-colored, vaulted ceiling equipped with a spherical-shaped chandelier, the walls made out of thin layers of brick. Under the chandelier sat a circular seating arrangement, the cushions made out of buttery brown leather. The white oak, hardwood flooring gleamed brilliantly under the bright LED lighting fixtures embedded in the ceiling around the chandelier. The walls were broken up by two hallways leading into different sections of the apartment.   
“Holy fuck,” Hidan breathed out behind the blonde.  
“Told you you’d like it,” Itachi moved to stand beside Deidara, a Cheshire Cat grin plastered on his face. “As you can see, there are two hallways you can choose to go into. Whichever one, you pick.”  
Without a word, Deidara stepped further into the foyer, eyeing the first hallway to the left. The hardwood flooring continued into what looked like a study, the back wall made entirely of built-in bookshelves, which were unsurprisingly empty, and a dark cherry wood desk sat off to the left, with two, comfortable-looking chairs sitting in front of it.   
Not particularly interested in seeing the room further, the blonde hastily strode over and entered the only other hallway, the next room opening into the grand masterpiece.  
The first thing Deidara felt was openness.  
Just like what Itachi had said before, all the walls, save for the ones behind him, were made entirely of glass, the skyline of the city completely visible, the sun shining down onto the metal surfaces.   
The living room was straight in front of him.  
A giant, white leather, U-shaped couch perched in front of a 92” flat screen TV, which was mounted onto the white wall behind it, while underneath sat the electric fireplace, which was turned off at the moment. A glass coffee table was placed in front of the couch to allow easy access for drinks and books.  
To the right was the kitchen.   
The white oak hardwood continued from the foyer, into the living room, and embellished the kitchen area, gleaming under the four cylindrical lighting fixtures that hung delicately over the island, which had four bar stool-styled seats on both sides, the table and countertops made of tan granite.   
“As you can see, the kitchen is made for those who can cook,” Itachi explained, looking at the blonde. “You can cook, right?”  
“Yeah, un,” was all Deidara could muster up.  
So far, nothing was disappointing him. The foyer was absolutely gorgeous, and the main part of the apartment was so open and big, he felt like he could shout to the sky and no one would give a damn.  
Gazing around, his eyes found that the ceiling above the living room area had been cut out. Itachi must’ve followed his line of sight, for he chuckled lightly behind him. “The second floor has been built to have a view of the first, just to bring more openness to the layout. The windows continue up to the second floor, obviously, so your view won’t be lost once you go to bed. However, the bathroom windows have been blacked out, so you can shower in peace, knowing that you can see outside, yet no one can see in.”  
“You fucking thought of everything, didn’t you, Itachi?” Hidan was over by the couch, eyes glinting in awe at probably how soft the leather was.   
“I’m not the interior designer. I just sell,” Itachi shrugged his shoulders, but it seemed he took the compliment, anyways. He trained his onyx eyes on the blonde who was now over by the windows, his cerulean blue orbs scoping the life down below on the streets. “So Deidara…what do you think? This is your home now.”  
Thinking, if only for a second, Deidara turned around and gave the raven-haired male a huge grin. “It’s perfect, un.”


	4. An Unexpected Reveal

It had been nearly three days since Sasori had accidentally ran into that guy in the café, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get him out of his head.  
Closing his eyes, he could remember how the guy had looked.   
The long, yellow-blonde hair that had swooped down to his elbows, the bangs hiding half of his face, which had been lightly tanned. His gaze had become lost in the slightly, up-turned cerulean blue orbs which had stared back at him with equal surprise.   
Sasori had seen attractive males before, but this one took the cake.  
Even when the guy had been pissed at him for accidentally calling him “ma’am”, even when he had threatened him, the redhead could not get over how insanely gorgeous he was.  
He had only acted like a smartass because he hadn’t wanted to look like a fool.  
Yet, the guy had thought he was a teenager, and that was, quite honestly, a huge slap to his face.  
Yeah, he looked teenager-ish, but he didn’t know it was that obvious.  
Now, it was Friday, afternoon to be specific, and he was finishing packing up the last of the boxes he was soon going to be transporting over to the apartment, which he had finally went to go see yesterday.  
He knew he had signed up for a penthouse, but it seemed as if he had signed up to get the ultimate penthouse of all the penthouses.  
Everything he needed was in that place.  
Also, when he had gone, he noticed a few boxes already filling the space.  
“Your roomie has begun bringing his stuff in,” Itachi had said, with no further explanation after that, which had slightly pissed Sasori off.  
He closed another box and began sealing it with tape.  
Just who was his roommate going to be?  
Itachi was being an asshole about it and not telling him jack, which was getting on his nerves. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be living with some crazy whack-job, or someone who didn’t get the term ‘privacy’, or worse, someone who pick-pocketed.  
In other words, he wanted to make sure he could trust his roommate, not constantly worry when his back was turned.  
But nope…he would just have to wait until Sunday.  
Two more days, two more days, he repeated in his head as he scribbled the word Misc. on the box in sharpie, stacking it atop another box marked Art Tools.  
A knock resounded on his door and he moved to open it. On the other side was Pein. “Hey, are you going tonight?”  
“To what?”  
“…To the bar…with your friends.”  
“You honestly think I want to go and see you and Itachi get into a competition to see who can down the most shots without throwing up? Or better yet, see Kisame get so drunk, he wants to go and swim in whatever water source is available to him? Or even better, see Konan get so drunk, she gets on top of the bar and starts dancing while she strips naked? Because these situations have all happened before, and I didn’t enjoy a single second of them,” Sasori exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest.   
“Well, I’m so sorry your friends want to let loose every now and then,” Pein gave his friend a harsh glare. “You used to be that way in high school and college, if I remember.”  
“Yeah, Pein, and that was almost over four years ago,” the redhead said. “I have a job, and so do you, and so does every other one of my friends, and because of us having jobs, getting drunk every night isn’t the best route.”  
“Stop being such a fucking stickler for once and go out and have fun.” Sasori knew that when Pein started cursing, his friend was on the trek to starting a fight. He closed his amber eyes, breathing steadily as he thought.  
“Fine,” he finally said, “I’ll join your silly drinking night. But don’t expect me to have more than one or two drinks.”  
“That’s fine, I’ll just let Kakuzu know you’re going,” his friend began walking away as he scrolled through his phone until he suddenly turned to give the redhead a gentle smile. “You’re going to have fun, Sasori; trust me.”  
Closing the door, Sasori only hoped he was right.

 

“You sure this is a fucking good idea, Itachi?” Hidan asked, looking at the raven-haired guy across from him. The two were sitting in a restaurant, casually drinking beer in preparations for the night’s antics. “I mean, I’ve never even fucking met Sasori, but based on what you’ve told me his survey says, he and Deidara are so fucking far from being able to be roommates.”  
“That’s why they’re perfect roommates,” Itachi took a sip from his bottle.  
“Are you thinking with your head or with your ass? Cause you’ve got me confused,” Hidan grumbled, tapping his own bottle against the glass tabletop.   
“Living with someone who’s completely opposite from you helps you grow as a person and make you truly find yourself and –”  
“Enough with the psychology bullshit just tell me the real fucking reason.”  
“How is someone as kind-hearted as Deidara friends with such a vulgar piece of work like you?” Itachi smirked, onyx-eyes playful.  
“Beats me, I don’t know how Kakuzu does it, either. Now,” Hidan stared intently at the man, “tell me the real reason you decided to room those two together.”  
“I was being serious when I said having a roommate with a completely opposite personality would help you become less close-minded,” Itachi began. “Sasori and Deidara have personalities that will clash quite frequently and may end up in fights, some becoming physical. But, in the end, Deidara’s personality will allow Sasori to finally become more open, since he’s such a shut-in most of the time, and Sasori’s personality will allow Deidara to become more mature and level-headed.”  
“Sorry to burst that bubble, Uchiha, but Deidara’s already pretty fucking mature,” the silver-haired male retorted, leaning back in his chair as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I nearly had to beg the fucker to tag along tonight for the bar. He became so fucking ‘mature’ after he started Grad School. I don’t think he needs any help in that department.”  
“Oh believe me, Sasori’s maturity and level-headedness is exactly what that boy needs,” Itachi explained, placing the now empty beer bottle off to the side. “See, even though Deidara is, what? 26 years old?”  
“24 actually.”  
“Even though he’s 24 years old, in more cases than not, he still acts like somewhat of a child. He’s social, correct?”  
“Yeah, when he wants to be. Like I said, he hasn’t gone out for a drink in months. He probably doesn’t even remember the last beer he fucking had,” Hidan explained, looking slightly irked. “I’ve known the kid since middle school. The biggest social runt out of the bunch. Even in high school, he was known for attending parties and being the one to get them going. He won ‘Most School Spirit’ at the end of our senior year. We went off to college, I pursued my own path and he pursued Business. Again, he was pretty lively and social, dating Sorority girls left and right and being drunk just about every fucking Saturday night. Yet, somehow he maintained those good grades and made the Dean’s list almost every semester. Things changed, though, when he decided to attend Grad School. He stopped wanting to go to parties, he dated less, and became less social. What started as him always being the one to invite me and others to gatherings ended with us nearly begging him to tag along. He says it’s because he’s ‘grown-up’, but I don’t believe that bullshit for a second. He won’t tell me the real fucking reason.”  
“Yet you’re supposed to be his best friend,” Itachi quirked a confused eyebrow. Hidan sighed, closing his pale-red eyes. “Deidara has that certain personality that doesn’t allow him to confess things well. And pestering for that information only makes him close up even more. That’s how he’s always been. I just calmly wait for the day when he’ll finally tell me.”  
“Well, trust me on this,” the raven-haired guy leaned forward on his forearms, “this is going to be good for both of them. Plus, Sasori has been getting on my nerves recently and seeing him all frazzled and annoyed is just the dose of medicine I need to calm myself.”  
“You sly little fucker,” Hidan chuckled as he took the last chug of beer from in the bottle.  
He was definitely going to need more for tonight.

 

Deidara wasn’t looking forward to tonight.  
Sure, he was excited to see his friends and meet new people, but, honestly, the idea of meeting new people or even really hanging out with his friends seemed pointless and boring.  
And they were all hanging out at the bar, no less.  
He was lying in his room, staring up at the ceiling.   
He couldn’t wait to move into his apartment on Sunday.  
And start his job the very next day.  
He had finally moved all his boxes in the previous day, beginning to unpack and start personalizing the space. He had noticed a few boxes that weren’t his scattered about the apartment.  
It must’ve been his roommate’s.  
Suddenly, his cell phone began shaking on the nightstand and he rolled over and retrieved it, accepting the call and putting it to his ear. “Hello, un?”  
“Deidara, it’s Ino!” came a high-pitched voice on the other end.  
“I know, you don’t have to tell me, un. Caller ID remember?”  
“Hm, well fine, if that’s how you want to be, I shouldn’t bother ever trying to call you again,” he heard her harrumph on the other line. He chuckled softly. “Now, Ino, being rude to family is cause for dishonor.”  
“Dishonor, my ass, Deidara,” Ino exclaimed. “You’re my cousin who’s about the same age as me…being rude is normal.”  
“Anyways, why did you call, un?”  
“Can’t I call every now and then and just check in to see how you’re doing?” her voice had grown calmer. “You will be starting work here in a couple of days, right?”  
“Yeah, un. Two days, to be exact.”  
“You excited?”  
“More or less. I finally got a place of my own, so that’s even better news, since I don’t have to live with my parents anymore,” the blonde explained, rolling to look back up at the wall again.   
“Oh congrats! How’s Hidan and Kakuzu?”  
“Oh they’re doing as they normally are,” Deidara sighed. “They invited me out to the bar tonight with a bunch of other people, un.”  
There was silence for a few seconds, and then, “Are you going?”  
“I wasn’t, originally, but they kind of convinced me to go, un.”  
“Deidara, you know what-”  
“I know, Ino, I know, un,” the blonde cut her off, annoyance dripping in his voice. “No need to remind me. I’ll be careful.”  
“You better, alright?”   
Deidara sighed.  
She sounded like his freaking mom.  
“Anyways, I just called to check in,” Ino continued. “Be safe and I’ll see you at work on Monday.”  
“See ya, Ino, un,” with that, he ended the call, staring up at the ceiling for a tiny bit longer.  
He knew it was almost time to leave.  
He just wasn’t quite sure he was ready.  
Thinking that, he moved to a sitting position and stood up, walking over to his shoulder bag and unzipping a pocket, extracting a bottle filled with little white, circular pills.   
Sighing, he unscrewed the cap and swallowed one without thought.  
He was going to need all the help he could get.

 

“WOO, FUCK YEAH, ARE YOU FUCKING PUMPED FOR TONIGHT?!” Hidan screamed, receiving a few glares from people walking in the opposite direction.   
The night time was a city’s best friend.  
The buildings were illuminated by bright lights, reaching up into the dark abyss overhead, the stars completely hidden by the human-made sunlight down below. The sidewalks were bustling with people ready to start their own nighttime routines of partying and drinking. Dark painted club entrances were a sea of scantily-clad women tumbling over their sky-high heels, drunk men whistling loudly at anyone who passed by, and beefy security guards standing off to the sides and catching any minors who so laughably tried to weasel their way into the building, who’s walls were being pounded relentlessly by an endless supply of heavy bass.   
Hidan was walking on up ahead, throwing his fists into the air every so often, whooping and hollering, alcohol already coursing through his system. Deidara and Kakuzu followed behind, watching the silver-haired guy in amusement. Kakuzu sighed. “Why that dumbass is my boyfriend, I have no idea.”  
“I was wondering the same thing, un,” Deidara smirked, not looking at the taller male next to him. Though he was 6’2” and half, somehow all his friends were still taller than him. Which wasn’t un-normal, but it still made people turn their heads.  
Kakuzu was at least a good 6’4”/6’5”, Hidan being 6’3” or so.  
The bar was up ahead, the neon sign staring the blonde in the face.  
He seriously wasn’t looking forward to tonight.  
Why had he agreed to it in the first place?  
Oh yeah…to finally get Hidan to shut up for once about his hermit-like behavior.  
He wished he could go back to his house and sculpt.   
Art calmed him.  
Had ever since he could remember.   
He would much rather be carving intricate designs into wet clay than be out drinking.  
However, he agreed to come, and Deidara wasn’t known for going back on his promises.  
Much to his annoyance, though.  
“Why the long face, sour puss?!” Hidan suddenly appeared in front of the blonde, pale-red eyes wide. “It’s Friday FUCKING night!!!! BOOZE, BABES, AND ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF SEX!!!”  
“Remember you have someone already, asshole!” Kakuzu interjected, whamming the former on the head. The younger male looked at him with a sheepish grin. “Sorry, babe, alcohol is getting to me.”  
“Just for once, stop acting like a punk ass kid.”  
“Can’t help who you fall for,” Hidan gave his boyfriend a sly smile. “But maybe since I’m a ‘punk ass kid’, I should be placed into Time Out.”  
“Enough with the innuendoes, un,” Deidara interrupted, annoyance slightly clouding his face. “We ever going to actually go into the bar or not?”  
“Now who’s the one ready to party?” Hidan smirked at the blonde, but turned around and proceeded to walk up the three steps that led into the bar, his left hand intertwined with Kakuzu’s right.  
Though he had been annoyed, seeing that little bout of partnership made Deidara smile.  
He enjoyed seeing his friends happy and together.  
Although his last girlfriend had asked him how he was able to maintain being straight when all he ever was surrounded by were gay men.  
He wasn’t too sure how was still straight.  
The thought of dating a guy didn’t sound pleasant to him.  
Yet, it didn’t gross him out.  
Deidara shook his head, ridding his mind of such thoughts.  
He walked on into the bar.  
The place wasn’t much more than the average city bar.  
The bar stand spanned the entire length of the right wall, black bar stools accenting the front. Bright lights embedded into the ceiling shined down and illuminated the dark granite that made up the bar’s tabletop and the endless supply of beer, whisky, jack, wine, etc. in stands behind the counter. Six flat screen TVs projected different sports events on each one, and people sitting in the booths were happily munching on chili cheese nachos while watching the entertainment.  
It didn’t take long for Deidara to spot Hidan and Kakuzu, who had made their way over to a guy who was sitting in one of the bar stools. The man had dark brown eyes and piercing black hair that looked to be spiked on purpose. Walking over, he was instantly introduced by Hidan. “Deidara, this is Kisame, Kakuzu’s brother.”  
“Nice to meet you, un,” the blonde exchanged handshakes with the man. Noting the absence, he asked, “Where’s Itachi?”   
“He’s on his way. He got stuck at the office,” Kisame explained, taking a swig of his Yuengling beer. He looked at Kakuzu. “Any idea when the other two are supposed to get here?”  
“Other two?” Deidara cocked an eyebrow, confusion marring his face. “Who else is showing u-?”  
“I can’t believe I was dragged out to a goddamn bar. I don’t fucking drink, Pein, and you know tha-”  
The person who was just talking, looking back at his friend, suddenly rammed into Deidara from behind, nearly knocking them both over. Annoyance shot through every fiber of the blonde’s veins, and he whipped around to give the person a glare. “Watch where you’re going, ass-”  
He stopped short of finishing his sentence when he saw the person.  
The short, blood red hair.  
The snakebite piercings.  
Almond-shaped amber eyes.  
And hipster-esque clothes.  
It was the guy who had run into him at the café a few short days ago.  
And it seemed as though the guy remembered him, too.  
“You!” Deidara growled, anger boiling inside him. “You’re that punk ass from the café!”  
“Well it looks like Rapunzel has returned,” the redhead smirked, crossing his arms over his chest.   
Rage began creeping into every nerve-ending in the blonde’s body, causing him to tremble slightly. He gritted his teeth. “Say that, again, asshole, I fucking dare you. Then we’ll see who the real girl here is, un.”  
“You know, that grunt is very annoying,” the guy continued to sneer. “Ever thought about taking a speech class?”  
“YOU LITTLE PUNK ASS MOTHERFU-!”  
“Oh, have I already missed out on the fun?!” Itachi suddenly appeared, smiling broadly. The entire bar had grown silent as those inside became intrigued by the two boys’ confrontation. However, at the sight of a new person, they quickly went back to their own business, and the bar was, once again, filled with quiet chatter.  
The raven-haired guy looked at the redhead, then at the blonde, clapping both of them on the shoulder. “It seems you two know each other.”  
“Hardly,” Deidara growled, still seething from the guy’s latest comment. “This fucker is a rude-ass punk who hasn’t a shred of decency towards anyone else, un.”  
“There you go again with that weird grunt,” the redhead shook his head slowly. “My, how do you pick up chicks?”  
As soon as Deidara was going to throw a punch, Itachi laughed loudly, surprising both of the guys. They stared at him while he regained his composure. “You two are hilarious! Oh, but introductions first, please?! Deidara,” he looked at the blonde while pointing a thumb over at the redhead, “this is Sasori. Sasori,” he repeated the action, this time, pointing at the blonde, “this is Deidara. Say hi.”  
“Hi,” they said at the same time, neither looking pleasant when doing so.  
“Good! Now that that’s been taken care of,” Itachi clapped his hands together, “congratulations! You have now met your roommate!!!”  
Roommate…what the hell does he mean by…?  
Wait.  
The cogs and gears in Deidara’s head slowly began moving, building speed.  
Roommate…the penthouse…the application…the survey…  
Roommate.  
The gears moved faster.  
Roommate.  
Roommate.  
The penthouse.  
The survey.  
Roommate.  
The gears finally spun out of control.  
Deidara and Sasori exchanged wide-eyed expressions as the realization dawned on both.  
“You’re my roommate?!?!?!”


	5. Fate or Pure Coincidence

It had been a few hours since Sasori had arrived at the bar with Pein, and everything was going just as he had predicted.  
Pein and Itachi were having a drinking contest, Itachi being on his 12th shot, Pein being on his 14th.   
Kisame was trying to work his way into the giant fish tank in the back of the restaurant, while one of the employees so helplessly tried to get him to stop.  
And Konan was dancing around the tables and booths, yelling every so often at random strangers.  
He growled under his breath.   
They should’ve gone to a club instead.  
But no…a bar was more ‘civil’ as Pein had put it.  
Tightening his grip on the glass he was currently holding, his gaze traveled over to the blonde who was quietly sitting in one of the stools.  
His long, blonde tresses fell nearly all the way down to his waist, tied together by a very loose blue hair tie near the ends of the hair. Even with the layers of clothes he had on due to the bitterness of the air outside, the redhead could tell he had some muscle in his physique.  
Honestly, when Itachi had told him he and the blonde were roommates, he was, yes, shocked, but at the same time, he was honestly happy.  
He found the blonde, Deidara, now that he knew his name, attractive.  
And being roommates with the guy was kind of exciting.  
Though, Deidara didn’t seem the least bit happy to hear the news.  
Of course, that may also have to do with the fact that Sasori was still treating him like an asshole.  
With that, the redhead sighed and stood up from where he was sitting, and calmly made his way over to the blonde, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
Deidara looked up and, immediately seeing that it was him, shrugged his hand away. “What the fuck do you want, un?”   
“We obviously started on the wrong foot and-”  
“You think?”  
“And I wanted to start again after I say this,” Sasori sat down beside him, noting the slight inching away from the other. He sighed, looking at the male. “I’m sorry for what happened at the café. There is no rhyme or reason for why I acted that way, I just did. And I’m sorry.”  
Deidara turned to him and it honestly took all of the redhead’s willpower not to kiss him right then and there.  
He was even more attractive up close.  
His eyes, though a cerulean blue by default, had hints of white and purple specs in them, swimming around the black pupil in the middle. His skin, flawless, looked soft to the touch, with not a hint of facial hair in sight. The jawline was neatly cut, strong and defiant. And with a careful glance at his mouth, Sasori could tell that the lower lip was more than just a tiny bit fuller than the upper.  
As soon as their eyes connected, the redhead felt his heart slightly skip a beat.  
…What the hell?  
When was the last time that that had happened?  
The younger male blinked, and then sighed. “It’s fine, un. Accidents happen. I wasn’t angry that you had bumped into me, un. I was upset that you had called me ‘ma’am’.”  
“You have the longest, thickest hair I have ever seen on a dude before!” Sasori retorted. “What else was I supposed to think?!”  
“And I am also around the same height as you, un!” Deidara came back. “Have you ever met a girl who was 6’2”?!”  
“No, but who knows! Maybe it could have been that day and it just ended up being you!” It was only for a brief second that they glanced at each other when laughter overcame both. It started out as just a chuckle, and then grew to an all-out fit, causing a few people to glance at them, curious.   
After catching his breath, Sasori grinned. “Well, now that that’s been taken of, I should introduce myself a little better than Itachi did. I’m Sasori Akasuna.”  
“Deidara Hayashi, un.”  
“We gonna play 20 Questions or should we just say whatever about ourselves?”  
The blonde chuckled softly. “Doesn’t matter to me, un.”  
“Well, alright. Guess I’ll start,” the redhead got himself comfortable, twirling the glass in his hand on the granite. “I’m 25 years old and have been working as a computer programmer for the last five years. In that same time, I have been rooming with my friend Pein and just recently decided to move out.”  
“Move out or forced out, un?” Deidara asked, giving him a smirk. Sasori laughed. “Okay, okay, I was basically forced out. My stuff was starting to overrun the apartment, so Pein decided I needed my own place.”  
“At least your story doesn’t sound as cliché as mine, un,” the blonde leaned forward to place his elbows on the bar. “I’m 24 years old and just recently came out of Graduate School with a master’s degree in Business and Management. I was also lucky enough to land a well-paying job straight out of school, and I am still living with my parents in the suburbs, so I decided I needed to move out, un.”  
“Wow, that does sound cliché,” Sasori chuckled. “What job did you get?”  
Almost immediately, he watched Deidara’s face fall, almost as if his question struck a chord deep inside that was never meant to even be plucked. His blue orbs traveled down at the granite, gaze nearly lifeless and vacant. “If it doesn’t bother you too much, I’d rather not say, un.”  
“…No, no, it’s perfectly fine,” the redhead exclaimed. “I’m sorry I asked.”  
“It’s fine, un,” the blonde continued to stare at the bar. With his amber eyes, Sasori looked down at the blonde’s hands, noticing something familiar. “You an artist?”  
Again, Deidara’s face changed within seconds; his eyes suddenly looked alive and he turned to the redhead. “How’d you know, un?”  
“You have an artist’s hands,” Sasori explained, grinning. “They’re calloused in the palms and fingertips. By the looks of it, I say you sculpt.”  
“Wow, all that just by looking at my hands, un,” Deidara lifted them to stare at the palms, noting that they did look calloused. “You Sherlock Holmes or something?”  
“Hardly; I’m an artist, too.”  
“What do you specialize in, un?”  
“Puppetry.”  
“That’s…sorry, but that’s kind of creepy, un.”  
“And why is it creepy?”  
“Well, ever since I could remember, dolls and puppets scared the living shit out of me, un,” the blonde explained. “Think the Saw movies are what did it for me.”  
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but the main reason Pein kicked me out of his apartment was because my puppet parts were littering the entire place,” Sasori explained, grinning at how Deidara’s face scrunched up.   
“Well, as long as you keep them hidden from me, I guess I’ll be fine, un. As long as you don’t mind that my clay will be stored in the fridge.”  
“Why in the fridge?”  
“Keeps the clay fresh, un.”  
“Alright,” a few moments of silence began to grow between the two, which Sasori didn’t like.  
He didn’t talk much, that was certain.  
He often felt that unneeded conversations were pointless, so he regarded them with little interest and kept to himself.  
However, when he did engage with others, he found he couldn’t, and didn’t, stop talking. So, when awkward silence fell in, he found it rather annoying and disruptive.   
Taking a swig of his whiskey, he broke it. “So I noticed you haven’t had a drink yet. Any particular reason?”  
“I don’t drink, un. The taste of alcohol isn’t something I fond over,” Deidara explained, taking a sip of his water for emphasis. “I haven’t had a beer in months, un.”  
“I know how you feel,” the redhead placed his finished glass off to the side. “Rarely do I ever drink anymore, too. Yeah, I chose to come to a bar tonight, but it was mostly to get Pein off my back about my anti-socialness.”  
“Pein sounds just like Hidan, un,” the blonde gulped down the rest of his water. “I was getting rammed with the exact same thing. That I was being anti-social and needed to let loose for a change, un. Of course, even though I came, I haven’t had one drink. Honestly, though, it’s fun to watch my friends get drunk, un. Especially Hidan; he often gets the most wild when he isn’t sober, un.”  
“Yup…I can tell,” turning his amber gaze to the left, Sasori noticed Hidan was over by the karaoke stage, belching ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ into the mic, while Kakuzu just hid his face in embarrassment. “I’m surprised Konan hasn’t started stripping yet.”  
“She does that when she’s drunk, un?”  
“Oh yeah; I think my friends are worse, to be honest.”  
“Really? How long have you known them all, un? Cause I somehow was never introduced to any of them, even though Hidan knew at least Itachi and Kisame.”  
“Well Pein and I go way back,” Sasori explained, swiveling in his seat to lean up against the bar with his elbows propped. “When he started dating Konan, that’s how I met her. I met Itachi in college and then he started dating Kisame, who’s brothers with Kakuzu, who’s dating Hidan. That’s how I met everyone.”  
“And yet, somehow we never met until the café,” Deidara shook his head, a smile spreading across his face. “Fate sure is fucked up sometimes, un.”  
“Fate? You call this fate?” the redhead turned to give the blonde an incredulous look.   
“Well think about, un!” the blonde looked back, blue eyes bright. “Somehow all our friends knew each other before we did. We somehow chose the exact same apartment complex to look at, both deciding that we wanted roommates, un. Yes, Itachi was the one who placed us together, but we became roommates and just so happened to run into each other unexpectedly at the café. It’s fate, un.”  
“It’s purely coincidence,” Sasori exclaimed, shaking his head. “Pure coincidence and only.”  
“You don’t believe in fate, un?”  
“Unfortunately for you, no. Everything is factual and can be proven with either science or math. If it can’t, than it merely doesn’t exist,” the redhead explained.   
“So you’re a realist, un?”  
“Basically.”  
“That’s boring.”  
“Says you.”  
“It is too, boring, un!” Deidara retorted. “Being a realist, you’re often far from being creative because you believe so solely on science and math, anything that can’t be explained, you write off as either non-existent or fantasy, un. That’s pretty boring.”  
“Yet, I create realistic puppets that I carve with my own two hands,” Sasori explained, looking the blonde straight in the eye. “Now tell me how that isn’t creative?”  
“That’s probably the only creative thing about you, un,” Deidara smirked.  
“Really? Well how about-”  
“You two having fun?!” Hidan suddenly appeared, placing an arm around the blonde’s shoulders. His pale red eyes were glazed over from the booze and even from where Sasori was sitting, he could smell the alcohol on his breath. He scrunched his nose in disgust, somewhat peeved the meat-head interrupted their conversation. Deidara laughed, fanning the air with his hands. “Hidan, lay up on the alcohol, un. You’re literally drenching in booze.”  
“I’ll say,” Kakuzu remarked, appearing beside Sasori. “This idiot isn’t watching how much he’s drinking.”  
“Aw, come on, Kakuku-”  
“Kakuzu, dip-wad!”  
“…Isn’t that what I fucking said?” Hidan cackled, throwing his head back as he did so. Composing himself, he tightened his grip around the blonde’s neck, almost into a choke hold.  
A wave of protectiveness suddenly washed over Sasori, and it took all his strength not to move to fix the problem.  
“Let’s go fucking sing, Dei!!!” Hidan screamed, pulling Deidara along with him. “I wanna hear that angel voice, again!”  
“Hidan that wasn’t me, un,” Deidara said, looking slightly annoyed, yet, he allowed his silver-haired friend to pull him over to the microphone, idly picking out a song to sing. Sasori watched in quiet amusement, grinning at the random goofy looks the blonde would give Hidan every now and then.  
“My, Sasori, you starting to have a thing for Hayashi over there?” Kakuzu asked, noting the redhead’s viewpoint.   
“Starting? More like growing,” Sasori admitted, shaking his head. “Guy’s fucking amazing.”  
“You know he’s straight, right?”  
Sasori felt his ego slightly deflate at the news.   
Deidara was straight?  
Yeah, he could see it, but it just sort of surprised him.  
He hasn’t met many guys who’ve been able to maintain being straight when surrounded by gay men all time.  
For a while, Sasori had felt Pein was starting to head down the rainbow trail, but then he met Konan, and the two have been inseparable ever since.  
Even now, where Konan was walking around drunk, Pein was right there behind her, holding her hand in an act of protectiveness.  
“That’s fine, Kakuzu.”  
“Really? You’re fine with liking someone who’ll never like you back?”  
“Well yeah. And besides,” the redhead turned his gaze back to Deidara, who was trying desperately to become the back-up vocals in ‘Chicken Fried’ while Hidan was screaming like a banshee.   
As if on cue, he suddenly looked up, locking eyes with the amber ones staring back, a wide grin igniting his face. Feeling his heart skip in rhythm again, Sasori returned the smile. “I know how to wait.”


	6. Something Different About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give my apologies to everyone for the extremely late updates of my story. I did not have my laptop for over a week due to certain circumstances. But I'm back and with more updates! Yay!

It was finally move-in day and Deidara could not contain his excitement.  
He had brought over his final box from home, and was now beginning to unpack everything.  
It had also been two days since he and Sasori had officially met.  
The blonde will admit, he had been more than pissed off that the redhead was going to be his roommate.  
However, he surprised him when he had come over and apologized at the bar.  
After that, they had found out they had a lot of things in common.  
They were both artists.  
Both didn’t like drinking.  
Were both somewhat anti-social.  
And had the same group of friends.   
The only thing that had surprised Deidara was the fact that Sasori was a stone-cold realist, with the only creative bone in his body was making puppets, which still crept him out, even now.  
He emptied the next box, breaking it down and stacking it atop the others he had already gone through. He still had over 10 boxes to unpack, but it was better than Sasori.  
In the hallway, alone, there were over 20 boxes with his name written on them.  
Deidara sighed, opening the next box.  
This one contained all his sculptures that he had completed within the last couple of weeks. Carefully, he unwrapped the first one, which was a hawk in flight, its wings so intricately carved, one could see the veins running through the feathers. The next was a leopard in a predatory stance, crouched down as if it was lying low in the grasslands of Africa, the snarl perfectly etched into the feline face. The third was his most favorite: it was a bouquet of flowers. A dozen roses, to be exact. He had spent ages on each flower, sculpting and carving the petals to be as thin as possible without breaking, etching in the stems, which were, too, thin, yet not thin enough to break apart. He had paid very close attention to detail when he began painting them, using different shades of red and pink to create the perfect color for the flowers.   
Each of his sculptures were hand-painted by him, and he only used the best paints the art store could offer, so one could say he invested a lot of money on his art, but who could blame him?  
It was his passion.  
Unwrapping the other few sculptures, he placed them on the black dresser that was perched across from the king-sized bed, spacing them out evenly beside each other. He swiveled on his heel and surveyed his room.  
The wall behind him and the one to his left, where he entered, were painted all black, while the wall across from him and to his right were the floor to ceiling windows that Itachi had said continued up into the second floor. The flat screen TV was mounted on the wall over the dresser, and the bed, which was actually circular, was placed in the middle of the room, and the carpet was a plush grey. The door to his left was the one that led to the giant, walk-in closet, while the door to the right led into the en suite bath, equipped with a double sink and granite counter top, heated tiled floors, a glass-door shower who’s opposite wall was a window that looked out towards the city, and a separate soaking tub and Jacuzzi to top it all off.   
Noting the stack of broken down boxes, he picked them up and proceeded out into the hallway, not even getting a few steps when his face kissed the floor.  
He laid there for a few seconds, cursing under his breath.  
What the hell did he trip over?  
He sat up on his knees, fumbling to pick up the boxes that had gone flying as he fell. As he did so, he finally noticed what had caused his mishap.  
It was an arm; a very realistic-looking arm.  
He screamed at the top of his lungs, flying backwards as the boxes were once again throw in different directions. He landed hard on his butt, trying to calm his racing heart.  
“What?! What is it?!” Sasori yelled from his room and the blonde heard the sound of running footsteps and he saw the redhead appear in his peripheral. They both glanced at the arm when Sasori began laughing. “Oh that?! That’s one of my puppet’s arms. I wonder what it’s doing over here, though…?”  
The redhead proceeded to walk over and pick it up, the hand lolling on its joint. Once calm, Deidara stood and began picking up the boxes, once again. “Why the fuck does that puppet arm look so real, un?”  
“I told you, I create realistic puppets; the regular marionette ones were a bore. Creating ones that look real is challenging,” Sasori explained. The blonde shook his head, picking up the last box and stacking it atop the others. “We had a deal, Sasori, un. Keep your puppets out of sight.”  
“I’m telling you, this was an accident!” the redhead gave Deidara an almost childish face, gaze pleading. The sun blaring in from the windows glimmered on his snake bite and eyebrow piercings, also illuminating his eyes from amber to a near gold. His blood red hair also seemed a tiny bit lighter. When he spoke again, his tongue piercing was, too, prominent. “I was bringing a box of my puppet parts upstairs and it must’ve fallen out without my realizing it. I’m sorry.”  
Even though Sasori was older, Deidara found it fun to tease him; like him, the redhead seemed like the type of person to get angry when teased or embarrassed, so he decided to milk the situation. He gave him a stern look. “Sorry isn’t going to cut it. I was serious when I said I’d back out of this roommate deal if you couldn’t keep your creepy ass puppets out of sight, un.”  
To his amazement, the redhead began stuttering, trying to make up for his lack of attention.  
He couldn’t do it anymore.  
“Sasori, un,” he interrupted his roommate’s banter, the latter locking eyes with the blonde. Deidara smirked. “I was kidding. I’m not angry, un.”  
Relief was quickly replaced with mischief. Sasori grinned wickedly. “You bastard. You’ll pay for that.”   
“I’d like to see you try – GET THAT FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME, UN!!!!” he screamed as the arm was suddenly pushed into his face. Panic swarmed through him, causing his spine to stiffen as he backed away. “Sasori, get that fucking thing out of my face, un!”  
“Why?! You decide to mess with me, I’ll do the same back!” Sasori yelled, laughing as he wiggled the arm in the air, the hand flapping with it. The blonde widened his eyes. “Holy shit, even the nails look real, un!!!”  
Deidara continued to move backwards until he felt his back slam against the wall.  
He was trapped.  
Thinking fast, he lifted the flattened boxes over his head, ready. “You don’t stop, I’ll slam you on top of the head with these, un!”  
“You wouldn’t dare.”  
“Try me, un.”  
“Fine,” the redhead let the arm fall to his side and began walking away, allowing Deidara to breathe.  
However, before he could think, the boxes were smacked out of his arms and he suddenly found himself lying on the ground. He looked up to see the puppet hand in his face. “YOU FUCKER, YOU LIED TO ME, UN!!! GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY FACE!!!!”  
“Payback’s a bitch, yeah?!”  
“Knock it, the fuck, off now!!!” Out of desperation, Deidara closed his eyes and smacked the arm as hard as he could, hearing it slip from the redhead’s grasp and landing a couple feet away from them. Silence filled the space for a few seconds and the blonde tentatively looked up.  
His heart stopped for a fraction of a second.   
There he was, lying on the ground, arms spread wide, while Sasori sat on top of him, straddling his hips. Their gazes, both wide, locked onto the other’s, trying to comprehend what was happening.  
Almost immediately, Sasori stood up. “I’m sorry, that…wasn’t meant to – I’m sorry.”  
With that, he walked, or nearly ran, back to his room, slamming the door behind him.  
Still slightly stunned, Deidara propped himself up on his elbows.  
What the hell just happened?

 

Leaning against the door, Sasori tried to calm his racing heart.  
Fuck, he just made a complete fool of himself in front of Deidara.   
Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!  
He hadn’t meant for that incident to happen. He didn’t know the blonde would suddenly smack the arm out of his hand, and he certainly hadn’t meant to be straddling his hips like he did!   
Sasori closed his eyes.  
But hot damn did he look fucking sexy in that position.  
Blonde hair all splayed out around him, arms wide and unmoving, face slightly shocked, yet blue eyes questioning.   
Almost like what it would look like if he ever became his.  
Yellow-blonde hair splayed out on the white satin pillows.  
Hands groping, clenching the soft sheets underneath.  
Moaning and gasping his name over and over again as his cerulean blue orbs glazed over with lust and desire, the tight heat sucking him in every time he gave a new thrust.  
His eyes shot open as he felt hot heat work its way down to his lower abdomen.  
“Shit, control yourself!” he cursed under his breath, not enjoying the now prominent bulge in his pants.   
Noting it was already too late, he decided on two options:  
1): take a cold shower  
2): deal with it by actually masturbating  
Not wanting to embarrass himself, he decided with option one.  
And was bathing in the Jacuzzi for a good hour afterwards.  
He was glad he was a man, but there were days where he honestly hated it.  
On top of that, what made him decide that Deidara was going to be the bottom in the relationship?  
Sure, he’s been bottom with a few of his past boyfriends, but he’s topped in most.   
On top of that, Deidara was straight…so he wouldn’t have a clue as to how to have sex with a man.  
The thought alone of a dick going in unprepared and dry made Sasori shudder.   
He had tried that once and couldn’t shit right for the next week.  
Lowering himself further into the tub as the jets pumped water against his back, he fancied in the idea of finally being back in a relationship.  
It had been awhile since his last one, and he was itching for some action.  
Although, there was something different about Deidara Sasori couldn’t quite get a handle on.  
Never had he ever felt so completely attracted to someone so quickly and fully before.  
Let’s be honest, he’d never gotten a boner that quickly over a man before.  
And just seeing his face made his heart and stomach do uncomfortable things in his body.  
Lowering further, he submerged himself in the hot water.  
He was in for a world of torture.


	7. Dark Secrets and False Hopes

It was the bright sun that awoke the sleeping blonde the next morning.  
As he opened his tired blue eyes, his gaze caught sight of the dust particles undulating through the warm rays that filtered in through the windows and landed on his face. Groaning, he rolled until his back faced the brightness, throwing the duvet over his head, nearly succumbing to sweet dreams, once again, when his nose caught the scent of something sweet…  
And savory.  
Scrunching his face, he concentrated on the smell.  
What was that?  
Faintly, he heard the sound of clanking dishes, as if someone was cooking.  
Sighing, he sat up and stretched, hearing his bones pop. He threw the covers off of him and made his way out the door and down the stairs.   
Sasori stood there over by the stove, flipping what looked like pancakes. He had long blue lounge pants on and was shirtless, his lean-muscled upper body finally apparent now that he wasn’t wearing his normal fall/winter attire.  
“Morning, un,” Deidara yawned, sitting down in one of the island’s stools. The redhead glanced over his shoulder, and then proceeded to flip another pancake, the dough sizzling in the pan. “Morning. You hungry?”  
“I could go for something, un. What are you making?”  
“Pancakes and sausages.”  
“Enough for two, un?”  
“I can make enough for two.”  
“So you weren’t making breakfast for me, un?”  
Without warning, Sasori swiveled on his heel to face the blonde, and the latter was shown yet more piercings the other boy had.  
On top of the snake bites, gauges, eyebrow, tongue, and industrial, the redhead had four dermal piercings on both of his collarbones, one on each side of the slanted cartilage. And nestled gently in between the more than slightly defined abs was a silver navel ring, the sun glinting off the shiny surface.  
Still somewhat shocked, it took Deidara a moment to realize that Sasori was pointing a spatula in his face. He blinked a few times to escape the haze. “What, un?”  
“I said, ‘I’m not your maid,’” the redhead harrumphed, still waving the cooling cookware at the blonde. “I’ll make you breakfast, but you have to ask.”  
“Fine, will you please make me some breakfast, un?”  
“Better. Yes, I will,” with that, Sasori turned back around and began pouring more batter into the pan. Deidara gazed at the granite countertop, mind still reeling over what he just saw. Before he could comprehend what he was saying, the words were out before he knew it:  
“You have a lot of piercings, un.”  
“What did you say?” obviously not clearly hearing him, the redhead looked over his shoulder at the blonde, whose face was flustered from his non-filtered sentence. He frantically racked his brain for a saving grace. “I – um – I was just wondering…how many – um – piercings you have…un.”  
“Oh, that. Well,” turning back to the pancakes to flip them, he continued, “in total I have 14 piercings.”  
“Why did you get them, un?”  
“Long story.”  
“You’re not going to share, un?”  
“You know that reason you have for not wanting to tell me what job you got?” Sasori asked, voice growing lower and less friendly. “Think of it that way as to why I don’t want to tell you why I got all these piercings.”  
“…Alright, I’m sorry I asked, un,” Deidara retorted, defensiveness lining his demeanor.  
“It’s fine. Here,” the redhead turned around and slid a plate full of pancakes and sausages over to the blonde, along with a glass of white milk and syrup, “enjoy your breakfast.”  
As Deidara began to eat, he noticed Sasori suddenly making his way over to the stairs. “You’re not gonna eat, un?”  
“I already ate.”  
“Where are you going now, un?”  
“To change. I have work in an hour.”  
“Oh…have fun, un.”  
The sound of the door shutting was the only response he received.

 

Locking the door to the bathroom, Sasori leaned forward against the sink, staring intently at his face. His gaze traveled from the industrial piercing, over to the left gauge, ghosting over the ring in his right eyebrow, and finally landing on the two spikes jutting out from just under his full, lower lip. And when he stuck his tongue out, the familiar silver ball glinted under the lights. Sighing, he lifted his hands up and began to take each one out, leaving only the tongue piercing and industrial behind due to the fact that it was a bitch to have to put back on later. His blood-red hair just barely covered the piercing and with the rest of them out, he looked almost normal.   
And he hated that with a burning passion.  
He twisted the ball off the navel ring, sliding it out and placing it among the other shiny pieces on the granite sink, desire to put them all back in coursing through his veins. Obviously since the ones on his collarbones were dermal, he didn’t touch them as he turned on the shower, letting the water warm to a near burning temperature. He stepped in and let the water run over his cold skin, scalding his back slightly.  
He didn’t care, though.  
Letting his head droop forward, he closed his eyes, recollecting his encounter with the blonde downstairs. His golden tresses had been slightly tangled and his own upper body had been exposed, letting the redhead know that he, too, had more than slightly defined muscles threading his arms, chest, and abdomen. On top of that, his blue eyes had still been glazed over from sleep, adding a hint of near innocence to the otherwise manly demeanor the younger male gave off.  
Why did he have to be so damn attractive?  
He honestly felt like an asshole for how he had responded to Deidara’s curiosity about his piercings, but like the reason the blonde had for not wanting to say what job he got, it was a reason that he didn’t necessarily want to touch upon.  
It brought up bad memories he too often wished he could forget.  
Clenching his teeth, he began to feel those memories surfacing, latching onto the back of his brain and sliding forward like black slime, clogging the places where happiness and security usually lie, but were now pain and heartache. Entangling his hands in his hair, he snatched at the strands, hearing the distant, yet familiar voices echoing in his mind, the echoes growing louder and louder, heavier and heavier, drowning his ears with the words that broke him, cut him, left him lying in a useless heap, unable to fight against them.  
The black slime continued to move forward, shattering the joy and contentment he often felt, but were now madness and fear. He wanted to scream, but his throat felt too tight and too full, the words lodged inside him, begging to be free.   
And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape. The slime was reaching its final destination; where he felt loved. His inner self was screaming at him to do something; fight, yell, kick, whatever he could do to keep that from happening.  
But he felt frozen in place.  
He clutched his hair tighter, to the point where he began ripping out a few strands, in a desperate attempt to rid his mind of the thick and heavy blackness that had now pooled into every limb in his body. The voices were now screaming in his ears, deafening his hearing until all he heard was a loud, seemingly endless roar of cruel and hateful words. It felt like he was drowning, sinking lower and lower though his arms and feet were kicking frantically, trying desperately to push his body to the surface.   
Searching, he saw a slight glimmer amongst the blackness, gazing intently at it.  
Where was that light coming from?  
Though he questioned it, his mind was grasping for it, reaching, stretching, fingers slightly grazing the warmth. The roaring in his ears had finally become inaudible, like white noise. Feeling his body beginning to collapse, he gave every effort he could into moving towards that light.   
That light.  
Where was it coming from?  
He needed to know.  
Why was it trying to save him?  
Why did it want to save him?  
Why did it-?  
“Sasori, un?” a sudden voice easily broke the roaring noise, instantly shattering it to quietness. The slime collapsed and disappeared in an instant, and the warm light was all the redhead could see. He opened his eyes, staring down at the tiled floor of the shower, the hot water still scalding his back. His ears picked up the sound of a knocking and he turned his head to the door. “What is it?”  
“I’m sorry…about earlier, un,” Deidara said, sounding apologetic. “I just wanted to tell you that. And…um…your pancakes they were…pretty good, un.”  
Sasori couldn’t help but smile. “It’s fine, brat; no need to apologize. And thanks.”  
“Brat? Why that nickname, un?”  
“Just for kicks. Now leave me be.”  
“Fine, un. Have fun at work.”  
The redhead shook his head as he heard the door to his room close back.   
He did wonder why he had called Deidara ‘brat’.  
Shaking his head, he already knew the answer.  
The blonde was a stubborn child who had already stolen his heart.

 

Deidara fumbled with his tie as he walked through the crowded sidewalks of the city. The silk fabric around his neck felt uncomfortably tight, the wind hitting his face felt colder than usual, and the normal throng of pedestrians felt more claustrophobic than it normally felt.   
Why did he feel like his senses were on high alert?  
Oh right…today was the day he finally started his new job as Co-CEO at Iwa Stratos.  
He was excited, no doubt; he would be working alongside his cousin, Ino, who had been the lead CEO for going on three years now before he showed up, and he would be working with his uncle, who he looked up to with the highest honor.  
But, of course, he was extremely nervous.  
Sure, he had a Masters degree in Business and Management, but suddenly taking on the role of Co-CEO was a huge step on the ladder of experience, and Deidara honestly hadn’t a clue as what a CEO really did, other than be the top manager of a company/business.  
Checking his watch, he had about 30 minutes until he needed to be there, but he wanted to arrive early to make a good first impression on everyone.   
As he waited to cross an intersection, his mind began traveling back to earlier that morning, when he had apologized to Sasori for pestering on a subject he shouldn’t have tried to pester into.  
The redhead’s whole aura had definitely changed within a matter of minutes, and when the blonde had finally finished his breakfast and made the conscious decision to say sorry, when he had made the trek to the bedroom and over to the door that led into the bathroom, he remembered hearing what had sounded like Sasori crying, but as soon as he had started speaking, the older male had sounded completely fine.  
He had called him ‘brat’, in fact.  
Thinking about that, Deidara smiled as he finally reached his destination.  
The building was about as tall as the apartment complex he was living at; around 20-30 stories, stretching into the light grey clouds that covered the otherwise normal blue sky. The front of the building was covered by windows that were no doubt windproof, the sign IWA STRATOS easily visible near the rooftop for the entire world to see. Women and men dressed in suit attire, alike, moved in and out of the sliding glass doors, many chattering speedily on their smartphones, others waving to hail a taxi to go a specific location for, perhaps, a meeting, while many just mingled around the giant fountain surrounded by wrought-iron benches, some of which were taken up by random citizens on their laptops or reading a book.  
It was so completely normal that Deidara instantly felt more relaxed as he entered the foyer. The high ceiling with its bright lights glimmered off the giant, dark-tiled floor in near paralleled semblance, the sitting area was equipped with a black, buttery leather L-shaped couch and a dark cherry wood coffee table, and the front desk with its gleaming, stainless steel surface and the company’s logo embedded in the metal as well, sat off to his left, and he calmly walked over, smiling at the pink-haired girl behind it, who was busy clicking away on the keyboard in front of her, her pale green eyes trained on the computer screen.  
He cleared his throat, instantly grabbing her attention. She abruptly turned her head towards him. “Hello! Pardon my rudeness, just typing up an email to send out. What can I help you with?”  
“I’m here to speak with Mr. Iwa, please, un?”  
“I’m sorry, but he only takes appointments if people wish to speak with him,” the girl explained sadly. “But if you would like, I could leave a message,” she quickly extracted a pen and paper, clicking the pen open and beginning to write. “ Who may I ask is this message coming from?”  
“Deidara Hayashi, ma’am, un,” the blonde nearly laughed at the girl’s shocked expression. Her delicate mouth had fallen open slightly, her eyes widening as realization hit her like a freight train. As her face began to fluster, she stumbled over her words. “My apologies, Mr. Hayashi I – um – if you had said that beforehand, I wouldn’t have put you through all this trouble. I do sincerely apologize, sir.”  
“It’s perfectly fi-”  
“Deidara, oh how I’ve missed you!” a loud voice suddenly interrupted their conversation. Deidara turned his head to see Ino walking over, clad in a purple blouse tucked into a long black pencil skirt and black heels. Her hair, the bangs normally covering half her face like his, but on the other side, was curled and pulled into a high up-do, and minimal makeup covered her eyes and cheeks. As she reached her destination, she wrapped her cousin into a hug, slightly squealing. “I’m so excited for you to start working here!” she pulled away to gaze at his face. “When I heard the news, I just about screamed!”  
“I’m glad to know you’re excited, un,” Deidara grinned, catching the pink-haired girl trying, but unsuccessfully, to listen in on the conversation.  
“Well, you arrived just in time!” Ino remarked, starting to pull on his wrist. “Daddy was just about to leave for a business meeting, but he wanted to welcome you personally on your first day at work.”  
He began to let his cousin drag him over to the elevators when he remembered something. Lightly pulling away, he turned back to the girl at the desk, her fingers, once again, flying over the keyboard. “Hey, un.”  
Startled, she gazed up at him. “M-may I help you, Mr. Hayashi?”  
“Don’t worry about earlier, un. No need to apologize.”   
“Sir, it was my mistake and I must own up to it.”  
“Why call me ‘sir’, un? It sounds so formal.”  
“Policy, sir.”  
“Well, answer me this: what is your name, un?”  
“…M-my name, sir?”  
“Yes, your name, un.”  
She seemed hesitant to tell him, almost like if she did, she would be yelled at for doing so. She blinked a few times, then spoke. “I-it’s Sakura Haruno, sir.”  
“Sakura, un,” he let the name roll over on his tongue and slip gingerly into the air. He tapped the desk three times with his index finger, gazing into the girl’s green eyes as he smirked. “I’ll remember that.”  
At that, he swiveled on his heel and proceeded to walk over to Ino, who was waiting, slightly impatiently, by the elevators, but not before catching a glimpse of the dark pink flush that had invaded the other girl’s cheeks as he strode away.


	8. Words That Didn't Want to Be Heard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR NOTE: I want to deeply apologize to every that has left kudos and comments that have wished for an update on this story! I had every intention of continuing the update but I got sidetracked by A LOT and I want to apologize to you all! I will be starting the updates again and I hope you continue liking the story! ^^ <3

Three Weeks Later…

It had been three weeks since Sasori and Deidara had become roommates. Three weeks for them to see what it was like to live together, learning the other’s habits, likes and dislikes.  
For instance, Sasori now knew that Deidara hated super-sweet breakfast foods in the morning; it apparently upset his stomach. He also knew that the blonde liked five packets of sugar in his coffee and only one spoonful of creamer.  
And most importantly, in the span of those three weeks, that’s how long it had taken Sasori to realize that he was in love with his roommate.  
Just seeing him every morning put a smile on his face. The way he came trudging down those stairs, the sun catching the gold in his blonde locks, somehow made his day a little brighter. Not a moment went by without the blonde popping into his head, the younger male’s smile sending his stomach into somersaults.  
Sasori will admit, they’d grown a lot closer since they had moved in together. They ate dinner with each other every night, almost like a normal couple, played Call of Duty and Halo on the Xbox for hours on end in the Gaming Room down the hall, and just recently having a sleepover.  
He smiled at the memory.  
It had been a late night at the office and he remembered feeling exhausted as he walked heavily back home. Once he got home, he had noticed the lights were all out. Figuring Deidara had already gone to bed, he had kicked off his shoes and proceeded into the living room.  
The lights had suddenly flickered on and there stood the blonde, grinning widely next to a huge pile of sheets and pillows.  
“What’s this for, brat? I’m tired,” the redhead had exclaimed, still using the nickname.  
“When was the last time you built a fort, un?” Deidara had asked.  
“Um…probably not since I turned 10. Why?”  
“Well, you’re in luck, un!” the blonde had hurriedly made his way into the center of the living room, spreading his arms out wide. “We’re making one tonight!”  
“I just told you, I’m too tired to-” he had only gotten that far when a sheet was suddenly thrown at his face, and he had haphazardly caught it before it fell to the ground. He remembered gazing at the blonde as he moved about the room, surveying how they were possibly going to build one.  
Sighing, he had decided to give in and join.  
By around 11, the entire living room had been covered by long, beige bed sheets, the inside filled with blankets and pillows.  
Studying their work, Deidara had cheered loudly. “Woo, we did it, un! Now we can sleep!”  
“Wait, sleep? Together? In there?” Sasori remembered feeling slightly nervous. By that point, he had already decided he was in love with Deidara, however, he knew the blonde was still straight, so he hadn’t tried anything yet. So with that, he remembered feeling his heart beginning to race at the thought of sleeping so close to his roommate without physically touching him.  
“Well yeah, un! That’s the whole point of building this thing. Come on, un!” Deidara had slipped underneath the sheets, disappearing inside. Sasori, still feeling nervous, had gulped, but complied, bending down and beginning to crawl forwards.  
The blankets had been soft and plush underneath his hands, and memory foam pillows that outlined the pathway under it had opened up into a huge circular area, which had been filled with even more pillows and blankets. The blonde had been off to the left, getting his area ready. Sasori had smirked as he made his way over to his spot. “We’re grown men and we’re sleeping under a bed-sheet fort.”  
“When you didn’t arrive back at the normal time, I figured you were stuck at work, un,” Deidara had explained. “I decided to try and make up for your boring and exhausting day by doing something fun. Building a fort seemed like the logical solution, un.”  
“Really? That was the best solution your mind could come up with?”  
“…It seemed like the most fun solution, if you want me to say it that way, un.”  
Sasori had chuckled lightly, settling down and pulling the blankets over him, the other doing the same. The redhead had turned his amber gaze over to his roommate. “But why even go to such lengths? I’ve had long days at the office before.”  
Deidara hadn’t said anything for a while, and Sasori remembered thinking he had already gone to bed. But, the blonde had suddenly turned his beautiful blue eyes over to him, a serene and happy smile igniting his flawless face. “This may sound crazy because of our first encounter, but I care about you, Sasori, un. You’ve grown to be someone I consider close. And because of that, when you’re not happy, I want to make you happy, un.”  
Sasori remembered feeling his heart thump wildly and fast against his chest, his breath leaving him as the words had sunk in.  
Deidara…cared about him?  
Like, truly, honestly cared about him?  
He remembered blushing furiously, thankful for the minimal lighting in the room. He had looked down at his hands, knowing the younger male was waiting for an answer.  
“You talk too much, brat,” was all he had said as he snapped his fingers twice, the lights flickering off, secluding the two in darkness, the moon the only source of light penetrating the bed sheets.  
“You’re no fun, un,” Deidara had mumbled, pouting slightly, adding to the butterflies swarming around in the redhead’s stomach. Sasori hadn’t said anything, but after a while, he had turned back over to find the blonde soundlessly asleep, his lightly tanned face contoured by the 1:00am moon.  
It had been at that precise moment he realized no one could ever look more perfect than Deidara.  
“Hey, what are you making, un?” the blonde suddenly said behind him, and he turned to find him sitting in his normal sitting place: across the island, on the third stool to the right. His hair was pulled into a high ponytail, the bangs as well, finally revealing his entire oval face, both cerulean orbs bright and clear. He smiled broadly at Sasori. “It smells different from normal.”  
“You must have the nose of a dog,” the latter smirked, gazing back at the pan on the stove. “You’re right though; I am making something different.”  
“And that is, un?”  
“Ham and cheese omelets,” Sasori said, matter-of-factly, adding the cubes of meat onto the thin layer of egg. “Hope you like them, ‘cause I’m not making anything else.”  
“What if I was allergic to cheese, un?”  
“That would mean you were lactose intolerant, therefore you wouldn’t be able to drink plain, white milk, which you do every day, so I highly doubt you’re allergic to cheese,” the redhead exclaimed, adding the thinly sliced up cheddar as well.  
“Hypothetically speaking, what if I was?”  
“Brat, are you trying to be difficult this morning?” the older male suddenly whipped around, chucking a dish towel at the blonde, who dodged it with ease, his ringing bells laugh echoing through the kitchen. “My, Sasori, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed, un?”  
“Asking such ridiculous questions straight up gives me every reason to have an attitude,” Sasori explained.  
Though he was in love with the blonde, that didn’t mean he had to act all nervous and anxious around him.  
Of course, as soon as he thought that, the younger male suddenly appeared, very closely, he might add, in his peripheral, and he swiveled his head to find Deidara hovering just behind him, the other’s body heat overpowering his own. Immediately, he felt his heart begin to race and a near flush washed over his face as he slightly glared at his roommate. “Any particular reason you’re standing so close, brat?”  
“I’m watching how you make it, un.”  
“…Do you not know how to make an omelet?”  
“I know how to make plain omelets, but that’s it, un.”  
“Well as long as you know how to make plain ones, making these are easy,” Sasori explained, turning his attention back to the pan, using the spatula to start folding the egg inwards. “Just make the layer of egg and then add the ham and cheese on the inside, let it heat up for about a minute or so, and then fold like normal.”  
“That’s it, un?”  
“That’s it.”  
“Huh, never knew it could be that easy, un,” Deidara murmured, going back to his stool and sitting down, allowing the redhead to calm himself. He inwardly cursed.  
He couldn’t allow for the blonde to find out about his feelings.  
Not yet, anyways.  
He didn’t know when, but Sasori had decided a while back that eventually, he would have to tell his roommate how he felt about him, even though he knew the feelings would not be mutual in the slightest.  
Still…it’s better to let Deidara know than to keep it hidden and let it fester in his mind, day in and day out.  
He just didn’t know when he would tell him.  
“So, Sasori, I, um, have a slight dilemma, un,” the blonde said, his voice sounding sheepish.  
“You’re prone to premature ejaculation?”  
“N-no I am not, Sasori no Danna, un! I’m-” the older male abruptly turned his head over to Deidara, who was trying to hide the red blush igniting his cheeks, which was incredibly hard considering his hair was still up in the ponytail. Sasori cocked his head to the side, not enjoying the fact that hearing his roommate call him by such a name was arousing him; he began to feel heat pooling down to his lower abdomen. “Did you just call me ‘Danna’?”  
At the question, the flush grew deeper, if that was even possible. Deidara looked about ready to disappear into the chair, he was slumped so forward. “I-it was an accident, un. I-I’m s-sorry-”  
“Don’t apologize, brat,” the redhead said, trying to calm his body down; he could feel his member getting harder by the second. He closed his eyes, hoping that would help.  
It didn’t.  
Instead, he pictured the younger male under him, gazing up through his long lashes, lust and desire swimming through his cerulean blue orbs, hands grasping the sheets as he softly moaned, “Danna.”  
“A-anyways,” the sound of Deidara’s voice broke through his daydream, and he opened his eyes, thankful his lounge pants hid his now semi-hard on, “what I was going to say was…you know how I started work about three weeks ago, un?”  
“Yes, I do.”  
“And you know how you meet new people at a new work place, un?”  
“…Yes.”  
“And you know when you meet certain people at-”  
“Quit beating around the bush and just tell me, Deidara.”  
“I met this girl who I want to ask out on a date, un,” came the response. Immediately, Sasori felt his entire demeanor fall, along with his semi-hard on. The air around him suddenly grew cold, and he almost wished the brat would walk back over to him. His mind was blank and it almost felt like his heart had stopped beating.  
Deidara…had met a girl that he found interesting enough to ask her out on a date.  
And if they went on dates...  
Dates led to more dates.  
And then, officially dating.  
And then –  
He slammed his eyes shut again, trying to calm the jealousy and anger rising like bile up his throat. “Okay…what’s that got to do with me?”  
“W-well I wanted to know what the best way would be to ask her, un.”  
“Just ask her.”  
“I doubt it’s that simple, Sasori, un.”  
“Trust me; it is,” an awkward silence fell upon the two men, neither really sure where to pick up the conversation. More than slightly irritated, Sasori placed the second finished omelet on a plate, sighing. “Okay, first question: do you like her?”  
“She’s caught my eye, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘liking’, un.”  
“Okay, second question: what type of date would it be?”  
“Um…dinner at a nice restaurant, un?”  
“That’s fine. Finally, last question: when do you want the date to happen?”  
“I was thinking this Saturday, un.”  
If Sasori had thought before that the air couldn’t get colder, he was wrong.  
It now felt like he was wrapped in a blanket of ice.  
Anger overrode his jealousy and he felt his teeth clenching as heat worked into his face from his jaw.  
How could the brat forget?  
How could the brat fucking forget?  
How could he forget what Saturday was?  
“Is that fine…Sasori, un?” the younger male asked, tentatively. Anger clouded the redhead’s better judgment, but some little part of him managed to control the outburst that begged to escape.  
Taking a deep breath, he whirled around, plastered a smile on his face, set the plate in front of his roommate and said, “I think that’s great. I hope you two have fun. Now, if you would excuse me, I have to get ready for work.”  
With that, he calmly walked up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door lightly so as not to arouse suspicion from the blonde downstairs.  
It wasn’t until his face was firmly planted into the memory-foam pillow that he finally screamed.


	9. Tough Choices and Hidden Agendas

“So what do you think, un?” Deidara asked, looking over at Hidan. The silver-haired guy was munching away on his deli sandwich, seeming so into it that the blonde thought he hadn’t heard him.  
“I don’t know, man, you fucking sure about this?”   
Obviously he had heard him.  
“I mean,” Hidan set his sandwich down, “do you really even fucking know Sakura?”  
“A bit, but isn’t that what dates are for, un? To get to know people?”  
“I mean, I guess,” his friend ruffled the back of his head with his hand, looking clueless, “I’m just probably not the best person to ask considering I’m gay. I mean, I haven’t ever had to worry about that type of shit.”  
“That’s great, Hidan, but that helps me none, un,” Deidara was getting irritated. He was on lunch break and decided to ask Hidan to grab a quick bite with him at the local diner near HQ. Right after sitting down, he promptly told him about his proposed date idea with Sakura.   
“I’m sorry, bro. Can’t help or change it,” the silver-haired guy shrugged his shoulders. “Have you talked to Sasori about it?”  
“Yeah, but he wasn’t much help either, un. Just basically agreed to whatever I was coming up with,” the blonde explained, gazing down at his half-eaten triple decker.   
He didn’t have much of an appetite today.  
“Well he isn’t very social, so I highly doubt he’s fucked a girl in the last couple of weeks let alone asked one on a date,” Hidan exclaimed, taking a swig of his root beer.  
Thinking of that mental image, Deidara shivered unpleasantly. “TMI, Hidan, un.”  
“It’s the fucking truth!” he yelled back, attracting stares from people, most of them parents who had kids. The blonde leaned forward. “Mind keeping a cap on that vulgar mouth of yours, un?”  
“I’m not one to keeping my mouth fucking shut when people engage in conversation with me,” Hidan slightly glared his pale red eyes. “You ask for my opinion, you’ll get whatever the fuck you get.”  
“Fine, un,” annoyed, Deidara sat back in his seat, taking a small sip of his drink.  
He wasn’t that thirsty today, either.  
“When do you want to have this date with Sakura?” his friend asked, going back to his calm demeanor.   
“Sasori liked it, so I was thinking this Saturday, un,” the blonde was expecting his friend to agree that that was the perfect day.  
He was completely wrong.  
Instead, what he got was a wide-eyed stare and gaping mouth.   
“What did I say, un?”  
“This may be a really stupid question, but do you know what this Saturday is?”  
“Um…no, un.”  
“Right, that was a stupid fucking question,” Hidan mumbled. “If I was Sasori, I would be fucking pissed as hell.”  
“Why, un? What’s this Saturday?”  
“Asshole, it’s fucking Sasori’s birthday, dumbass.”  
It was like a freight train hit him; hard. His stomach dropped all the way to the floor and his throat suddenly became dry.  
How could he forget Sasori’s birthday?  
Racking his brain for some sort of remembrance, memories started playing like an old movie through his head.  
It had been the first weekend in the apartment and they were both lounging in the living room, Sasori reading a book, Deidara watching a movie on the flat screen.  
“When’s your birthday?” the redhead had randomly asked, not looking up from his book. The blonde had looked over, slightly confused. “Why ask me such a random question, un?”  
“Just a question, brat. When’s your birthday?”  
“May 5th, un. Just turned 24,” He had flipped through the channels, landing on a random cooking show. “When’s yours, un?”  
“November 8th.”  
“That’s not far away, un!”  
“Don’t make such a big deal about it; it’s just a birthday.”  
“Just a birthday, un?! Birthdays aren’t just days,” Deidara had exclaimed, his attention going away from the T.V. “They’re days meant to celebrate you being alive, un.”  
“Or to celebrate another year closer to death,” Sasori had retorted, gazing up to smirk at the other guy’s shocked expression, amber eyes playful.  
“You’re so morbid, un,” the blonde had said, going back to watching a show.  
“Shit, I can’t believe I forgot that, un,” Deidara commented, shoving a hand through his thick blonde tresses. “Why didn’t he remind me when I talked to him this morning?”  
“Hell if I know, Deidara,” Hidan remarked, leaning back in his chair. “How about you talk to him?”  
Deidara wanted to answer back, but another memory suddenly surfaced, going back to this morning.  
When he had accidentally called his roommate ‘Danna’.  
“I can’t do that, Hidan, I freaking embarrassed myself in front of him this morning, un,” he said, his hands hiding his face, which had grown a few shades pinker. The blush grew deeper as he heard his best friend’s familiar, maniacal laugh. “What the hell you fucking talking about?!”  
“I accidentally called him ‘Danna’, un,” the blonde said into his palms, clenching his teeth as he heard Hidan’s laughter grow in volume. It lasted for a few minutes and then he finally calmed down. Still keeping his face in his hands, he mumbled, “You done laughing at me yet?”  
“I’m sorry, Deidara, but that’s fucking hilarious,” his friend said. “Isn’t that what you call your uncle?”  
“Yes, and it just accidentally slipped out when I was talking to him, un,” Deidara finally removed his hands from his face, placing them on the table. “I felt so embarrassed even though he let it slide.”  
“And that’s what you should do,” Hidan advised, training his gaze over at the shorter male. “Now here’s the more important question: which is more important? A date with Sakura or celebrating Sasori’s birthday?”  
“Why the hell do I have to choose, un?”  
“It’s more of a question as to who means more to you, bro. Sasori’s just too fucking nice to ya to give you an ultimatum.”  
Deidara thought for a long, hard moment. On one hand, he really wanted to go on a date with Sakura. The pink-haired beauty had caught his eye every single time he has walked into the building, and just recently, she had finally started calling him by his first name.   
Talking with Ino had solidified his resolve even further, since his cousin so happily approved of them being together.   
On the other hand, even though he had completely forgotten, he really wanted to celebrate Sasori’s birthday, since they had been roommate’s for almost a month now, and he wanted to make up for his negligence.   
What the hell was he supposed to do?  
Suddenly, an idea popped into his head, and he smiled wickedly at the silver-haired guy who was busy looking at the menu for another round of food.   
“I have an idea, un.”

 

Sasori’s fingers moved rapidly over the keyboard, clicking away a new line of code in seconds and then going to the next. He was almost done with the 12th level, which was good progress, but the entire program had at least 40 levels worth of code, so the entire atmosphere was drenched in tension as everyone worked their butts off to finish the program by the given deadline.  
Though he was concentrating as hard as he could, Sasori’s thoughts were off somewhere else.  
Or, more accurately, on someone else.  
That someone being a blonde asshole who had forgotten his roommate’s birthday.  
His jaw clenched unnaturally tight.  
Yes, he knew Deidara didn’t like him in the slightest; the guy was fucking straight, for cripes sake!   
However, that didn’t stop the dark green wave of jealousy from washing over the redhead’s entire demeanor. He honestly had no right to be upset, since his roommate hadn’t a clue as to how he felt about him.  
He had absolutely no right.  
Yet, he still found himself becoming livid at the idea of that pink-haired whore throwing herself all over Deidara.  
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he turned his amber gaze over to the clock, not enjoying that the big hand hadn’t moved much since the last time he had looked.   
It was only 3:32 and he was stuck there at the office until 8:00.  
“Mr. Akasuna,” his boss suddenly appeared at the entrance to his cubicle, catching the redhead off guard, “we don’t pay you to sit around and look at clocks all day. We have a deadline to meet and if we don’t give the company what they want by that date, it will be your ass on the line. Understood?”  
“Understood, sir,” was all Sasori said as he turned his attention back to the computer screen, finishing yet another line of code.   
What made Sakura so damn interesting, anyways?  
Yeah, he hadn’t seen her yet, and quite possibly it was due to the fact that he was gay, but he highly doubted the girl was all that and a bag of chips.  
Still…Deidara, for some unknown, stupid reason found her fascinating enough to want to go on a date with her.  
And even though the brat wanted to do so on his birthday, because he cared about him, he gave his blessing, despite his less logical self wanting to do so otherwise.  
“Seems to me you’re troubled with something, Sasori-senpai,” came the annoying, yet familiar voice of his colleague, Tobi. The 20 year old was new to the company and, becoming a near expert in his five years working there, Sasori had been tasked with the ordeal of mentoring the youngster. The guy had become so attached to the redhead, he had started calling him by ‘Sasori-senpai’ and it had stuck.  
“I’m not in the mood to be interrogated right now, Tobi,” Sasori growled, keeping his eyes trained ahead, despite his peripheral picking out the younger male leaning over the wall of his own cubicle to stare down at him. “Aw, come on, senpai! What’s going on?”  
“Tobi, I swear to God, leave me the fuck alone right now, okay?” the redhead finally turned his amber eyes over to the dark brown ones staring back, gaze serious. “I’m on the verge of snapping and I honestly don’t want to take it out on anyone.”  
Tobi didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but he suddenly gave Sasori a serene smile. “You like someone don’t you?”  
Flustered, Sasori immediately whipped his head back to the screen, blushing slightly at his colleague’s tiny chuckle. “Who is it, senpai?”  
“First of all, it’s none of your business,” the redhead grumbled, “and second of all, how the hell could you tell?”  
“Well normally, you would have to just yelled at me,” the younger male exclaimed, still leaning over his cubicle wall. “But instead, you gave me warning even after snapping at me. Someone’s changing you, Sasori-senpai, and that someone can only be someone you care about.”  
“I don’t need advice in the love-department, alright? Just let it be, Tobi,” Sasori remarked, annoyance edging his voice. “I’m trying to work, alright?”  
“Fine, but heed my warning: if that person isn’t told soon about your feelings, you’re going to end up a lot more hurt than you had originally planned.”  
“And why is that?”  
“I may haven’t had a girlfriend in a while, but it’s obvious to see that whoever this person is, you’re in love with them,” Tobi explained, smile widening at Sasori’s expression.  
The redhead just closed his eyes, counted to 10, and went back to work, ignoring Tobi even though the other continued talking to him.  
In the back of his mind, he wondered how the brat was doing at his own office.

 

It was 9:30 by the time Sasori made it back to the apartment. Since it was only a Monday, the streets had been eerily quiet and desolate, so instead of walking like he normally did, he had hailed a cab and arrived back safely.  
He unlocked the door and entered the foyer, kicking off his shoes and continuing on into the living room, the smell of clay hitting his nostrils.  
What the-?  
“Good evening, Sasori, un!” Deidara piped from his spot over by the sink. In his hands was a huge pile of wet clay. “Another late night?”  
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty bad,” the redhead said, dropping his laptop bag on the couch and joining his roommate over by the sink. “What the hell are you making at this time of hour?”  
“I haven’t sculpted in a while and inspiration suddenly hit me today, so I’m sculpting, un,” the blonde explained, moving the clay over to a covered area of the island.  
“Sculpting what exactly?”   
“I don’t really know yet, un,” Deidara studied the clay for a few seconds, hands unmoving. “I knew I wanted to sculpt, but what it is I want to sculpt, I actually don’t know.”  
“Well, good luck with that,” Sasori, though slightly shorter, lightly patted the blonde on the head, noting how soft the locks were. “I’m heading off to bed.”  
He was heading over to the stairs when he heard Deidara say, “I asked Sakura to go on a date with me, un.”  
“Congratulations,” the redhead made his voice sound cheery, despite the ever present anger slowly slithering under his skin. “When is it?”  
“This Saturday, un,” behind him, the blonde had started the process of molding the clay in his hands.   
He clenched his hands into fists, thankful the light from the kitchen couldn’t reach his spot from the stairs. He felt the anger slowly dissipating to something worse.  
Hurt. Something in him finally decided that being angry wasn’t what he needed to be, and instead, whatever was in him decided that he needed to be hurt. Digging his nails into his palms, he felt tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes.  
Yet…despite the aching in his heart, he still managed to smile and say in a happy voice, “I hope you have fun. Try the Cirque Bleu on the corner of 27th and 5th. They have the best fillet mignon.”  
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind, un,” Deidara even sounded excited. Without another word, Sasori trudged up the stairs and into his room, quietly closing the door and moving to lower himself gently on the king-sized, circular bed.   
Instead of screaming like he had done before, he did something much worse.  
He cried.


	10. Pills and Unknown Names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I apologize for the late update!! I had Thanksgiving break happen and was traveling on the road for hours on the day I was supposed to upload and my schedule was so hectic over break that I didn't have the time to upload! But here it is and I hope you all continue to enjoy the story! ^.^

Four Days Later…

“Why did you call me to meet up, Hidan?” Sasori asked, staring at the silver-haired guy across from him. It was a Friday night, and tomorrow marked Sasori’s birthday, where he would be turning 26.  
However, he felt far from wanting to celebrate.  
For the past four days, the redhead had barely seen Deidara. He was always gone by the time he, himself, woke up, and was already in his room and most likely asleep by the time he returned.   
It was odd, and quite troubling, but Sasori tried not to think too much about it.  
Although the knowledge that tomorrow was the date and also his birthday had him asking himself one question:  
Would he be celebrating his birthday alone?  
He had been at the apartment when he got the random phone call from the brat’s supposedly best friend, asking to meet up at the bar just down the street.  
Now, here he was, impatiently waiting for the other male to respond while he looked at the type of beer he may want. Hidan glanced at the menu for a bit longer and set it down, training his pale red eyes on the redhead. “I called you so we could talk.”  
“About what?”  
“Who do you think, dumbass?”  
“’Who’ could be anybody, meat head.”  
“If I must fucking put it bluntly,” the silver-haired guy sighed obnoxiously, “I’m talking about Deidara.”  
“What about him?”  
“I know you like him.”  
“So fucking what, if I like him?!” Sasori growled.  
He hated being interrogated, especially when it came to questions regarding his feelings.   
He’d never been much of an open book to anyone. When someone would open the pages, all they would be staring at were blank lines, no words in sight.  
Yet, it took special people to find the small-printed words hidden in the middle.  
“I’m not saying that’s anything bad, Sasori,” Hidan placed his hands up in surrender. “I’m just wondering if you’re okay.”  
“Okay with what?”  
“That my best friend is fucking straight and you’re not.”  
“Kakuzu already asked me that damn question, Hidan, and like I told him, I don’t fucking care,” the redhead remarked. He could feel his tolerance level for bullshit dropping by the second. “Not my fucking fault for liking someone who’s straight.”  
“It kind of is, though.”  
“You can’t help who you fall for,” Sasori mumbled, knowing full well the other guy could still hear him. “The first day I met him, my first thought was ‘I have never seen someone so beautiful before’; I know that sounds weird, considering he’s a guy, but that’s the truth. I didn’t want to like him, since I knew he was straight and would never like me back. But…I couldn’t help it. The more I got to know him, the more I grew to like him.”  
“So how are you taking the whole Sakura thing?”  
“What the fuck to do you think?” the redhead glared.  
“I take it you don’t like her,” Hidan cackled.  
“I’m going to be honest, I hate her,” the redhead said, amber gaze traveling to the table. “I haven’t even met the chick and I hate her.”  
“So, riddle me this, princess,” Hidan leaned on his forearms, ignoring the glare from the guy across from him, “Have you told Deidara that it’s your birthday this weekend?”  
“Nope, and I don’t plan to,” Sasori leaned back against his chair, taking a swig of his water.  
“Why? You don’t want him going on the date, right?”  
“No, I don’t.”  
“And you’re upset they’re going out on your birthday, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“So why don’t you tell him?”  
Sasori hesitated for a lot longer than he normally would.   
Should he really say anything?  
“Even though I’m upset and hurt that my own roommate, who I like, forgot my birthday and is going on a date with a girl instead,” he started, “even though I’m angry and want to punch him in the face, I refuse to remind him.”  
“Why?”  
Sasori gave him a calm smile. “Because when you love someone, their happiness is the most important thing for you to cherish and protect.”  
“…W-wait, you-” Hidan looked beyond shocked.   
“And if he can’t be happy with me…then I can at least make sure he’s happy with someone else,” he finished off his speech and stood up from his chair. “Now, I think I’m going to go back to my apartment and sleep until I wake up tomorrow and celebrate my birthday alone.”  
Even as he walked out, the sound of Hidan saying something reached his ears.  
Although he paid no attention to it.

 

The time marked 10:39 when Sasori walked through the door. The lights were already out, signaling that Deidara was most likely already asleep. Entering into the living room, he noticed it looked exactly how he had left it that morning, not a single thing out of place, as if the brat didn’t even live there anymore.  
Wait…could he be…?  
In a panic, he dropped his laptop bag on the ground and ran up the stairs, bolting down the hallway until he reached the blonde’s door. Quietly, yet quickly, he turned the knob, thankful that it wasn’t locked.  
He opened the door, peering into the dark room, letting his eyes adjust to the black. The moon was shining through the windows, illuminating the sleeping figure in the circular bed. The blond hair was uncovered and laying across one of the pillows, the normal yellow now an almost white.  
Sighing, he closed the door.  
What had made him think that Deidara would suddenly move out without a single warning?  
Paranoia had always been one of his worst qualities.  
Walking back downstairs, he picked up his bag and set it in one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table, taking a stance over by the windows, peering out.  
The city skyline was bright and beautiful, many buildings aglow with numerous rooms lit from within. The lights from the structures reached high into the dark abyss above, the stars invisible.  
Sasori wondered what the sky actually looked like illuminated by nature’s own sky jewels.  
He’d grown up in the city his entire life, never really visiting his family, who lived in the suburbs where the stars were actually somewhat visible.  
Even though he’d never admit it, one of his biggest dreams was to drive out into the middle of a field where there were no lights and just sit under the millions and millions of stars he could only dream would be shining.  
Yet…he was nearly 26 and could still only call the city ‘home’.  
He sighed.  
That was boarder-line depressing.  
He knew Deidara’s parents lived outside the city, so when he had still been living with them, he left the confines of the impressive buildings and suffocating hoards of people and escaped into an actual house with space to move and stretch out ones feet.  
Sasori had never felt that.  
A certain memory – this one not as bad as others – surfaced, and he allowed it to over-take his thoughts.  
He had been seven years old.  
His dad had been at work and his mom had been busy cooking dinner.   
It had been their 7th move into a new apartment, this one a little bit nicer than the rest they had been living in before.   
He had been playing with a toy racecar given to him by his grandmother for Christmas when his dad had charged through the front door, tie pulled loose and shirt un-tucked from his dress pants, anger clouding his entire face.  
Immediately, he had starting screaming, saying words that Sasori couldn’t understand at the time but knew they were bad enough to start making his mother scream back.   
Something about how he was tired of living in the city.  
And why did they have to keep moving from place to place.  
Words were being thrown all over the place, words eventually turning into hands and fists.  
Sasori closed his eyes, shutting down that memory as if his life depended on it.   
He knew his past was filled with bad memories and demons, and suppressing them was probably not one of his brightest ideas, but he’d rather completely forget them than ever try and face them again, lest he wanted his mind to be overrun with fear and sadness, slowly turning him insane.  
Looking down at the streets and sidewalks below, he imagined the pedestrians striding along the pavement, some, or most, wobbling slightly as the alcohol they consumed began dispersing through their systems. The cars, looking like toys, drove over the rough asphalt, their headlights illuminating the white and yellow lines ahead, the dull red, yellow, and green orbs hovering over the vehicles as they passed underneath.   
Stepping back, Sasori pondered whether he should stay up or not, when his foot accidentally hit a bag on the floor. He must have kicked it hard enough, because immediately, he heard things rolling across the ground. His amber eyes gazed down, the moon light shining upon two bottles filled with pills situated near one of the pegs of the U-shaped couch.   
Noticing the bag color, which was black, he realized it belonged to Deidara.  
And that those pills belonged to his brat.  
What the hell was he doing with those?  
Bending down, he picked up the two bottles, examining the labels on both.  
One read Disulfiram and the other read Remeron.  
What the hell-?  
What were these for?  
Shaking his head, he opened the bag and placed the bottles back in.  
Better not to question when his roommate was knocked out upstairs.  
Still…what were those pills for anyways?  
Thinking that, he extracted his phone from his back pocket, entering onto the web. His fingers flew over the screen, typing the first name down quickly and clicking the first option under the search bar.  
Disulfiram.  
Used to treat chronic alcoholism.  
When taken, symptoms such as headache, nausea, vomiting, etc. may arise if alcohol consumption occurs with taking Disulfiram.  
Warning: Disulfiram does not treat alcoholism, but does discourage alcohol consumption.  
Sasori knitted his eyebrows together.  
What the actual fuck…?  
Shaking his head, he cleared his history and searched the other one.  
Remeron.  
Used to treat major depression.  
Works by balancing the amount of neurotransmitters in the brain and decreasing the re-uptake of serotonin.   
Warning: do not consume with alcohol or other illegal drugs.  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sasori exited the web and turned his phone off, gaze traveling to the door that led into Deidara’s bedroom.  
Just what was going on with you, brat?


	11. A Birthday Filled with Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm treating everyone to two chapters due to my delay last week! I hope you continue enjoying the story and thank you for the wonderful and supportive comments and also the kudos! I'm so thankful for those each and every day! ^.^

Deidara awoke the next morning to the sun glinting through the giant windows in his bedroom. He rolled over onto his other side, sighing as the warm comforter settled around him yet again.   
However, he couldn’t sleep.  
Today was Saturday, and he had a long list to complete.  
First, was to get up and go make breakfast.   
Throwing the duvet and sheets off of him, he stood up and pulled his usual pair of blue lounge pants on, threw his long hair into a messy bun, and made his way into the hallway.  
It was when he was heading to the stairs, and passing Sasori’s room, that he heard noises coming from said space.  
He stopped in his tracks, leaning slightly towards the door in an effort to grasp what he had just heard.   
“Mm…”  
He knitted his brows together, stepping closer.  
“…A-ah.”  
What the hell…?  
He pressed his ear to the door.  
“Ha...a-ah…”  
Widening his eyes, Deidara came to the realization of what was happening.  
Sasori was moaning…sexually moaning at that.  
And whether he was just dreaming or actually masturbating was something the blonde didn’t want to try and figure out. So while trying to hide the furious blush igniting his cheeks, he hurriedly walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, turning on the stove and grabbing the ingredients necessary to make pancakes.  
While cracking open the eggs, his mind began reeling.  
Who was Sasori dreaming about?  
Was it a woman at his work or just some random girl generated in his mind?  
Whichever the answer, he had definitely seemed to be enjoying himself.  
Shaking his head, he poured a thin layer onto the skillet just as the sound of footsteps reached his ears. He turned to the noise, not surprised to find his roommate taking a perch on one of the stools at the island. His blood red hair was slightly matted and his amber eyes were dull from sleep, answering Deidara’s question by informing him that the older male had been dreaming.   
“Good morning, un,” he exclaimed, turning his focus back to the pancakes, using his spatula to flip them over.   
“Morning,” came a yawned response.   
“How’d you sleep, un?”   
“Um…good? What about you?”  
“Good, un. Slept like a baby.”  
“Congratulations.”  
Silence filled the usually talkative space, which made Deidara start to worry. Before he could filter any of his words, they were out of his mouth and in the air before he could stop them:  
“Why were you moaning in your sleep, un?”  
“W-what?” Sasori’s voice sounded flustered, but when the blonde turned to look, he still carried an expressionless face.   
“I walked past your room and you were moaning…in your sleep, un,” Deidara blinked, waiting for a reaction. The redhead just ran a hand through his locks, sighing. “Did I say anyone’s name?”  
“No, un.”  
“Then it doesn’t matter, but I apologize.”  
“Ha, don’t apologize for that; trust me, all men have been there once or twice, un,” he used the spatula to place a few pancakes on a plate. “So…who was the lucky lady?”  
“What?”  
“In your dream, un.”  
“I couldn’t see a face.”  
“Any features you saw, un?”  
“Blonde hair.”  
“Oh, so you have a thing for blondes, un?”  
“I guess.”   
“Any particular reason you’re being so short with your answers, un?” Deidara poured some syrup and sprayed whipped cream on the pancakes, swiveling on his heel to face his roommate.   
“Brat, I just woke up and getting asked all these questions at once is seriously annoying and I-” he stopped short when the plate of pancakes was slid over to him. He stared down at them for a few seconds, studying them with unblinking amber eyes. Suddenly, he looked back up and gave the younger male a bewildered expression. “Are these for me?”  
“Yeah, un. Chocolate chip pancakes with syrup and whipped cream are you favorite, right?”  
“I mean, yeah, but how did you-?”  
“I’m your roommate; I would have eventually figured out your favorite breakfast, un.”  
“But why did you-?”  
“Today’s an important day to celebrate, un,” Deidara smiled. Sasori continued to stare at him, shock etching his face as he said his next line:  
“Happy Birthday, Sasori no Danna, un.”

 

Surprise was one word to describe how Sasori felt at the moment.  
Shock was the second.  
And disbelief ended it with third.  
Before he had walked down the stairs, the redhead had had an amazing dream about him and his roommate, making love in a field underneath the star-specked sky.  
If he closed his eyes, he could distinctly remember the stars being reflected off of the blonde’s blue orbs as he looked up at him, softly moaning and gasping as his own lips explored the naked, lightly tanned skin underneath.  
And coming down the stairs - and after having to switch out his clothes thanks to his manhood getting excited – and having to be told that he had been moaning in his sleep was a little more than slightly embarrassing, but he had thanked his lucky stars he hadn’t moaned his roommate’s name or he would have had to explain everything.  
Now, here he was, staring at Deidara who simply smiled a smile that was only fit for people whose ‘foil-proof’ plan had worked out.  
“Happy Birthday, Sasori no Danna, un.”  
Sasori felt his heart skip a beat at the nickname the blonde had accidentally given him just a few short days ago.   
Why was he suddenly saying it so nonchalantly now?  
He shook his head. “How did you find out?”  
“Hidan told me, un,” Deidara explained. “Since you wouldn’t tell me yourself.”  
The redhead was silent.  
“…Why didn’t you want to tell me that your birthday was today, un?”  
Sasori was hesitant to say why. Of course he wanted to tell Deidara; every fiber in his being was screaming for him to tell him.   
He was just nervous as to how he would take it.  
“You seemed so excited to ask that Sakura chick out on a date,” he explained, picking at the top pancake with his fork. “You seemed so excited that I felt that if I told you that it was my birthday, you’d forget to be happy and feel bad for forgetting. So I basically didn’t want to burden you.”  
“Why would you reminding me of your birthday be burdensome, un?”  
“I just didn’t want to burden you, Deidara.”  
“That’s not really answering my question, un.”  
“That should have to be the only reason, brat.”  
“Then I’ll ask again, un. Why would you reminding me of your birthday be burden-”  
“I fucking care about your happiness, alright?!?!” Sasori screamed, watching as the blonde’s face became waved over in shock. His cerulean footballs turned into discs as they stared, unblinking, back at him.  
Shit.  
How the hell was he supposed to explain that one?  
“I-” the blonde started to speak.  
“Out of the few people I still converse with in my life,” Sasori interrupted, staring down at the pancakes in near shame, “and out of the three weeks I’ve only known you, I consider you one of the closest people I have. It may not seem like you’ve done anything for me, but you have. And because of that, I want you to be happy, even if that means you making plans on my birthday. I’d much rather see you happy going on a date than be miserable because you felt obligated to celebrate my turning another year older.”  
In a roundabout way, he basically just told Deidara exactly how it felt. He did consider Deidara to be one of the closest people he knew, if not the closest one.  
That’s why he loved him and was in love with him.  
He waited for Deidara’s response, not really sure if he wanted to hear it or not.  
His roommate took a deep breath and leaned on his elbows against the counter, giving the redhead a warm smile. “And because of that, celebrating your birthday is more important, un. I’m not going on a date tonight. I’m going to celebrate my roommate’s birthday, un.”  
“But what are we-?”  
“Hurry up and eat and get ready, un!” Deidara turned off the stove, placed the dirty dishes in the washer, and headed towards the stairs with a, “We have a busy day ahead of us!”  
With that, he sprinted up the stairs and back into his room, leaving Sasori to gaze at the closed door in shock.  
A tiny grin quirked at the edges of his mouth as he started eating.   
He wondered what his brat had in store for him.

“Why are we here, brat?”  
“Danna, you said you love art, right, un?”  
“I mean, I did but – why are you suddenly calling me ‘Danna’?” Sasori gazed at Deidara, immense curiosity marring his face. “I know it was an accident in the first time, but why are you now saying it all the time?”  
“’Danna’ can mean either ‘husband’ or ‘master’ in Japanese, un,” the blonde explained, not looking at the redhead. “Or, in other words, it’s meant to be used as a highly respectable name, and I respect you a lot, Sasori no Danna. That’s why I’m calling you that, un.”  
“Is that going to become a normal thing for you?”  
“It just might, un. Unless it annoys you.”  
Sasori chuckled. “It doesn’t bother me, brat.”  
“Then I’ll continue calling you that.”  
“So anyways,” the redhead swiveled his view up towards the building in front of them, staring at the façade, “why did you take me to an art museum again?”  
“You said you like art, right, un?”  
“Again, yes I did say that, but I’ve been to this one before, so I know all the exhibits,” Sasori explained. The art museum looked just like it had when he had gone back when he was 12.  
The city was known for creating the most modern buildings in the world, and that meant that old buildings were quickly renovated to look and match the modern-esque feel of the rest of the town.  
The art museum was no exception.  
Reaching six stories into the sky, the black metal framework wrapped and hugged around the giant windows that covered the four walls of the building. The early morning sun glinted off the shiny surface, sending shards of light against the paved sidewalks and its pedestrians. It was also situated right near the city’s harbor, which was bustling with yachts and fishing boats, the smell of dead fish blanketing the air, making Sasori’s nose scrunch up in disgust.  
“Okay, so when was the last time you came here, un?”  
“When I was 12.”  
“And you don’t think it’s changed since then, un?”  
“Quite possibly, but I wouldn’t know.”  
“Well, you’re about to know now, un!” Suddenly, Deidara had a vise-like grip on Sasori’s wrist and was pulling him towards the rotating glass door, one of many that lined the front entrance. Walking through, the foyer’s ceiling reached high, homing an abstract piece of art that stretched as long as two school buses and as wide as half a football stadium. The redhead gazed up at it in awe, clearly remembering that piece not being there the last time he had gone.   
“Still think it’s the same, un?”  
“Pfft, brat, you think one sculpture is going to shock me?” the older male crossed his arms over his chest, challenging his roommate, who simply placed his index finger against his chin and began tapping it, pondering. “I didn’t want to go there, but I guess we’ll have to, to get you to crack, un.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“It’s the newest exhibit that they just opened up, un,” the younger male explained. “It’s on the second floor, near the back. I think it’s something that you’ll love, un.”  
“And why do you think that, brat?”  
Deidara stopped walking to look over his shoulder, his smile sending Sasori’s heart racing.  
“You create realistic-looking puppets, yeah, Sasori no Danna, un?”  
“Yeah, why?”  
His roommate gave a tiny laugh.  
“Just follow me, un.”


	12. For the Love of Puppetry and Five Million Wishes

The next level was just as breathtaking as the first. The windows that flew towards the ceiling below extended and reached above, yet again, the sun casting warm rays against the polished wood flooring that housed a sculpture the size of a charter bus, the slim framework ending in spiked tendrils. Paintings of modern art lined the outside perimeter of the room, the beige, stucco support beams also housing a few pieces.   
Sasori was in heaven.  
Art had been his passion his entire life, even before his parents died. Something about the random splashes of color, the perfect edges of straight lines, the intricacy in one professional drawing, put him at ease, yet also at wonder with the talent that chose to reveal itself to the world.  
“I don’t see how this pertains to my creating realistic-looking puppets,” Sasori exclaimed, looking at Deidara.  
The blonde gazed back at him. “It’s in the back of this level, un.”  
Without explanation, he started moving down the room, heading towards the back, the redhead following in close pursuit.  
Sasori hadn’t a clue as to what his roommate was actually going to show him. He knew it had to deal with puppets; that much was for certain. But he knew that this particular type of museum wasn’t too fond of sharing the art of puppetry, so anything relating to them in the building would astound the older male.  
Suddenly, they reached a dark cherry wood door delicately placed along the back wall, its gold-plated knob shining under the bright, fluorescent lighting. When Deidara reached forward, Sasori captured the younger male’s outstretched wrist. “Are we allowed to go in there?”  
“Is there a sign around it that says we can’t, un?”  
“Well, no, but-”  
“Sasori no Danna, you worry too much, un,” the blonde smirked rather mischievously at him before turning the knob and throwing open the door. Feeling a slight blush beginning to form on his cheeks from hearing the nickname used so playfully, Sasori cursed under his breath as he followed his roommate into the room.   
The first thing the redhead noticed was a small marionette doll. Hanging from the familiar strings, the porcelain skin shined under the bright lighting overhead, its realistic-looking black hair contrasting with the set of sparkling blue eyes painted on the white face. The Victorian-style dress it was wearing looked to be handmade with fine red and purple silk, the gold trimming delicately sewn on as well.  
It was perfection.  
Tearing his amber gaze away, Sasori suddenly saw that the entire room was filled with puppets; yet all of them were the marionette ones he, himself, made when he had free time. There were small dolls, medium dolls, dolls that were life-sized and dolls that could fit in someone’s hand.   
And each and every one of them was made to the perfect epitome of art.  
Letting his fingers graze a doll with a black silk suit on, he smiled. “They’re beautiful.”  
“I figured you’d like them, un,” Deidara explained from his spot over by the now closed door. He smirked in obvious signs of achievement. “With all those puppet parts you have.”  
“I’m surprised this museum even has an exhibit for them,” the redhead exclaimed. “Puppets aren’t exactly people pleasers for most.”  
“That’s why the exhibit hasn’t opened yet, un,” the blonde said. The puppeteer turned his head to look at his roommate. “So how did you-?”  
“I have an ‘in’ with the art director that runs this museum, un,” the younger male explained, the smirk turning into a wide grin. “Family friends with my father. All I had to do was ask to see the exhibit, un.”  
“That’s…amazing.”  
‘You’re amazing’ is what Sasori really wanted to say. He knew Deidara hated puppets; he hated them with a burning passion. Something about their realism scared the shit out of him. Ever since his encounter with them when they had first both moved into the apartment together, he had asked Sasori to keep them out of sight.  
Yet…here he was, standing right in the middle of a soon-to-be opening puppet exhibit, a surprisingly calm demeanor etching his aura. Noticing, the older male smirked. “I’m surprised you’re not pissing yourself yet, brat. Thought you hated puppets.”  
“I do, un. They still give me the creeps,” he shrugged his shoulders. “But it’s Danna’s birthday, so I figured I could make an exception, un.”  
Feeling his cheeks begin to flush, Sasori whipped his head over to a certain doll that had captured his attention earlier.   
It was a life-sized marionette doll, about a foot shorter than he was. Its skin was still the same porcelain white, but what was standing out to him was the long, flowing blonde locks stitched into the head. They ran in golden waves down to the doll’s elbows, popping against the red dress that was being worn. The doll had deep blue eyes, yet one of them was nearly covered by the golden river framing the face, almost like –   
“The damn art director told me that one looked like me, un,” Deidara remarked, slight disgust rounding his voice. “I don’t know why, though. I’m not a female, un.”  
Hearing the words but choosing not to acknowledge them, Sasori gazed into the expressionless blue orbs in front of him, pretending they were his roommate’s.  
Cerulean blue, with white and purple specs circling around the pupils.  
Concentrating harder, the doll’s face suddenly morphed. Blinking, he watched the porcelain white start to be invaded with color, the eyes start to grow a light behind them, and white lips become pinker with each passing second.  
And before he knew it, he was staring into the eyes of his roommate. The surroundings changed as well. Instead of being in the exhibit, they were back at the apartment, more specifically, Sasori’s room. He was hovering over the younger male, staring into a pair of eyes glazed over with lust and desire, the cerulean blue turning a near indigo. Through a half-lidded gaze, he reached his arms up, wrapping them around the older male’s neck, breathy moans escaping his mouth as they continued to rock against the silk bed sheets covering the circular mattress. “Ha, D-Danna – mm, I can’t – ah! – I can’t h-hold on much l-longer, un.”  
“You’re still able to talk, brat?” Sasori asked through gasping breaths, picking up his speed. He must’ve hit something inside the blonde, because immediately after, said male threw his head back as a near scream shot itself into the air as his body suddenly convulsed and shivered for a few seconds. Sasori didn’t give him time to recover before he was suddenly thrusting against that same spot again, driving deeper and harder each time.  
“F-Fuck – AH!” Deidara’s voice was finally lost in the screams and cries that were filling the room and dancing against the older male’s eardrums. Body unconsciously beginning to buck in an attempt to meet each thrust, he began to scream the beloved puppeteer’s name.  
“Sasori!”  
“Louder.”  
“Sasori!!”  
“Louder.”  
“I – ahh – I c-can’t…f-fu…AH! SASORI!!!!”  
“SASORI, UN!”  
Blinking rapidly, the redhead awoke from his daydream, gaze returning to the porcelain face of the marionette doll, glad his growing erection began subsiding on its own. He shook his head as he heard his name being called again. “What is it?”  
“Geez, I called your name, like, five times, un,” Deidara was now standing beside him, concern lining his smooth face. “Everything okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” the redhead exclaimed, running a hand through the blonde waves.  
They even felt like the brat’s hair.  
“I guess I can admit that this one, specifically, is nice, un,” the blonde went on. “Whoever created it put time in.”  
“All artists do that, don’t they?” Sasori asked, giving his roommate an incredulous stare. “Put time into their work to make it eternal?”  
“You think art is eternal, un?”  
“Well yeah, don’t all-?”  
He was cut off by the tiny chuckle emanating from the blonde’s lips. He furrowed his brows in curiosity. “What is it, brat?”  
“Nothing, it’s just…I find it hard to believe you find art eternal, Danna, un.”  
“You don’t believe art is eternal?”  
“Nope, un.”   
“…So what do you think art is, then?”  
“Art is fleeting, un.”  
“Brat, do you really believe that?!” Sasori asked through bouts of laughter. He threw his head back and cackled for a solid 10 seconds before calming himself down long enough to continue. “Please enlighten me as to why you think art is fleeting.”  
“If I could make my clay sculptures explode, I would, un,” the sculptor began. “Art is fleeting, in that it is beautiful in that one perfect moment of transience.”  
“Then why do art museums like the Louvre in Paris hold paintings like the Mona Lisa, which has withstood the test of time as being one of the single greatest and most popular art pieces in history?”  
“Then that isn’t art,” Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. “Look at life like art, un. None of us on this planet will survive forever. Our time on this planet is brief and fleeting, but if we live it right, we will have made our short time here beautiful and as perfect as we can possibly make it, un. That’s why art is fleeting.”  
“Brat your logic is all sorts of messed up,” Sasori raised his hand and ruffled the taller male’s hair playfully, earning a slight grunt of annoyance from the latter. He smiled. “Is there anything that you can call art that’s eternal?”  
Deidara pondered the question, if only for a few seconds, before answering. “I’ll admit it: there is one, un.”  
“And that is?”  
“Love, un. To me, it never dies.”  
The redhead smiled widely. “Good answer, brat.”  
Watching the blonde give a wide-toothed grin, the puppeteer wasn’t surprised by the giant tug on his heartstrings.  
Guess even he, himself, had fallen victim to the art of puppetry.  
He was finally being controlled by love.

 

“Deidara, where are you taking me?” Sasori tried to pry the hands off that were covering his eyes.  
“No peeking, Sasori no Danna, un!” the grip on his face only tightened.  
“Brat, just tell me where you’re taking me?!”  
“That’ll ruin the surprise!”   
Night had fallen across the city, as well as nearing a close on the redhead’s birthday.  
But his day had been jam-packed with stuff.  
After leaving the art museum, Deidara had taken them to a restaurant Sasori hadn’t been to since he was young. The only reason he had even remembered going there so long ago was because of the old wooden sign hanging over the door that had read The Green Lantern. He also had remembered that the diner was known for its four-leaf clover cookies that turned his lips and tongue green, which he happily ordered before leaving.  
After that, they had just wondered about the city, exploring different attractions and visiting places Sasori hadn’t been to in years.   
Yet, for Deidara, it had been new.  
Through their mutual friends, Deidara had managed to find each and every place that had seemed to incorporate itself into the redhead’s life, even finding some that said male had forgotten about.  
And just earlier, Deidara had hailed a cab to take them out into the suburbs.  
“Why are we going out here?” Sasori had asked, watching the city quickly transform into actual houses.  
“I have a surprise for you, un.”  
The sky had finally grown dark, the moon in the phase where it’s completely invisible to the naked eye.  
Without warning, the taxi had stopped next to what looked like a forest. Deidara had unbuckled himself and opened the door wide, smiling at the redhead. “Close your eyes, un.”  
“Why? Why did we stop next to a forest?” even though he had been questioning, he released his seatbelt, nonetheless. Rolling his eyes, the blonde had shaken his head. “I told you, un; it’s a surprise.”  
“Brat, just tell me why-”  
“Close your eyes or I will tell this taxi to turn back around, un,” the younger male had threatened, a mix between playful and seriousness. The older male had blinked for a few seconds, and then had sighed in defeat, closing his eyes. “Alright, fine.”  
Now, here he was, almost tripping over what felt like a tree branch as Deidara kept his hands over his eyes in an attempt to keep him from seeing whatever it was he didn’t want him to see.   
“Are we there yet, brat?”  
“Almost, un. Watch your step.”  
“If you didn’t have your damn hands over my eyes, I wouldn’t have to – OW! God DAMMIT!”  
“I told you to watch your step, un.”  
“You’re not helping, Deidara.”  
“Would you relax, un?”  
“Dammit, no, I won’t fucking relax until I know the safety of my life isn’t at risk anymore!” a stream of profanity escaped his lips, once again, as he tripped over another branch.  
The brat really did want to kill him.  
They walked in silence for a few minutes, Sasori’s patience wearing thinner by the second. Once he stopped feeling branches catching on the material of his jeans, he spoke up. “Okay, brat, we better be there or I swear I’ll scream. We’ve been walking through this forest for the last hour and-”  
“It’s only been 15 minutes, un.”  
“And I keep tripping over every damn tree branch cause you insist on keeping my eyes covered and-”  
“Sasori, un.”  
“Doing so, I could die in the process of you showing me this ‘surprise’ and-”  
“SASORI, UN!!!”  
“What?!”  
“Open your eyes, un,” came the response. Confused, Sasori crinkled his closed eyes, noticing that Deidara’s hands were finally gone. Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened them.  
The first thing he noticed was that they were in a field, the edge of the forest behind them. His ears picked up the whistling of the cold wind snaking its way through the bare branches of the trees and waving through the thistles of grass. Far up ahead on a hill stood an evergreen tree, proud and tall. His nose picked up clean air. Air that was only filled with the smells of nature, not the scents of other people, a sewage system, exhaust from cars, etc. What he was smelling was air that hadn’t been touched by the ways of humanity.  
And he loved it.  
Yet that wasn’t what he was staring at anymore.  
He was staring at the sky.  
What normally only housed five or six stars now housed over what looked like five or six million. Not one area of the dark abyss was bare; every place was taken up with stars. The shining, jeweled specs lit up the night so powerfully, Sasori wondered why he was never able to see them in the city.  
“The city lights are always too bright to actually see these, un,” Deidara explained, reading the redhead’s mind.  
His vision was overtaken by the numerous specs of dazzling light. Walking forward, his eyes didn’t leave them.   
There are so many, he thought, mouth gaping. He continued striding through the grass, not even aware of the younger male following close behind, watching the reaction with a wide grin.   
Without warning, Sasori laid down, facing towards the sky as he did so. By doing this, even his peripheral was taken up by the azure. It felt like he was floating in a light-speckled space and all he had to do was reach out and he could grasp one of those lights tightly in his hand, shining through his fingers, hot and sharp. And when he closed his eyes, letting himself feel the wind run over his skin in sheets, it felt like he was rocking against calm waves.  
He opened his eyes again as he felt a presence lay next to him. He turned his head to see Deidara staring up at the sky as well, blue orbs reflecting the beauty, just like in the redhead’s dream that morning. “Beautiful, isn’t it, un?”  
“How did you know about this place?”  
“This field isn’t far from my house, un,” the blonde explained. “I discovered it one day and it’s been my getaway ever since. When I was still in high school, I would come here when I felt overwhelmed and was about to explode from the stress, un. Something about lying under the stars calmed me enough to know I would make it through whatever stressful event I was facing.”  
“I’ve never seen so many stars before,” Sasori murmured, hoping his roommate didn’t hear him.  
“I know, un. Pein and I had a conversation about it.”  
Guess he had heard him.  
“What did my devil of a best friend tell you?”  
“That you’ve grown up in the city your entire life,” Deidara turned his head to gaze into the amber orbs staring back. “And that one of your biggest dreams was to see a sky full of stars, un. Since it’s your birthday, I wanted to make that wish come true.”  
“You care too much about me, brat,” even though he was extremely happy to know that the blonde cared about him, it felt weird.  
He wasn’t used to being cared about so much before.  
“Why is it such a problem for me to care about you, un?”  
“There are a lot of reasons, Deidara,” the redhead replied tersely. They stayed quiet for a few seconds, staring at each other until the younger male broke the silence.  
“What are you not telling me, Sasori no Danna, un?”  
“And what are you not telling me, brat?”  
No…don’t do it.  
“What are you talking about, un?”  
Don’t say another word.  
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”  
Shut up right now.  
“Danna, I seriously don’t, un.”  
You’ll regret it.  
“Don’t act dumb with me, brat!”  
You’ll hate yourself.  
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, UN!”  
Do. Not. Say. It.  
“WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THOSE DAMN PRESCRIPTION PILLS OF YOURS?!?!?” Sasori finally screamed, despite his inner monologue begging him not to. Letting the words sink in, Deidara blinked while a mix between an embarrassed/shock look overtook his face. “W-What are you talking about, un?”  
“Those goddamn pills called Disulfiram and Remeron!” the older male explained. “What the hell are you doing with those?!”  
Deidara’s demeanor suddenly changed to that of someone who had just been slapped across the face for causing trouble. And within his eyes, Sasori saw something switch in the blonde, and he suddenly looked about ready to cave in on himself and disappear into the ground.  
Shit…you really fucked up, Sasori.  
Good for you.  
Hesitantly, he extended his hand until he placed it gingerly on the side of the sculptor’s face, noting that the latter was now trembling.   
Deidara gazed with near soulless eyes into the amber ones laced with sorrow.  
“I think it’s about time we tell each other everything.”  
“…Un.”


	13. Whiskey-Filled Secrets and Touches

They made the journey back to the apartment in silence, neither wanting to, or not knowing what to, say to the other. For Deidara, he was more than enough embarrassed.  
How the hell did Sasori find those pills?  
He made sure they never came out of his bag until he was safely in his own room.  
As he stared unenthusiastically out the stained back window of the taxi cab, he racked his brain for any signs of negligence he may have had that tipped his roommate off about his ‘situation’.  
And then it hit him…  
Remembering when he had left his bag down in the living room the night before, he cursed under his breath.  
Great…now he’ll have to explain everything.  
Tentatively turning his head to look at the redhead, he noticed that he, too, was staring out the window, quite possibly doing the same as he was; in trying to avoid as much communication with him as possible until they were safely back in their home.  
He didn’t know exactly when he began calling the penthouse ‘home’. All he knew was that, whenever he stepped through the entrance door, he felt ‘at home’ and ‘right’.  
He wondered if his roommate felt the same way…

 

Once they got back, they paid the cab driver, who tipped his hat in gratitude and joined the never-ending throng of evening traffic in the city, and they quietly made their way into the building and into the elevator. Even as they rode the elevator, neither said a word, not even when they exited the metal box, not even when they unlocked the door and walked into the penthouse, and not even when they unconsciously moved to the kitchen through the living room.  
It wasn’t until Deidara had sat down, Sasori had reached into a cupboard and extracted an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels, and had joined the younger male at the island and placed the whiskey between them that the silence was finally broken.  
“Sasori, I don’t drink, un,” came the hesitant response from the sculptor.  
“Why?” the older male asked, rather annoyed. Deidara winced at the harshness of the tone. “I just don’t, un.”  
“Does it have to do with the Disulfiram?”  
“Danna, please, I don’t want-”  
“You don’t want to tell me?” Sasori finished the sentence, but ended it with a question. Deidara blinked for a few seconds. “…I don’t know, un.”  
Silence.  
Sighing, the redhead uncapped the whiskey bottle and took a long sip, allowing the golden liquid to run down his throat and land harshly in his stomach. “Well, I guess I’ll start then.”  
“What are you talk-”  
“As Pein told you, I grew up in the city my entire life,” Sasori began, staring at the granite countertop. “I was born by an impregnated teenage girl. My mother had me her senior year of high school, forcing her boyfriend, the one who got her pregnant, to marry her and help take care of me. Because of both of them only graduating high school, they had to go after their GEDs. Yet that didn’t help much in obtaining jobs that paid enough to live comfortably. Even the hospital I was born in was inside the city. With not having enough money, my parents couldn’t afford to live in an actual house; we had to stick with apartments situated in the bad parts of the town.   
Unfortunately, we moved around a lot. Because of this, I didn’t make many friends and stuck to myself most of the time whenever I was forced to transfer to a new school. Even through all of that, I still loved my parents. Except until my father began a relationship with alcohol. In high school, he drank, but so did my mom until she found out she was pregnant. Sadly, the stress of constantly moving and having to find new jobs deemed too stressful for my father. So, he took to drinking alcohol as an escape. And because of that, he became violent, aggressive, and would hit my mother and I out of drunken anger. I was too young at the time to do anything about it.   
However, my time with my parents was cut short,” he paused momentarily to take another swig of whiskey. “A few months after I turned 8, my parents died in a car accident. Since my mom came from a family who thought sex before marriage was a sin, they didn’t want anything to do with me, while on my dad’s side, I barely had any relatives at all. I was close to being placed in an orphanage until my grandmother on my dad’s side suddenly appeared and took me in. Even though she cared and loved me as much as she could, I just couldn’t get over the fact that my parents were gone. Every day, I would see little kids holding their parents’ hand, and if they were to fall, the father would pick them up and console them while the mother placed healing kisses on their scratched palms. All the while I stood there, watching, wishing I had my parents.   
I grew up with my grandmother taking care of me for most of my life. She was the only one who supported me; everyone else thought I would amount to nothing because I didn’t have actual parents. It was awkward when it would be my grandmother showing up to Parent/Teacher conferences in middle school instead of my mom and dad. But that was my life; yet even with my grandmother’s love, I still felt alone. Mostly because I was alone.”  
Another swig of the golden liquid.  
“Even at age 10, I realized that, outside of my grandma, I was alone. My family on my mom’s side looked at me as if I was a sin and not an actual human being. There were barely any relatives on my dad’s side, so calling them was worthless. And, like I said before, because I transferred schools numerous times before my parents died, I was used to isolating myself. So even when kids went up to talk to me, I barely spoke a word. The only reason Pein is my best friend was because he was so persistent in trying to get me to talk.   
In high school, the isolating only grew. I was considered an ‘outsider’, so no one really talked to me. But I was fine with that; I was used to being alone. Plus, I also had my puppets.”  
Another swig.  
“Danna, you’re drinking too fa-”  
“I started creating puppets shortly after my parents died,” Sasori chose to ignore the blonde. He was already on a roll and didn’t feel like stopping any time soon. He took another, longer swig for emphasis. “The puppets, to me, acted as my companions when no one else wanted to be. In high school, somehow the knowledge of my puppet-making got around, and I became the sufferer of ‘bullying’. In all honesty, I wouldn’t call it bullying; it was more or less people making fun of others because their own lives were boring and miserable.  
Despite the negativity that surrounded my life, I chose not to give up. Despite people telling me that I would amount to nothing, I chose to prove them wrong by allowing myself to continue and move ahead. I graduated high school and then went to the local college where I worked at becoming a computer programmer. I was hired as an intern at the company I work at now back when I started my sophomore year, and once I graduated, they offered me a position with a starting salary of $150,000. I’ve been working there ever since. But I chose to allow myself to accept the doubters and haters by conforming to their ideas of an ‘outsider’ who ‘would never amount to anything.’”  
“So that’s why you got all those piercings, un?” Deidara asked curiously. The redhead only nodded before taking another long swig.  
It was almost already three-fourths of the way done.  
“I started out with the snake bites, then moved to the others,” he explained. “The tongue piercing was the most recent, but that was over a year ago. I haven’t pierced anything else since. But by doing that, I conformed to what everyone saw me as: a punk kid who would never go anywhere in life. And if I can beg to defer, I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job.”  
“So why did you do that, un?” the sculptor asked. “Conform to the stereotypes, I mean?”  
“I get a sick rise out of watching people think one way about me while I know, for myself, that I’m not.”  
They stayed in comfortable silence for quite some time.   
Well…at least it was comfortable for Sasori.  
He had no idea how the blonde was taking in all the new information.   
But for Sasori he felt…lighter, freer. The only other person in his entire life he had told that story to was Pein, but even then, he had had some difficulty in speaking.   
But with Deidara, it had been easy. Maybe it was the mix of whiskey playing a part, but he hadn’t felt awkward or weird talking about his past.   
Maybe it was because he was in love with the brat.  
Either way, he had told his life-story.  
And he was honest to God hoping the blonde would do the same.

 

Staring rather shockingly at the redhead, Deidara wasn’t sure how to take it. Yes, he was incredibly happy that Sasori had finally opened up, and yes, you could even say he was relieved he finally did, but he definitely wasn’t expecting a story quite like that.  
He had thought the puppeteer had gotten those piercings just for the hell of it.  
No…he had gotten them to prove a point.  
Not only to others, but to himself, also.  
Letting his gaze fall upon the now half-empty bottle of golden liquid, he shot his hand out and took it from the older male, pausing a moment before tipping the mouth towards his lips.  
The burning sensation on his throat brought good, and very bad, memories.  
Memories that he was finally going to share.  
He slowly set the bottle down, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began:  
“The story as to why I even have those pills invites a whole conversation about my past, un. I was born into a family of wealth, especially on my mom’s side. Unfortunately, my mother wasn’t too fond of her privileged past, and chose to ignore them as much as she could, un. But we lived comfortably, my parents and I. We never had to move, was never fired from a job…we lived…well, un. I’ve grown up in the suburbs my entire life. Throughout middle school and high school, I was the person that everyone knew, un. You could say I was even popular.  
I was the one to bring the parties alive and I was the only one people listened to when a party needed to be killed, un. I was a good student as well; making straight A’s most of the time and making the Honor Roll each semester in high school, un. Everything was going perfect until my father suddenly changed his entire outlook on my future.”  
To emphasize the seriousness of it, he took a near chug of the whiskey, his old habits trying to break through the walls he had built up around them.  
“My father slowly became obsessed with my future, in the hopes of making sure I was successful, un. By doing so, he forced school down my throat. Didn’t allow me to try out for any sports, didn’t allow me to join any clubs; it was just school, school, and more school, un. By the time I was a junior, all I was taking was AP classes, and once I became a senior, even when I was done with normal high school, I was taking about four night classes a week at the community college. One could easily see that the stress that was being placed on me would eventually get me to crack, un. And I cracked hard.”  
Another long chug.  
“The stress my father put on me carried over into my actual college years. I was constantly stressed and was getting, at most, four hours of sleep a night, un. So…I did what every person did when stressed; I drank. A lot, un. Every Friday and Saturday night, I could be found drunk or passed out at a party. I was hooking up with Sorority girls, taking shots until I blacked out, I was a mess, un. Yet, I somehow maintained high grades and made the Dean’s List every semester and made Honor’s each year.   
But my drinking grew worse, un. I slowly started drinking every night, even when I was supposed to be studying. I would even bring a water bottle full of vodka with me to class in order to keep me awake long enough to take notes, un. I knew that wasn’t the brightest decision, but I did it anyways. I drank and I drank and I drank, un. And with all that drinking, I was eventually going to hit rock bottom, which happened at the big graduation party at the end of my senior year. I had been accepted into Grad School, was on my way in life, so I wanted to party, un.  
That night, I drank enough to make over 20 people drunk. I was drinking so much, from hard liquor, to beer, to whiskey, to margaritas, un. But I didn’t care; I was past drunk and loving it. I remember taking one more shot of straight vodka when the world suddenly blacked out, un. I woke up to find myself in a hospital bed with my stomach feeling like it had been blown up and then sucked dry. My parents were there, along with a doctor who told me I had died from alcohol poisoning, but they were able to revive me, un.”  
“You…died?” shock rang clear as day in the older male’s voice. Deidara nodded his head in approval. “I was told I was dead for a solid 20 minutes, un. But I don’t remember seeing a bright light or feeling a warmth. I just felt heavy and only saw black, un. Once I recovered from my incident, I was immediately taken to a rehabilitation facility to help with my addiction to alcohol. I was embarrassed, un; I was a good student turned alcoholic. I never even called Hidan to tell him what happened, un. The only people who know about it, to this day, are my family. And now you.”  
Another long swig.  
“As part of my treatment plan, I was given Disulfiram, un. I would assume you read up on it, so I won’t go into great detail other than telling you it is a bitch. Not even after ten minutes of taking it, if you drink alcohol, it will feel like you have the worst hangover on the planet, un. When I first started taking it, I was still drinking alcohol, but I would find myself quickly running to the bathroom and throwing it back up not five minutes later and grabbing Ibuprofen because it felt like someone was banging on my head with a hammer. The whole point of that pill is to get you to stop drinking, which it did for me. But because of all this treatment, I barely saw anyone, un. And because of that, I slowly became depressed.  
“My parents, especially my dad, were furious at me for even committing such a horrible act on myself, un. My best friend hadn’t a clue as to what had happened to me. I was all alone, un. I fell hard into serious depression and, even with taking the Disulfiram, I was still drinking, which was a depressant. And with the mix of the psychological depression, it was a lethal combination, un.”  
He finished off the whiskey and set the bottle down with a loud clang.  
“I felt I was losing control of my life, so I did what I could do to bring control back: I began cutting myself. Only tiny cuts here and there on the inside of my legs and arms, un. I did it in places where no one would see. I didn’t want anyone to see, un. I was embarrassed that I had dropped so low when I was meant for the high road. The only reason my cutting was revealed was because my treatment doctor caught sight of them at a check-in, un. Almost immediately, they took me to see a psychologist, and after a while of interviewing and scanning, declared that I was severely depressed. So, I was prescribed Remeron to help treat the depression, along with a higher dosage of Disulfiram, un. Now, I don’t have to take a Disulfiram every day, but I do with the Remeron, since I’m still dealing with depression. And now you know my life story, un.”  
Deidara looked up to see Sasori staring wide-eyed at him. He couldn’t help it, but a tiny smirk erupted on his face. “You surprised, un?”  
“Surprised?! W-what else do you think I’m supposed to be?!” the redhead exclaimed, flustered. “I mean, you fucking died Deidara and I’m just now finding this out?!”  
“It’s not something I like to talk about, un!” the blonde yelled back, feeling his head slightly rock from the whiskey. He shook his head.  
But he wanted more to drink.   
He sighed, holding up the empty bottle. “You got anymore bott-?”  
“I guess I have one last thing to say, then,” Sasori suddenly interjected. He fidgeted in his chair and the younger male noted that he seemed nervous. He quirked an eyebrow. “What is it, un?”  
“Promise you won’t look at me differently after I tell you.”  
“Danna, what the hell are you talking about, un?”  
“Do you promise?”  
“I…I promise, un.”  
“Alright,” the older male heaved a deep sigh, ran his hands over his thighs, and started. “In high school, some of the words people would say to me were ‘fag’, ‘queer’, and ‘flamer’.”  
“W-why would they-?”  
“It’s because I’m gay,” Sasori gazed up with his amber eyes to a pair of unblinking blue ones.  
“What, un?”  
“I’m gay, Deidara,” he said, matter-of-factly.  
Why was he making that such a big deal?   
Hell, his best friend was gay!  
“Okay, but I don’t see why you would worry about whether I would-”  
“And I’m in love.”  
Deidara’s eyebrows scrunched together.  
If he was gay…who was he in love with?  
Was it someone at his work?  
Was it Pein?  
Was it Itachi?  
Who the hell could he possibly be in love-?  
“With you.”  
…Oh shit.

 

If Sasori had wanted to break the ice, he was definitely swimming in the water now.  
Or drowning, depending on where the whole situation went.  
“With you.”  
He was definitely expecting the reaction he was getting: mouth slightly open in shock, eyes wide, with not a word drifting past those damn kissable lips.   
So, he continued.  
“I’ve been in love with you for the past two weeks. And I know that may seem crazy, because we really have only lived together for the past month and a half now, but I’ll admit it when I say that I have been attracted to you since the first day we accidentally ran into each other in the café. You never left my mind after that.”  
Hesitantly looking over to see the blonde still giving the same expression, Sasori felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment.  
Why the hell had he said anything?!  
Congratulations, you just ruined everything, dumbass.  
Shaking his head as tears began to form in his eyes, he stuffed his face in his hands. “God dammit, this was not how I planned on telling you. Please, please, Deidara, don’t turn and run away, please don’t-”  
“Danna, un.”  
Hearing the eerily calm voice, he whipped his head up to find two more bottles of unopened Jacks in his face, a contentedly smiling blonde standing above him.   
“Let’s have ourselves some drinks, un.”

 

By the time the last bottle had been finished, both males were far past the point of being drunk. Deidara couldn’t stop giggling at every sound that came out of his mouth, while Sasori just continued to stare at him with a bemused expression. Noticing that, the blonde blushed slightly. “Stop staring at me, Danna, un.”  
“Am I not allowed to?”  
“Well why are you, un?”  
“You’re acting like an idiot,” the older male laughed. He threw his head back and cackled as the younger male tried standing, but was too drunk, so he immediately tumbled back into the chair. Regaining his composure, the redhead smiled. “I take it you didn’t take a Disulfiram today?”  
“Wasn’t expecting to get drunk tonight, un,” the blonde explained, squinting at the Jack bottle as if trying to read the script on the black paper. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a drink.”  
“Have you missed it?”  
“Not really, un,” he placed the bottle on the countertop, next to the other two empty ones. “It feels weird not to be in control as much.”  
“I know the feeling. It’s been forever since I’ve been this drunk.”  
“Hey Danna, un?”  
“Yes?”  
“Have you enjoyed your birthday, un?”  
“Of course, brat. Why are you asking?”  
“Just wondering, un.”  
“Okay.”  
“Hey Danna, un?”  
“What?”  
“Have you enjoyed your birthday, un?”  
“You’ve already asked me that.”  
“Oh…hey Danna, un?”  
“What?!”  
What made you fall in love with me?”  
“Why are you asking?” slightly surprised. Sasori knew he had multiple reasons why he had fallen in love with Deidara, but he believed the brat was too far drunk to actually give a damn what he said.  
So he decided to have a little fun with it.  
He gave the blonde a seductive smirk. “You interested in finding out?”  
Beginning to laugh at the red flush invading Deidara’s cheeks, he watched with an amused gaze as the latter tried to comeback. “N-no I’m not interested in finding out, Sasori no Danna, un! I was just curious, is all and you-”  
In his little fit of rage and embarrassment, the sculptor had swung his left arm out wide, barely comprehending that he had hit the empty bottles of whiskey until they began falling towards the ground.   
Even in their drunken states, both males were quick to chase after them, diving at the same time in an effort to catch the bottles before they broke. In a matter of seconds, the two were on the wooden floor, Sasori gripping two, Deidara holding one, both staring at them.   
“I-I’m sorry, Danna, un.”  
“Brat, you need to be careful.”  
They looked up at each other at the same time.  
And both paused before they could even start their next sentences.  
Their faces were close…so incredibly close.  
Sasori gazed into those familiar blue eyes, noticing the white and purple specs within. His heart was hammering against his chest, whether it was from the alcohol or the closeness of his roommate, he couldn’t tell.  
“U-Uh…”  
Questioning.  
Sasori let his mind go blank.   
“U-um…”  
Nervousness.  
He let his body and heart take control.  
“D…”  
Don’t say it.  
He placed the bottles gently on the ground.  
“Dan…”  
Don’t say it.  
He gingerly cupped the younger male’s face.  
They stared at each other for a few more seconds.  
Don’t say it.  
“Un…”  
Do. Not. Say. It.  
“Danna~?”  
Pleading.  
He closed his eyes and leaned forward, his lips coming into contact.  
The kiss started as soft; it wasn’t needy, it wasn’t pushing.  
It was exploring…waiting…anticipating.  
And then it suddenly grew fiercer, became deeper. As a quiet moan slipped from the younger male’s throat, Sasori took the opportunity and slipped his tongue into the hot mouth, tasting the sweet flavor. Deidara let another moan slip through his lips and into the air, sounding like music to the older male’s ears. The redhead growled low in his throat at the sensation of his tongue piercing clicking against the other’s perfect white teeth, pulling the blonde closer as the latter gave yet another shuddering moan.  
Damn the brat was loud.  
But God were those moans a turn on.   
Thinking that, he placed his tongue against the other’s, massaging it gently, hoping the latter would understand. As soon as the wet appendage met his own, he groaned an approval.  
Tongues clashed in a battle of dominance, hands ached to touch but kept to holding onto hair.  
Electric sparks were running through Sasori’s veins, speeding up the racing of his heart. It pounded painfully against his chest, coursing blood through his body and to certain regions down below which were getting excited by the now growing in volume delectable sounds escaping the younger male.  
He couldn’t believe it.  
He was finally kissing the brat that he had fallen in love with.  
And he was kissing him back!  
In an effort to win, he gripped the golden locks in his hands hard, pulling roughly on the follicles until Deidara gave a slight cry of semi-pain. After that, the blonde submitted.  
But he definitely did something that surprised Sasori.  
Before he knew it, the sculptor was gripping the back of his neck tightly and yanked him forward, the forcing sending the former flying back. Flying until his back slammed against the cold, wooden floor, pulling the redhead down for another tongue-clashing kiss.  
“D-Danna…ah…m-more,” he mewled softly in between breaths. Sasori felt the blonde’s hands travel down to his jeans, hooking his fingers through the belt loops and yanking them towards the floor, causing their groins to crash together in ungodly friction.  
The puppeteer gave a shuttering groan at the sensation of his now semi-hard erection pressed against the other’s and – wait.  
Sasori pulled away from the kiss.  
Deidara…was hard.  
He was hard…and for him.  
He was about to start the process of moving, but the sight below him made him stop.  
Somehow the younger male’s hair tie had come undone. And in the process of flying onto the ground, his hair had flowed out in all directions. Now, he laid underneath the older male, a giant, golden halo surrounding his face. He gazed up at Sasori with a half-lidded gaze, his eyes a near indigo.  
Just like his dream.  
But in looking closer, the redhead could tell that there was a haziness as well.  
Fuck…he had nearly forgotten that they were both drunk.  
He had gotten too caught up in the moment.   
“Danna, un? Why’d you stop?” Deidara wrapped his arms around the puppeteer’s neck, pulling him down with feather light kisses to the lips. Without warning, he began moving his hips, rocking their erections together. “See how hard I make Sasori no Danna?”  
“Gh…b-brat you’re way too drunk,” feeling that delicious friction against his hard member sent pools of heat to his lower abdomen, and it took all of Sasori’s will power not to strip them both naked right then and there.  
But who knew the brat was such a seductive talker?  
“Hm…I’m not drunk, Danna, un,” even with saying that, he hiccupped once and giggled slightly, picking up the speed of the rocking. Fighting a losing battle, the redhead noted that a dark pink flush was invading the younger male’s cheeks.  
And it wasn’t a desire-filled blush either.  
Sasori sighed.  
Shit…  
“Brat, you’re drunk and I’m taking you to bed,” he said, matter-of-factly, beginning to pull away.  
“But I’m not drunk, un.”  
“Yes, you are.”  
“But Dannaaaaa-” not wanting to hear anymore protesting, Sasori was quick to get them to their feet and start to move over to the stairs, both stumbling as they did so.  
After a few minutes of struggling, they reached the second floor. Deidara pulled away and quickly walked over to the door that led to Sasori’s room.  
“Brat, that’s not-”  
The blonde walked in.  
“Your room.”  
Following him, the redhead walked over the threshold to find the younger male stripping out of his clothes.  
“W-what are you doing, Deidara?!”   
Wait…was he getting flustered?  
Why was he getting flustered at the idea of having sex with Deidara?  
He’d dreamt about it multiple times already while feeling confident in doing so.  
So why was he suddenly nervous?  
“I only sleep in my boxers, un,” the sculptor explained, shimmying out of his pants, revealing his blue boxers as well as a mini tent. Noticing that, the puppeteer smirked. “How are you gonna take care of that, brat?”  
The latter looked down at himself, examined the situation, and then sighed. “I’m not that horny so it’ll go down on its own, un.”  
Without another word, he plopped stomach-first onto the bed and laid there, looking at Sasori while patting the empty space next to him. “I’m tired, un. Come to bed.”  
Was the brat seriously asking that?  
Who was this person and what had happened to the normal, straight Deidara he knew so well?!  
Oh right…the alcohol.  
He knew it made people more honest and truthful, but he seriously doubted it turned people gay.  
He shook his head. “You can have my bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.”  
The blonde sat up suddenly.   
“No, un. Danna will sleep in this bed…because it’s his,” Deidara emphasized a few words by grinding his index finger into the duvet-covered mattress. He suddenly leaned sideways but straightened his posture before leaning sideways yet again.  
Yep…he was close.  
“You sure you want me to join you, brat?” Sasori smirked at the blonde’s obvious signs of grogginess. The younger male nodded his head vigorously while still battling the ongoing waves of sleepiness. “I’m positive, un! This is Danna’s bed so he gets the right to sleep…in his own…bed…”  
And with that, his upper body finally fell against the bed, and quiet snores erupted shortly after, signaling that he was already passed out.  
Shaking his head, Sasori gave a tiny chuckle.  
You’re impossible, brat.  
Still, the redhead found himself stripping down to his own boxers and gently climbed onto the bed, settling down about a foot away from the blonde.  
Yet even his sleep, he must’ve felt the older male’s presence, because he immediately wormed his way over and wrapped his arms around the pale, toned waist, nuzzling his face into the neck. “So warm, un.”  
And Sasori could say this:  
He wasn’t horny…or lusting…or any other word to describe someone who’s ready to have sex.  
He was elated…happy…overjoyed.   
He was holding the sleeping form of the man he had fallen in love with.  
Who wouldn’t want that?  
He felt lips press into the hollow base of this throat. “Happy Birthday, Sasori no Danna, un.”  
Sasori smiled.  
“Yep,” he gazed lovingly down at the snoring angel lying against him, “Happy Birthday to me.”


	14. Headaches, Questions, and Assumptions

The first thing Deidara noticed when he awoke was the bright sun shining in through the windows.  
The second was the pounding headache.  
Feeling the intense pulsing against his temples, he groaned loudly and rolled over until his back faced the intrusive rays, pulling the sheets and comforter up over his head.  
What the hell had happened last night?   
He didn’t remember much, other than spilling his guts to Sasori and drinking most of three bottles of Jack Daniels.   
But what had happened after that?  
He took a deep breath, taking in the familiar scents of his – wait.  
The comforter didn’t smell like it usually did, which was the smell of lavender and honeysuckle from the fabric softener.   
It smelled like musk and honey.  
This smelled just like…   
Whipping his eyes open, and not caring how bad his head felt (and it felt like a bitch), he sat up abruptly, gaze scanning the room.  
The dozens of large, life-sized marionette dolls hanging from the ceiling gave him the hint that he was not in his own room.  
He was, instead, in Sasori’s room.  
Why the hell-?  
Why was he in Sasori’s room?  
Burying his face in his hands, he delved into the night before, trying to figure out exactly what happened after he fell under the influence of alcohol.   
He had told Sasori his past...while drinking whiskey.   
He groaned loudly at the irony.  
Okay…he remembered that.  
But what else?  
Sasori had told him something…  
…But what had it been?  
Heaving a deep sigh, he thought harder, much to his brain’s protests.  
What had he told him?  
Some words began popping into his mind, which he concentrated on.  
‘I’m’ and’ you.’  
‘Love’ and ‘in.’  
‘Gay’ and ‘with.’  
Clenching his teeth, he urged his brain to put the words together into a coherent sentence.  
Come on…come on…what was it?  
And without warning, it hit him.  
Like a freight train.  
“I’m gay and I’m in love with you.”  
Holy shit…that was it.  
Sasori had told him that he was gay, and in love with him.  
Deidara nearly screamed into his palms.  
Why was he in love with him?!  
Why?!?!  
Why, why, why, why, WHY?!?!  
He’s straight! He was a straight man! What had he done to the redhead in order to make him fall in love with him?!  
It’s not like they’d kissed or anything-!  
Wait a minute…  
A new memory surfaced.  
Of them…drinking more Jack.  
Of them…getting drunk.  
Of them…staring into each other’s eyes.   
Of them…kissing…making out.  
Of him…moaning, gasping, and mewling underneath Sasori, who gazed down at him with a lust-filled stare.  
Oh God…  
Deidara felt his face flush in embarrassment at the words he suddenly remembered saying to the puppeteer.   
Why had he done that?  
He was straight…he knew he was straight!  
SO WHY THE FUCKING HELL HAD HE MADE OUT WITH SASORI?!  
And enjoyed it?!  
Wait…  
After that memory, he couldn’t remember anything else?  
Had anything else happened?  
He was in Sasori’s room, after all.  
No…oh God no.  
Not that…anything but that.  
Scanning the floor, his suspicions were confirmed when he saw his and the older male’s clothes lying in a heap together.  
He gulped, fear rising like bile in his throat.  
It was then that he also realized that his back hurt…a lot.  
No…no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fucking NO!!!  
“SASORIIIIIII!!!!!!” he suddenly yelled, throwing the sheets and comforter off of him, sprinting towards the door and throwing it open with a loud bang, fast-walking down the stairs until he made contact with the first floor, glaring at the redhead who was busy flipping pancakes. The latter turned his head to look at the raging blonde over in the living room. “Yo.”  
“’Yo’, un?! After what happened last night, all you can say is ‘yo’?!” Deidara nearly screamed, anger swelling into his face from his jaw. Sasori cocked a confused eyebrow. “What do you mean, brat?”  
“I’m fucking talking about the part where we got drunk, made out, and had sex, un!!!!” the sculptor yelled, receiving an incredulous stare from the older male, who suddenly burst into laughter.  
This only angered the younger male more. He growled low in his throat. “Why the hell are you fucking laughing, un?!”  
“Cause you’re hilarious, brat!” the puppeteer cackled, throwing his head back for emphasis. He caught his breath and continued flipping pancakes. “Why the hell would you think we had sex?”  
“Then explain why both your clothes and mine are on the ground in your room, un!”  
“God, you’re clueless,” he heard Sasori mumble. He was about to reply with a smartass remark when the other slammed the spatula onto the counter, his demeanor changing from happy to angry. He craned his neck to give an equally death-baring glare. “Let me ask you this, brat: what the hell do you remember from last night?”  
“I remember us telling each other our whole life stories over three bottles of Jack Daniels, un,” Deidara started, not really giving a damn if his roommate was pissed at him. “I remember getting drunk and then whatever happened shortly after that, I can’t remember, but we kissed.”  
“And that’s all you remember?” the glare was still etched on his face.  
“AND THEN YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY STATE AND HAD SEX WITH ME BECAUSE YOU’RE GAY AND FUCKING IN LOVE WITH ME, UN!!!!”  
“GO TO HELL, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!” without warning, the spatula was being chucked through the air and barely missed the blonde’s head, who ducked in mere seconds in order to avoid it. Shock rang through him as he turned his attention back to Sasori, who was still glaring, but looked on the verge of tears. “Never in all my years have I ever taken advantage of someone! All we did last night was make out! THAT’S FUCKING IT!!!!! If your damn back is hurting, it’s because you fell on it while we made out!! And our clothes being on the ground? You stripped down to your underwear and fell asleep on my bed while insisting I join you! THAT’S IT!!!! And yes, I am in love with you, Deidara, but you can rot in hell if you think I would ever take advantage of you while you were DRUNK SHIT-FACED AND COULDN’T REMEMBER A DAMN THING THE NEXT DAY!!!!!!”  
“Sasori, I-”  
“And don’t you dare act so damn fucking innocent when you were the one who was moaning that damn nickname you gave me while grinding our fucking erections together!!!” the older male continued, his face near the color of his hair. “No straight guy does that to another guy!!!!”  
“DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION MY SEXUALITY, UN!!!!”  
“I WOULDN’T HAVE TO QUESTION IT IF YOU HADN’T DONE THE THINGS YOU DID LAST NIGHT!!!!”  
“AND WHAT DID I DO, EXACTLY, SASORI, UN?! FUCKING ENLIGHTEN ME, PLEASE!!!!”  
“YOU FUCKING KISSED ME BACK AND GOT A HARD ON!!!!!” Sasori screamed, looking about ready to throw another dish at the younger male. “CORRECT ME IF I’M FUCKING WRONG, BUT I DON’T REMEMBER ALCOHOL TURNING SOMEONE GAY!!!!”  
“I’M NOT GAY, UN!!!!” Deidara screamed. They stayed silent for a few minutes, one just glaring at the other, until Sasori turned back to the stove. “Whatever, brat, I’m through arguing with you. Believe whatever the fuck you want to believe, but we didn’t have sex,” he turned a smirk towards his roommate. “And besides, if we had…you wouldn’t be able to walk right now.”  
Feeling a blush beginning to form in his cheeks, the blonde swiveled on his heel and trudged back up the stairs with a grumbled, “I’m going to take a shower, un.”

Stripping off his boxers, Deidara stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run through his hair and down his body, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened.  
Okay…so they hadn’t had sex.  
But they had made out.  
And according to Sasori…he had enjoyed it.  
He clutched his hair in his hands.  
God, why could he not remember more?!  
Right…the alcohol.  
That was another big reason as to why he quit drinking.  
He enjoyed actually remembering everything the next day. He had had one night back in college where he had woken up on a Sunday morning next to a naked girl only to realize that they had had sex and he just couldn’t remember it.  
It wasn’t until after his accident that he had finally decided that being in control was where he wanted to be.  
But he remembered being the one to finish off most of the other two Jacks.  
So it wasn’t a surprise that he couldn’t remember every single detail.  
Concentrating on the night before, he faintly remembered pulling on something…but what had it been?  
It had been soft…and red…  
It had been Sasori’s hair.  
Pulling on the strands to bring the older male closer to him.  
God…why had he done that?!  
He was straight! He was straight, he was straight, he was straight –   
(But what if you’re not?)  
Shut up! Why would he enjoy making out with another guy?!  
(But you did)  
Fuck you! He was straight, damn it!!!  
(So why did you get a hard-on with him?)  
That was because of the alcohol!  
(Alcohol doesn’t make you horny, it - )  
Shut up.  
(It brings out - )  
Shut up!  
(The - )  
SHUT UP!!!!  
(Truth)  
Without warning, Deidara screamed as he threw his fist out into the air, the middle knuckle brushing the tile across from him.  
He stared at it in shock.  
He had been near millimeters away from breaking his hand just now.  
Feeling a weight suddenly drop onto his shoulders, he fell to the ground, the hot water disappearing on his now numb skin.  
He wanted to cry.  
He wanted to cry so damn badly.  
For everything that had changed and for everything that will most likely change in the distant future.  
But his own stupid ego wouldn’t allow him to cry.  
Instead, it allowed him to curl into himself, the water hitting his face.   
In the fetal position, he sat there, drowning in the hot steam that was beginning to form.  
But he didn’t care.   
Curled up, he let his mind go blank, like he used to. He let every memory – whether it was happy, sad, funny, mournful, etc. – go, become the grey space that meant nothing.  
Because even if he didn’t want to admit it…  
His life was about to change.  
And he wasn’t too sure whether it was going to be good or bad.

 

Sasori was more than pissed.  
He was straight livid with anger.   
Even as his roommate was going up the stairs, he was tempted to throw the skillet at the back of his blonde head.  
But he held back, not wanting to cause more drama than had already happened.  
He definitely had not expected Deidara to freak out like he did.   
Sure he had been expecting questions, like why he had been in his bed, but surely hadn’t expected the younger male to jump to the conclusion that they had had sex.  
At first, he had found it funny the brat would jump to such an extreme conclusion, but he immediately grew angry at the fact that his roommate was suddenly accusing him of taking advantage of him while in his drunken state.  
Sasori had to fight the urge to throw his recently made breakfast across the room.  
How dare that asshole…how dare he think that.  
Why the hell would he jump to that conclusion?!  
Did he really think that way about him?!  
He heaved a deep sigh.  
Though he was fuming, he was also hurt. While he had been screaming at his roommate, it had taken every ounce of his being not to start crying.   
To be accused of taking advantage of someone…  
All his life, he had always been dealt the underhand, always being kicked to the curb and expected to figure things out on his own. And once he had figured things out, people would often take credit for his work, and then he would be left with nothing.   
So to be thrown such an accusation was a clean blow to him personally.  
However…he was still in love with Deidara.  
He couldn’t help it; there was just something about him that prevented him from staying angry at him.  
And with the kiss…  
Sasori felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine.  
God, that kiss was like electric fire. As soon as their lips had connected, the redhead had felt like he was burning up from the inside out. Every moan the blonde had given sent another wave of flames down his spine, every gasp had sent another spark through his nerves, and every mewl had sent his head reeling.  
No kiss he had ever received or given before had felt so tantalizingly pleasurable.  
And he knew, without a doubt, that Deidara had paralleled the same feeling, otherwise he wouldn’t have had such a prominent erection in his pants.  
Yet, the blonde had remembered the bare minimum from last night, so Sasori felt he was in a losing battle.  
A loud scream from upstairs suddenly interrupted his thoughts, along with a tiny thud.  
The redhead gazed up at the closed door leading to the younger male’s bedroom, smirking mischievously.  
You starting to break, brat?


	15. Just Once More

Two Weeks Later…

 

It had been two weeks since they had kissed and Deidara still couldn’t get it out of his mind.   
It wasn’t like he was consciously thinking about it on a regular basis.  
It was just that it would suddenly pop into his head at the weirdest of times, catching him off guard.   
One of the greatest achievements – or downfalls, depending on how one looked at it – he had had within the last two weeks was his awakening of senses from that night.  
And out of all the things he remembered, the one that stood out the most was the feeling of the older male’s tongue piercing against his own. He had made out with countless girls before, but he had never made out with any girl that had a piercing on her tongue, mostly because he had never been attracted to women with facial piercings.  
Yet, something about Sasori’s made him…  
Wait…what the hell was he about to say??  
Stop, stop, stop it!  
It hadn’t been pleasurable in the least bit!  
(You got a hard on though)  
Okay, he’ll admit it…he had gotten hard in the kiss.  
…God that’s embarrassing.  
“Why the fuck you blushing, blondie?” Hidan asked, interrupting his thoughts. After realizing he had been blushing, Deidara felt the flush in his cheeks grow deeper, insinuating a cackle from his silver-haired friend sitting across from him. They were having lunch together at a local café near Hidan’s work.  
“Wow, who’s on your mind there, Deidara?” Hidan asked, eyeing him with his pale red gaze.  
“No one, un,” he said matter-of-factly, looking down at the menu to see what he wanted to order once the waiter came back.  
“Is it that Sakura chick?”  
“No, un.”  
“Is it someone else?”  
Deidara took a sip of his water, not answering.  
“…Is it Sasori?”  
Without meaning to, he choked on his water at the sound of his roommate’s name, which made Hidan begin laughing all over again. “Wow, guess I was fucking right, huh?! What has the redhead done to get you so riled up?”  
“It doesn’t matter Hidan, un,” the blonde murmured, still eyeing the menu. It was suddenly snatched from his line of vision, and he gazed up into a pair of questioning red eyes, slightly glaring. “What is it?”  
“Did he fucking say something to you?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it, un.”  
“Deidara…seriously…I highly doubt anything he did is as bad as you’re making it out to be.”  
“You sure, un?”  
“I’m positive,” Hidan leaned back into his chair. “Try me.”  
Deidara took another sip of water, staring down his best friend as he said it. “Sasori’s gay, un.”  
“Oh well I knew that.”  
“W-what?!” the blonde sputtered, eyes widening. “How the hell could you tell, un?”  
“Two things, blondie,” the silver-haired male held up to two fingers. “”One, because I’m gay, it’s pretty easy to spot another person who is. And two, it should be obvious to anyone.”  
“Well I guess it wasn’t obvious to me, un,” the shorter male mumbled, looking away.  
“Well you’re straight, but I guess that’s not an excuse,” Hidan smirked at his friend’s annoyed stare. “But seriously though. He told you he was gay; so fucking what? I know you don’t have a problem with it because here I am, gay and fucking proud of it.”  
“Hidan, that’s the thing, un. I’m perfectly fine with him being gay.”  
“So what’s the problem, then?”  
“It’s…what he told me, un.”  
“And that was…?”  
Deidara debated. He seriously debated telling him. He wanted to, but at the same time, he was embarrassed.  
(But Hidan is your best friend. He won’t judge you.)  
Fine.  
“He told me he’s in love with me, un,” he waited for the reaction he was anticipating.  
“Oh that? Hell, I knew that already.”  
Okay…that definitely wasn’t the reaction he had been expecting.  
“Wait…what, un?” the blonde blinked rapidly. “What do you mean you already knew?!”  
“I already knew he’s in love with you, Deidara,” Hidan exclaimed, leaning on his forearms. “That’s been obvious from the beginning.”  
“The beginning, un?! What do you mean, the beginning?”  
“Deidara, Sasori’s been in love with you pretty much since you two first met.”  
Shit.  
Sasori had been in love with him for that long?  
“That’s…not possible, un.”  
“It is too, blondie. You’re just too oblivious to see it.”  
“B-but…h-how…?”  
“Deidara, it’s the way he looks at you, man,” Hidan explained, eyes, surprisingly, sincere. “When you’re not looking, he gazes at you as if you’re on a pedestal.”  
“Hidan...”  
“The look in his fucking eyes, bro...”  
“Hidan, un!” Deidara slightly shouted, surprising them both. The taller man blinked, eyes wide. The shorter male heaved a deep sigh. “I’m just…I can’t process this.”  
“Why? What’s the big deal? It’s not like you guys did anything.”  
(Besides kiss)  
The sculptor felt his cheeks flush, which made the other male’s mouth form into an “O”. “Deidara...what did you fucking do with Sasori?”  
“Nothing like what you’re probably thinking, you perverted meathead, un!” the blush grew even deeper.   
“So what the hell did you guys do?”  
“We…kissed, un. That’s it.”  
“Wow,” Hidan leaned forward more. “And you’re supposed to be straight, right?”  
“Fuck you, un. I am straight,” Deidara growled. His best friend just shook his head and pressed his back against the chair. “Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say.”  
Deidara shook his head, taking another sip of his water, feeling the blush return.  
Fucking meathead.

 

It was later that night and Deidara was sitting on the couch, clad in just his usual blue lounge pants, flipping the channels. It had been a long, stressful day and all he wanted to do was go to bed.  
But the damn redhead had yet to return back from his own job.  
Wait…why the hell was he waiting for him, like some damn wife?!  
Shaking his head, he turned the T.V. off and stood up, heading up the stairs to get ready.   
It was as soon as he closed the bedroom door when he heard the muffled sound of the front door opening and then closing with a clack, signaling that his roommate was finally home. He ignored it, though, and proceeded the usual routine of brushing out his hair and teeth.   
Once back in the room, he stripped off his lounge pants and down to his boxers, about to slide under the covers when he remembered he’d left his bag downstairs.  
Shit.  
He strode over to the door and threw it open, stepping out just as Sasori did so also from his room.  
The first thing he noticed was that the older male was already in his own sleepwear, which was a pair of boxers.  
The next thing he noticed was how the puppeteer’s body looked. Silhouetted against the moonlight, the blue glow casted dark shadows on the lean muscles protruding from the arms, chest, and abdomen. The dermal and navel piercings shimmered as well and the normal blood red of his hair was turned dark, and his amber gaze was soft and looking right back at him.  
(He’s beautiful)  
Wait…what?  
“What are you staring at, brat?”   
“Nothing, un,” Deidara mumbled. “Just forgot my bag downstairs.”  
He goes to walk past the redhead when he felt a hand clamp down on his wrist. He turned his head to gaze at the older male, glaring. “Let go, un.”  
“Why are you avoiding me?”  
“I haven’t been avoiding you, un.”  
“Then what do you call it when, for the past two weeks, any time we’re within close proximity of each other, you find some sort of way to leave or ignore me?”  
Deidara couldn’t argue with that.  
There had been an incident last week when he had been making breakfast when he felt his roommate’s presence enter the kitchen. He had looked up to see him clad in his boxers, yawning while rubbing the back of his disheveled head. “Morning.”  
“M-morning, un,” he had cursed under his breath at the slight stutter in his voice. He had tried not to sound nervous. His heart had been pounding against his chest, his breathing increasing.  
And why?  
Because it had only been a week since they had made out and just the thought of being near the redhead had had the blonde dripping in a nervous sweat pool.   
“What are you making?” Sasori had asked, taking a seat in one of the island stools, leaning forward on his elbows. The blonde had gulped, too aware of the clenching of the abdominal muscles on the older male. He had turned his attention back to the omelet he’d been making. “Omelets, un.”  
“Ham and cheese?”  
“Yep, un.”  
“Are you doing it correctly?” the puppeteer’s breath had suddenly been on his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Shuddering against his will, the blonde had whipped his head around, taking two giant steps back as his heart thudded against his eardrums. “W-why the fuck are you standing so close, un?!”  
Sasori had looked at him with curious eyes. “I was just checking to see if you were making them correctly ‘cause if you make the egg too runny, it won’t fold right.”  
“O-oh, un,” Deidara had murmured, trying to calm his racing heart. “I-I am making sure about that. No need to worry.”  
In trying to reach back over to the stove so the egg wouldn’t burn, he had accidentally brushed his arm against the redhead’s, feeling a hot flame work its way up into his body from the contact. Without meaning to, he had hurriedly made the omelet, put it on a plate, and slid it across the island to Sasori with shaky movements. “Breakfast is served, un.”  
“What about you? Are you not going to eat-?”  
“Not hungry, un,” and with that, he had nearly sprinted up the stairs and into his room.  
And that had only been the beginning.  
Ever since then, he had been trying every possible method to make sure he was never alone with Sasori, just because he literally hated the way his body reacted to him.  
Now, here he was, trying to pry the other man’s hand off his wrist. He jerked his arm roughly, grunting. “You’re overthinking shit, now let go, un!”  
“Not until you tell me why you’re fucking avoiding me like I’m the damn black plague!”  
“Fuck off, un! Nothing is wrong, Sasori!” he yanked harder, his strength sending the shorter male forward, but only slightly. Sasori glared his bright amber eyes. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Was the kiss really that bad?”  
“Stop fucking talking about that, un!” Deidara yelled, paralleling his roommate’s expression. “It was a one-time thing and it will never happen again, so just stop fucking talking about it!”  
“One-time thing, huh?” the redhead smirked, gaze playful. “You wouldn’t be freaking out this much if it hadn’t affected you.”  
“What the hell are you talking about, un?!” the blonde screamed, yanking his arm again. He was seriously becoming annoyed. He shot blue daggers at the puppeteer. “Let go, Sasori!”  
“Admit it, Deidara,” his eyes had grown darker, almost…seductive, “you liked kissing me.”  
Feeling a blush rise in his cheeks, Deidara tried freeing himself once more, finally succumbing to just waving his arm back and forth frantically. “I did not enjoy that damn kiss, un! I’m a fucking straight man! You may be gay, but I’m straight, and I won’t ever become gay, so just FUCKING LET GO OF ME NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLE-!”  
He was cut off mid-rant when Sasori’s gripped on his wrist tightened and yanked the hand forward, bringing the younger male with it. He pressed the latter flush against his chest, smirk widening as he observed the growing redness in his roommate’s cheeks. “You’re pretty cute when you blush.”  
“Shut the fuck up and let me go, un!” the taller male tried to break free, but the sudden appearance and feeling of an arm wrapping around his waist and pressing him closer into the body in front of him told him he wouldn’t be moving anytime soon.  
The redhead walked backwards, swiveling a 180˚ until it was Deidara heading towards the wall. In a flash, the blonde’s back was slammed against the white-painted surface, and he gave a yelp of pain in response. He grunted when he felt Sasori press their chests together even more. “M-move bastard, I can’t breathe, un.”  
“Judging by the flush in your cheeks and the fast paced rhythm of your heart, I don’t think you want me to move,” Sasori exclaimed. He let go of the wrist he had still been holding onto, bringing it up until the palm pressed flat against the toned, lightly tanned chest. “God, you’re beautiful.”  
“Beautiful is not the right word to describe what a guy looks like now get off of me, un! Nothing you say or do will change my mind!” Deidara yelled, panic beginning to set in. Though Sasori was shorter than he was, the air of dominance and maturity wafting off of him made the younger male feel very inferior.  
Almost submissive, in a way.  
His mind was telling him to shove him away; his arms were free to do so.  
But his body wasn’t listening to his brain’s logical thinking. It just stayed there, much to his annoyance, allowing that warm hand and its slim fingers to trace delicate, complex patterns on his pectoral muscles, amber eyes observing with fascination.  
“S-Sasori, please, un,” he pleaded, placing his hands firmly, but softly, on the other male’s shoulders, gazing at him with downcast eyes. “Please let me go.”  
“Just one,” came Sasori’s response.  
“‘Just one’ what, un?”  
“Kiss,” when the older male turned his eyes up to stare into the blue ones, there was sadness in them. “Just one kiss. One to either prove I’m right or I’m wrong.”  
“You’re wrong, un.”  
“Give me one kiss with no hesitation. No boundaries, no doubts. All in. Just one.”  
He’s goddamn crazy!  
The redhead was absolutely insane!  
He was seriously asking for a kiss!  
(It wouldn’t hurt to have just one, would it?)  
Yes it would! He was a straight man! Why would he kiss a guy?!  
(You already did, though)  
He was drunk!  
(And now you’re sober...which means the decision will be one you’ll have to live with)  
Fuck.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!!!  
Damn it all to hell!!!!  
“Fine, un,” to his surprise, he complied, watching a new light appear in that bright gaze. He held a finger. “But only this time!”  
“That’s all I need,” Sasori said, smiling. Deidara heaved a deep sigh, dropping his hands to his sides. He closed his eyes, acutely aware of his pounding heart.  
He wondered if the redhead could feel it against his hand.  
Okay…here it goes…  
…In 3…2…1…  
Any time now…  
…Any day now…  
A few seconds past without any contact, and the blonde began to wonder what was going on. He peeked out of one eye curiously, a wave of annoyance washing over him as he watched his roommate moving in at a snail’s pace.  
…What the hell?  
Sighing heavily, he gripped the older male’s face in his hands, the latter’s eyes opening in surprise. Deidara smirked at the expression. “You’re taking way too damn long, un.”  
He closed the space between them, crashing their lips together. Both stood there for a second, trying to grasp the reality of the situation.  
And then movements became feral, almost wild. Pale hands ran through and gripped thick, blonde locks, insinuating a hoarse moan from the hair’s owner. This prompted Sasori to delve his tongue into the other’s mouth, tasting the sweet delight of sugarmint cinnamon toothpaste, greedily lapping at the younger male’s tongue until he gave in to the ministrations, and the two suddenly found themselves competing for dominance as their slick appendages wrapped ferociously around each other.  
God that tongue piercing.  
The way it rolled harshly against the sensitive taste buds, the tiny clicking of the metal ball against the back of his teeth.  
It was like music.  
With a soft moan, Deidara gripped the blood red locks in his fingers, pulling harshly, causing the owner to let an animalistic growl escape his throat. The younger male pushed his tongue forwards into the other’s mouth, believing he had won when he felt his wet appendage begin to get sucked on, causing a wanton mewl to let loose from his lips.  
God, what was he doing?  
Yes, he had agreed to kissing with no hesitation and no boundaries.  
But he knew without a doubt there were lines that were being crossed at the moment.  
Yet…some little tiny part of him didn’t mind crossing those lines.  
He pulled away slightly from the kiss, and to his surprise, he moved forward to lightly nip at the redhead’s bottom lip, his tongue adding to the sensation. Sasori gave a groan of pleasure, but didn’t say anything as he pulled on the blonde locks yet again, connecting their lips in yet another passionate kiss.   
Every new lap, there was a moan.  
Every new pull, touch, there was a mewl.   
All coming from the blonde.  
Was he…was he actually enjoying this?!  
He couldn’t…he was straight!  
He was straight, he was straight, he was…he was…was…straight…  
Oh God.  
The tongue…where was it going?  
Why were lips pressing against his jaw, moving down to gently kiss the hollow base of his throat?  
Why were those lips moving lower, the tip of the tongue running down his pectoral line, changing directions on the last second, shifting right and landing straight on his now erect nipple?   
Deidara moaned, back unconsciously arching off the ground – wait.  
He opened his eyes to find himself now laying against the carpet.  
How had that happened?  
He mewled quietly as the metal ball of the piercing rolled smoothly over the pink nub, the tongue skillful as it danced and swirled around it.  
Through the lust-filled haze, rationality crept at the back of mind, pushing him to place his hands on the other male’s shoulders. “Sasori; stop.”  
Sasori looked up, and the gaze alone was enough to make the blonde moan all over again. His eyes were half-lidded, clouded over with lust and desire, the normal amber color of his eyes a near bright gold, swollen lips parted as quiet pants escaped them. “Are you sure?”  
“Yes, un,” rationality pushed farther forward, and the lust suddenly disappeared altogether, allowing him to fully realize his position.  
He was lying flat on the ground, the scratchy carpet itching his exposed back. His golden hair was splayed around him in a giant halo, and the redhead was straddling his hips, face hovering over his chest.   
He shifted positions, which was a bad idea, considering a moan escaped his parted lips as he felt his groin move against something hard, sending pools of heat into his lower stomach.  
Was that-?  
“Gh, brat, don’t do that shit if you want to stop,” the older male breathed out, looking on the brink of losing his composure. Deidara noted a slight trembling in his body when he shifted again, groin once again hitting that hard substance.  
So he had been right…  
So wait…that means.  
With enough force, he sent the other male flying off of him, blushing at the formed tent in his boxers.  
FUCK!  
Fuck, this was really, really bad!  
He wasn’t supposed to have felt pleasure.  
Not enough to give him a hard on!  
“Fuck, un,” he mumbled while standing up, turning towards his door. “I, um…I’m heading off to bed. Good night, un.”  
“You’re not going to take care of that?” even with his back turned to him, Deidara could hear the smirk in the other’s voice. He sighed, annoyed. “Not in front of you, un!”  
He hastily took the steps needed to be inside his own room, closing the door behind him and walking over to his bed, standing stock still for a moment.  
What the fuck had just happened?  
He had actually felt pleasure and desire…from another guy, no less!  
He clutched his hair in his hands, gritting his teeth.  
The sight of the tent in his boxers reminded him of his predicament.  
It was too hard to just let it go on its own.  
And he really didn’t feel like taking a cold shower.  
So that left only one other option.  
He sighed, which seemed to be something he found himself doing more often than not recently.  
With quick fingers, he pulled his boxers down, the fabric pooling around his ankles. He stared rather harshly at the erect member, hating that he had do what he was about to do.  
He’d done it numerous times before.  
Hell all men do it.  
But the damn fact that he was hard because of another man was more or less something he found slightly irritating.  
Taking a deep breath, he gripped his member in his hand, moaning at the sensitivity. He began to pump slowly, allowing his thumb to move over the head, tilting his head back as quiet sighs escaped his mouth, eyes rolling in their sockets..  
He was so preoccupied that he hadn’t heard the door open and close and hadn’t felt the presence of the older male behind him until he heard his name called.  
“Deidara.”  
“What the actual fuck are you doing in here, un?!” Deidara screamed, embarrassment marring his entire demeanor. “GET OUT!”  
“I’m here to help out.”  
“Help out with what, un?!”  
Sasori smirked mischeviously. In the blink of an eye, he had them on the ground, the blonde on his hands and knees, the other hovering over him. The former turned his head to give him a death glare, a blush forming on his flawless cheeks. “W-what do you think you’re doing, un?!”  
The puppeteer purred softly, reaching around with his right hand until his fingers wrapped around the younger male’s erect member, hearing him gasp. With a soft grip, he began to stroke him, listening to the delectable moans reverberating off the sculptor’s throat. He bent forward more until his chest made contact with the tanned back, running his tongue along the shell of Deidara’s left ear before whispering seductively, “Helping you find release.”  
“G-God you’re insane, you fucking perverted – AH!” Deidara moaned when he felt the redhead’s thumb move along the head, dipping into the slit to collect some of the precum already produced. He moved his hand down, lightly touching the balls, then moving back up the shaft, roughly grabbing the head, insinuating a hoarse cry from the younger male. Sasori growled. “I can’t get enough of those moans, Dei.”  
“You’re disgusting.”  
“Am I?” he asked, picking up the pace. Deidara cried out in pleasure as the strokes turned into pumps, his arms beginning to tremble as his body slowly succumbed to the pleasure once again. A sudden harsh, slow rub of a finger against the pulsing, throbbing vein on the underside had him mewling in ecstasy, dropping his head to the floor, unintentionally sticking his ass up into the air.  
He felt something hard press in between his butt cheeks and his eyes shot open. “D-Don’t you – hah – dare attempt to do anything – ah – else with me!”  
“Don’t worry, Dei,” Sasori whispered, picking the pumps up, beginning to squeeze harder, eliciting cries from the boy under him, “I’ll give you just enough pleasure to have you coming back for more.”  
“You’re cra – AH…mm…Sasori no Danna,” Deidara mewled, waves of heat washing down into his lower abdomen. His entire body was trembling with desire as his member was continually pumped and squeezed, precum leaking down the shaft in off-white tendrils. His heart was pounding erratically against his chest, and his breaths came out in short, quick pants.  
As he felt that familiar spring his stomach start to coil, he panicked.  
No…no, he couldn’t allow himself to release due to another guy giving him a handjob.  
But damn, he had to admit this…it was the best handjob he had ever received from someone.  
Girls were too damn gentle, not really understanding that his pain tolerance was a lot higher.  
But no, the redhead somehow managed to squeeze and pull him in just the right manner that resulted in intense pleasure, mixed with borderline pain.  
He couldn’t allow himself to release…he couldn’t.  
Unfortunately, the pumps grew faster, so fast that the friction against his sensitive manhood had Deidara screaming into oblivion, throat raw. He couldn’t hold much longer.  
He couldn’t…he couldn’t…  
The coil tightened to near stillness.  
“Cum for me, Dei,” Sasori whispered, increasing the pumping speed one last time, pressing against the throbbing vein each time he went back up, hand coated in precum, “Scream my name.”  
The coil stilled.  
Deidara clenched his eyes tightly, a final wave of heat pooling down.  
And then it snapped.  
“SASORI NO DANNA!” he screamed, exploding on the redhead’s hand and the floor, getting a little on his stomach, the white liquid burning his skin slightly.  
He tried to catch his breath as he rode out his climax, semi-consciously aware of the older male letting his flaccid cock go and stepping away. He grinned from ear to ear as he licked his hand clean of the milky substance. “Mm, Dei, you taste wonderful.”  
“G-Go to hell, un,” Deidara grumbled tiredly. His body suddenly became overwhelmed with sleep. He felt his eyes droop heavily and out of the corner of his vision, he saw Sasori make his way over to the closed bedroom door.   
He looked back at the still trembling form kneeling on the ground, smiling contentedly. “Good night, my sweet Deidara.”  
And with that, he opened the door and closed it once he was out, leaving the blonde alone.  
He wanted to cry…he most certainly wanted to cry.  
But as he finally fell to the ground in a deep sleep, only one thought occurred to him:  
He now had every reason to go and take that shower.


	16. Domination and Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I want to thank you for your all's continuous support! Your comments and kudos mean the world to me and help keep me going in the new stories that I am creating. I had posted another story to my account a while back, but realized that a different AU for the series was calling out to me and I am currently pursuing this new story idea and I hope to be able to post it here in the next couple of months. Again, thank you all so much for everything! Please enjoy the next chapter! Thank you for everything! ^_^

It was the following morning, and as he awoke from his slumber, Deidara wished he had been drunk the night previous.  
Because he remembered everything.  
Remembered why he was sleeping on the ground and not in his bed.  
Why he was naked.  
And why he was covered in his own cum.  
The milky substance had dried onto his stomach in off-white splatters, and he scrunched his nose in disgust at the sight.  
He couldn’t believe he had let the damn redhead jack him off.  
And he had actually enjoyed it!  
On top of that, he had willingly agreed to make out with him, adding to the confusion that was now his sexuality.  
Ever since he could remember, he had always been attracted to females.  
Their soft skin under his hands, silky hair against his face, their lips plump like tiny pillows against his, voices always angelic and melodious.  
Sure, he hadn’t been in an actual relationship since well before his incident before attending Grad School, but he had still had his sexuality in check.  
That is…until he had met Sasori.  
There had been something about him that had been…off-putting, if that was the right word to use. It wasn’t that he had found him attractive, or even remotely close to interesting. It was that he had found him…different.  
The blood red hair, multiple piercings, cool amber eyes, pale skin; the combination of his roommate’s physical characteristics were unlike anything he had ever seen on another human being.  
It had been…mesmerizing.  
And now, here he was, lying in a dried pool of his own seed, staring up at the black ceiling, trying to grasp the understanding as to why in the hell he had let Sasori touch and kiss him in ways he had only let women do to him.  
(Because you find him attractive)  
That’s preposterous; he was a straight man.  
(No straight man would allow a gay man to make out with him and jack him off willingly as well)  
Deidara will admit this.  
He had found the entire experience pleasurable. Just kissing the redhead, alone, had somehow made his heart start to race a mile a minute.  
To be honest, kissing a man was not all that different from kissing a woman.  
Their lips were slightly tougher, and the most they ever had on them was chapstick, but other than that, it really wasn’t all that different. Lipstick on females was okay, but he tended to draw a line on lip gloss wearers, mostly because that shit was too damn sticky to actually enjoying kissing the girl.  
If anything, the kiss had been rougher than any of his previous make out sessions, from what he could actually remember.  
Which he honestly liked.  
Deidara didn’t know when, but sometime in the past, he had decided he liked and enjoyed when things were rough, let it either be making out, a hand job, or just actual sex. Now, whether that made him a sadist or not was clearly up to the reviewing party, but when a girl would complain about it ‘hurting too much’, he definitely felt his experience wasn’t as up to par as he had hoped.  
He hid his face in his hands.  
He was so embarrassed. Embarrassed that he had allowed himself to become so vulnerable in front of someone he hadn’t known for more than a couple of months. He had never even been that open with Hidan when they were in college together!  
And now, here he was, his roommate knowing everything there was to know about him, from his alcoholism to his depression.  
And for some ‘God only knows’ reason…Sasori was still in love him.  
Why though?  
Why was he in love with him? What was it about him that drove him to feel that way? Surely, if they ever started dating, he’d –  
Wait.  
Did he really almost just finish that sentence?  
Deidara felt the urge to scream, but kept his mouth closed.  
Why has it taken one person to change everything he had ever known?  
(Because you’re also in love with him)  
…Suddenly, he didn’t have the strength or power anymore to fight back.

 

Sasori poured another layer of batter onto the skillet. While he let it become fluffy, he found his mind wandering to the previous night. He had definitely been surprised when Deidara willingly agreed to another kiss, had been even more surprised when he really initiated the make-out, and had been even more surprised, if that was possible, when he allowed him to jack him off.  
Hearing those beautiful moans escape that perfect mouth had been music to his ears. And when he had finished and walked back to his room, the essence of the blonde still lingered on his tongue long after he had fallen asleep, initiating rather explicit dreams to run amok in his mind.  
Now he was cooking breakfast, vainly hoping that the morning would be a normal one. However, after last night, he seriously doubted it would be. Not that he hadn’t enjoy the experience personally, but he did leave Deidara to his own devices after the incident, which probably hadn’t been the best decision on Sasori’s part, but he surely didn’t want to be in the same room with him when he woke up.  
The slight rustling behind him signaled another presence in the room, and he turned around to find his roommate perched on his normal stool, hair disheveled, clad in grey sweatpants, and completely clean of last night’s event. However, the minor glare in his cerulean orbs indicated to the redhead that he was not happy.  
He gulped. “Good morning.”  
“Un.”  
“…I should…apologize for last night-”  
“Really, un?”  
“But you were asking for it and-”  
“I asked for you to jack me off, un?”  
“I...n-no…not really, but-”  
“So why did you do it, un?”  
Sasori blinked, not really sure what to say to that. Obviously he had done it because he wanted to, but at the same time, reading the younger male’s body language, he knew his actions wouldn’t have been displeasuring for the other.  
Yet that was hardly the explanation he assumed the blonde wanted to hear.  
He heaved a deep sigh. “The kiss…wasn’t enough. It hadn’t been enough…for either of us. You can’t deny that you felt something. And even if you lie, your body betrayed you last night; that was obvious. What pushed me to do what I did to you, I don’t know. And afterwards, I will admit: I had no regrets. Like I said the night we got drunk and ever since then when I feel it’s appropriate to say, I am in love with you, Deidara. And I-”  
“Why, un?”  
Sasori blinked. “What?”  
“Why, un? Why are you in love with me?” the glare was gone from his gaze. Now he was just staring at him with mild curiosity.  
“Deidara, I don’t think that’s a good-”  
“I have every right to know why my roommate fell in love with me, un.”  
The older male turned back around and flipped the forgotten pancake over, cursing at the nearly burned underside. “The reasons why-”  
“Look at me when you say it, un.”  
Sasori had to force his body not to shiver at the sudden dominating voice and aura radiating from his roommate.  
One of the many reasons he sometimes preferred being bottom in relationships.  
He closed his eyes briefly, willing his heart to come down from its erratic pace. He turned the stove eye off and swiveled on his heel until he faced Deidara, making sure to maintain eye contact as he spoke.  
“When we first met,” he started, “it was a collision in a café. I unfortunately mistook you for a woman, but when I heard your voice and saw your face, I was, to be cliché, in awe; like fucking cupid took one of his sharp ass arrows and shot it into my ass. I wasn’t in love then; I was just…in like, I guess. And my being an asshole was just me trying to hide my affections, my feelings. Yet when I found out we were going to be roommates, I knew I had to apologize, which I did. We moved in and…I don’t know how to describe it, but…just seeing you every morning, in that same damn stool at the island, or waking up to you already making breakfast, I felt…I felt at home. I never really had a home. Sure I lived with my grandmother and all, but I knew she was only taking care of me because she didn’t want me to go into foster care. And I’ve never lived in an actual house, so finally being in an apartment that felt like ‘home’ was…a really nice and amazing change.  
“And as the weeks progressed and I got to know you more, what you liked and disliked, what got you laughing or what got you angry, I just found myself falling fucking harder and harder every day. And when we built that fort and you told me about how you cared about me, it felt like I was the luckiest and happiest person in the world. To have someone as amazing as you care for a punk like me…I mean who wouldn’t be happy? After that…I fell hard. Every time I saw you, I got the quintessential butterflies in my stomach and my heart pounded uncomfortably in my chest. And any time you looked at me with those goddamn cerulean blue eyes, the world and time, itself, just…stopped; or felt like they didn’t even exist in the first place.  
“So when I heard that you were going to ask Sakura out on a date, I felt betrayed, though at the time, you had no clue how I felt, so I knew it was wrong of me to feel that way. What hurt more was that you were going to schedule the date on my birthday, which felt more betraying to me than to have your affections and advances geared towards someone else. However, because I’m in love with you, I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me, so I supported your actions though it hurt me…a lot. But then you surprised me by actually celebrating my birthday with me, and I felt like I was on Cloud 9. That entire day, from starting at my favorite breakfast, to ending with a kiss, has been my most favorite day so far in my life. And I know kissing you while we were drunk was advantageous on my end, but I when I felt you kiss me back, I knew there had to be something. When you pulled me on top of you, I obviously wanted to continue, but seeing you in the state you were in showed me you weren’t going to remember much of the event. And I didn’t want to take advantage of you anymore than I had already done, so I took you to bed, though you willingly chose to crash in my room.  
“When you woke up the next morning and accused me of having sex with you, it felt like you were digging a nail into my chest. I was hurt in more ways than I had felt in a long time. To have the person you’re in love with look at you with so much hate and anger, it doesn’t really do any good to their mental state. My yelling at you was to hide the hurt that I was feeling. With every new word I was screaming at you, I felt myself shatter more. But I hid it in the best way I knew how: by being an asshole and getting you annoyed. Yet…even after the accusation, I still found myself in love with you. Like everyone says, you can’t stay mad at the person you’re in love with; it’s just not possible.  
“After that, I made sure not to make any new advances, because I didn’t want to scare you or push you away. However, you seemed to have done a perfectly good job of avoiding me. Any time I would see you, you one-word answer me or grunted a response back and found an excuse to leave. I figured it was because of the kiss, but I also realized that if it hadn’t meant anything to you, you wouldn’t have been acting the way you were. You had kept that up for the last two weeks and last night was when I finally decided to talk to you about it.  
“When you weren’t willing to just answer my question, I went to the last possible resort and had to force it out of you, though I still haven’t received a full explanation as to why you were avoiding me,” he looked away.” Anyways, the reason I asked for another kiss was more of a solidifying thing on my end. If we kissed and nothing else happened, I knew you had no returning feelings. But if we kissed and more happened, I knew something was there. I was ecstatic to hear your compliance, but I was more or less shocked to have you kiss me back so fast. I didn’t know what to think; I mean, there I was, making out with the person I fell in love with. And I was perfectly fine with you stopping us before things got too far. But when you accidentally moved and I felt what your body was feeling, it took every ounce of me not to continue.  
“I’m so sorry I did what I did to you in your room. I crossed a boundary I’m sure you never wanted me to cross. And if I’ve suddenly made you confused about everything you know, I’m sorry; that was never my intention. I only ever wanted you to know my feelings for you, not in the hope that they would one day be returned, but to just tell you how I felt so you knew. But to be fair, my advances, at first, were, and I will admit, protested, but they were immediately returned as soon as we started. You could have easily pushed me away, knowing I was a guy grabbing your dick…but you didn’t. I’m not saying I need an explanation and I’m not pressuring you to fall for me like I have with you, but if there is even a slight chance that we could be together, I will take in a heartbeat.  
“I know you’re straight, Deidara. I’ve known that since the night at the bar when we found out we were roommates. Kakuzu was the one who told me. And I know I didn’t tell you I was gay until my birthday, but I didn’t want my telling you to get in the way of our friendship. Though the two events that have happened so far may eventually get in the way. But to answer your question, Deidara…I fell in love with everything about you. I fell in love with the way you laughed at the simplest things, as if the whole world was just there for your entertainment. I fell for the way you would talk about your art over dinner, your eyes lighting up when you shared your stories of creating the perfect masterpiece. I fell for your ringing bells laugh, the way you looked at the world with so much positivity, and the way you got me to open up more about myself. I fell for the way you were able to reach me when I was in the dark places of my past. You didn’t know it at the time, but you were and are able to break through those dark thoughts that run through my mind every day. I’ve had…many relationships in the past where I thought I had been in love, but every past one has suddenly become irrelevant in the presence of you. Your flaws, from your warped view of art to your clumsiness, only make me love you more. And if this is not a good enough explanation for your question, then you’re shit out of luck.”  
Sasori hadn’t meant for his response to be so long and winded.  
It just poured out of him and he didn’t have the will to stop.  
It was more of a fuck it mentality he had that seemed to have worked.  
Because Deidara was just staring at him in near awe, as if everything that was just said to him wasn’t real, but was.  
Noting the awkward silence becoming longer by the second, the older male spun around and turned the stove eye back on, annoyed at the now cold flapjack sitting on the skillet.  
It hadn’t even cooked all the way through yet.  
Walking over to the sink, while also being hyper-aware of the fact that Deidara was still being silent, he switched the water on and began scraping the hardened batter off the metal with the spatula. “I made three other pancakes if you want them; I’m not that hungry. Plus, we need groceries. We’re running out of eggs, milk, and fresh vegetables, so I’ll head over there later today to get them. Also, we have to invest in a new fridge for your clay, because they’re starting to overrun the shelves. Also, our bills came in yesterday, so we have to do our annual ‘Sit down and Pay up’, which I know won’t be fun, but oh well. And also, we-”  
He was cut short when warm, strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist from behind, and he felt his body stiffen in surprise. He stopped all movement when a mouth pressed dangerously close to his ear.  
“Thank you for the explanation, un,” Deidara remarked. Sasori almost began relaxing but stiffened again as warm lips pressed into the junction of his neck and shoulder. Yet, as soon as they were there, they were gone the next, and the blonde had disappeared by the time the redhead was able to collect himself.  
He stared at the tiled wall in front of him.  
And did all he could do to not faint on the stop.


	17. A Partnership and Silence's Discomfort

Monday Afternoon…

 

Deidara clicked away on the laptop in his office. It was a bright, clear day for November; the sun had just reached its mid-way peak, with puffy, white clouds dotting the baby blue sky around it. The loud thrum of traffic was silenced by the thickly-panned windows and also because he was on the 24th floor of the HQ building for Iwa Stratos.  
So far it had been an easy day. The normal morning meeting with the sales reps to discuss new ideas and deals with the different businesses Iwa Stratos was partnered with, lunch with Hidan at the usual café near work, and just an hour ago, a video meeting with an international business leader to talk about updates in sales in their country.  
It was all about keeping the industry on top.  
Suddenly, Deidara found his mind wandering.  
To yesterday…and Sasori’s confession.  
He had been expecting an explanation, but certainly not to the scale his roommate had given. It had almost felt like he had laid everything out on a serving dish, throwing as much as his could onto that plate until he was stripped naked and could do nothing else but wait for a reaction.   
Deidara had even shocked himself by his actions after the confession, what with going over and hugging him and placing a gentle kiss on his neck.  
He gripped his hair in his hands.  
Gah! Why had he done that?!  
(Because you feel the same way)  
Shut up, no he didn’t!  
(Yes you do)  
No. He. Didn’t.  
(Denying will only make it worse)  
He wasn’t denying anything.  
(Yes you are)  
No he wasn’t!  
(Yes. You. Are-)  
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he looked over towards it. “Come in, un.”  
Without hesitation, Ino marched in and began speaking. “Today has been so exhausting with all these meetings, don’t you think, Dei?”  
“There hasn’t been that many and don’t call me Dei, un,” he responded, still typing on his laptop. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his cousin march over and slap the top of his computer down. He sighed. “I was writing up an important document, Ino, un.”  
“Never mind the document right now, Deidara,” she exclaimed, slamming a thick manila folder in front of him, “we have more important matters to discuss.”  
“Which are, un?”  
She came over and sat on his desk, much like how a secretary would in order to seduce her boss. However, Deidara paid no mind to this act as he took the folder in his hands and opened it.  
“For the past two weeks, Daddy has been venturing towards a new partnership with a local company,” Ino began to explain. “He and the company’s owner have had multiple meetings within the last week and just today, they finally made a deal. The company is called HelioTech. Ever heard of it?”  
“Y-yeah, un. It’s where Sasori works,” Deidara remarked.  
“Who’s Sasori?”  
“My roommate, un,” he gave his cousin an annoyed look. He had told her before that he had gotten a roommate with moving into the penthouse.   
She waved her hand at him. “Details, details. Anyways, HelioTech is a very well-known computer programming company that Daddy thinks will benefit Iwa Stratos in the long run.”  
“We have enough computer programmers under our wing; we don’t need anymore, un. And please stop calling our boss ‘Daddy.’”  
“But he is ‘Daddy.’”  
“He isn’t mine, un.”  
“You’re never this moody. Are you PMSing or something?” the glare from the older male was enough of an answer for her. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop. So our boss wants HelioTech to join the industry.”  
“And how will that profit us in the long run, un?”  
“It’s all in the paperwork,” she tapped the folder with a manicured index finger. “Predicted sales numbers and statistics for the next 10 years show I.S. thriving with this new partnership. Unfortunately, there are a few drawbacks to this deal.”  
At the sound of her voice, Deidara turned his gaze up to her face, studying her expression; it was unreadable, but held a note of defensiveness. He knitted his brows together. “What is it, un?”  
“As you said, we have enough programmers under our wing,” Ino began, not meeting his eyes as she spoke, which was a very bad sign for the male. “Mr. Iwa relayed that information to the owner of HelioTech, saying that if they joined I.S., they would have too many programmers to handle. So…they came up with an agreement.”  
“Ino, I’m not liking where this is going, un.”  
“Then you’re going to hate what I’m going to say next,” she murmured, finally looking at him. Her eyes were filled with regret. “The agreement they made was this: as long as the owner was fine with losing at least 20 employees under his wing, he would get the full amount of money he was asking for, for his company; enough money to retire comfortably in the suburbs.”  
As the information processed in Deidara’s brain, he began to feel fear creep into his body, slithering its icy way into his veins and quickly working its way into every extended limb, instantly turning him numb with dread. His heart began racing as he flipped through the folder until he reached the page he was looking for, swallowing the cotton ball-sized lump in his throat as he scanned the words on the white paper.  
“Ino, you can’t be serious, un?!” he gaped up at her. “Some of the employees on this list have been working there for over ten years.”  
“And we have programmers that have been working for us for over twenty,” she countered back. “Losing a few workers will not hurt us, Deidara. The sales and statistics take those losses into account.”  
“What about their families, their livelihood, un?” he stood up, towering over his cousin’s 5’2” frame, glaring. “News flash, Ino, not everyone comes from a privileged past like yourself. Some of them have actually had to work their asses off to get the job they have, un. And taking it away from them without a shred of remorse is wrong.”  
“Last time I checked, you also come from a privileged past, so don’t preach things like that when you can’t even relate to it!” she yelled, standing her ground. She got off the desk and strode over to the door. With her hand on the knob, she twisted to look back at her cousin. “There is a rule when working for a company, Deidara: never mix business with friendship. The industry, the company, it all comes first. Sure it may suck sometimes, the decisions we CEOs have to make, but at the end of the day, if it benefits the company, then the decision must be dealt with accordingly. Mr. Iwa has already signed the partnership, but needs the CEOs’ signatures as well. I have already signed it because I know what’s good for Iwa Stratos. You don’t need to make a decision right away. You have three weeks starting today to make one. But know this: if you sign it, I.S. with thrive and you’ll gain the respect you deserve as Co-CEO. But if you don’t and refuse, the partnership will fall, along with any chances I.S. may have at gaining a lead in the technological race every country is fighting in right now. I’m sorry this decision has been left in your hands, but this is the job of a CEO. Sometimes we have to make hard choices for another’s benefit. We’re hosting a party next weekend for HelioTech to have the employees meet some of our own in order to make good relations once we partner with them.”  
And she left with that, her last remark almost like a jab to Deidara, who was still staring after her like a lost puppy. It wasn’t even cold in the office and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as an icy chill went down his spine, igniting goosebumps to appear on his skin.   
Gazing back down at the paper, he grinded his teeth together in frustration, rage, and anger.   
He knew he had to sign it.  
It was for the good of the industry.  
So what was stopping him?  
Easy.  
Sasori’s name was on that list.

 

“Everyone, may I please have your attention?!” Sasori looked up from his computer to see the owner, Mr. Sato, standing over by the entranceway to his office. His wire-rimmed glasses were perched near the end of his nose, which he pushed back up to the bridge with two fingers, his dark brown eyes scanning the faces of the awaiting crowd to make sure they were listening before continuing. “I have important news to discuss with you all!”  
Without warning, a large crash resounded from the printing room along with a few bangs before the door busted open and Tobi sprinted out. “Sasori-senpai, the printer is broken! I tried printing out a large order, but then the printer started beeping, so I thought-”  
“Mr. Uchiha!” Mr. Sato yelled, gaining the attention of the intern. Sasori hid his face in his hands, knowing full well that the crowd’s gaze was on him. He heard Tobi cough lightly in embarrassment. “My apologies, Mr. Sato.”  
“Anyways, as I was explaining, the reason I have interrupted your routine schedule is to announce a partnership that will most likely be happening within the next month.”  
Sasori knitted his brows together in confusion.  
“I have been discussing this partnership with the other owner for a few weeks now and we both believe that joining forces will help our companies in the long run.”  
The redhead stood up and walked out of his cubicle to hear the owner better.  
“It is with my pleasure that I have decided to partner up with the worldly known company, Iwa Stratos,” cheers and applause erupted all around him as the news hit the employees’ ears.  
However, Sasori wasn’t celebrating with everyone else.  
Iwa Stratos?  
Wasn’t that where Deidara worked?  
He remembered the night the brat finally told him where he worked. They had both been in the living room, watching a T.V. show he couldn’t remember.   
“Hey, Sasori, un?”  
“What is it?”  
“I…haven’t told you where I worked…have I, un?”   
“No…you haven’t, actually,” he had looked over at his roommate, noticing the hesitation in his eyes. He had taken a deep breath before speaking. “I’m…Co-CEO at Iwa Stratos, un.”  
Sasori remembered feeling shocked, his eyes wide. “Geez, what’s your salary, then?”  
“…$1.4 million, un?”  
“Holy fuck, brat,” he had breathed out, running a hand through his hair. “But I mean, with that much money, surely you didn’t need a roommate, right?”  
“You’re right on that, un. I didn’t need a roommate,” Deidara had exclaimed. “But Itachi said getting one would help with the cost of the penthouse, so I figured I could give having a roommate another shot, un.”  
“And how is that turning out to be for you?” he remembered asking that with hesitation. Deidara had gazed at him with a playful expression. “I don’t know, un. I guess we’ll see.”  
The blonde had told him that about two weeks into living together. Sasori couldn’t understand why he had been so hesitant to tell him about his job. Had he been worried about what the redhead would say?   
Possibly.  
Deidara seemed like the kind of person to have everyone else’s best interests at heart, first, before his own, which was good, cause it meant that the brat actually cared about other people, but it was also bad, cause it meant he rarely focused on what made him happy, besides his art.  
And with the issues he dealt with on a regular basis…no wonder he got so fucked up, both physically and mentally.  
“Mr. Akasuna!”  
Through the still cheering and celebrating employees, Sasori heard his name called. He turned his gaze over to Mr. Sato, who was gazing right back at him with a smile on his face. “May I speak with you in my office?”  
Sasori entered the room without hesitation and sat down, waiting for the owner to join him. He closed the door and went behind the giant, modern-looking desk to perch himself in the swivel chair. A few seconds of silence were exchanged while the two just looked at each other, much to the redhead’s discomfort. He fidgeted in his chair. “So…why was it that you called me in here, sir?”  
“Why do you think I called you in here?”  
“Um…I’m getting a pay-raise?”  
Mr. Sato laughed.  
Hmph…of course he would laugh.  
“Mr. Akasuna, you’re thinking too big here,” the owner chuckled. “What I’m here to discuss with you is your appearance.”  
“My appearance, sir?”   
“You know, all the…piercings and…’hipster’-style clothes? You know…those?”  
“I understand what you mean by appearance, sir, but I must say that it hasn’t caused much of an issue since I’ve been working here.”  
“And I understand that, but here’s where you must compromise with me for just once.”  
“…Alright? What is it?”  
“Iwa Stratos is holding a sort of…get together, a…party, per say, in celebration of the future partnership with us. It’s meant for us to meet the other employees you all will be working with,” Mr. Sato explained, smiling.  
“Wait, so…the partnership hasn’t officially happened yet?” Sasori asked.  
“No, it hasn’t. I’m still waiting on the Co-CEOs’ decisions.”  
So either it was Ino or Deidara holding off on deciding, huh?  
“Okay, so what does a party have to do with my appearance?”  
“For one night, Mr. Sasori Akasuna, I am asking you to look your most professional and formal for this party,” Mr. Sato leaned on the desk with his elbows for emphasis, studying the redhead. “This is a chance for I.S. to view the employees that will be working under their name in the future. You need to make a good impression.”  
Annoyance crept its way up through Sasori’s body at those words.   
His boss was asking him to change who he was for the sake of not soiling the HelioTech name in front of such a high-rated company.  
Just like all the other assholes in his life before him.  
Through the anger that was beginning to seep out of his pores, he forced himself to smile at Mr. Sato. “Of course, sir. I will look my top shape for the party then.”  
“Excellent!” Mr. Sato clapped his hands together, grinning. “Now, I must ask you to get back to work. The program’s deadline is this Friday.”  
“Of course, sir,” with a nod of his head, the pierced male exited the office and more or less stomped back to his cubicle, where he plopped onto his own swivel chair and began writing a new line of code.  
“Heyyyyy…psst…Sasori-senpai?”  
“What is it that you want, Tobi?” Sasori glared at the wall he knew the intern was behind. “You almost got me in trouble back there.”  
“Sorry, senpai, I was just freaking out over the printer,” Tobi explained, voice low so as not to draw attention to the two. “But what was it that the boss man wanted to talk to you about?”  
“None of your business, Tobi. Now leave me alone, alright? I need to concentrate,” Sasori exclaimed, not hearing another word from the intern.  
In the silence, his senses became hyper aware. His ears picked up the distant sound of a telephone ringing and someone answering with the normal greeting, the insistent clicking of fingertips against keyboards, and the silent thrum of a fan not too far off in another cubicle. His nose picked up the faint scent of coffee that had been made about an hour ago, the slight smell of cheap perfume as a woman walked by, and the faint odor of drying ink from freshly printed papers. His eyes were glued to the screen, watching as new lines of code appeared in rapid fire succession, filling the page before he went on to a new one. He felt the sensation of his tongue piercing clicking against the backside of his upper teeth, and all his senses suddenly became hyper aware of that one thing. His ears heard the familiar click against enamel, his taste buds recognized the metallic flavor of the bar, and the roof of his mouth felt the metal’s cold surface against its rippled terrain.  
And suddenly…he wished to have Tobi’s annoying chatter fill his ears instead.   
The silence was all but too loud for his comfort.


	18. Suited Attire and Startling Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments! Please enjoy the next chappie! ^_^ <333

“Sasori-senpai! Sasori-senpai! What about this one?!”  
“Tobi, an orange suit looks tacky.”  
“Okay…then what about this one?”  
“Tobi, camo won’t work either.”  
“You’re throwing down every one of my suggestions, senpai. What about this one?”  
When Sasori turned to look at the younger male, he was shocked to find him in a simple, well-tailored light grey suit with a maroon tie. His onyx eyes seemed hopeful as he awaited his mentor’s reaction.  
The redhead smiled. “Perfect. That’s the best option.”  
“Really, senpai?! I’m gonna go buy it now!” with that, Tobi sprinted off to the dressing room to change back into his normal attire. Sasori shook his head.  
“Sir, will you please lift your arms for me?” the employee asked, the male doing so.  
The two men were at Brooks Brothers, getting fitted for suits for the party next week that was being hosted in their honor by Iwa Stratos. While Sasori was taking the time actually get measured for his, Tobi was finding enjoyment in trying on different ones, much like how a girl would in trying to pick the perfect prom dress.  
Thank God he never had to deal with dating girls in high school or in college.  
It was a Saturday, exactly one week until the party, and Sasori had decided to bring Tobi along with him to go shopping. He would have gone with Deidara if the brat’s damn cousin hadn’t dragged him off first.  
When he had returned to the penthouse the night of the day the event was announced, Deidara was already in the kitchen, making dinner. He had looked up from the stove and smiled at him. “Welcome home, Danna, un! Hope you’re hungry.”  
“Famished, actually,” he had replied, taking a seat on one of the island stools. “What are you making?”  
“Pad Thai, un. It’s my first time making it, so if it’s not good, I’m sorry,” the blonde had explained, adding what looked to be seasoned shrimp into the skillet filled with noodles. The older male had just smiled and stood up, striding over to wrap his arms around the younger male’s waist, feeling a slight tense in the latter before it quickly subsided.  
“I heard your company’s hosting a party for ours next weekend?”  
“…Y-yeah, un. Next weekend.”  
“My boss said that our company might be merging with yours in the near future.”  
“Yeah, I was just told about this partnership today as well, un.”  
“So…is it you or Ino that’s holding off on the decision?”  
“It’s…me, un.”  
“What’s stopping you?”  
“I just want to look through the paperwork some more before I sign it, un. Don’t want any pork barrel shit happening.”  
“That’s understandable,” the older male had exclaimed, his grip on the tanned waist tightening.  
They had stood like that for a solid minute before Sasori finally spoke. “You’re not going to push me away?”  
“Why, un? You’re not bothering me.”  
The redhead had smirked deviously, bringing his lips to the other’s throat. Opening his mouth slightly, he had run the tip of his tongue up to the blonde’s ear, whispering, “How about now?”  
Deidara had shivered and elbowed him in the ribs, pushing him away. “Do that again and I’ll withhold dinner from you while you watch me eat, un.”  
“Oh I would like to watch you eat,” Sasori had said in his most seductive voice he could muster. Grinning widely at the blush that had erupted on the younger male’s face, he laughed when the other had muttered, “Shut up, un,” while going back to fixing dinner.  
The teasing had continued for much of the rest of the week, which surprised Sasori because he hadn’t expected his roommate to take it so willingly.  
“What’s the special occasion for?” the employee suddenly asked, interrupting his thoughts. He gazed at her while she measured his torso and wrote down the number on a piece of a paper. “A ‘high-society’ party.”  
“‘High society’, huh?” she stood up and smiled at him. “You don’t seem like the kind of person to involve himself in that lifestyle.”  
“It’s because of my piercings, isn’t it?” he asked, knowing full well he still had all his facial ones in.   
He wouldn’t take them out until he absolutely needed to.  
The woman became flustered as she realized her mistake. “I-I’m sorry, s-sir, I didn’t mean it like tha-”  
He chuckled softly. “It’s perfectly okay, ma’am. Stuff like that happens all the time for me; I’m used to it by now.”  
“Still though, I am sorry,” she murmured, ripping the paper from the pad she was writing on and handing it to him. “These are your measurements. I would suggest sticking to darker shades, not only since it’s nearing winter, but because darker colors look better for your skin and hair.”  
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” he smiled at her as she walked away. He gazed down at the paper, scanning the numbers until a certain set caught his eye.  
7 digits…with curlicue writing next to it saying ‘Call Me.’  
He shook his head, a quirk of a smile playing at his lips.  
Sometimes…he surprised even himself.

 

“Ino, this is too bright, un.”  
“What are you talking about, Dei?! Red is such a perfect color for blondes!”  
“Not for an entire suit and what did I tell you about calling me Dei, un?!” Deidara nearly yelled in the store.   
His patience with his cousin had been worn thin for about an hour now.  
In the course of that time, Ino had made him try on over 20 different suits, each one being a ‘favorite’ for her and a definite ‘no’ for him. Going from a complete sky blue, to pinstripe, and now, to a bright cherry red.  
“Geez, why are you so moody?”  
“I’m not, Ino, un. I just don’t like it when you call me ‘Dei,’” he explained, looking at himself in the three way mirror. Sure the suit fit him well – and he had to admit the color was perfect in contrasting with his golden locks – but a completely red suit would cause too much attention for him at the party.  
“And plus, I’m tired of trying on all these suits, un. Can’t we just pick one?” he asked, swiveling at his heel to look at Ino, who was busy sitting in one of the giant leather chairs in the dressing room.  
They had started their shopping day early, much to the blonde’s annoyance. He had been hoping to go shopping with Sasori, but when his cousin randomly showed up at the butt-crack of dawn to haul him off to over ten different menswear shops, his plans had to, unfortunately, be altered.   
Sasori.  
Just thinking of his name reminded him of all that had happened within the week. The consistent teasing, the overly-excessive flirting, it had all been too much and was slowly driving him insane.  
And he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.  
He was accepting everything as it came without hesitation, so…  
…Was he slowly beginning to enjoy it?  
(You are)  
And actually…like it?  
(Yes)  
He knew one thing.  
He was not…was not ready to tell Sasori about what will happen if the companies merged.  
About how he would lose his job.  
Deidara hadn’t decided yet, but he knew he would eventually have to tell him, before someone else did.  
He just didn’t know when he would.  
“Well if you don’t like red, or sky blue, or pinstripe, what do you want, then?” Ino asked. She had already picked out the dress she was wearing to the party. It laid in a purple garment bag on her lap.  
“I don’t know, maybe the normal black and white suit, un?”   
She sighed, waving her hand. “Fine, fine. Go try on one of the bland suits, if you must.”  
“Sorry I’m not one to stand out in a crowd, Ino, un.”  
“I know, Deidara…that’s why I miss the old you.”  
That last remark somehow felt like a stab to his heart.   
He admitted he missed his old self; the one who’d get the parties started, the one who could talk to anyone and everyone without worry.  
He missed that.  
However…it was his old self that had caused his present self. The one having to take drugs in order to not fall into a suicidal depression and to not die of alcohol poisoning.  
Yeah…such a great past to come from.  
He walked out of the changing room and back to in front of the three-way mirror, Ino watching his every step. She circled around him a few times. “I like it, but…like I said, it’s just too…normal.”  
“Do you want me to stick out like a sore thumb, Ino, un?”  
“No, no, that’s not what I want at all,” she circled around again until she was standing straight in front of him. She sighed, smiling. “Look…I’m only going to say this once, mostly because I’m never good with expressing my thoughts through words, but here it is: the way you are, personality wise, deserves to have the crowd’s attention. Though you aren’t like your old self, which is honestly good, because…Deidara…we…we were so close to losing you. And I know drudging up your past isn’t good, but you’ve learned from it, as far as I can tell. But that doesn’t mean your old personality has to die with your mistakes. Still be that people-pleaser, that crowd-charmer. It’s one of the best qualities about you that make everyone fall for you and love you. So that’s why a bland, plain old black and white suit doesn’t suit you.”  
His mouth quirked to the side. “So what do you think is the best suit for me, un?”  
She thought for a second, tapping her index finger against her chin. She snapped her fingers in the next. “I got it! Stay right here.”  
She disappeared into the store and was gone for a few minutes before returning with a suit that made the blonde’s eyes widen. Her smile was big enough to put the Cheshire Cat to shame. “This one is the best.”  
In the next ten minutes, he was standing in front of the mirror again, gazing at himself in a well-tailored, off-white suit. His golden tresses cascaded down the lapels in straight waves, and his one visible blue eye popped against his entire outfit.  
Noticing his shock, Ino squealed in delight, clapping her hands together. “Isn’t it great?! It’s so amazingly perfect for you! The color is not too out of place, because off-white suits are pretty normal, but it’s just unique enough that it will catch the eye of all the ladies at the party.”  
“Are you hoping I’ll meet someone there, un?” he turned to give her a genuine smile. She cocked her head to side. “You haven’t dated much since you went to Grad School. You have a well-paying job now and live in a beautiful penthouse in the city, and you’re still single. What ever happened to that girl at the reception desk?”  
“You mean Sakura, un?”  
“Yeah, her. What happened to her? I thought you were going to ask her out on a date? Did that ever happen?”  
“…N-No it never did, un,” he gazed back at the mirror. “We just didn’t click, I guess.”  
“Well is there anyone that has sparked your interest recently?”  
(Sasori)  
The blonde looked down at his feet.  
“Deidara, why are you smiling?”  
Wait…had he been smiling?  
Letting his face fall slack was proof enough that he had been.  
“Hello? Answer me.”  
“Sorry, what, un?”  
“Why did you suddenly smile like you were thinking about someone?”   
“I-I was, un?” he couldn’t help the slight blush that filled his cheeks as he looked at his cousin. She knitted her brows together, then her eyes widened at the realization. “Oh my God, you were thinking about someone! Tell me, tell me, tell me! Who’s the lucky lady? Is it someone from work?”  
“In due time, I will tell you, my dear cousin, un.”  
She let it drop, which sent a wave of relief through Deidara’s body.  
Well how was he supposed to let his cousin know that he was falling for a gu-?  
Wait…was he?  
Was he really falling for Sasori?  
No…no, it couldn’t be that.  
He was straight.  
So why?  
Why was there this ever-present denial he had?  
Why was his first thoughts always chased by second guesses, and then third?  
Why was it, that when he thought of Sasori, he smiled unconsciously, smiling so big and widely that his cheeks would almost hurt from the pulling?  
Why was it that when he thought of his roommate, his heart would start to race and his body felt warm all over, like it was being wrapped in a comfortable heat?  
Why was it that he laughed at every little funny thing the redhead would say?  
Why did it excite him to go back to the penthouse every night after a long day of work?  
Why did the anticipation of waking up in the morning excite him so?  
All these questions of why this, why that, why everything.  
And it was so damn confusing!  
Nothing made sense anymore. Not his logic, not his life, not even his sexuality!  
He was straight.  
He knew that.  
Had known that all his life.  
A quiet sigh escaped his lips.  
So why was he suddenly falling for a man named Sasori Akasuna?


	19. Past Relationships Bring Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Here is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy it! ^_^

One Week Later…

The party was in full swing by the time Deidara entered. Employees he recognized from his work were mingling with employees that must’ve been from HelioTech, since he didn’t know any of them. The venue the event was being held at wasn’t too far away from the HQ building. The designers had done a phenomenal job with the interior decorations.  
Large, circular glass tables filled the room in interspersed sections, with plush, red velvet lined chairs surrounding them. Near the temporary stage setup was the modern-looking bar with a dark granite countertop, the bartender rushing to take and complete orders as they were given at a mile a minute. Straight across from the bar on the other side of the room was the long line of rectangular tables filled with hors d’oeuvres, everything from bacon-wrapped bits of fillet mignon to sourdough toasts with mushrooms and oysters and to shrimp and grits cakes. On a table of its own sat rows upon rows of glasses filled with Krug champagne. And centered straight in the middle of the room was a giant fountain which casted bright, crystalline patterns on the floor and walls as the giant, hanging chandeliers overhead beamed proudly against the falling water.   
Deidara stood at the entryway, feeling a little suffocated in his suit, much like how he had on his first day as Co-CEO. He tugged relentlessly at the black tie around his neck.  
“Deidara, stop that,” Ino whispered, slapping his wrist lightly with a white-gloved hand. “You’ll crease the material.”  
“Sorry, un. It just feels a little too tight, is all,” he explained. She sighed and brought her hands to his neck, feeling around. “It’s supposed to fit snugly like that. Don’t you remember how to wear a suit?”  
“I wear a suit every day, un,” he glared at her. “And the tie is too tight.”  
“The tie is fine.”  
He scanned the room quickly, eyes darting past a person. “The tie is too tight, I feel like I’m suffocating, it’s hot as hell in here, and-”  
A pressure on his chest stopped him mid-rant, and he turned his gaze to the hand resting just above his heart. “What the fuck are you doing, un?”  
“Your heart is racing,” Ino explained. “Why? Are you nervous?”  
He could deny being so, but his body was giving him away too easily. “So what if I am, un?”  
“It’s not like you’re going up there and having to give a speech to everyone. Only Mr. Sato and Mr. Iwa will be doing that.”  
“I know that, un.”  
“So why are you nervous?” she asked again, pale blue orbs curious. He sighed, doing another quick scan of the room only to return to a smirking face. He blinked at it. “What, un?”  
“You’re looking for someone!” at a roll of the eyes, she nearly squealed. “Yay, I knew it! She must be here, right?!”  
“Ino-”  
“Is it the one in that lavender dress over by the bar? That’s such a pretty color on her.”  
“Ino-”  
“Or is it the one in the black halter? You know, a halter dress isn’t really appropriate for an occasion like this.”  
“Ino-”  
(Shut up)  
“Or how about the one sitting all alone, drinking the champagne? It looks like she could use some company.”  
“Ino-”  
(Shut. Up)  
“Come on, Deidara, you have to help me here. Is she over by the bar, the stage, the food, the tables, the fountain-?”  
“Ino-”  
(SHUT UP!!!)  
“Well is she or is she not here, Dei-?”  
“Why do you fucking assume that it’s a girl, un?!?!” he finally yelled.  
Ino blinked at him, shock marring her entire demeanor.   
Fuck…fuck, what the fuck had he just done?  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-  
“D-Deidara…w-what are you-?”  
“I’m getting myself some champagne, un,” with that, he swiveled on his heel and walked away as quickly as he could, hearing his cousin call out his name, though he chose to ignore her for very obvious reasons.   
What the hell had that been back there?  
(You told her the truth)  
About what?  
(That it’s not a girl that you’re attracted to)  
He was attracted to girls.  
(Fine…that it’s not a girl that you’re in love with)  
…  
(I’ll take that as a sufficient enough answer)  
Deidara wasn’t sure when the ‘second voice’ first appeared in his mind. He just knew it had started shortly after he had fallen into suicidal depression. It acted as a sort of…remembrance of what he was trying to deny. It told him the truth he didn’t want to hear, despite his many attempts to argue with it.  
It always ended up being a losing battle on his end.  
Much like how it was now.   
He reached the table of Krug and helped himself to a glass, tasting the hints of almond and citrus as he took a sip, the liquid running down his throat like smooth golden chocolate.  
He didn’t expect anything less from a drink that cost $500.  
What sounded like the side of a fork being hit against a champagne glass was heard over the surround sound speakers, grabbing everyone’s attention and forcing them to look up towards the stage where the owner of Iwa Stratos, Mr. Iwa, was standing proudly before the microphone, a warm smile etched into his aged face. “Glad to have everyone’s attention. How are you all enjoying the festivities?”  
A few loud cheers here and there around the room were acknowledged before he continued. “I am glad to hear that. However, as we continue enjoying ourselves on the wonderful hors d’oeuvres and champagne, I must remind all of you as to why we are even having this celebration in the first place. In a few weeks, I hope the merging of HelioTech with us has been successful. Statistics and numbers prove the advantages both companies will earn with the partnership. Tonight, this celebration is to just meet those who you may be working with in the near future. Get to know each other, sit down, have a glass of wine or champagne, and enjoy yourselves. That is all.”  
“Man, could that have been any more scripted?” a snarky voice piped up next to the blonde. He didn’t have to turn towards the person to know who it was. However, when he did, he nearly dropped his glass of alcohol onto the hardwood floor beneath them.  
Sasori stood there, clad in a simple black suit with a white tie tucked neatly in between the lapels. The suit fit him in all the right places, clearly indicating that he had at least a medium build underneath.  
But it wasn’t necessarily the suit that was catching the younger male’s attention.  
It was the fact that, besides the ear piercings, all of the redhead’s facial ones were completely gone, with the holes not even being visible in the sparingly lit room. Even the ends of his hair, which had been dyed a bright green when they had first met, matched the rest of his blood red locks.   
He looked…normal…and…  
(Amazing)  
“Oh, I know. I do look amazing, don’t I?” the older male asked, smiling deviously.  
Wait, had he…had he said that out loud?  
As if reading his thoughts, Sasori chuckled. “You didn’t have to tell me what you thought, brat. It’s written all over your face. But don’t worry, though. You look really good yourself, handsome.”  
Deidara felt his cheeks flush and an unconscious smile form on his lips at the words. He also became acutely aware of how his body was reacting. Just being so close to his roommate was sending electric sparks to run over his skin, burying into his pores and traveling through his bloodstream, accelerating his heartbeat even more so than it had already been doing before.   
And he didn’t care one little bit.  
“W-What happened to your piercings, un?” he asked, all but too keen on the nervousness etching his tone.  
He silently cursed at himself.  
“Oh, my boss wanted me to take them out for the occasion,” Sasori explained, grabbing his own champagne glass and taking a sip. “Said I needed to look “professional” for it and – wow, this is good.”  
“You’ve never had Krug, un?”  
“No, because when have I ever invested in an expensive bottle of champagne?”  
“Oh…I’m sorry, un.”  
“Brat, don’t apologize,” the redhead exclaimed. A few seconds of silence passed between the two before he spoke again, eyes scanning the room. “So…found anyone interesting yet?”  
(You)  
“Um…no, un.”  
“Really, not a single person?” Sasori gazed at him with a playful smile.   
(You)  
Deidara gulped, about to say something when the older male looked past him and his eyes and smile grew wider. “Komushi?! Is that you?!”  
The blonde knitted his brows together, but was suddenly shoved almost into the table to his left as a guy with naturally spiky, dark brown hair moved past him to stand in front of the redhead. “Sasori?! Holy shit, long time, no see, yeah?!”  
“Yeah, seriously! I haven’t see you since-”  
“Graduation,” they said at the same time, followed by a few seconds of quiet chuckles.   
All the while, Deidara just stood there…feeling anger creeping into his face from his neck.  
(Who the fuck is that?)  
He didn’t have a clue, but it sure seemed like his roommate knew.  
(Why is the asshole touching him?)  
That’s what he would like to know.  
(Why does Danna seem…comfortable with him?)  
(Why is he laughing at everything this guy is saying?)  
(Why is he not paying attention to you?)  
Clutching the glass in his hand tightly, almost to the point of breaking it, Deidara let his inner voice out.  
It wanted to know who the fuck that guy was.  
And he was going to find out.

 

“Sasori, who is this, un?” the redhead pulled away from the conversation to look over at his roommate, noticing the younger male’s demeanor had changed drastically within the few short minutes of Komushi walking over.  
What was wrong with him?  
“Oh, Deidara, I’m sorry,” he apologized, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “This is Komushi. I met him in college. We um…we-”  
“Dated for a while,” Komushi finished, gazing at him with an expression Sasori couldn’t quite put down. He looked at the blonde thoughtfully. “Komushi, this is Deidara. He’s my roommate.”  
“Deidara, it’s nice to meet you!” Komushi moved to extend a hand out to Deidara, who just continued to stand there, eyes vague and placid as he looked at the redhead’s friend. When he didn’t take the hand, Komushi just awkwardly retracted it and rubbed the back of his head. “A-Anyways, Sasori, I didn’t know you worked for Iwa Stratos!”  
“I don’t; I work for HelioTech.”  
“Really? Hell, that’s even better! We might work together, then!”  
“Definitely,” he smiled at him.  
“I’m gonna go find Ino, un,” he heard his roommate say. Sasori swiveled on his heel, about to call out to him and stride over, when a hand clamped down on his wrist. He turned to see Komushi staring at him with a serious face. “Let him go, Sasori. He doesn’t seem to be in the mood to talk.”  
“He was perfectly fine not three minutes ago,” he explained, watching helplessly as Deidara weaved through the tables until he sat down next to a long blonde-haired woman who must’ve been his cousin. He suddenly turned his head until he was staring at the older male with a passive expression, then quickly looked away again.  
What was wrong with him?  
Had he done something to upset him?  
No…he couldn’t have. Everything had been going fine until-  
Until Komushi showed up.  
Then Deidara became a crab with an attitude to match and had found an excuse to leave the conversation.  
Sasori shook his head in disbelief, smiling.  
The brat was fucking jealous.  
That was adorable.  
And damn did he look attractive in that suit.  
When the redhead had first walked in, he knew Deidara was already there because he had left the penthouse about an hour before him. And when he had found him over by the champagne table, he had been reminded all over again as to why he had fallen in love with him.  
The all, off-white suit went so well with his golden hair, it seemed as if he was an angel sent down from heaven, not with the usual halo, wings, and gown, but in a suit that managed to capture everyone’s attention, despite the normalcy of its color.  
And when he had stared at Sasori after he made his surprise introduction, his heartbeat had picked up at the way Deidara had gazed at him. Surprise, awe, and enamor had flashed across the younger male’s face with such lightning speed, but the older male had captured every part of it.  
So he could understand why he was jealous.  
But if Deidara was jealous of him talking to one of his exes…  
Did that…did that mean the brat had feelings for him?  
And was finally allowing himself to be open about it?  
Only one way to find out.   
Make the brat as jealous as he possibly could.  
“Hey, let’s go sit down before they make any more announcements,” he gazed at Komushi with a smile that welcomed flirting. The other male gave him a questioning look, before the realization hit him and he returned the smile. “Sure.”  
As they found a table, Sasori smiled in the knowledge of knowing the brat was watching his every move from across the room.

 

“Deidara what was that back there? What you said earlier?” he heard Ino ask.  
But Deidara didn’t feel like talking.   
He was watching with a hawk’s eye Sasori’s interaction with his supposed ex. They were definitely getting too close for comfort. The way they were looking at each other, laughing at each other’s ‘funny’ jokes, the way that asswipe was staring at his Danna.  
It was enough to make him want to puke.   
Sasori was in love with him, not that asshole who was trying way too hard to impress the redhead.  
Newsflash, dumb fuck, there had been a reason you two broke up.  
Deidara knew he shouldn’t be allowing himself to get jealous.  
But seeing his roommate’s affections go towards someone else made him territorial, like a lion protecting his lioness from other males.  
He felt angry, stupid, livid, confused, every emotion that could describe someone being jealous.  
And having Ino continually yapping in his ear wasn’t helping anything.  
“Deidara, answer me!”  
What the fuck, why was Sasori touching him?!  
(He’s only supposed to touch you)  
Why was he gazing at him like that?!  
(He’s only supposed to look at you that way)  
What gave that asshole the right to flirt with him?!  
(Sasori is yours)  
“Deidara?! Answer me!”  
(Sasori is yours)  
(And you are his)  
(Admit it)  
Admit what?  
(The reason you’re jealous)  
Why was he jealous?  
(You’re in love with Sasori)  
“Deidara, are you ignoring me?!”  
Whoa, wait, what’s that folded piece of paper he was handing Sasori?  
That better not be a fucking number…  
Why was he allowing himself to get to this point?  
(You’re in love with Sasori)  
“Deidara! I swear to God, answer me!”  
Why did Sasori take the paper? Did he…did he find him attractive?  
Why was his heart suddenly constricting?   
Why did his shoulders feel heavy with weight?  
Why was the anger slowly changing to rage and hurt?  
(You’re in love with Sasori)  
“May I have everyone’s attention, again?!” a voice reverberated through the room. Even though he should be paying mind to what Mr. Sato was saying, he just continued to stare at the flirting men with anger in his eyes.  
“I am pleased to have this party hosted in HelioTech’s honor-”  
“Deidara, answer me!” Ino was whispering, tugging at his sleeve.  
Oi, fucker, why the fuck were you touching Sasori?  
Stop.  
He wasn’t yours.  
“When I was first asked to merge with Iwa Stratos, I will admit I was a bit skeptical. I had run a successful independent company for years-”  
“Stop. Ignoring. Me.”  
(Ino, shut the fuck up)  
Wait…what was he doing now?!  
No...asshole, stop. Why…was he…?  
Sasori…why was he letting him do that to him?  
Why?  
“But when I saw the advantages-”  
“Deidara!!!”  
Why?  
“I just knew something was right about this merge-”  
“Deidara!”  
Why?  
Why?  
Why?  
Why?  
“And I think that once the decision is made-”  
“Deidara!”  
Why was this happening?  
“Dei!”  
(She needs to stop calling you that)  
Why was this happening?  
“Dei!!!”  
Why was Sasori not paying attention to him now?  
“Dei!!!!”  
Why was he-?  
“DEI!!!”  
“INO, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, UN?!?!” he finally screamed at her, silencing Mr. Sato, who was busy finishing up his speech, and grabbing everyone’s attention in the room. All eyes were turning to the blonde who was still glaring at his cousin.   
However, he suddenly realized his mistake.  
Slowly, his gaze met the shocked ones staring back, going through each one until he landed on Sasori, whose own shocked expression was enough to get Deidara angry all over again.  
Glaring at the redhead, he mumbled an apology to Ino and stood up, hearing the quick and hushed murmurings of the crowd as he rushed to the door, whose gilded threshold called out to him for his escape.   
Yet as he exited, he was all but too aware of his roommate’s presence following him as they’re footsteps hit the sidewalk and headed home.


	20. Burned Bridges and Physical Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! I love seeing the increase in kudos, I'm honestly really happy that you all love this story as much I did writing it! This story holds a special place in my heart and I hope you continue to love it, even as the chapters from here on out start delve into much deeper waters and more serious matters. Whoops, foreshadowing ;) Please enjoy and leave comments!

Deidara was pissed.  
And he was jealous.  
He was jealous because he was pissed, and he was pissed because he was jealous.   
He could feel anger and annoyance of the night swimming over him in giant waves, drowning him in emotions, making his entire body shake.   
He clenched his hands into fists, trying desperately to calm himself.  
For Sasori, he was enjoying the sight of the blonde physically fuming at his performance at the dinner. Sure he had been ‘flirting’ with his ex, and sure, he had definitely seen Deidara watching from afar, and sure, he hadn’t done much to stop his ex from flirting back, but in all honesty, Sasori had only done those things to get Deidara to crack.  
And cracking sure was what was happening to his roommate.  
Smirking at the younger male’s off-white suit jacketed back, he spoke. “What’s the matter, Deidara? You seem upset.”  
At the sound of a slight smirk in the older male’s voice, the blonde felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He couldn’t allow Sasori to know that he was upset, let alone jealous.  
He shook his head, feeling his shoulders relax. “Nothing, un. Just tired.”  
“Really?” Sasori knew exactly what was going on with him. The sculptor’s entire demeanor had changed the second the older male had recognized his ex. On top of that, with everything that had happened between them, the kisses, the night in the younger male’s room, Sasori’s confession, they were eventually going to make Deidara question everything he had known his entire life, even if he didn’t want them to. And tonight’s little episode was enough of a confession for the redhead.   
Sasori felt his heart jump in his chest.  
Deidara had feelings for him.  
He was just being stubborn about saying he was jealous.  
Which meant Sasori would just have to get him to talk.  
“Really, un. Everything’s fine,” Deidara repeated, feeling his patience wearing thin.  
Ever since the night in his room with Sasori, his entire way of living began being questioned. All his life, he had grown up being straight, being attracted to females and loving the soft curves and lips each once was adorned with. And even with Hidan being gay, he knew he would never turn.  
But something about Sasori was different.  
Deidara hadn’t wanted to admit this, but thinking back to when they had kissed, not only once, but twice, the second time having been his own decision to allow it, he remembered feeling like his entire body was on fire, his heart ramming against his chest as the redhead’s pierced tongue slowly traced his own, causing him to moan in ways no girl had ever been able to achieve, even when having sex.  
But he also couldn’t believe he had felt that.  
At the time, he wasn’t gay.  
He knew that.  
But why had his body reacted that way?  
Why was it that when he thought about it, even now, his heart would begin thumping painfully against his chest, waves of heat beginning to overcome his demeanor?  
Why had he liked kissing Sasori?  
Why?  
Why?  
“See, brat, I would believe you, but I know you’re lying,” Sasori continued, following the other male as they finally made it the door to their penthouse. He watched Deidara fumble with opening the lock. “So why don’t you tell me.”  
“Why are you pestering me on something I’ve already given an answer to, un?” the blonde turned to look at his roommate, visible blue eye slightly glaring. “I. Am. Fine.”  
The door opened wide, Deidara striding on through into the unlit foyer, the moon’s glow visible in the living room. At this point, he was boarder-line ready to scream. The redhead wouldn’t give up; he obviously knew he was lying, but he was stubborn. He wouldn’t break so easily.  
But if that damn redhead asked one more time…  
“You’re lying. That outburst at the party is proving that. Tell me.”  
“I fucking hated the stunt you pulled at the dinner, okay, un?!” Deidara finally screamed, whirling around to stare down his roommate. “I mean, what the fuck was that?!”  
“Flirting, brat. It’s quite common.”  
“Fuck you, Sasori, I know what flirting is, un. Why do it at an event like that?!”  
“Cause I can.”  
“You’re seriously pissing me off right now, un.”  
“Why the hell do you care?!” Sasori finally snapped. He wasn’t getting anywhere with being subtle, so being brutally honest was the only option left.  
Deidara didn’t say anything. Just swiveled on his heel and continued through the foyer, heading towards the living room. The redhead smiled.  
Almost got him.  
“Why do you care about who I flirt with, huh?!” he continued, following the younger male. “Why does it matter?”  
“Stop asking these damn-!”  
“No, fucking answer my question, Deidara!” Sasori screamed. The two males had finally reached the living room, the moon’s glow turning the blonde’s hair nearly white. “You know exactly how I feel about you! Known since my fucking birthday! I even fucking confessed as to why I had fallen in love with you! I understand with everything that has happened between us has confused you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I’ve made you question everything about who you are, but if you have even a shred of respect for me and actually care about me, answer the goddamn question! Why does it matter?!?!”  
Something snapped in Deidara.  
Whether it was his breaking or turning point, he wasn’t sure.  
He just knew the only words running through his head as he turned around to face Sasori were:  
Fuck it.  
Without so much as a warning, he lunged forward, locking their lips in a tight connection, hearing the redhead grunt in surprise. The force of him throwing his body forward sent both falling back into the leather couch, the blonde instantly straddling his roommate’s hips as he opened his mouth slightly, gliding his tongue against Sasori’s lower lip, hearing a near animalistic growl erupt from the other’s throat.   
For the puppeteer, he didn’t know what to think. Couldn’t really understand that Deidara was now straddling him, his tongue begging for entrance. Couldn’t really grasp much else besides the fact that his roommate that he had been in love with for too long was finally showing his feelings.   
His heart rammed against his chest as he closed his eyes, entangling his hands into the thick gold locks as he allowed access, nearly groaning as his tongue and the blonde’s battled for dominance.  
Like hell he’d let the brat win.  
He moved his hands down to the younger male’s ass, taking a bruising grip and driving his hips into his, pulling him closer. A low moan escaped Deidara’s lips, allowing the redhead to force his wet appendage into the hot orifice, internally smirking as yet another moan escaped the sculptor’s throat.  
Deidara couldn’t breathe.  
He didn’t necessarily want to breathe.  
His body felt like he was on fire, every nerve ending in his system alive and wired, making him hyper-aware of his surroundings. His ears picked up the whirring of the refrigerator and his own moans escaping and disappearing into the air, his nose picked up the scent of Sasori’s musky cologne and the slight aroma of the leather couch, his skin felt the pressure of his roommate’s hands gliding over it and his hair follicles felt the random tugging as well, and his eyes were closed, though when he opened them slightly, he became acutely aware of how erotic the redhead’s face looked: eyes closed, cheeks tinted a light pink, and tiny growls vibrating against his throat sent pleasure shivers down his own spine. He closed his eyes, loving the feeling of Sasori’s tongue piercing clicking against his teeth, the ball on the stud rolling against his own tongue, the sensation somewhat familiar from the last time they had kissed.  
But kissing wasn’t the only thing he wanted now.  
He wanted Sasori.  
He needed him.  
Reluctantly, he pulled away, opening his eyes slowly to gaze into those beautiful amber orbs now glazed over with wanton and lust, paralleling his own expression. He sat up a little straighter, his long hair falling around their faces like a curtain, shielding them off from the rest of the world as he cupped the redhead’s face in his hands.  
Just the two of them.  
And no one else.  
“What was that for, brat?” Sasori asked, voice lowered by a few octaves and breathless. Deidara smirked, mischief clouding his better judgment. Letting his eyelids droop slightly, and feeling the now prominent bulge in both their dress pants, he began to move his hips in a rocking motion, grinding their erections together, noting the dilation of the puppeteer’s pupils and his cheeks tinting deeper as he spoke. “I didn’t enjoy that stunt you pulled, Danna, un. It upset me.”  
“Mm…b-brat you knew I wasn’t serious,” the redhead’s voice hitched in an attempt to sound calm, but the blonde knew he wouldn’t last forever.  
His roommate was impatient.   
“Did I, un? Because I couldn’t tell,” the sculptor inched the speed of his grinding up, noticing the tightening of the older male’s grip on his waist. “Seemed to me like you were enjoying it, un.”  
“…Damn it, Dei, I wasn’t serious!” the puppeteer breathed out, his entire face now nearly as red as his hair.  
He was dying.  
Or whatever word someone would call it when it felt like your heart was about to burst.  
Having the blonde speaking to him in such a fucking seductive tone while grinding their hips together, creating delicious friction, was chipping away at his restraint every second, and he knew he couldn’t keep it up much longer.  
He was losing control and losing it fast.  
“Why are you doing this?” he asked.  
Deidara stopped the grinding long enough to actually think about what Sasori had just asked.  
Why was he doing this?  
Why did he suddenly kiss him?  
Without warning, he was overcome with emotion and dropped his head to the older male’s shoulder, feeling tears form at the corners of his eyes.   
“I don’t know, un,” he mumbled.  
“You don’t know?” he heard the redhead ask, voice incredulous.  
“No, I don’t, un!” the blonde yelled, pulling away to stare into his face, feeling tears falling down his cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m doing this!”  
“You’re drunk.”  
“That’s bullshit; I had not even a full glass of champagne, un!” Deidara yelled, knowing full well his eyes were beginning to turn red and puffy. “I don’t know why I’m doing this! I don’t know anything anymore, and it’s not just you, un! Everything that has happened, it’s confused me, but it’s also made me scared!”  
“Of what?”  
“Of changing, of becoming something different, un!” he said, voice shaking. “I just…I don’t know what to do anymore! I can’t continue fighting anymore, un! I’m losing a battle inside my head and it’s scaring me and I’m just…I d-don’t know what to do…”  
“Shhh, Dei, it’s okay,” Sasori brought the younger male closer, holding him to his chest. “It’s okay, I promise. I’m right here; I’m not going anywhere.”  
“What am I going to do, un?” he heard the blonde murmur. His grip on his back tightened as he buried his face in the golden locks. “We’ll figure it out; I promise. I won’t leave you alone.”  
They stayed like that for a while, neither really saying anything.  
Because no words were honestly needed. Both knew what Deidara had been talking about, even without saying it up front. Both knew the feelings they had for each other, despite the confusion and trepidation in exploring them.   
Without having to explain it, both knew what they had for each other was strong.  
As a rush of courage flowed through him, Deidara turned his head slightly. “Sasori, un?”  
“Yeah?”  
The blonde moved his face to be a mere centimeters away from the redhead’s, staring into those beautiful amber eyes that were filled with question. “Kiss me, un.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, un.”  
Leaning forward, Sasori captured his lips with his, loosening the first bolt on the door that had refused to budge for months.  
He pulled away, staring into two cerulean orbs.  
“Again, un.”  
Another bolt was loosened.  
“One more, un.”  
Another one, gone.  
“Dei…”  
“One more, un.”  
Another, gone.  
The door hinged at one last bolt.  
“Again, un.”  
“Dei.”  
The bolt disappeared.  
And the door exploded into a million tiny fragments.  
The fiery hot passion that erupted between the two was felt as their lips explored each other, tongues lavishing in the sweet flavor of hot mouths as moans and gasps escaped into the suddenly hot space surrounding them. Hands fisted at clothes and ripped them away from the body, shoes and socks were kicked off and forgotten on the floor, and hair was let loose in a torrent of gold and red waves. Time ceased to exist for them as they let their bodies become consumed by the natural, feral desire to feel pleasure and lust.   
By the time Deidara had retrieved some of his senses, he noticed that they were no longer in the living room, but on one of the circular beds, his body surrounded by plush pillows and a fluffy comforter, feeling a very skilled tongue and mouth nibble and suck at his neck, more than likely producing love marks and hickeys in its wake.  
“D-Danna~!” he moaned, throwing his head back to allow better access for the redhead. His body felt overheated, his heart thumping at a rapid pace it wasn’t used to going at, barely allowing oxygen and blood to reach his head but it made damn sure to force it to flow in another direction. His erection was getting harder by the second and the dress pants he was wearing weren’t helping.  
He reached for the buckle of his belt, ready to free himself, when the arms above him drove his hands into the bed, stopping his movements. He squirmed uncomfortably, not realizing how strong the redhead was until he was being pinned underneath him. “D-Danna please, it hurts to keep them on.”  
“Hold onto me,” came the shockingly low, husky voice next to his ear.  
That was Sasori?!  
“W-Why?” he breathed out, surprised by low his own voice had become.  
“Trust me,” Sasori exclaimed, letting go of his wrists. Deidara reached up and hooked his arms around the older male’s neck, leveraging him slightly off the bed. He gazed up at him through half-lidded eyes. “W-Why did want me to – ah!”  
His question ended with a wanton moan as he felt a hand begin to rub him through his pants.   
Sasori watched the younger male under him intensely. His face was flushed dark pink from the desire radiating off of him, his eyes, when he opened them, were that beautiful near indigo shade he had seen the first time they had kissed on his birthday. Every now and then, he’d turn his head to the side and open his mouth to let another beautiful moan escape. The redhead took that opportunity to lean down and teeth at his left earlobe, ghosting his tongue across the outer shell, feeling the blonde shudder against him.  
He smirked, still rubbing him through his pants. “You sensitive here, Dei?”  
“S-Shut up~” Deidara murmured, not meeting his gaze. He pressed his lips to his ear. “I’m just trying to pleasure you, brat.”  
He flicked his tongue out and allowed it to delve dipper, straight into the canal, internally smirking as a long, drawn-out mewl escaped the younger male, his body arching up to meet his. Reaching in deeper, he slowly began to move his body in time with his rubs, creating a rocking sensation that drove the blonde insane. He clutched at Sasori’s back with all his might, nails digging into the skin, the redhead paying no mind to the pain.  
He was finally being able to touch the person that he had fallen in love with, with no hesitation from the latter.  
He was ready to deal with a little pain in the process.  
Deidara almost sighed when he felt the older male finally extract his tongue from his ear. He had never mentioned before how sensitive he was there, but somehow, Sasori had been able to find it. It’s when his hands went slack that he finally realized what his nails had been doing. “I’m sorry about your back.”  
“I can’t feel it,” he smiled at him. “But what happened to that cute speech impediment of yours?”  
“You mean the one you made fun of when we first met?” he quirked an eyebrow up at him. “It goes away when I’m aroused.”  
“Good to know,” Sasori mumbled, taking his hand away from the other’s crotch, noting the whimper of protest in his ear. He laid himself down on top of the other, still holding his weight slightly so as not to crush him. “So Dei, there’s something about me you must know,” he glided his hands up and down the sides of the tanned body, whispering in his ear, “I enjoy being commanded. So tell me what you want me to do.”  
Deidara didn’t even have to think twice.  
“Get me out of these things,” he nearly growled.  
“With pleasure,” he smiled. “Anything else?”  
“Kiss me,” their lips collided, holding the peck for a second before the older male opened his mouth to slide his tongue along the younger male’s lower lip, asking for entrance, which was quickly granted, and Sasori was able, again, to relish in the sound of his piercing clicking against the other’s teeth as it felt around.  
“Mm…lower~” Deidara whispered through a moan. The redhead moved down to his neck, taking a patch of his skin in his mouth and sucking on it, forming another love mark. The blonde gasped, weaving his fingers through the red locks. “Ah…lower~”  
Sasori smirked and brought his mouth lower, running his tongue down the pectoral line until he changed directions and encased his hot orifice over the left nub. Deidara’s breath hitched, his grip in the other’s hair tightening as he felt a tongue play at his nipple.  
The sensation was overwhelming.  
Who knew he’d be sensitive there, too.  
The older male brought his mouth to the neglected nub, exploring it with his tongue while he brought his hand up to twirl the one he had just been at between his middle and forefinger. After a few seconds of that, he moved lower, running his wet appendage over the defined abs and dipping it into the navel. He pulled away to see Deidara covering his face with his hands.  
“What’s wrong?” the blonde only shook his head. Sasori sighed, reaching up to take his hands away, but he refused to move. He tried again with no such luck.  
That’s when he became aware of how the body under his was trembling. He blinked. “You’re shaking.”  
“I know that. I’m just nervous,” he confided. The redhead was able to pull the other’s hands away, the aversion of their gazes enough of a red flag for Sasori. He moved up until his face was over Deidara’s. “Why are you nervous?”  
Still shaking, the younger male finally locked eyes with him. “B-Because it’s you.”  
Sasori wasn’t expecting an answer like that.  
He shook his head, smiling warmly. “Don’t be. You’re safe; I promise.”  
The blonde nodded, letting a few seconds pass before grinning at him. “You still haven’t completed my first request.”  
The redhead smirked and brought his hands to the buckle, loosening it in one go. He bent his head and unfastened the button and zipper with his teeth, a skill he had acquired way back in high school. After that, he swiftly ripped the pants off and threw them across the room, amber orbs glued to the grey briefs hiding the extreme bulge beneath.  
As he hooked his fingers underneath the elastic waistband, tanned hands stopped him. He looked up. “Problem?”  
“If I’m going to be completely naked, so are you,” he breathed out. “Strip.”  
“Mm, with pleasure,” Sasori stood up on the bed and undid the buckle of his own pants, staring directly into the cerulean eyes staring right back as he unzipped them and slid them from off his waist and down towards the bed, flinging them over to where the other pair laid. Smirking mischeviously, he grabbed the waistband of his boxers and slipped them off, all but too aware of the blush etching the younger male’s face.  
Deidara didn’t try to hide the fact that he was surprised.  
Holy fuck was he big…  
When the redhead knelt back down and ran his tongue along the skin just above the elastic of his briefs, he arched his hips up in an attempt to tell him to get moving.  
Now he was being the impatient one.  
But could he really help it?  
Every logical part of his brain was gone, replaced with the innate want for rapture and euphoria.   
However, he didn’t want to feel that way just from anyone.  
He wanted to feel this insane pleasure from Sasori.  
He wanted it.  
He craved it.  
He needed it.  
He needed him.  
So when his briefs were finally pulled down, he took it upon himself to throw them off somewhere into the darkness. He grabbed the older male’s face in his hands and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss, letting out a series of mewls and moans at the feeling of their erections grinding together, creating delicious friction that made Sasori growl, low in his throat, in his ear, sending shivers to run like mad down his spine.  
While they kissed, with his right hand, Sasori trailed his fingertips down the tanned body, running over the more than slightly prominent biceps, down over the defined abs, tracing the left side of the V until he reached his destination, wrapping his fingers around the shaft and giving a light squeeze.  
“Mm…ah, Danna~!” Deidara threw his head back as a moan slipped past his swollen lips. Giving another squeeze, the redhead began pumping him slowly, watching the younger male’s face flush a deep crimson. He smiled mischeviously. “You remember this, Dei?”  
“S-Stop – ah – stop talking…please,” the blonde begged, another moan escaping as Sasori increased the speed of his pumping, watching as the former’s breath left his throat in hitched pants and gasps as he rubbed his thumb harshly against the vein on the underside. He kissed the other’s jawline. “Is that a command?”  
“Ah…yes, god dammit, yes!” the younger male nearly screamed, burying his head into the pillows as he felt the pumping speed up to an erratic pace, causing any comprehensible thought in his head to explode into a million, confusing pieces. His breath wasn’t even anymore, insinuating his mind to become dizzy with every oxygen-less gasp he took.  
He opened his eyes to see Sasori moving down his body, lips ghosting over his heated skin until he settled gently in between his legs. Instead of going directly to what the blonde wanted, he placed gentle love bites on his inner thighs, smirking at the annoyed grunt from the younger male. “What’s wrong, Dei?”  
“S-Stop – hah…” he couldn’t finish the sentence as another wave of pleasure sent him into a chorus of moans. The redhead bit the sensitive flesh again. “You have to tell me, Dei, or I won’t know.”  
“D-Dammit you know what I want!” the blonde screamed, thrusting his hips up. He nearly screamed when they were suddenly forced down into the bed, halting their movement. He felt a tongue run from the middle of his inner right thigh down to the hilt of his member and groaned in frustration.  
“You have to tell me what you want…” Sasori murmured, kissing back up the inner thigh again.   
Deidara huffed, finally losing his patience with his roommate.  
“Fucking stop teasing me, dammit!” he screamed, looking straight into the older male’s amber eyes, glaring. He watched him smirk before grabbing him by the shaft and poking his tongue out to flick it against the tip.  
Even that tiny touch was too powerful a sensation. He moaned hoarsely, entangling his fingers into the red locks, forcing his head to move down lower.  
But he wouldn’t budge.  
Sasori willed himself to go slow. He most certainly wanted to speed up, to hurry up.  
He was always impatient.  
But a part of him – and a big part at that – wanted to enjoy this. Wanted to remember the taste of Deidara’s flesh, the sound of his pleasured moans, the feel of his silky hair in his hands, he wanted to remember everything.   
And if that meant going slow and taking his time…then so be it.  
He explored the tip of the erect member with his tongue some more, swirling it around the head and then dipping it into the slit to collect the precum already produced. He planted light kisses down the shaft, until he reached the hilt, and then ran his wet appendage back up the underside, pressing thoroughly into the pulsing, throbbing vein the entire tortuous ascent.  
“D-Danna!!!” Deidara moaned, feeling his face turn the color of his roommate’s hair as wave after wave of intense lust washed over him in torrential euphoria. The way the older male’s tongue skillfully pleasured him, he had no way of knowing his surroundings anymore.  
His eyes rolled back as he threw his head into the plush pillows.  
God that piercing felt like heaven on his heated flesh. It added a sensation that he’d never felt before.  
“D-Danna ~ ah…please!” he managed to say, voice low and hoarse. Giving the head another swirl, he finally gave in to his roommate’s wishes.   
In one swift motion, he began deep-throating him, swallowing him all the way down to the base and then back up excruciatingly slow, sucking his cheeks in while he trailed his tongue after his mouth. When he got to the top, he watched the blonde’s chest heave in an effort to take in air, but with the hitched gasps and pants that were growing in increasing volume and speed, Sasori highly doubted it was working in the latter’s favor.   
He repeated his actions again, sensing the tanned fingers clutching at his red locks pull at the follicles every so often, signaling to him what he was doing right.   
Deidara was lost. Sometime after his brain had stopped functioning and sometime before he had stopped breathing correctly, he finally came to the conclusion that he was lost.  
When he opened his eyes, the world was there, but it didn’t make sense. When he tried to look up, he was looking down, and vice versa. Giving up, he relied on his other senses for help. He couldn’t taste anything besides the hot air around him, throat dry from his heaving, he couldn’t hear anything besides his own moans and Sasori’s spontaneous growls as he continued to deep-throat him, as well as the sound of a mouth sucking on skin, and he couldn’t feel anything besides the tongue and lips around his increasingly hard member.  
Before he knew it, his hips began unconsciously thrusting into the hot mouth, going faster and faster and driving him wild. Sasori increased the pace of his own pumping, bobbing his head up and down with the thrusting, and setting a rhythm until it became natural: when he went down, Deidara’s hips went up, and as the hips would descend, he would ascend, and the same motion would be repeated.  
Letting go of the red locks to grip the silk sheets underneath him, Deidara began feeling that familiar coil in his stomach start to tighten.  
When had the room gotten so hot?  
When had he stopped caring about what was happening besides what he was feeling?  
Not only was he feeling physically…he was feeling emotionally.  
He knew he was close to the edge; that was certain.  
But he didn’t care that it was Sasori causing him to fall.  
In fact…he was amazingly relieved and happy that it was Sasori and not someone else.  
(Because you love him)  
He couldn’t deny it any longer.  
He loved him.  
He loved Sasori.  
Was in love with him.  
As the realization hit, a fresh set of tears spilled down his cheeks as he grasped onto reality, but with no luck.  
He was teetering precariously close to the edge, looking down into an unknown blackness he wasn’t sure was inviting or menacing. He was close to slipping, close to shattering into a million tiny fragments of his past self, those fragments becoming whole, forming his new self. As the deep-throating and thrusting continued, his voice was lost in the melodious chorus of his moans and gasps, repeating Sasori’s pet name over and over under his breath.  
One last push of a wet appendage on his throbbing member shoved him over the edge.  
“DANNA!” he screamed, snapping his hips up as he released himself down the older male’s throat, the latter’s mouth giving a few more measly sucks, milking him for all he was worth. Sasori pulled away, swallowing the bitter-tasting liquid in one gulp.   
Deidara lay there, panting heavily, face painted a deep, crimson red. His beautifully sculpted body was highlighted by the full moon, which casted its bluish glow onto the two males, turning the younger one’s golden crown into a halo of white, the long locks splayed about all around him, turning him into an angelic figure, his cerulean-turned-indigo orbs gazing at the ceiling like one in awe, cheeks glistening.  
Wait…glistening?  
He moved up to stare down at him. “Why were you crying again?”  
When those beautiful eyes turned to meet his, the older male saw that they were filled with happiness and joy, almost relief as well. The former smiled. “It’s because I’m happy. I’m happy I’m here with you.”  
“Dei…” he kissed him fully on the lips, holding the peck for a few seconds before pulling away, smirking seductively. “Now it’s my turn to command. Roll over and bend your knees.”  
The blonde hesitated, but did as was instructed and rolled over until he was on his stomach and bending his knees until his bare ass stuck up, and he nearly groaned as the cool air hit his exposed skin. He felt slightly vulnerable in that position, face pressed into the pillows, but he knew he could trust Sasori.  
Catching the silhouette of his roommate in the corner of his eye, he watched him grip his butt between his hands and pull the cheeks apart, exposing him more. His cheeks, already flushed, flushed more with embarrassment. “D-Danna, that feels weird.”  
“I know; I’m sorry,” Sasori mumbled, staring at the quivering hole. He knew he had to do it, but was definitely worried what the other would think.   
Sighing, and praying to the Kami up above, he leaned forward and licked the entrance lightly, hearing the younger male gasp and feeling him tense underneath his mouth.  
“D-Danna, w-what are you – AH!” he panted as the redhead drove his wet appendage into the tight hole, flicking it around, feeling the multitude of tight rings of muscle.  
Deidara didn’t know what to the think. The sensation felt weird and foreign, and not at all comfortable.  
Come on…there was a tongue in his ass, for fuck’s sake!  
Yet on top of all those sensations, he still felt turned on, moaning and mewling every now and then as the tongue would move around inside him, slicking the walls, preparing them for what was surely to come.  
In seconds, he was hard again, his member standing at attention.  
That was when a lubed, and cold, finger shot itself into him.  
Gripping the sheets, his body arched towards the bed as he threw his head back, nearly screaming as the digit began turning inside him, the wet sounds of sucking filling his ears.  
“D-Danna that feels weird…and it hurts,” he groaned in pain. The tongue had been fine, but with a finger forcing itself to move against muscles that rarely ever did was not at all something pleasurable. “S-Stop.”  
“I’m preparing you,” the redhead explained, twisting his finger in a counter, then clockwise motion, getting him ready for the next one. “I highly doubt you want me to go in unprepared and dry.”  
“You – mm…ah~!”   
“Second one,” he murmured, thrusting the next digit in, creating a scissoring motion to stretch the hole. Biting the pillow underneath his head forced the scream that erupted in the blonde’s throat to be muffled.  
It hurt…it hurt like hell.  
He didn’t understand how girls could do it; it wasn’t fun.  
But he didn’t want to stop, even if he had said that.  
He wanted to continue, to become one with Sasori.  
“I’m adding the third one,” Sasori cautioned, waiting for the nod of a head. Once he received it, he took a deep breath and added the final finger, twisting them around, hearing the near scream that escaped from the blonde’s mouth.  
“G-God Danna!” he yelled, grip on the sheets tightening.  
“I’m sorry, I know it hurts, but bear with me,” he hooked his fingers against the muscles, pushing in deeper and twisting, feeling the walls tighten around his digits as they searched. After what felt like 30 minutes, he extracted his fingers from the prepared hole.  
Something about what Sasori did had made his past boyfriends always go crazy. He never hit their sweet spot while preparing them. The redhead found enjoyment in finding it once he was fully embedded inside, fully connected.  
And that’s what he was going to do with his roommate.  
No exceptions.  
Once he lubed up his throbbing, erect member, he flipped the blonde back around, grabbed the tanned arms and wrapped them around his neck, leveraging his body. He smiled. “Are you ready?”  
“Y…Yes,” Deidara breathed out, pecking him on the lips.   
Even though he wanted to move, Sasori found himself hesitating.  
This was what he wanted…had wanted for a long time.  
But was his roommate truly ready?  
Ready to explore and discover this new world which faced trepidation and hate anytime it made its presence known to others?  
Ready to have to explain it to loved ones and friends?  
Ready to accept that his life was forever changed and that there was no going back?  
Was he ready to truly fall in love with him?  
“What’s wrong?” he heard the blonde asked.  
“Nothing, it’s just…” he turned his head to give a weak smile, “are you sure you’re ready? After this…I’m scared you’re going to shut down or turn away. You said it yourself that you’ve been fighting with it for weeks about everything. I don’t want you regretting anything we do here.”  
Deidara shook his head violently. “No…no, I won’t regret anything. I promise.”  
“Are you positive?”  
“Yes, I am.”  
“Alright,” he sighed, getting into position, pressing the head of his member to the prepared and wet entrance. “I won’t go in slow. It’s almost like ripping a band aid; you just have to do it fast.”  
“Danna?”  
“Yes?”  
“Kiss me.”  
Their lips connected, mouths instantly opened, and tongues were exchanged. Deidara wove his fingers into Sasori’s soft hair, feeling like silk against his fingertips. The redhead trailed his own palms down the male’s body, gliding over his thighs until he reached his knees, where he hooked his fingers around them and guided the legs to wrap around his waist.   
Still kissing, Sasori took a deep breath, gripping the tanned hips below him.  
There was no going back.  
After this…there was no way either male could return to what he had known before.  
With a quick push and shove, he was embedded in the blonde all the way down to the base.  
“MM – AHH!!!” the younger male parted from the kiss to let a scream rip from his throat.   
God, the pain was awful. Because of his roommate’s size, he felt the penetration all the way into his hipbones, driving them apart. It felt like he was being split in two, ripping him in half all the way up to his head. He clutched at the back he was holding onto, gasping when he felt Sasori move slightly. “D-Don’t move…please. It hurts.”  
“I won’t; I’ll give you time,” the redhead forced himself to say. The virgin hole was tight around him, the hot rings of muscle pressing onto every surface of his member, chipping away at his self-control to not pound into the blonde ruthlessly, until he was screaming loud enough for everyone in the city to hear him.   
He rested himself on his forearms, dropping his head to plant light kisses on Deidara’s face to distract him from the pain. After about a minute of waiting, when he felt the male under him squirm, he asked, “Ready?”  
“Y-Yes,” came the breathless response.  
He nodded his head and set his legs, pulling out slowly and then thrusting back in quickly, hearing the pained squeak from the blonde. He gave him a few seconds before repeating the process, pulling out and then slamming in, doing that a few more times before he started a rhythm, rocking against the other’s hips in a steady motion.  
“Ah, Danna~” Deidara moaned, throwing his head back. The pain was still there, but under that, he felt warmth growing, expanding and undulating its way over the pain, growing warmer and warmer until it became hot, washing him with vibrant heat as he felt the throbbing erection slide in and out of him with ease. His body moved in time with the thrusting, his back arching as Sasori pushed in and then touching the bed as he pulled out. He let go of the back he had been holding onto to place his hands above his head on the pillows, tilting his face to bite the sensitive skin of his arm in an effort not to scream.  
It had been so long since he had felt this much pleasure, this much ecstasy.  
So long since his body had been touched like this.  
So long since he’d had this many feelings for one person.  
Sasori continued thrusting, angling his hips differently each time, trying to find that spot, the delectable moans and sensual gasps underneath him driving away his concentration. His concentration was already at a minimum; the brat was so tight. So unbelievably tight, yet it was so unbelievably heavenly. The hot walls hugging the pulsing vein on the underside of his member sent his mind reeling and waves of white-hot heat to rush over him, insinuating his thrusting to pick up slightly.  
“D-Danna,” Deidara mumbled, looking up at him with a half-lidded gaze, “f-faster.”  
“Not yet,” he grumbled, still angling his hips in order to find that spot. The blonde noticed this. “W-What are you doing?”  
“Just trust me,” Sasori murmured, bracing his knees against the bed and pulling out to angle his hips again. He thrust in, hit something, and then everything changed.  
The blonde wasn’t moaning anymore, but neither was he screaming. He reached that in-between phase where his noises reached a new octave as his body shuddered and convulsed unconsciously and he threw his head back, eyes rolling as the sound that escaped him chipped off a very big piece of the redhead’s control.  
But he smiled at the realization of what had just happened.  
“D-Danna, w-what was that?” the younger male asked, still shivering. Whatever Sasori had just hit inside him had made his vision grow white and caused a very intense feeling of pleasure to shoot itself through his body, aiding in the shudders and moans he couldn’t control.  
The older male leaned down and pressed his lips to the other’s ear, chuckling. “My, Dei, I think I found your prostate.”  
Before he could give the other male time to respond, he began thrusting faster, pulling out and then slamming into that spot again, pulling out and then slamming in again, continually hitting that sweet spot over and over until the blonde under him was a moaning, drooling mess, shivering and convulsing each time.  
Deidara gasped.  
He needed more of…whatever this was.  
He needed it so damn bad!  
“D-Danna…mm…f-faster…h-harder!” he was able to breath out. Suddenly, the penetration   
became excruciatingly slow, and he groaned in protest and frustration. “Go faster…please!”  
“Say my name first,” Sasori grinned down at him, pulling out slowly, not pushing back in. “Say my name then I’ll do what you asked for.”  
“Sa-Sa…ah~” he tried to say, but his breath was short and when he tried to take in oxygen, his lungs would hitch and not allow it.   
He was so goddamn dizzy.  
“Sorry, what was that?” he pushed in gently, shallowly, pulling out again. He winked at the pained and annoyed gaze the other was giving him . “Say it louder.”  
“S-Sa…Sasori,” he managed to gasp out.  
“Louder.”  
“Sasori.”  
“Sorry…I need to hear it louder,” the redhead apologized, thrusting back in shallowly. “Scream my name.”  
If Deidara could shake his head, he would’ve. But his mind was so hazy, and his body was so hot, he was afraid he was going to combust from the inside, out.   
Gazing at the male above him with determination, he hooked his arms around the other’s neck, using his own hips to shove his roommate deep inside him, just missing his pleasure spot. He glared at him with desire in his eyes. “Make love to me, you damn Sasori!!!!”  
Hearing his name called out like that, with so much want, desire…love, the last little piece of self-control he had flew through the roof of the penthouse, and without warning, he was thrusting hard and fast into the body under him, hitting his prostate each time he would shove back in.  
“AH, SASORI~!!!!!” the blonde screamed, raking his nails down the pale back he was hanging onto. He unconsciously started thrusting his hips in time with the penetrations, causing the other’s member to go deeper, to hit his sweet spot more harshly, almost bruising it.   
“D-Dei…” Sasori groaned, burying his face into the blonde’s neck, moving faster, going in deeper, and sending them both to the edge.  
He knew they were both close.  
His hips were moving at too fast an erratic pace to be normal, the sound of skin slapping against skin heard throughout the room. The younger male’s own erect member was leaking incredibly fast with precum, the off-white liquid running down the shaft in rivulets. His mind finally blanked out when he heard his name repeated over and over again as he continued moving.  
He bent forward, locking their lips together in a passionate kiss.  
They were both sweaty, both so totally engrained in the other, so connected, it felt like they were two halves of a whole finally resealed.  
Sasori would part every now and then to pull on the blonde’s lower lip with his teeth, the latter breathing out a moan onto his mouth. His body was moving on its own now; it had no rhyme or reason, it just moved, in and out, in and out, faster and deeper, harder and shallower, driving Deidara insane. He reached between them, wrapping his skilled fingers around the neglected member to start pumping it in time with his thrusts, causing the younger male to cry in euphoric bliss.  
Deidara was close. He clutched onto reality, yet again, not sure if he was still in it or if he had discovered a new world where one would only feel pleasure and lust, no pain. He couldn’t see anymore; his vision was too white. He couldn’t think or feel anything besides the coil in his stomach tightening, sending him to that edge again.  
But what he saw over it wasn’t blackness.  
It was bright, the light warm and inviting, blazing against his skin in a comfortable hug, enticing him to fall, because it would catch him before he hit the bottom.  
He knew that.   
Panting, gasping, and moaning, he gazed up at his roommate with adoration in his lust-filled orbs. “Sasori…I l-love you.”  
The older male blinked.  
Had he…had he heard that right?  
Deidara loved him?  
Actually loved him?!  
He brought them into a kiss as he picked up the speed of his pumping and thrusting once more, causing both to tilt over the edge.  
Both felt the coils in their stomachs tighten to stillness.  
Clasping their hands together, fingers intertwining, they welcomed the warmth below, invited it to bury itself inside them.  
The coil twisted once more.  
It stilled for a millisecond.  
Then shattered.  
And they both fell.  
In that perfect moment of pure, climatic rapture, Deidara became hyper-aware of everything. His ears could just faintly make out the sound of the wind whistling against the windows, they could hear his low, long scream as he finally released, and they picked up the noise of a shuddering groan close by. His skin felt the soft material of the silk sheets underneath it, felt the calloused hands hold his hips tightly against the body above, and felt hot liquid shoot itself inside him. His nose picked up the musky fragrance of expensive cologne, the smell of sweat, and above that, the strong scent of sex. His tongue tasted hot air, the salt of perspiration as it ran down his face, and the light iron tang of his blood from a roughly bitten bottom lip. And his eyes picked up the one thing that was most important: Sasori’s face. As the redhead released deep inside him, his eyes, a normal amber shade, turned almost gold, an inner light reflecting through the irises as he gazed down upon the blonde in a way that someone who was deeply in love would stare. Admiration, enamor, satisfaction, everything; it was all written plainly on his visage and was the most magnificent sight Deidara had ever seen before.  
It was art; plain as day.  
But not art in its eternal shell.  
No…this was the type of art that could only be seen for a few passing milliseconds of time.  
It was euphoric, tantalizing, and beautiful.  
And he couldn’t – and wouldn’t – ask for anything else.


	21. The Truth Shall Set You Free...Or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, but as I mentioned in the notes for Chapter 20, from here on out, a lot of issues arise and the plot becomes more serious. So please continue reading, but do so with caution! Remember to review and leave kudos! ^.^

Deidara was the first to wake up the next morning.   
The sun wasn’t there when he opened his eyes.  
The sky was covered in light grey clouds clear across the horizon.  
And fat clumps of snow were falling to the ground in endless sheets.  
He went to sit up when he felt a restraint around his waist. He gazed down and saw the pale arm draped across him, and he turned his head to find Sasori lying on his stomach. His face was towards him, features calm and without creases from worry or stress.  
He looked beautiful.  
Smiling warmly, Deidara gently took his arm off and set it on the bed, expertly disentangling himself from the other’s body, his skin not enjoying the sudden lack of warmth. As he sat up, he became acutely aware of a dull pain in his lower half, starting from his butt and going all the way into his feet.   
He didn’t expect anything less, though.  
He and Sasori not only had done it once last night.  
Not twice.  
Not even three times.  
No…they had done it from the time they had started up until the sky began turning light from dawn, when their bodies had finally and totally given out from exhaustion.  
And he didn’t regret any second of it.  
When they had gotten back from the dinner, he hadn’t been sure what was going to happen. He had been angry, upset, jealous, and mad, with all those emotions being projected at his roommate. When Sasori had continued asking him, being his usual persistent self, he had just…exploded, in every sense of the word.  
His feelings, his emotions, everything, had just come pouring out of a him a mile a minute, and when he had finally become aware of what he was doing, he was on the redhead’s lap and crying into his shoulder.  
After that…everything had been blank.   
He had tuned back into reality, but by that time, he was already naked and under Sasori, moaning and gasping as his body was driven towards desire.  
And the realization that had come with that astounded him.  
He loved Sasori.  
Loved and was in love with him.  
That’s why he had been so jealous at the dinner, why he always enjoyed being with him in the same room, why his heart would pound when he would laugh at his utterly unfunny jokes.   
Because he loved his pierced and weird roommate.  
He let his face fall into his hands.  
Now true reality was setting in.  
The deadline for the contract signing was coming up, and he still hadn’t made a decision.  
And with last night hanging over his head…it made the decision all the more harder to make.   
Sighing, he stood up and proceeded to walk around the room and find his clothes, randomly twitching every once in a when he felt a jolt of pain shoot through his torso.  
Damn Sasori with his big ass fucking cock.  
The first time had been gentle, not at all rough.  
But by the time the last one had come around, scratch marks and bruises lined his stomach and legs as the redhead pounded into him mercilessly, repeating his name over and over again until he released inside him for the final time, thrusting for a few more measly seconds before he had finally collapsed on top of him. He had followed suit shortly after, too exhausted to move.  
The different positions, the different sounds, the different everything; it had all been so incredibly different and new and amazing, new sensations and reactions.   
Being on top, he had always made others feel what he had felt last night. He had always made the other moan, gasp, and beg. He had always been the one to feel the other around him, the tight heat sucking him in each time, driving his mind wild.  
He had never thought that he would bottom in a million years.  
Yet with Sasori, being the receiver had almost come naturally.  
His body, despite his mind having not knowing what to do, had reacted and moved with such fluidity, one would think he had done it with a guy before!  
That realization made Deidara stop in his tracks, hand outstretched towards the bedroom door.  
He had done it…he had had sex with a guy.  
Despite his never-ending argument with himself that he wasn’t gay…  
…He had done the ultimate deed and had gone and had sex with a guy.  
But it had felt wonderful, intoxicating, and addicting.  
He even had to admit he had felt more when doing it with Sasori then he had ever felt when doing it with a girl.  
To receive pleasure…desire…lust…bliss…ecstasy from someone else…it opened one up to a world they had never seen and experienced before.  
And like the world’s finest, most decadent chocolate, one taste wasn’t enough to fulfill one’s satisfaction.  
Deidara’s heart, body, and mind were addicted to Sasori now.  
They craved only his touch, his voice, his everything.  
They didn’t want anything, or anyone, else.  
Only Sasori.  
Heaving another deep sigh, he gazed back once more at the still quietly snoring redhead and proceeded into the hallway, trudging to his room to quickly clean himself off and throw on some clothes.  
He needed to take a walk.  
A walk to collect his thoughts and sift through all the options that were available for him at the current moment.  
First, he would talk to Hidan.  
Tell him everything…everything about Sasori, even about last night.  
It wasn’t that he was confused…he just needed answers, or at least explanations, to what he was feeling.  
Second…figure out a way to keep Sasori’s job even with the contract going through.  
After changing, he quickly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, eyeing his black bag with scorn. He opened the flap and extracted the manila folder with CONFIDENTIAL written in the top left corner.   
Knowing what was inside scared him.  
It worried him to no end.  
He couldn’t mess anything up from here on out.  
If he did…  
He felt his body shiver.  
He didn’t really feel like thinking of the consequences.   
Taking his daily dosage of Remeron, he put the folder back in his bag and closed it, reaching for his black winter jacket and scarf, throwing them on and exiting the penthouse.  
None too observant of the fact that the bag had fallen over from atop of the counter, spilling its contents across the floor.

 

It was a cold bed that awoke Sasori.  
In his sleep, his arm, which had been draped across a toned waist, reached over into empty space and felt cool material.  
He opened his eyes, not surprised to find the area next to him devoid of a sleeping person. Judging by the coolness of the sheets, Deidara had been gone for a while now.  
He sat up slowly, gazing out the windows and into the city. Snow was falling heavily outside, the sky a light grey shade as white clumps fell to the ground.   
Where did the brat go?  
Brat…  
Could he even really call Deidara that anymore?  
What with everything that had happened last night?  
He had to admit he hadn’t been expecting what had happened to have happened. He hadn’t expected Deidara to kiss him so suddenly, hadn’t expected him to confess his fears of falling for him, certainly hadn’t expected them to have sex, and he certainly hadn’t expected him to say “I love you.”  
I love you.  
He smiled warmly, feeling a faint blush paint his cheeks.  
Deidara loved him.  
Really loved him.   
It had made last night seem all the more amazing and real.  
Sasori had finally been able to touch and hold the blonde like how he had wanted to for a while.  
Had finally been able to hear his voice, low and husky, call out for him while his body racked with pleasure.  
His body…God his body.  
It had been so soft under his mouth, tongue, and hands, his skin like silk.  
Of course…Sasori had to admit that he had only been too aware of the small scars etching the other’s inner thighs.  
They had been incredibly faint, but still noticeable enough to grab his attention.  
He knew Deidara had told him about doing that, but having seen it firsthand…  
It had solidified the whole confession.  
Sighing, his mind began to remember everything from last night.  
Remembering the tight heat of his roommate around him, the loud moans and hitched gasps as he had touched sensitive areas, and the whispering of his name against swollen lips.  
He wasn’t sure what was going to happen from here on out.  
Deidara loved him.   
Great; he couldn’t be happier.   
But where had he gone off to?  
Scanning the room, he noticed the other’s clothes were gone, but a little note laid on one of the dressers near the bedroom door.   
Throwing the covers off, he strode over to it and picked up the piece of paper, reading the words:  
Sasori,  
I’ve gone out for a walk. I should be back soon.   
Love,  
Deidara

So a walk.  
Alright, that was fine with him.  
Picking up his clothes, he changed into a new pair of boxers and lounge pants and proceeded into the bathroom to put back in the piercings he had had to take out for the dinner and clean himself off.   
After that, he exited the room and down the stairs, straight into the kitchen.  
He blinked.  
On the floor was Deidara’s familiar black bag, its contents spilled all over the floor, from papers and folders to the bottles of pills and balled up pieces of loose-leaf.  
Sasori sighed.  
Of course he would make a mess before leaving.  
He bent down and began picking everything up.  
He couldn’t wait for Deidara to get back, just so he could hold him for the rest of the day while they watched the world around them become a winter wonderland.  
He couldn’t –   
Wait.  
What was that?  
His eyes caught sight of the manila folder with CONFIDENTIAL stamped onto it, its contents spread out.   
Confidential?  
What could that mean?  
Picking up one of the papers from off the floor, he read the words on it, already recognizing what it was for.  
The partnership deal between Iwa Stratos and HelioTech.  
That’s right…Deidara had yet to make a decision.  
Wonder when the deadline was due?  
Noting the pages were numbered, he began scrambling around on his knees, trying to find the rest of them and put everything back into the bag before Deidara returned and became suspicious as to why Sasori was on the ground, sifting through his stuff.  
He picked up another piece of paper, about to put it with the others, when the words on the white page halted his movements.  
It was a page…a page with a list of people.  
Why was his name on it?  
And Tobi’s, too?  
Why?  
What was this list for?  
What was it-?  
Let-go.  
Employees that will be let go once the partnership officially happened.  
Panic swarmed inside Sasori’s stomach and into his chest, accelerating his heartbeat.  
He was…he was going to lose his job?!  
After five years of working there, he was going to lose his job?!  
He was going to be fired?!  
No…no, no, no, no, no!  
He couldn’t lose his job!  
Holy shit…his livelihood was at stake!  
It was –  
Wait?  
Why the hell hadn’t he been told about this?  
Why the hell hadn’t his boss told him?  
When were they going to tell him?!  
After it was too late?!  
Wait…why hadn’t Deidara said anything?  
He was the one making the ultimate decision!  
Why hadn’t he told him?!  
Why was he lying to him?!  
Feeling his heart clench painfully in his chest, he clutched the paper in his hand tightly.  
And just like his hair, Sasori began seeing red.

 

“…You can stop giving me that look now, un,” Deidara mumbled, averting Hidan’s smirking face. They were in the café where the blonde had had his first encounter with Sasori.  
Sasori…  
His heart jumped at the thought of him.  
“Do you expect anything fucking less from me, Deidara?” the silver-haired male asked, grinning widely. “I mean…we all fucking knew he was in love with you the second he laid his fucking eyes on you. It was bound to fucking happen.”  
“It was bound to happen that I would turn gay, un?”  
“…You say that like it’s a fucking bad thing,” Hidan remarked, slightly glaring. He turned his head to stare out to the crowded streets. “Your sexual preferences were predestined long before you could even fucking decide which sex you liked. Even before I was 7, I knew something wasn’t fucking right with my mind. Girls didn’t fucking excite me; I never chased after them like all the other little runts around me. But neither did I hang out with them like the fucking stereotypical gay guy would do. I just…stuck around guys and found comfort in them. And eventually…I came to the conclusion that I was gay. And I accepted it; I had to, despite my dad’s disapproval and my mom’s worry about what that would mean for me for the rest of my fucking life.”  
“So what are you saying, un? That I’m not gay?”  
“I’m not fucking saying that, but neither am I not saying that,” his friend explained, looking at him with his pale red eyes, “I’ll explain in the best way that I fucking can. All your life, you’ve been fucking attracted to females. Dated and slept with them. But suddenly, here comes along this fucking gay, pierced redhead who ends up being your roommate and fucking fell in love with you. In high school, you had gay guys flirting with you all the fucking time and asking you for your number, which you would calmly tell them you were straight but thanked them anyway. But everything fucking changed when you met Sasori. Why? Who honestly fucking knows? I still believe you’re attracted to females, but I highly doubt you’re fucking attracted to males.”  
“So why the hell am I in love with Sasori, un?” Deidara asked, getting annoyed. He had told Hidan everything about the previous night, looking for answers to his questions. But he was still getting nowhere and it was slowly beginning to test his tolerance.   
Hidan sighed, low in his throat, giving the blonde a serious expression. “Because you fucking fell in love with him for who he was rather than what he was. Him being a male didn’t matter to you. He could’ve been a fucking female and you’d still be fucking in love with him.”  
“…So what does that make me, un?”  
“I don’t fucking know, maybe you’re fucking pansexual like Kakuzu,” Hidan exclaimed, shrugging his shoulders. “He doesn’t fucking care whether you’re male, female, trans, pan, agender, whatever. If he finds you attractive and likes you…well then, there you fucking go.”  
“I just…I don’t know what to do, un.”  
“About what? Your feelings? You already know how you fucking feel and you even fucking told Sasori last night,” his best friend said. “What are you still confused about?”  
“You know the partnership between I.S. and HelioTech, right, un?”  
“Yeah, you told me about it. You’re the final one to make the decision.”  
“Yeah, I am, un,” Deidara gazed down at his coffee cup. “But I haven’t told you everything.”  
“…”  
“If I sign the contract, and the partnership goes through, some people…a lot of people, will lose their jobs, un,” he explained. “But the only ones who would be losing their jobs would be employees from HelioTech, since they’re the ones joining us and I.S. already has enough computer programmers to go around.”  
“Okay, that makes sense, but why are you so worried?”  
“Sasori works at HelioTech, un.”  
“…And?”  
The blonde sighed, feeling like a one ton weight was being heaved onto his shoulders. “And his name is on the list of those who will be laid off once the partnership is commenced, un.”  
Hidan blinked at him, eyes wide with shock. “Are you fucking shitting me right now? Why would they lay him off?! Sasori’s a fucking genius!”  
“That’s what I’m saying, un,” Deidara remarked. “But he only has five years of experience with HelioTech, while others have been there close to 10 years. I.S. wants experience over youth in this situation, un. Mr. Iwa and Ino have already signed and now they’re just waiting for me. The deadline is coming up in about a week and I need to make my decision by then, un. I know what’s best for the company; statistics show this partnership will be one of the best investments Iwa Stratos has made in over a decade. But my own personal feelings and morals are coming into play, un. Sasori’s had to work hard his entire life for what he has now. If he were to lose his job…he would be devastated, un.”  
“So what the fuck are you going to do?” Hidan asked, guzzling the rest of his coffee. The shorter male twirled his cup around on the table, not really paying attention to his actions. His mind was reeling with possibilities that could happen, and he wasn’t liking any of them. He could sign the contract, I.S. would thrive, but Sasori would lose his job and possibly hate him for the rest of his life. He could not sign the contract, I.S. wouldn’t flourish like how everyone wanted it to, Sasori would keep his job, but Deidara would be on very bad terms with the owner and the rest of the corporation, and he would possibly have to go start looking for a new job.  
He looked at his friend expectantly. “I think I might have a solution, un.”

 

Deidara headed back to the penthouse with a smile on his face. After leaving Hidan at the café, he had taken a walk to the park just outside the city’s outer limits. Once there, he had pulled out his phone and had called the owner of HelioTech.  
“Mr. Sato of HelioTech speaking,” came the introduction.  
“Mr. Sato, it’s Deidara Hayashi of Iwa Stratos, un,” the blonde had explained, smiling.  
“Oh, well hello, Mr. Hayashi! What can I do for you today?”  
“I’m calling to discuss the partnership, un,” Deidara had sat down on one of the park benches. “As you know, Mr. Iwa and the other CEO have signed the contract. I am the last person to make the decision, un.”  
“I’m sensing some hesitation in signing, Mr. Hayashi,” Mr. Sato had chuckled rather nervously. “May I ask why?”  
“When you and Mr. Iwa agreed on the paperwork for the partnership, may I ask how many employees you agreed to lay off on your end, un?”  
“Only 10, but why are you asking?”  
“If I were to tell you that once the partnership went through, at least 20 of your top employees would be laid-off, how would you feel, un?”  
“…I’m sorry…what?!”  
A gratifying smile had erupted on the male’s face.  
Now, the penthouse laid within view and he couldn’t wait to tell Sasori the good news. Without realizing it, his pace quickened and he suddenly found himself almost running towards the building. He sprinted inside and over to the elevator, pressing the top button repeatedly as if that would make the doors close faster.  
As he ascended, he hopped from one foot to the other and back again.   
He was so excited to see Sasori.  
Not only to tell him the good news, but to just see him.  
To hold him…to tell him repeatedly “I love you.”  
The elevator dinged and the doors opened, revealing the entrance to the penthouse. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, he traipsed over and threw the door open, not even bothering to take his shoes off as he passed the foyer and into the living room. “Sasori no Danna, I have amazing news that-”  
He stopped short when he saw his roommate. The redhead sat on the couch, gazing down at an opened folder, not saying anything.  
The folder…a manila folder.  
Deidara gulped.  
…Shit.  
A few seconds passed before Sasori suddenly looked up to give him a near empty gaze. “What is it?”  
“I-I...I just wanted…” the blonde stuttered. He couldn’t think of the right thing to say, but he immediately regretted what he did say:  
“W-Where did you find that, un?”  
“Where did I find it?!” the older male suddenly yelled, standing up. “I didn’t find it in your fucking bag, if that’s what you think!!!! I found it on the floor because your bag spilled all of its shit and I was kind enough to try and pick it up! But when I saw this,” he picked up the folder, along with all the papers inside, “I just…just what the fuck Deidara?! What the actual fuck?!”  
“D-Danna, I can explain-”  
“EXPLAIN WHAT?!” Sasori screamed, rage and anger plain on his face. “Fucking TELL me, Deidara! Explain to me why the FUCK it says here that I’m going to LOSE MY FUCKING JOB!!!!”  
“I-”  
“Why did you fucking LIE to me?! Why the FUCK would you keep something like this from me?!”   
“I didn’t want to hurt you, un!”  
“Hurt me?!” he looked at him with an incredulous gaze. “I think you did a perfectly good job of doing that by NOT telling me! But I can’t believe this!!! I mean…my fucking JOB!!! My LIVELIHOOD!!!! I can’t afford to stay in this place if I lose it, Deidara!!!!”  
“I know that, and-”  
“Do you?! Do you really fucking understand?!” the redhead yelled, throwing the folder into the air, the sheets of paper flying off in all different directions. “All these people! All these FUCKING people have either families to feed, monthly payments due, or something else that won’t be possible to accomplishment if they lose their jobs!!!!!”  
“Sasori no Danna, I understand-”  
“STOP FUCKING SAYING YOU GODDAMN FUCKING UNDERSTAND, YOU IGNORANT BASTARD!!!!!” Sasori yelled, silencing Deidara where he stood.  
What…what had he just called him?  
(He called you a bastard)  
No…no that couldn’t be true.  
Not after last night.  
“Never EVER for the rest of your life EVER preach to me that you fucking understand!” his roommate screamed, anger flashing like mad through his amber gaze. “You will NEVER understand what it’s like to work hard for something! Everything that you’ve ever had has been HANDED to you on a fucking silver platter! I know that for a fucking fact because you’re the fucking Co-CEO of Iwa Stratos straight out of fucking Grad School! No way in hell you got that job because you fucking earned it! So do not stand there with a shocked and sympathetic look on your fucking face and tell me that you FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHERE I’M COMING FROM BECAUSE YOU NEVER DID AND YOU NEVER FUCKING WILL!!!!”  
Deidara felt something in his chest breaking.  
It was causing the rest of his body to become weak.  
“…Danna-”  
“STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT, DAMMIT!!!!” Sasori screeched, grabbing a pillow and chucking it at the blonde, who ducked just in time. “WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME?! WHY WOULD YOU KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM ME?! And DO NOT fucking say it was because you didn’t want to hurt me because that’s complete and utter bullshit!!!!”  
“I wasn’t lying-”  
“Has everything been a lie?” the older male suddenly asked, stopping the younger male mid-sentence. His demeanor, which had been angry and spiteful, was now suddenly calm and almost passive.  
Hurt and heartbreak were apparent in his eyes.  
No…no, please don’t…  
“Was last night just a test?” he continued, tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes. “A test to see whether you could mess with my emotions enough? Was the…was the ‘I love you’ a lie? Did anything we did last night mean anything to you? Or was it all just a sham to make me feel somewhat better about me losing my job?”  
Though Deidara wanted to speak, his voice seemed lost in his throat.  
His brain kept screaming for him to utter words, syllables, something!  
But he just stood there, not a single ounce of noise escaping his lips.  
And he hated himself for it.  
Because after a few passing, and waiting, seconds, Sasori took a shaky breath, averting his gaze. “Well…I guess that answers those questions. I’ll be on my way then.”  
With that, he headed to the foyer to leave.  
(Go after him)  
Why was he still standing there like an idiot?  
(Go after him!)  
Why were his feet not moving?  
(GO FUCKING AFTER HIM!!!!!)  
“SASORI, WAIT, UN!” he screamed, running after the redhead. The entrance door to the apartment was wide open, and he sprinted through to find his roommate heading for the elevator. He reached out and managed to grab the shorter male’s shoulder in time. “Sasori I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I’m sorry what I’m saying isn’t perfect or right, but please come back inside and we’ll work this ou-”  
All Deidara saw was a flash of red before he suddenly felt a harsh stinging in his left cheek and he was staring at the wall to his right.  
What…what had just happened?  
He slowly turned to see Sasori’s right hand raised over his left shoulder, a snarl etched across his normally peaceful visage.  
He had slapped the younger male clear across the face.  
Tears spilled down his cheeks at an unstoppable speed.  
And though he was snarling…hurt and pain were the only things showing behind his gaze.   
He shook his head slowly. “You are never allowed to touch me again.”  
“…Sasori…”  
“I don’t ever want to see you again.”  
Don’t say those words.  
Why was he saying those words?!  
“…Sasori…”  
“I hate you,” with that, Sasori turned abruptly on his heel and stepped on into the elevator, letting the door slide shut behind him.  
Meanwhile, Deidara just stood there, staring off into space much like how he had done before running after the redhead.  
But this time around, his heart clenched painfully in his chest and he found himself crumbling to the ground in a shaking mess, tears staining his cheeks as the weight of the world placed itself on his shoulders yet again.


	22. A Broken Mind and Chaotic Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm sorry for the delay! Archives was acting up for me all week last week and wouldn't let me post Chapter 22. BUT! Let's hope for a successful upload! xD On top of this, because I made you all wait two weeks for a new chapter, I am gifting you all TWO chapter uploads this week! From here on out, the story contains very serious elements to it that many will find very sensitive, so please read with caution! By the way, this chapter marks only 10 chapters left in the story...*sobs*. Please enjoy and remember to leave kudos and reviews!!! ^_^

Four Days Later…

 

It’d been four days since Sasori had left the penthouse.  
Four days since Deidara had last seen him.  
Four days since he had heard from him.  
And four days since he had taken his daily dosage of Remeron.  
He could already feel the effects of not taking it.  
The sun felt too bright; it hurt his eyes to look outside.  
Noises were too loud; it hurt his ears.  
The energy that he always seemed to have had was depleting day by day.  
He didn’t want to go to work anymore.  
He didn’t want to leave his room.  
He was always so tired.  
All he wanted was to see Sasori again. To hold him, kiss him, repeat over and over again that he was sorry. All he wanted was to see the redhead’s smile again.  
The last image Deidara had of his roommate was his amber eyes bloodshot, hurt ricocheting across them as tears fell down his dark pink-stained cheeks.   
Why hadn’t he told him?  
Why had he kept it a secret?  
Would there have been a different outcome if he hadn’t?  
So many different ‘what if’s’ and not enough answers.   
He wanted Sasori back.  
The penthouse felt too big without him.  
Too isolated.  
Too lonely.  
He was so goddamn tired.  
Yet still, he always returned from work in the hopes that the older male would be there, cooking dinner and greeting him with a warm smile that made his eyes shine.   
But no…he always returned to a dark abode, kitchen lights off, stove cold from lack of use throughout the day.  
Had it really only been four days?  
It’d felt longer.  
Deidara closed his eyes.  
He was so incredibly tired.  
“Deidara, are you listening to me?” a voice broke through the thick haze covering his brain – it had been growing since the day Sasori left – and he opened his eyes slowly to gaze up at Ino with a near bored expression. “What, un?”   
“You didn’t hear what all I just said to you?” her face is full of annoyance.  
He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, but no, I didn’t, un. What did you say?”  
She harrumphed once, throwing a folder down on the table. They were in a conference room, the long, stretched out, oval-shaped table filled with other people clad in their own business suits. The entire place was bustling with those running in and out of the room with stacks of paper, giving each person sitting down a folder and then moving on to the next.   
All that noise was beginning to give Deidara a headache.  
He needed Tylenol or Ibuprofen…  
Or maybe Advil.  
God was he tired.  
“What I was telling you,” Ino restarted, sighing, “was that the meeting will not only be held within this room, but an international business manager will be calling in shortly to join the conference.”  
“Okay, un.”  
“…Deidara what’s wrong with you? Normally you’re more cheery.”  
“It’s the weather, un.”  
“…But it’s sunny out.”  
(You should really just punch her right now)  
The blonde felt his left eye twitch.  
His inner voice had started growing louder, as well as started to become more persistent in what it wanted him to do. He also noticed that it wasn’t as nice as it had been.  
When it spoke, all it had to say were cruel words and intentions.  
Sure Ino was annoying the hell out of him, but he didn’t want to get violent.  
But his inner voice sure wanted him to.  
“Deidara, seriously…what’s wrong?”  
(God she never shuts up, does she?)  
“I’m just tired, un.”  
“Well then get more sleep at night, then.”  
(Easy for you to say, bitch)  
“What did you just say?”  
Shit…had he said that out loud?  
He sighed, muttering an apology.  
Who knew he would be feeling so down from skipping four days of his medicine.  
Why had he decided to stop taking it?  
He didn’t want to take it and feel happy.  
If he wasn’t seeing Sasori every day, he had no reason to be happy about anything.  
But he had no clue how quickly his relapse would occur.  
He was so tired.  
Darkness…that’s all he wanted, was to seclude himself in a thick black room for the rest of his life and sleep the days away.   
Sleep…he just wanted to sleep.  
As if on cue, his right foot nudged against his bag, and the tiny sound of pills in a bottle roused him from his thoughts.   
There were so many people chattering and talking all at once that it was slowly beginning to drive him insane. His ears were too sensitive at the moment. They could pick up the sound of someone repeatedly clicking a pen open and closed, hear the conversation of the two women at the far end of the table, and Ino’s persistent blabber in his left ear.  
(If you don’t tell her to shut up soon, I’m doing it for you)  
He wasn’t going to do anything.  
(But she’s so goddamn annoying)  
He wasn’t going to get violent over it, though.  
Why was his inner voice so malicious now?  
(Because Sasori is gone)  
Shut up.  
The sounds in the room were slowly getting louder and more chaotic.  
They weren’t making sense anymore.  
(Sasori left you)  
Shut up.  
The noises…they were undulating and colliding with each other.  
(He left you alone)  
That wasn’t true.   
He was so tired.  
Why were his ears hurting?  
He closed his eyes.  
(He left you alone after hitting you)  
He had deserved to get slapped for what he had done.  
(That’s right; you don’t deserve Sasori’s love)  
He knew that already.  
(Do you? Do you really?)  
Yes...he did.  
Stop being so malicious.  
His head felt heavy with muck.  
God those noises were getting louder…why?  
(Sasori doesn’t love you anymore)  
…Was that…was that true?  
Did Sasori not love him anymore?  
(Yes…it’s true. He hates you)  
Deidara’s chest clenched painfully.  
(Even said so himself)  
He had just been angry and said whatever was on his mind.  
(Doesn’t matter. He said he hated you)  
What was this pain in his chest?  
It hurt to breath.  
The noises had finally escalated to white noise…static.  
Nothing was making sense.  
All he knew was that he wanted it to stop.  
(He hates you)  
Stop.  
(He will never touch you again)  
Stop.  
(You will never see him again)  
Stop.  
Stop.  
(You want to know why?)  
Stop.  
He didn’t want to hear it.  
(He doesn’t love you anymore)  
Stop.  
Stop!  
Stop!!  
Stop!!!  
STOP!!!!!  
“WOULD EVERYONE KINDLY PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP, UN!!!!!” he suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs, silencing the room. Everyone stopped mid-talk to stare shockingly at the blonde who was now standing up, face etched into an angry snarl. Ino stood beside him, horror marring her normally calm visage.  
It took him a couple of seconds to realize what he had just done.  
He blinked rapidly. “I-I’m sorry about that, un. I-I don’t know what came-”  
“Mr. Hayashi?” a voice interrupted him and he gazed over at the screen, his confidence falling fast as he met the stare of the international business owner. The look of disappointment he gave the blonde was one that reminded him of the one his father had given him when he failed his first big test in high school.  
“Anything you would like to explain, Mr. Hayashi?” the owner asked, voice thick with a British accent.   
Deidara swallowed the cotton ball-sized lump in his throat.  
(God why are you such a fuck up?)  
“I-I’m terribly sorry for the outburst, un. I…I should go,” before anyone could say anything else, he had all his belongings tucked away in his bag and was heading out the door, cursing that his already long strides weren’t getting him away faster.  
“Deidara, wait!” Ino shouted after him, following as fast as she could in her black stilettos.  
(Why the fuck does she wear those goddamn shoes if she can’t even walk properly?)  
His inner voice needed to shut up.  
(I don’t have to shut up. This is all your fault, anyways)  
The elevator dinged for the first floor and he strode out into the main foyer, the room bustling with interns. Sakura sat at her usual spot behind the front desk, her clicking on the keyboard momentarily halted as she caught sight of him aggressively walking towards the front doors.  
“Mr. Hayashi, is everything-?”  
“DEIDARA, STOP!” Ino screamed, eliciting stares from passersby. The onlookers followed her gaze over to the blonde male who was still striding to the doors as if his life depended on it.  
He needed to get out of there.  
He needed to.  
It felt like his mind was about to explode.  
Why was his entire body shaking?  
Why was his heart pounding a mile a minute?  
He was so tired.  
All he wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the day.  
“Deidara, stop!”  
He paid no mind as his eyes trained on the glass ahead of him.  
He was almost there.  
Just about twenty more steps and he was home free –  
“Mr. Hayashi, stop right there or you’re fired!!!” a gravelly voice stopped him dead in his tracks.   
Now even the state of his job was being questioned?  
He didn’t need this bullshit.  
All he needed was Sasori.  
Squaring his shoulders, he looked over his right one to gaze at Mr. Iwa, who was standing beside Ino with anger enveloping his expression. He glared his cerulean blue orbs at the older male. “Then fire me, un. I don’t fucking care.”  
With that, he took the last steps needed and exited the building.  
“Deidara, please wait-!” Ino started to move towards the exit.  
“Let him go, Ino,” Mr. Iwa interrupted, voice calm.  
“But, sir, the contract and deadline-”  
“Never mind about either of those. We have to make changes to the contract anyways.”  
“Why?”  
“I’ll explain on the way back up to the conference.”


	23. Full Inbox and Shattered Screens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I promised you all, didn't I? ;)

Friday – First Day

 

*Beep* This is Deidara Hayashi, un. I cannot answer the phone as of right now, but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can.  
At the tone, please record your message. Otherwise you may hang up and try again later…*Beep*  
“Hey, Deidara! It’s…it’s Ino. I, um…I just wanted to call and ask how you were doing? You left in a rush so quickly yesterday, I couldn’t catch you in time. Is everything okay? Please call me back…thanks.” 

“Hey you little punk, where the fuck are you?! You’re missing our usual lunch time, bro! Were you caught up at work or something? It’s not fucking like you to not show up unless you were held up at the fucking office. Anyways, I think I’m just gonna go ahead and fucking eat cause I’m fucking starving. I hope to see ya fucking soon, though. Hidan out.”

 

Saturday – Second Day

*Beep* This is Deidara Hayashi, un. I cannot answer the phone as of right now…try again later…*Beep*  
“Deidara, please answer the phone. You haven’t tried calling me back. I know I’ve only tried calling you once, but it’s not like you to not at least call back. Just…please…I’m worried about you.”

“Hey, Ino again! I didn’t tell you this earlier, but I have great news! The deadline for the contract has been extended for up to another week! Isn’t that awesome?! And on top of that, the owner of HelioTech called Mr. Iwa yesterday morning to discuss the reasoning as to why so many of his employees would lose their jobs once the partnership went through. Wonder how he found that out...a-anyways, after some conversing, Mr. Iwa has decided to allow everyone to keep their jobs! Isn’t that great?! Now you shouldn’t have a reason to say ‘no.’”

 

Monday – Fourth Day

*Beep* This is Deidara Hayashi, un. I cannot answer…again later…*Beep*  
“Oi, fucker, what the fuck is up with you?! I haven’t heard a single fucking peep out of you in fucking days! Ino called me this morning and said you haven’t been to work since Thursday and you’re not returning any of her fucking calls. What the fuck’s wrong, Deidara? This isn’t like you.”

“Deidara, seriously. Why aren’t you returning any of my calls? Is everything okay?...Are you…are you taking your medications? Is that what’s going on? If you’re not, you know what’s going to happen. Remember what the doctor said?”

 

Wednesday – Sixth Day  
*Beep*  
“Deidara, please for the love of God, answer me! This isn’t okay, this is far from okay! Are you okay?! God please be okay…”

“Bro, I don’t know what’s fucking going on, but Ino called in a panic earlier, asking me to come over. I did and you didn’t answer. I don’t know if you were in there or if you suddenly took a vacation without telling anyone, but you need to call her back to get her to stop freaking out over fucking nothing.”

 

Friday – Eighth Day

*Beep*  
“Second. Fucking. Time. Deidara. Seriously, though, what is fucking going on? Ino’s not telling jack shit, I’ve tried coming over every night since Monday and you haven’t answered the fucking door, and you haven’t returned any calls either of us have made. Did something happen between you and Sasori? Did you get in a fight? If so, bottling this up isn’t fucking good.”

 

Monday – Eleventh Day  
*Beep*  
“Dei…”

“Deidara.”

“Please…”

“Call back.”

“I’m worried about you.”  
*Beep* End of messages.

He just wanted it all to end.

 

“Ah…h-harder…ah f-fuck…fuck me…hah, h-harder~” Deidara moaned into the pillow, clutching hard at the material in his hands until his knuckles turned white. He was positioned so that his front half hovered over the bed, head pressed into the pillows while his knees were bent, legs spread wide to allow better access for the hot, throbbing member that continued to pound into him. He inhaled sharply as his prostate took another bruising blow. “F-Fuck, Sasori, right…hah…right there…ah, deeper~!”  
“Saying such lewd things,” Sasori groaned, bending forward to press his chest against the other’s back, snapping his hips faster. He pressed his lips to the blonde’s ear, growling. “You really know how to turn me on, Dei~”  
All the younger male could do was moan in response as the redhead continued to whisper very provocative things into his ear.  
Who knew the older male had such a descriptive vocabulary…  
And how long had they been going at it now?  
Was it their fifth…sixth…tenth time?  
Deidara had lost count hours ago.  
All he knew was that he was surprised he was still getting hard, still getting pushed over the limit and releasing.  
He had never done it this many times before in one night.  
Never.  
But he surely didn’t want to stop now.  
Very slowly, he propped himself up on his hands, fully aware of how shaky his arms were. He couldn’t concentrate – not with a dick hitting his sweet spot every other damn second – but he found the strength to drive his hips back as Sasori thrust his forward, insinuating the latter’s member to drive in even deeper, if that were possible.  
“AH! S-Sasori~!” he moaned, throwing his head back as he continued grinding his hips. “D-Don’t…ah…don’t stop~”  
“Like hell I will,” the redhead growled, reaching a palm out to grip a handful of the golden locks in front of him. In one swift motion, he yanked the hair to the side, causing the head to follow suit, and reached down to sink his teeth into the supple, tanned neck as a low cry escaped the blonde’s lips.  
“S-Sasori! Pull…hah-AH!...pull harder~!” he moaned out, crying again as the wish was granted.  
What?  
A little pain had never hurt anyone.  
Gripping the hair tighter, Sasori pulled the other male up until his back was pressed against his chest, still keeping the pounding rhythm of his member going in and out of the still tight hole. He continued biting into the throat near his mouth, creating more hickeys and love bites, adding to the ones already prominent from their previous sessions.  
Their skin glistened with a thin layer of sweat, aiding in the friction of their bodies as they slid against each other, driving each male closer to the edge they’ve already grown accustomed to.  
Feeling their releases coming, the redhead gripped the younger male’s chin in his hand, turning to face him. “Dei~”  
He brought their lips together in another passionate battle, the older male’s hips moving on their own as they desperately sought the orgasm his body needed. Still kissing, he brought his free hand to the blonde’s neglected cock, pumping him in time with his thrusts.  
“Mm…S-Sasori – ah – I’m…I’m g-gonna~” Deidara panted against his mouth, cheeks dusted a dark pink as his eyes reached that indigo hue. With a smirk, Sasori brought his lips back to the others.  
Trying to focus on the tongue invading his wet cavern was a difficult task for the blonde as he felt that coil tighten in his lower abdomen.  
Faster…harder…deeper.  
The coil stilled.  
Then shattered.  
With a final thrust and pump, Deidara threw his head back against the older male’s left shoulder, a long, drawn out moan escaping his swollen lips as he released onto the bed. He heard Sasori give a shuddering groan before spilling his own essence inside him, at which he promptly mewled in response.  
“Dei…I seriously fucking love you,” Sasori whispered in between pants.  
“Me…too, un.”

Deidara opened his eyes, not surprised to find his gaze up at the ceiling.   
That dream hadn’t been a sexual fantasy.  
They had actually done that…and many other things that invaded his sleep every night.  
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Sasori off his mind.  
Everything reminded him of him.  
Everything.  
He hadn’t been to work in over a week, which probably meant he didn’t have a job anymore.  
He really didn’t care, though, to be honest.  
If he couldn’t have Sasori, he shouldn’t be allowed to have anything else.  
(Damn right you shouldn’t)  
His phone still rang constantly every day, but as he had been doing since he walked out last Thursday, he didn’t answer and let it go to voicemail, though by now, the inbox was probably full.  
As the days had continued, Ino’s messages had become more and more hysterical while Hidan’s had just become more and more pissed off.  
Deidara couldn’t blame his best friend, though.  
Hidan had no clue what had happened to him so long ago.  
Why hadn’t he told him yet?  
Nothing really made sense anymore.  
He spent most of the day lying in bed, barely moving from under the comforter and sheets if only to go to the bathroom and eat.  
But the satisfaction of food had left his system a while back.  
Now when he ate, he just ate to make sure he didn’t starve himself.  
And even that was a difficult task.  
Everything had suddenly become harder.  
First, it had been walking.  
Then, it had been talking.  
And now, just the idea of rolling onto his other side in his bed seemed daunting.  
He was tired all of the damn time.  
Whatever energy he used to have was gone.  
He just needed Sasori back in his life.  
How was he doing, anyways?  
Was he happy? Sad? Feeling the same way Deidara was currently feeling?  
He hadn’t tried calling him; surely if he wasn’t returning to the penthouse, he wouldn’t answer the phone if he saw it was him trying to reach out.  
What would he say?  
Would he apologize?  
He hadn’t a clue.  
He just knew he was lonely.  
He hadn’t felt this alone since the last episode.  
This was totally opposite to the festivities going on.  
Christmas was coming up and though he should be excited to go home and spend it with his family, he honestly didn’t feel like celebrating.  
He hadn’t even gone out shopping yet.  
(Good. Your family wouldn’t want to see you anyways. You’re worthless)  
He knew that.  
(You’re a coward)  
Knew that, too.  
(Just like all the other women you’ve touched in your life, you can’t even keep a man around your arm)  
(That’s pathetic)  
(Look at yourself. You have no more meaning. You don’t have a job. Your cousin is slowly abandoning hope on you. Your best friend is pissed at you. And Sasori has left you. You have nothing to look forward to. So why are you still here?)  
That’s right…  
…Why was he still here?  
In the silence that followed, his phone started ringing again.   
Without a second thought, he lunged for it, gripping it tightly in his hand. Throwing his arm back, he chucked it across the room where it slammed against the wall with a reverberating clack! and fell to the floor.  
Even from here, Deidara could see the shattered screen.  
He didn’t care, though.  
He was screwing everything else up in his life.  
Just add a broken phone to the list.


	24. AWOL and Ignorance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for the continuous support! I see we gained a few more kudos, and those that continue to write comments, thank you! Your reviews are amazing to read and they make me smile ^_^ Any who, here is Chapter 24! Again, remember the serious notes that will continue to be within the upcoming chapters and read with caution! Please leave kudos and reviews!! <33

Sasori awoke from a restless slumber, glaring at the ceiling with mild distaste.  
The room was too hot, therefore it was stuffy, therefore he couldn’t breathe, and therefore he couldn’t sleep anymore.  
Of course he wasn’t in his own room anymore, either.  
He was back at Pein’s apartment, staying in the room he had currently resided in before moving out and into the penthouse.  
The penthouse…  
It had been a little over two weeks since he had left the place, along with a dumfounded Deidara with a handprint on his perfect face.  
The redhead closed his eyes.  
Maybe he shouldn’t have had hit him.  
But why…why hadn’t he said anything?  
Why had he kept it from him for so long?  
What had there been to gain from that?  
He shook his head.  
He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that he was going to lose his job.   
And right before Christmas, no less.  
Still…it’s not like he had anyone to go celebrate with. He had his Granny Chiyo, but her Alzheimer’s was depleting her memory faster than the doctors had anticipated. There would be days when he would call to check up on her and she wouldn’t have a clue as to who he was.   
He could spend the holidays with his friends, but he knew they had their own families to visit.  
One of the disadvantages about being alone most of his life.  
Essentially, he had had no one there to open presents under the tree with him, no one there to cut the turkey and serve the stuffing, and no one there to wish him a ‘Happy Birthday.’  
But the biggest concern that was running through his head now…  
…Was whether he was still mad at Deidara.  
He had to admit that he wasn’t angry anymore. The anger had died down after the first couple of days of him being gone. At the moment of finding out, he had had to walk out, lest he had wanted to become actually physical with the blonde.  
At this point, he just felt empty. It was weird to wake up each morning and not see his roommate either already down in the kitchen, making breakfast, or finally joining him on one of the island’s stools, watching as he cooked whatever it was he was cooking.  
It had all been so unconsciously routine, that when it was taken away, Sasori didn’t really know how to function.  
He couldn’t deny that he was still in love with Deidara.  
Sure, finding out about his job had made him angry, but it was going to take a lot more than that to get him to fall out of love.  
He wondered how the brat was doing.  
He hadn’t tried calling him, which was something he had definitely been expecting, so not receiving even one voicemail had surprised him.  
Maybe Deidara was just giving him some space.  
Still though…two weeks was a bit of a stretch.  
On top of that, when he had arrived at the apartment, Pein wasn’t home, but thankfully Sasori had kept the spare he had been given and his best friend hadn’t decided to change the locks yet.  
He had slept soundly that night in his old room, waking up the next morning to find Pein and Konan cuddling on the couch, asleep. All he had done was walk into the kitchen and made breakfast, finally explaining the situation to a very surprised best friend when he had woken up to the smell of scrambled eggs.   
“I mean, I get that you all had a fight, but leaving all the responsibilities of keeping the place intact alone isn’t something a roommate would do, Sasori,” Pein had exclaimed. “You signed a contract; you can’t just get up and walk out and never return.”  
“I wasn’t planning on never returning, dumbass,” he had retorted, slightly annoyed. “I just needed to get out for a few days to collect my thoughts.”  
“You couldn’t do that there?”  
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but no…not around him.”  
Pein had seemed to get the hint and didn’t push the discussion further, just continued to eat and allow him to stay for however long he had needed, despite Konan’s unwillingness.  
Now he was staring at the clock, 2:43 blaring back at him in neon blue.  
Should he…?  
He sighed as he reached his hand over, picking up his phone and touching the screen on the call button. He sat up while it ringed.  
He better pick up…  
At the sound of a click, he smiled slightly, “Hey, I just wanted-”  
“This is Deidara Hayashi, un…”  
Oh…it was just the voicemail.  
“At the tone, please record your message. Otherwise you may hang up and try again later.”  
He was prepared to leave one when the automated voice spoke again. “We’re sorry; the inbox is full. You may not leave a message until all other voicemails have been deleted. Thank you.”  
What the - ?  
Full inbox?  
How many people had been trying to call him recently?  
And why hadn’t he answered them or at least delete the messages they had left?  
Hanging up, a sensation inside Sasori began stirring.  
A sensation he hadn’t felt in years.  
It was worry.  
Just what the hell was going on with his brat?

 

The Following Day…

 

“So why did you fucking call me?” Hidan asked, taking a swig of his coffee. “Is this about the blondie who’s gone AWOL?”  
“It might be,” Sasori exclaimed, gazing out towards the busy streets and sidewalks, which were filled with pedestrians doing last-minute Christmas shopping. Cliché holiday music reverberated through the speakers of the café the two men were sitting in, both enjoying a hot cup of liquid brown caffeine. “I tried calling him early this morning and ended up getting his voicemail and when I tried to leave a message, the inbox was full.”  
“No shit; I’ve been trying to call him since two fucking Fridays ago.”  
“You have?”  
“Why would I fucking lie about something like that?” the silver-haired male asked rhetorically. “Every Friday, we have lunch at our favorite diner; it’s been something we’ve done since fucking college. When he missed on the first Friday, I just chucked it up to him being busy at the fucking office. But when he missed on the second Friday, that was when I knew something was fucking off. Ino called me last Wednesday in a fucking panic, blubbering about how she had been trying to call him since the day he walked out on a conference-”  
“Deidara walked out on a conference?” Sasori interrupted, slightly shocked.  
The brat was incredibly passionate about his job.  
He would never do something to jeopardize his position or his status in the company.  
“Yeah, he apparently broke out in a fucking screaming fit and walked out,” Hidan explained, pale red eyes searching the cup he was holding. “He still walked out even after being threatened to have his fucking job taken away.”  
“Geez…”  
“I don’t fucking know what the hell’s going on with him,” the taller male spoke, voice low and emotionless, “but this isn’t like Deidara at all. I wish I knew what the fuck was going on, but I can’t get ahold of him, no matter how many fucking times I try calling. I don’t know if he’s in Cancun, your all’s fucking apartment, or lying dead in a fucking ditch somewhere. His inbox has been full for the past three days, so any chance of reaching him ended that fucking long ago.”  
He was silent for a few seconds.  
“This…isn’t Deidara; this isn’t my fucking best friend. When I tried asking Ino why he was doing this, she changed the subject and that’s when I knew she was fucking hiding something from me. I’ve gone to the fucking apartment, banged on the door and waited outside in the fucking hallway for hours upon hours, day after day, all week last week after work, in the hopes that he would actually fucking open the door. But I’ve got nothing. What good am I as a best friend if I don’t even know what the fuck is really going on?”  
“Have you tried calling the cops?”  
“Okay, let me fucking ask you this!” Hidan suddenly yelled, turning a glare to the redhead. “Why the fuck do you not know what’s going on? You fucking live with him, right?!”  
“Hidan, calm down-”  
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down when something could seriously be wrong!” the silver-haired male screamed, gaining the attention from the other customers.   
Sasori glanced around nervously.  
This wasn’t good.  
“You have a key to the fucking place – you fucking live there!” Hidan continued, voice still loud. “So why the fuck do you not know what’s going on?!”  
“I haven’t been there in the past two weeks!” the redhead seethed under his breath.  
“And fucking why?!”  
“We…” Sasori sighed, averting his gaze, “we got into a bit of a fight…one where I had to leave or else I would have seriously hurt Deidara physically.”  
“What fucking happened?” Hidan asked, voice calmer.   
Thank God.  
“I found out what’s really going to happen once my company partners up with Iwa Stratos,” Sasori explained, looking at the taller male. “I’m going to lose my job and the brat never fucking told me. I had to find it in a stupid manila folder. I was angry.”  
The redhead was expecting a reaction from Hidan.  
But what he got wasn’t what he had been expecting.  
The other male’s face was a look of shock, then turned into almost incredulous anger. He shook his head violently. “God you are a fucking dumb ass.”  
“Um…excuse me?”  
“I can’t believe this,” Hidan continued, as if he hadn’t heard Sasori’s question. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize this earlier. I’m so fucking stupid.”  
“What the hell are you talking about?!” the redhead suddenly yelled, losing his patience. “Just get to the fucking point instead of muttering your inner-“  
“He’s gone fucking AWOL because of you,” he responded, staring at the shorter male with cold eyes. “He’s dropped off the face of the planet because of fucking you!”  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
“You never gave him a fucking chance to explain, did you?”  
“Explain what?!”  
Hidan blinked rapidly, then chuckled lowly under his breath. “You know…I would tell you, but it’s not my fucking place. Just know this,” he gazed back up at Sasori, “whatever happens from here on out is all on your shoulders. You are the full frontal cause of my best friend’s absence. You can go check on him if you fucking want to, but if you don’t, I hope you can live with the fucking consequences.”  
Without giving the redhead a chance to counter-back, the silver-haired male finished the rest of his coffee and exited the café.  
Meanwhile Sasori sat there, confused and shocked.  
What had Hidan meant by that?  
The brat was fine…wasn’t he?  
He gulped.  
Wasn’t…he?  
The sound of his phone going off roused him from his stupor, and he extracted it from his jacket pocket and accepted the call, putting it up to his ear. “Hello?”  
“Mr. Akasuna,” Mr. Sato’s voice boomed on the other end. “How are you enjoying the lovely December weather?”  
“I’m cold,” the redhead replied, voice stoic.  
Mr. Sato laughed heartily. “Well, stay warm, then! Anyways, I’m calling to ask you if you could come to the office tomorrow night.”  
“Sir, it’s my time off for the holidays.”  
“I do understand that, but this is important.”  
“What do you need to discuss?”  
“It’s about the contract. I’ll explain more when you get here. Be here tomorrow at 7; no later.”  
“Understood, sir,” he ended the call and placed his phone back his pocket.  
So he was going to be told about him losing his job the day before Christmas Eve…  
Why was he always dealt the shitty hand in the game of Life?


	25. Numbness and Reflections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! Thank you for the reviews and comments on the last couple of chapters! I am sorry that I'm doing this to my babies and to you all. They both mean the world to me and it hurt to write these chapters, too, but as any author can vouch, a good story writes itself and the writer is just there to put it down on paper <3 Chapter 25 is up and ready for your reading pleasure, but, again, please read with caution as the seriousness is still prevalent and will remain so for most of the remaining chapters of the story! Remember to leave kudos and comments! ^_^

(No one likes you)   
(You’re worthless)  
(Sasori hates you)  
(You have nothing to live for)  
(No one would miss you if you disappeared)  
(That’s right…no one would)  
(No one cares about you anymore)  
Deidara didn’t know when, but at some point, he had finally decided to allow his inner voice total rein over his thoughts.   
All that his thoughts consisted of were thoughts of regret…self-hate…self-loathing.  
He had tried to calm those down when they had first started appearing, but with the knowledge that they weren’t going to go away, he had allowed them to take control.  
And taking control was what they were doing.  
(Everything about your life now sucks)  
(You’re alone in a big penthouse)  
(Hard to believe Sasori hasn’t tried calling you yet)  
(But why would he try calling you?)  
(He hates you…remember?)  
He remembered.  
(He slapped you, told you he hated you, then walked away)  
(And hasn’t returned since)  
(He probably lied about loving you, too)  
That was a lie.  
(Then why isn’t he here?)  
(Why isn’t he here…helping you…getting you back on your feet?)  
(Why can’t you get out of this yourself?)  
(That’s right…you’re weak; always have been)  
(You’ve never had to work a day in your life)  
(Sasori was right on that one)  
(When did you ever have to work hard?)  
He had had to work hard to get into college and Grad School.  
(Sasori had to the do the same)  
(Face it)  
(You’ve never known what it’s like to work hard for something)  
(You’ll never understand)  
(What’s that? Is your phone ringing again?)  
(You should probably go get it)  
(Or not)  
(Just let it go to voicemail, like you’ve been doing)  
(Just too fucking lazy to get your worthless ass out of bed)  
…Where was Danna to drown out these thoughts?  
(Why are you calling out for your precious Sasori no Danna?)  
(He’s not coming, even if you call him)  
(He hates you)  
He needed something – anything – to drown out these voices.  
Why had he stopped taking his pills?  
(Maybe you wanted to be depressed)  
(Maybe you wanted to think bad thoughts)  
(Because you hate yourself)  
(You hate yourself…right?)  
…  
(I’ll take that as a yes)  
(No wonder Sasori doesn’t love you)  
(Who would love someone so worthless?)  
(So unnecessary)  
(Look at yourself)  
(You haven’t been out of the penthouse in days…weeks)  
(When was the last time you even showered?)  
(There goes that damn phone again)  
(It’s still lying on the floor from when you threw it before)  
(You know what? You should go to bed)  
(Escape from this worthless reality you’re living in)  
He’d already slept enough today.  
(No you haven’t; you can never get enough sleep)  
(Especially when you have nothing to live for here in the real world)  
Deidara blinked up at the ceiling.  
He could only think of one thing to get rid of these voices.  
A drink.  
(You think drinking is going to help you?)  
(You really have messed up)  
Ignoring the voices, he mustered up as much energy as he possibly could and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and standing up.   
It was only 3:30 in the afternoon and the sun was shining, but it felt like it was 12 at night and the moon was covered with dark blue clouds.  
He shuffled out in the hallway and lousily made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, eyes trained on the cupboard he knew had all the alcohol in it.  
(Maybe you should take a Disulfiram)  
He threw the door open wide, gaze scanning the assorted bottles of whiskies, rum, beers, etc.  
Grabbing the first bottle he saw – a Jim Beam Black – he twisted the cap off and took a swig.  
It burned like hot fire all the way down into his stomach, where it settled harshly on the minimal food he had eaten that day.  
He took another swig.  
Then another.  
And then another.  
He sat down at the island.  
Took another swig.  
Looked out the windows towards the other buildings.  
Another swig.  
Thought about Sasori.  
Took another.  
He continued to take swigs until the voices disappeared.  
Until everything disappeared.  
Until everything became numb.  
Numb.  
No thought reached him…  
…no emotion hit him…  
…no nothing.   
He couldn’t sense anything.  
He took another swig, putting the empty bottle down and grabbing another one from the same shelf.  
He was going to continue until not even the mention of Sasori’s name affected him.

 

Sasori lay on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling with mild interest.  
Other than the coffee with Hidan and the phone call with his boss, it had ended up being a rather boring day. Despite his hatred of the cold weather, he had found himself lolling the sidewalks of the city for most of the day, face buried in his scarf and hands dug deeply into the pockets of his jeans.  
And as he had walked, he zoned out every thought in his mind until his entire attention had focused on one thing.  
Deidara.  
And even as he relaxed on his bed, his brain was still wrapped around the blonde.   
He felt stupid.  
Ashamed.  
Stupid for not checking in on him more regularly and ashamed for not having done so sooner.  
Because from what Hidan was saying earlier…   
His roommate wasn’t in the best of shape right now.  
Was he still taking his pills?  
That’s what was causing the most of Sasori’s worry.  
He gripped his phone in his hand tightly.  
The last time he had tried calling, it had gone to voicemail, only to have the damn automated message tell him that the inbox was full.  
Hopefully the brat had gone through them since and deleted most.  
Otherwise any new attempt to reach him would be futile.  
He should go over and check up on him.  
…Right?  
Sasori heaved a deep sigh.  
Sure he was in love with Deidara.  
But it had been more than long enough since he had last cared about someone so strongly before.  
Growing up with not a lot of tender loving care often made people senseless towards the idea and emotion of caring. Sure he had had his grandmother to support him through his endeavors and challenges, and sure, he had had Pein there along for the ride, but other than that, he had never had anyone he cared about.  
Most of his family hated him.  
His grandmother was slowly starting to forget him.  
Pein more or less kicked him out which had forced him to find a place of his own.  
If it hadn’t been for Itachi…he and Deidara probably never would have met after the brief encounter in the café.  
The café.  
The redhead nearly laughed at the memory.  
He must’ve looked like such a teenager at the time; the tips of his hair dyed bright green, piercings all in and completely visible for the world to see, and an outfit that would have competed with any hipster kid in high school.  
Since then, yes, he had kept the piercings, but his clothes had definitely changed. He had lost the bright green dye a few weeks back, but now he wore clothes that seemed tailored more to his own personality.  
Dark wash jeans and a solid color button up with rolled up sleeves was his daily outfit of choice.  
He’d gotten rid of the skinny jeans, the assortment of plaid shirts (keeping a few, but getting rid of most), beanies, and even the high tops he’d had since high school.  
And it wasn’t because he had wanted to change for Deidara.  
That was one reason.  
But another was because he had wanted to change for himself.  
Despite Deidara’s mental and physical problems, his presence in the redhead’s life had changed him in ways he hadn’t been expecting.  
In ways he couldn’t really describe in words.  
Because how Deidara made him feel was indescribable.  
Even though he had explained to the blonde why he had fallen in love with him…in looking back…those weren’t the only reasons.  
Delving deeper, he realized he would never be able to completely convey his feelings in words.  
…So why was he laying here, on his bed, moping like a prissy teenage boy whose mother refused to allow him to go see an R-rated movie with his friends?  
Why wasn’t he back at the penthouse, kissing his lover before they drifted off into sweet dreams together in the same bed?  
Why was he at Pein’s apartment?  
Why weren’t his arms wrapped around Deidara right now?  
Why wasn’t he with him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear until the light of dawn shined through the windows?  
Why was he acting like such a dumb ass?  
Even he couldn’t answer that question himself.  
Sasori closed his eyes.  
He would call tonight.  
Try to reach out once more.  
Then go and check on him tomorrow after the meeting.  
Seemed fair enough for both of them, he guessed.  
Scrolling through his contacts, he found Deidara’s number and touched the Call button.  
He knew to expect the voicemail.  
*Beep* This is Deidara Hayashi, un…  
God, that speech impediment of his was adorable.  
At the tone, please record your message. Otherwise you may hang up and try again later.  
He waited…  
We’re sorry –   
He hung up.  
Only one other option.  
The house phone.  
Clicking the number, he waited for the voicemail.  
You have reached the voicemail box of the Akasuna and Hayashi residence. We are not…at the tone, please record your message. Otherwise you may hang up and try again later…*Beep*  
“Hey, Deidara, it’s…um…it’s Sasori. I just…wanted to call and see how you were doing. I’m sorry I haven’t been back in so long. I’ve just…needed time to recuperate and figure things out with my job. My boss called me earlier and asked me to come in tomorrow night. Probably to discuss my status…a-anyways, I also met up with Hidan today. You’ve got so many people worried about you. Why haven’t you been to work? Ino’s going crazy at this point and Hidan’s just…I don’t know, it’s Hidan, he’s your best friend, not mine. But Dei…you’ve also got me worried. I’m sorry I haven’t been there if you’re going through something. My hope is, is that you’re still taking your medication. Um…I’ll be coming by tomorrow after my meeting. I…I want to see you. I want to talk…face to face. I just…I need you Dei and walking out like I did was a stupid mistake on my end. I’ll go before the stupid thing stops me. But Dei, never forget this…I’ll always love you…no matter how angry or upset I get. I’ll never stop loving you.”  
And with that, he ended the call.


	26. Still in Love or in Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you for continuing to review this story! I'm so sorry I'm hurting our babies >.< But your reviews and kudos are everything to me! <3 Here is Chapter 26 and again, please read with caution as each new chapter will contain sensitive materials. Remember to leave kudos and reviews!!

Deidara stumbled into his room, free hand gripping the threshold of the entrance while the other gripped a half-empty bottle of Jack. Downstairs in the kitchen were at least 5 empty, forgotten assortments of 375 and 750ml bottles of other alcohol.   
He couldn’t remember too much.   
When had he started drinking?  
How long had he been drinking now?  
Oh that’s right…he had started drinking yesterday.  
He had stopped long enough to go to bed, but ended up waking this morning still drunk off his ass, which he promptly ignored and continued to drink.  
Instead of milk with his cereal for breakfast, he had had the rest of the leftover rum from the night before.  
Instead of water with his lunch, he had had gin.  
And for dinner…a nice date with Jim and Captain Morgan.  
He had thrown up at least once, but other than that, he was doing fine.  
The voices were gone.  
They had disappeared awhile after the first bottle of Jim Beam was finished.  
He took another swig of whiskey, a slight hiccup escaping his throat.  
He didn’t feel anything anymore, either.  
Every one of his senses was dulled to the point where he could jam his hand against the corner of a drawer and not even be fazed by it.  
No pain registered in his brain.   
And it felt incredible.   
To not have to worry about emotions, feelings, thoughts, or inner demons.  
It was a paradise he had been searching for ever since Sasori had left.  
In this paradise, he was free.  
Free of worry, regret, remorse, hate, etc.  
Free of anything that was willing to hurt him.  
Free of anything that was willing to sadden him.  
And even free of anything that was willing to love him.  
Taking another swig, he stumbled over to the bed, careening off to the left as the world tilted precariously in front of him.  
He didn’t mind the dizziness.  
If it meant being numb and keeping his thoughts at ease…  
He didn’t mind one bit.  
How long had it been since he had set foot outside?  
Felt the December chill on his face?  
Christmas Eve was tomorrow and no doubt his family was expecting him home for the holidays.  
His phone had stopped ringing yesterday, though.  
Or maybe he was too drunk to have had heard it.  
Either way, he knew he should go home.  
But no doubt Ino had already told his parents about what was going on, therefore alerting suspicion, which would lead to questions if he so happened to show up at their doorstep tomorrow afternoon.  
And he wasn’t willing – or ready – to be interrogated by them.   
How was he going to tell his parents that he was gay?  
Wait…was he?  
He did have sex with Sasori, who happened to be a male.  
But he didn’t look at Hidan and think he was attractive!  
Too many thoughts.  
He took another swig.  
Better.  
In his state, he had managed to flop onto the comforter of his circular bed, holding the bottle in a way so that it wouldn’t spill.  
Didn’t want to waste good liquor.  
Suddenly, something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.   
Rolling his head to the side, he gazed over at the dresser that held all of his clay sculptures. The home phone’s voicemail light was flashing a dark blue.  
He knitted his brows together.  
When had someone tried calling the home phone?  
And why hadn’t he heard it?  
Sighing heavily, he sat back up and zigzagged his way over to the phone, where he pressed the button rather harshly.  
He didn’t know his own strength when he was drunk.  
The familiar beep popped up, along with the automated voice.  
You have one unheard message. First unheard message sent December 22 at 6:45pm:  
Hey, Deidara, it’s…um…it’s Sasori…  
The blonde nearly choked on his next swig.  
Sasori?!  
It was Sasori!  
I just…wanted to call and see how you were doing…  
Oh doing pretty well, just drinking away his problems.  
I’m sorry I haven’t been back in so long. I’ve just…needed time to recuperate and figure things out with my job.  
Did he mean the job he thought he was losing?  
That job?  
Deidara couldn’t remember too well.  
My boss called me earlier and asked me to come in tomorrow night. Probably to discuss my status –  
Which wasn’t changing…  
…a-anyways, I also met up with Hidan today. You’ve got so many people worried about you.  
Really? Didn’t seem like it.  
Why haven’t you been to work?  
It was too stressful.  
Ino’s going crazy at this point and Hidan’s just…I don’t know, it’s Hidan, he’s your best friend, not mine.  
That was true.  
But was Ino really that worried?  
She hadn’t tried calling in days, though.  
Or maybe she had been…  
But Dei…you’ve also got me worried.  
…he was…worried about him?  
Sasori was worried about him?  
I’m sorry I haven’t been there if you’re going through something. My hope is, is that you’re still taking your medication.  
Obviously, he wasn’t.  
Um…I’ll be coming by tomorrow after my meeting.  
Wait...Sasori was coming back?  
Really??  
I…I want to see you. I want to talk…face to face.  
He wanted to see him.  
I just…I need you, Dei, and walking out like I did was a stupid mistake on my end.  
Sasori was apologizing?  
I’ll go before the stupid thing stops me. But Dei, never forget this…I’ll always love you…no matter how angry or upset I get. I’ll never stop loving you.  
With that, the message ended, leaving Deidara stunned where he stood.  
Had he…had he really heard all that correctly, or was his drunken mind fucking with him?  
Was Sasori really still in love with him?  
Even after having said that he hated him?  
He smiled.  
(You thought, though)  
His face turned stone cold.  
(He’s only saying that because he feels guilty)  
(Because he feels bad)  
No…that wasn’t Sasori.  
He wouldn’t –   
(You’re right; that wasn’t Sasori)  
He didn’t mean it like that –   
(Doesn’t matter)  
(If he honestly cared about you, he would be here right now)  
(Instead of waiting until tomorrow)  
(Right?)  
That’s right.  
If Sasori really cared about him, and honestly loved him like he had said, he would be here right now, in the penthouse.  
(See? What did I say before?)  
(Nobody really loves you)  
(You’ll always be alone)  
He’d always be alone.  
(No one cares about you)  
No one cared about him.  
(No one loves you)  
No one loved him.  
Suddenly, he felt warmth begin to radiate from his neck and into his jaw, turning his face red. His heartbeat started to race and his teeth clenched tightly together.  
His grip on the bottle’s neck nearly shattered the glass.  
Angry.  
He was angry.  
Angry at everything.  
Angry at his family for not caring more.   
Angry at his uncle for threatening to take away his job.  
Angry for ever having met Sasori.  
Angry for even falling in love with him.  
Angry for having those feelings thrown back in his face.  
Angry at Sasori for not being there when he had needed him.   
Angry at Sasori for leaving him.  
Angry. At. Sasori.  
(Yes…be angry)   
(Get angrier)  
He hated the voices, too.  
Hated those goddamn voices that whispered to him constantly.  
He wanted them to go, the fuck, away!  
(We’re not going away)  
(We’re you)  
(Speaking the truths that you don’t want to hear)  
Those were lies.  
(Hardly; we’re speaking the truth)  
(You just don’t want to believe us)  
Shut up.  
(You can’t get rid of us)  
Shut up!  
(Taking the medication only covers us up)  
Shut up!!  
(Same goes for the alcohol)  
(Fucking alcoholic)  
He wasn’t an alcoholic.  
(Then what do you call someone who drinks away their problems?)  
(And drinks through all hours of the day?)  
Shut up.  
(You keep telling us to shut up and we’re still here)  
SHUT UP!!!  
Feeling hot tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes, Deidara gripped the bottle tighter.  
(Go ahead; take another sip, if you want)  
(You’re only hurting yourself in the end)  
He didn’t care.  
He didn’t care anymore.  
He wanted all this pain to end.  
To go away and never come back.  
He wanted to escape this hell.  
Escape into his own world.  
His own happiness.   
As tears collected and ran down his reddened cheeks, he tilted the lip of the bottle to his open, trembling mouth.  
“What the hell are you doing to yourself, brat?”  
The blonde stopped his movements.  
That voice.  
With its edge of smirk and wave of sultriness.  
He’d know that voice anywhere.  
So when he turned around, he wasn’t surprised to see the familiar mess of blood red hair.  
“Danna?”


	27. Revealed Truths and Colored Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I decided to upload early for various reasons. Either way, I am uploading the next chapter for you lovely readers! You all have been so supportive and helpful, leaving comments and giving kudos when you can! Thank you for everything! Also, please know that there are extra notes at the end of the chapter but I would not recommend reading them until you finish reading! Also, this chapter contains very sensitive material than many of you may find hard to read. Please read with caution and remember that I love you all! <333 Remember to leave comments and kudos ^_^

“Danna?”  
“You gonna keep calling me by that pet-name, brat?” Sasori asked, his familiar smirk playing at his lips.   
Deidara gulped, letting the bottle fall to his side, watching as his roommate’s amber orbs followed its path, his head shaking. He looked back up at the blonde. “Honestly, Dei…why have you done this to yourself?”  
“Iss cause you fuucking walked out on me, un!” he yelled, barely recognizing his own voice behind the slurred words. “Fuckin’ walked out after we made – hiccup – love!”  
“Brat, I can’t take you seriously with you drinking yourself into a stupor,” the redhead chuckled lightly, beginning to make his way closer to the other male.   
Deidara felt anger run down his spine, causing him to move away from the other’s advances, reversing until his back slammed harshly against his dresser. “You s-stay the fuck away from mee, you b-bastard, un!”  
“Bastard?” Sasori merely smiled at the insult, continuing to stride forward. “Such a harsh word coming from someone so nice.”  
“I’m not nice, un.”  
“Yes you are,” the older male chided, increasing the speed of his steps until he was positioned right in front of his roommate, gaze playful. “It’s why you’ve put yourself in this situation.”  
“What situation, un?”  
“Where you’re drinking yourself to death,” the redhead explained, eyes filling with concern. “Why are you doing it?”  
Anger flared red hot inside the blonde. He glared harshly, voice surprisingly stable as he spoke. “Do you know what it’s fucking been like without you here, un?! To not see you every fucking day?! Do you even understand how fucking lonely I’ve been, un?!”  
“I don’t appreciate such vulgar language. You’re not Hidan.”  
“Go fuck yourself, un.”  
Sasori smirked. In an instant, he had the other pinned against the dresser, the siding digging into the latter’s back, insinuating a slight whimper from the back of his throat. “D-Danna, what are you-”  
“Personally, the idea of fucking myself seems tempting,” the redhead purred, gaze darkening, “but I’m looking at something else I’d rather fuck.”  
“Y-You’re hurting me, un,” Deidara whispered, the pain in his pelvis becoming more and more prominent by the second. “Let me go.”  
“You tell me that,” the older male brought his face closer, lips millimeters from the other’s, “but I don’t think you want me to let go.”  
“D-Danna, that’s not-”  
“You’ve missed me.”  
“You fucking left me, un!”  
“Dei-”  
“STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT, YOU NO GOOD FUCKING SON OF A BASTARD, UN!!!” the blonde screamed, tears streaming down his face. “STOP CALLING ME ‘DEI’! YOU DON’T FUCKING DESERVE TO CALL ME THAT, UN!!!!”  
“You-”  
“YOU FUCKING WALKED OUT BEFORE I COULD EVEN EXPLAIN MYSELF, UN!” the younger male continued. “WALKED OUT, SLAPPED ME, AND THEN TOLD ME YOU FUCKING HATED ME!!!”  
“Dei-”  
“AFTER I FUCKING FULLY COMMITTED MYSELF TO YOU, UN!!! I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU AND YOU REPAY ME BY WALKING OUT OF MY LIFE?!”  
“Deidara-”  
“WALKED OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE WITHOUT ANY REASON, UN! I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR JOB! I NEVER WANTED THAT TO HAPPEN, UN! THAT’S WHY I WAITED SO LONG TO MAKE A DECISION!” he looked away. “That’s why I never made a decision, un.”  
“…You what?”  
“I NEVER SIGNED THE CONTRACT, UN!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!”  
“…But your job-”  
“EVERYTHING DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE BESIDES YOU, UN!” Deidara yelled, glaring at the shocked expression marring the older male’s face. “I DIDN’T CARE IF I LOST MY JOB! IF IT MEANT KEEPING YOURS, THEN IT WAS WORTH IT, UN!”  
“W-Why would you do something like that for me?”  
The blonde sighed, feeling his energy seeping out of his body. “Danna, I love you, un. I meant everything I said that night. I was scared to finally admit my feelings, un,” he gave a weak smile. “But I’m glad I did! Not seeing you made me realize how much I need you in my life, un. I need you so much, Sasori no Danna. I miss you, un.”  
“Dei-”  
“I miss you so much, un!” tears began falling again, running like mad down his cheeks and onto the floor. Through his sobs, he felt arms wrap strongly and protectively around him, one of the arm’s hands guiding his head to rest against a strong shoulder.  
“Dei-”  
“Why did you leave me, un?” he mumbled.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“That’s not an answer, un.”  
“I can’t give a better one,” he heard Sasori whisper, his grip around him tightening. “I shouldn’t have been away for as long as I was.”  
“I hate you, un.”  
“I know you do. You have every right to hate me.”  
Deidara was ready to respond, but his sobs prevented any coherent word from forming. All he could do was bury his face into the crook of the redhead’s throat, feeling the pulse against his cheek.   
“Don’t ever leave again, un.”  
“I promise I won’t.”   
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, un.”  
“Deidara,” Sasori moved back in order to place their foreheads together, forcing the other’s cerulean blue orbs to stare straight into his amber ones, “never make light of the promises I make. When I say I promise to never leave again, I mean that.”  
“Promises are just empty words, and – w-why are you laughing, un?”  
The older male had started chuckling lightly, interrupting the blonde from continuing.  
“Nothing, it’s just…” he shook his head, giving his usual smirk, “your breath reeks of alcohol, brat.”  
“I hate you – hiccup – un.”  
“I love you, too, brat.”  
They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither saying anything.  
Just living in the moment of being in each other’s company.  
“Danna-”  
“Sasori.”  
“W-What, un?”  
Sasori chuckled again, cupping the other’s face in his hands. “My name is Sasori, brat.”  
“B-But-”  
“You talk way too fucking much,” before he could give the blonde a chance to respond, he leaned his face forward and connected their lips together.  
Deidara wasn’t surprised or shocked.  
In fact…he had been waiting for this moment for the past two weeks.  
So he didn’t think twice about letting the bottle slip from his hand and fall to the floor in order to free both of his arms to wrap them around the redhead’s neck, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.  
In mere seconds, he felt Sasori’s mouth open slightly, his pierced tongue flicking out to rub against his own lower lip, asking for entrance, which he happily granted.  
The wet appendage moved everywhere in his mouth, tasting every crevice it could find, slow and melodic, causing a wanton moan to escape his throat. He met the tongue eagerly with his own, rolling over the metal ball, hearing a growl escape the older male.   
Nothing was hesitant, but neither was anything rushed.  
In the restored exploration of each other’s body, both males took their time. Hands feathered light touches over skin, tongues massaged each other gently, synchronous in their movements, and bodies pressed close, but didn’t crush.  
The pale body led the tan one over to the circular bed, settling it down gently against the soft and fluffy comforter, the fabric ballooning up around them as if they were lying on a surface of clouds. Lips were reconnected as the heat between the two grew, suffocating both until they were only breathing in the warmth of the other.  
“I’ve missed you,” Deidara whispered against the older male’s mouth, flicking his tongue out to tip against the other’s upper lip. He was quick to rid himself of his sweatpants and boxers before tossing them off into the darkness of the room. “I’ve missed you so much.”  
“Me too, Dei,” Sasori breathed, stripping off his shirt, revealing the toned body and dermal and navel piercings. He reached down and pressed their bodies together, grinding his pelvis against the blonde’s, causing a breathy moan to escape the latter as he felt their erections push and rub each other.   
Within seconds, his own hips began moving in sync with the other’s, his body desperately attempting to reach that level of bliss he had felt so long ago.  
“Dei,” he heard the redhead whisper dangerously close to his ear.  
“Yes?”  
“Help me prepare you.”  
“Wha – how?”  
Sasori didn’t explain. All he did was gingerly grasp the younger male’s wrist in his hand, bringing it towards the former’s face. He placed three of the hand’s digits against the other’s mouth. “Suck.”  
Too pre-occupied with the knowledge that his lover was back, Deidara didn’t question the command as he brought the digits into his orifice, coating them with his saliva as he gazed at the redhead with a lustful glee, cheeks dusted a rosy red. Satisfaction swarmed through him like liquid fire as the older male let out a low moan at the sight.  
After a few seconds of this, Sasori pulled the younger male’s hand away, guiding it towards his entrance. He leaned in to whisper, “Stretch yourself.”  
Swallowing down the nervousness, the blonde pressed one coated finger into the tight hole, feeling the hot, ringed walls of muscle wrap around him, insinuating a hoarse moan to escape his dry throat.  
It didn’t hurt to have something inside him, like the first time. It still felt foreign, no doubt, but it was far from painful. He twisted his finger around a bit before sliding in the next one, a gasp vibrating his vocal chords.  
Okay, that one hurt.  
“D-Danna…ah…it hurts,” he breathed out through his teeth as he began turning and scissoring the digits, the tight walls slick against them.  
The other male was busy planting feather light kisses across the tanned torso.  
“Just keep going,” was all he whispered against his skin before going back to doing what he was doing before.  
Deidara swallowed again, whimpering at the feeling of being stretched by himself.  
This felt so weird, but at the same time…it felt so right.  
If he closed his eyes, he could…almost imagine it was Sasori’s hand doing the work.  
“S-Sasori~” he moaned out, long and low, as he pushed his fingers in deeper, searching for that spot the redhead had been able to find so easily last time.  
A little deeper and –   
The digits suddenly rammed against a bundle of nerves in the inner depths of himself, causing his vision to white out harshly and his body to start shaking uncontrollably as a whorish cry escaped from his mouth, head thrown back against the pillows and eyes rolling into his skull.  
A chuckle emanated from Sasori as he ran his tongue up the length of Deidara’s neck before pressing his lips against his ear. “Seems you found your prostate, eh Dei?”  
The younger male didn’t respond as he continued poking and prodding the sensitive nerves, adding a third finger as gasps and cries rolled passed his lips in an endless chorus of hypnotic rapture.   
“S-Saso-ah~!” he gazed up at his roommate, a sliver of drool running down his jaw from his chin. “I-I need – AH – I need you!”  
“Not yet, brat,” the older male exclaimed, smirking evilly as his fingers wrapped around Deidara’s erect member, eliciting a wanton moan to undulate out of the latter’s mouth at the feeling of his roommate’s skilled hand begin to pump him harshly. That, plus the feeling of his prostate being rammed every second sent the blonde’s mind reeling into insanity.   
“AH – Sasori~!” he screamed, meeting the other’s hand to start pumping his own member, his hips beginning to grind up into the air in an attempt to make Sasori go faster.  
But the other wouldn’t budge. Just kept the same pace. The blonde grunted in annoyance and therefore increased the speed of his own hand, running his thumb harshly over the pulsing, throbbing vein on the underside up to the head, which was slick with pre-cum. This only provoked him to go faster, more harshly, until he was jerking his head from side to side, screaming as he was pushed closer to the edge.  
“Sasori!!!” he moaned, hips gaining in thrusts. He continued to jab his fingers against the tight bundle of nerves within him, chest heaving from the pleasure and ecstasy invading his body.  
He felt hot all over, fire coursing through his veins. When he tried to breath in cool air, all he got was the humid mist of his gasps in return, making him dizzy. When he tried to look up at Sasori, he could barely see his silhouette.  
“Sasori! I-I’m-mmm-AH~!” he was cut short as another wave of pleasure sent him into a chorus of moans. The familiar coil in his stomach tightened to stillness.   
“Scream my name louder.”  
“Sasori!!!”  
“Louder.”  
“Sasori!!!!”  
“LOUDER!!!”  
“I c-can’t…a-anymore…AH!...mmm…oh…S-Sa…ah…mm – SASORI!!!!!” Deidara threw his head back, hips snapping up one final time as he released onto his abdomen and chest, the off-white liquid burning his skin.  
Relief washed over him almost immediately, his body relaxing as it came down from its climatic high. While catching his breath, he smiled weakly, opening his eyes. “S-Sasori, that was-”  
He stopped talking when he realized something.  
Sasori wasn’t above him.  
Knitting his brows together in confusion, he scanned the room.  
The redhead was nowhere in sight.  
When had he-?  
He looked down at himself.  
He was completely naked, three fingers still inside him, other hand wrapped around his limp member, the skin coated in his own seed.  
…Had he…had he done all this by himself to himself?  
(You sure did, dumb ass)  
(Sasori is not, and never was, here)  
(You really have gone crazy)  
Numbness overcame his whole body in an instant.  
He was disgusting.  
(Yes, you are)  
His mind was fucked up badly.  
(Yes it is)  
He hated himself.  
(As you should)  
No wonder Sasori had left.  
But wait…he was…returning.  
He had even said so in the voicemail.  
Shouldn’t that be making him happy?  
Yes. It should.  
…So why in the hell wasn’t it?

Sasori gazed up at the tall building that housed the offices of HelioTech, knowing full well that his boss was waiting for him inside. It was late evening, the time on his watch reading 6:45. His boots sloshed against the brown-tinted slush that caked the sidewalks, insinuating his nose to scrunch up in disgust.  
Snow was pretty until it met the earth’s dirt.  
But that was for everywhere.  
It was December 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve, and he was here at his work, about to be fired by his boss.  
What a great way to celebrate the holidays.  
A puff of warm air undulated out of his mouth as he exhaled a long sigh, walking on into the building and heading over to the elevators.  
On top of the conversation he was about to have with Mr. Sato, his mind was also occupied with other thoughts.  
Thoughts about Deidara.  
And how he had left a message yesterday and hadn’t heard anything back, yet.  
No text as to whether the blonde had received the voicemail.  
No text as to whether he was excited to see him.  
Hell, not even a call as to whether he was still alive or not.  
Sasori gave another sigh.  
He had really fucked things up, hadn’t he?  
He knew Deidara wasn’t in the best of mental states.  
So why had he walked out in the manner that he had?  
Okay, so he knew why, but at the end of the day, it had honestly been a very stupid reason.  
But, now, here he was, the doors opening to the level of the offices.  
And though his thoughts were far from what was in front of him.  
He still knocked on the door that led to his boss’s room.

 

Deidara’s heart was ramming against his chest.  
(Get angrier!)  
He threw another empty bottle against the wall, the glass shattering on impact, joining the other fragments on the kitchen floor.  
(Look at what he’s done to you!)  
Another bottle, shattered.  
(Look at what he’s turned you into!)  
Shattered.  
He hated everyone.  
Hated what they’d done to him.  
Hated what they hadn’t done for him.  
He hated Sasori.  
For making him fall in love with him.  
For allowing him to make love with him only to throw it back in his face.  
He fucking hated himself.  
Hated what his past had done to him.  
What his current self was doing to him.  
He wanted it all to end.  
He was about to chuck another empty bottle, but stopped when his eyes caught the glimmer of the kitchen lights on the glass. He stared down at it for a few seconds, mind slowly emerging from its alcohol-induced haze. He continued to stare, long and hard, allowing his brain to comprehend what was happening, allow it to acknowledge what had happened and what was going to happen.   
What was he doing to himself?  
Why was he drinking himself to death?  
What did he have to gain by doing so?  
(Take a Disulfiram)  
Right…his medication.  
Something he hadn’t taken in over two weeks.  
Had it really only been two weeks since Sasori left?  
It’d felt more like a year…  
With that, Deidara set the bottle on the counter, stumbling over to his black bag and extracting his Disulfiram and Remeron pills, the sight bringing relief, and worry, to his mind.  
He needed to get sober and needed to, fast.  
Not for Sasori’s sake…  
But for his own.  
Taking a deep breath, he opened up both bottles and took the dosage, swallowing them dry.  
Now all he had to do was wait…

 

It was only 10 minutes after taking his medication that Deidara found himself in the bathroom, body hunched over the toilet as his body pushed the alcohol up out of his stomach. The sound of retching echoed across the heated tiled floor and ran up the painted walls, almost mocking him for his stupidity.  
(It’s the Disulfiram. It’s trying to get rid of the alcohol)  
Right…the Disulfiram.  
That’s what was causing him to puke.  
After a few shaky seconds of waiting for his stomach to stop rolling, he sat back against the wall behind him, tilting his face up to the ceiling as the beginning of a strong headache started to overcome his body.   
So the Disulfiram was working.  
But why wasn’t the Remeron?  
Sighing, he stood up, almost too quickly as he almost fell back to the floor as another wave of nausea and dizziness overtook him.   
What the hell-?  
It almost seemed as if he was even more drunk than before.  
But why?   
Why was he?  
Nothing was making sense besides the whirling of his stomach, which suddenly clenched.  
Fuck, not again…  
Within the next second, he was back at the toilet.  
He hated himself.  
He hated everything he’d become.  
Leaning back slightly, he gazed up at the sink to his left, noticing a half-empty bottle of Bushmills, the amber liquid inside tempting him.   
When had that ended up in his bathroom?  
Reaching up, he gripped the bottle’s neck in his fingers, tilting the mouth towards his lips, gulping a long swig.   
Sad thing was that it didn’t even burn on the way down.

Time didn’t matter.  
Whether it was 5pm or 5am, it didn’t matter.  
People didn’t matter.  
They had all left him anyways.  
His life didn’t matter.  
Everyone hated him.  
Hell, he even hated himself.  
Why couldn’t his life have stayed perfect?  
Why had he let himself become consumed in alcohol?  
Why had he let himself become dependent on the shit?  
He took another sip of whatever was in the bottle he was holding.  
The headache was killing him.  
His body ached in a way that sleep couldn’t fix.  
It ached from deep inside, right down to the marrow of his bones, reaching out past veins, muscles, skin, until it hurt to even breathe.   
He hadn’t felt such pain in quite some time.  
The world spun in circular motions about him, the overhead lights tilting left, then right, then back again, over and over in an infinite pattern that was making him go crazy.   
Where was Sasori?  
Why was he thinking about his roommate?   
Why was he thinking about anything?  
His body was numb.  
He gazed down at his hand, finding it unbelievable that he could still grip anything.  
He felt weak.  
He couldn’t move from his spot on the tiled floor.  
His heart…it was pounding so fast.  
So fast it felt like it was about to burst out of his chest.  
God, his head was killing him.  
He’d stopped throwing up, thankfully.   
But when he had been, he hadn’t been able to find the strength necessary to move to the toilet, so his clothes were covered in bile, surrounding his nose in the putrid smell.  
He should take a bath.  
Right…a bath.  
That sounds good.  
Using what little strength he had left, he moved to sit on his knees, peeling off the layers of fabric that suddenly felt too constricting. He stood up, shakily pulling off lounge pants and underwear, stumbling awkwardly over to the tub and turning on the faucet, allowing the hot water to fill the porcelain.   
He took another sip of his drink before letting the bottle slip from his grasp, the glass shattering into fragments that slid across the floor in different directions.  
Somehow, he managed to get into the tub without fault, settling down into the heat until his chin was covered. The water felt soothing, the steam invigorating his senses.  
He felt horrible.  
(You look horrible, too)  
Somehow, the voices were still able to penetrate his numbness.  
(Yeah, dumbass, it’s because you can’t get rid of us)  
(If only you had listened to us sooner)  
(You wouldn’t be in this mess)  
What mess?  
(Overdosing on pills and still drinking your weight in alcohol)  
Overdosing?  
How many pills had he taken?  
He’d lost count after 10…  
(How the fuck are you still alive?)  
He didn’t know how, either.  
For some reason…he which he could die, if only for the sake of escaping this pain, both emotionally and physically.   
He felt too numb for his own good.  
Numb…he hated it.  
Hated that he felt outside of his own body, while still feeling everything it felt. His heartbeat throbbed annoyingly in the back of his neck, sending waves of sharp pain to radiate over his skull, reaching his temples before branching out towards his ears. His breathing felt ragged and hoarse, like he’d been screaming for the past hour or running a marathon.   
He felt sick, but felt no need in trying to make himself better.  
(Rotting away, like always)  
(If you hate being numb so much, why don’t you do something about it?)  
(If your life feels like it’s spiraling out of control, take back the reins)  
(Find control)  
But how?  
He bent forward, pressing his face into his hands while his fingers clutched at his hair, pulling hard on the strands until it was extremely painful.  
But even that couldn’t compare to the pain he was feeling inside, the dull, aching pain.  
So much throbbing.  
It hurt.  
(So do something about it)  
What?  
(You know exactly “what”)  
He was lost.  
So lost.  
Nothing made sense anymore.  
What little knowledge he had left fell away in one giant wave, leaving him empty and hollow. He could feel a black muck begin to creep its way into his brain, adding heaviness to the vacancy that had already solidified itself within. It reached forward with its tentacle-like arms, wrapping around the grey matter and forcing itself to latch on to the neurons below. Bubbles of black were passed through synapses, encasing his entire mind with the darkness.  
And he let it.  
He allowed the heaviness to weigh him down, allowed the vacancy to make him feel devoid of any internal organs or skeletal structure, and allowed his mind to be overcome with the thick muck.  
Allowed all of this.  
Until he wasn’t thinking anymore.   
No thought ran through his mind.  
His brain was stuck in a tar pit.  
And he had no intention of attempting to rescue it.  
Instead, he watched himself, with tired, vacant blue eyes, as he reached over the lip of the tub to snag his phone from on the floor. He dialed the first number he saw, not caring who it was or even if they answered.  
They didn’t, at which he promptly hung up and tossed the phone aside.  
He was done.  
He was ending it.  
Ending everything.  
If no one wanted him here…  
Then he should swiftly make his exit so as not to disturb any future persons in his life.  
He was ending his relationships.  
Cutting his ties.  
It was for the best anyway.  
A dull ringing had begun in his ears, and he allowed it to grow louder, becoming insistent, like a mosquito buzzing next to one’s head.  
As he reached for his next item, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest, immediately realizing his heart had skipped a beat, finally also realizing that its pace was beginning to falter.  
He didn’t care, though.  
Although the haze of black that was beginning to edge his vision was a bit concerning.  
Oh well…he wouldn’t mind soon enough.   
He settled back down into the tub, staring up at the ceiling, his hands moving on their own accord.  
Another sharp pain in his chest accompanied the sudden piercing pain in his wrists. He gazed down at them, eyes tracing the rivulets of red crimson as they ran down his arms and met the water.  
Shit…he’d cut too deep.  
Dropping the razor, he leaned back against the tub.  
So much blood; who knew one person would have so much?  
Was he ever going to run out?  
Somewhere off in the distance, he heard what sounded like a banging with a voice attached to it, but both sounded too muffled to distinguish.  
The sharp pain in his chest grew to an alarming rate, the blackness creeping ever so slowly forward.   
His brain felt extremely heavy.  
Was he even still breathing?  
He couldn’t tell.  
All he knew was that he was finally free.  
Free of all the worries of the world.  
Free of pain.  
Free of emotions.  
Free of love and suffering.  
At that, a small smile graced his sunken, yet still beautiful, face as he slipped down into the water, covering his head as well. He kept his eyes open, the dark veil almost covering his entire sight. His heart was barely beating anymore.  
He had definitely stopped breathing.  
This was it.  
This was the end.  
I’m sorry, Sasori, was his last thought before his brain shut down completely.  
His last sight was the lovely shade of pink all around him.  
And his last sound was that of a door being broken down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: DEIDARA WAS HALLUCINATING SASORI BEING IN THE APARTMENT! HALLUCINATIONS CAN OCCUR WITH EXCESS AND HEAVY DRINKING!!!! If any of you are or know someone suffering from alcoholism and/or depression, please reach out to them or to others and seek help when you can <3


	28. Desperate Attempts and Breathless Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I apologize for the later upload this week! I normally try to upload in the morning on Tuesdays, but I had class and then was away from my computer pretty much until just now XD Anyways, thank you to those that commented on the last chapter. I know you have been anxious for this next chapter, so I won't delay any longer! Please enjoy Ch. 28, and remember to leave comments and kudos! <3

“Please, have a seat, Mr. Akasuna,” Mr. Sato exclaimed, gesturing to one of the two swivel chairs that faced his desk. The cubicles outside were bare and empty, all the employees gone for the holidays.  
Except for Sasori, who did as his boss told and calmly sat down, awaiting the news he was sure was coming. Even though he knew what was going to be said, he was dreading hearing it. Even after endless searching for the past two weeks, he hadn’t found a single new place to work that paid him the income necessary to continue living in the penthouse. He was, admittedly, scared out of his mind to even fathom the notion of not having a job. Almost everything in this cursed world had a price, an expensive one, at that, and it was near impossible to live without having at least somewhere to work. When did living comfortably change? When had that all gone to shit?   
The redhead would definitely like to know.  
Taking a silent, deep breath, he moved his gaze over to his boss, who was quickly typing something onto his laptop, with which he finally finished and locked eyes with him. “I’m glad you could make it in today, Sasori. I am sorry for making you visit the office when the holidays are about to start, but I don’t think it could wait another week.”  
“I understand, sir,” Sasori said forlornly, dread eating out his brain.  
Just tell him, already, so he could go back to the penthouse and apologize to his brat.   
“And with explaining in the call, I’m here to discuss your job,” Mr. Sato explained, pulling out a folder from one of the desk’s drawers. He placed in on the table, opening it to the first paper. “Sasori Akasuna, you have been an excellent employee from day one. Your skillsets as a recent graduate surpassed senior programmers and earned a high ranking from the beginning. Since then, you have brought HelioTech more money and company commissions it hasn’t seen in almost a decade. Your experience up to this point is highly rated and backed with multiple positive recommendations and accomplishments that you, individually, have achieved. I must say, I’ve been lucky to have you under my wing so far, and-”  
“With all due respect, sir,” Sasori interrupted. He was getting aggravated that he was being told such empowering words right before he was about to be told the most ego-blowing news of his life. It was counter-productive, in his eyes. He could feel his jaw clenching as he spoke with sharp words. “I enjoy hearing all of this, but I would much rather get to the part of me losing my job.”  
Mr. Sato blinked at him a couple of times, almost as if he couldn’t comprehend what was just spoken. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then repeated the process before finally uttering out, “What?”  
“I’m here because you need to tell me I’m losing my job,” Sasori continued, anger rising through him from his throat. “I saw the paperwork from Deidara Hayashi. I wasn’t supposed to see them, but I did, by accident. It spoke of the partnership and how, once we join with Iwa Stratos, at least 20 of HelioTech’s employees would be laid off, including me, so I know why I’m here and I would thoroughly be pleased if we got on with it and not prolong the outcome any longer.”  
He waited a few seconds after that, but his boss, unfortunately, just continued to stare at him with, what one would call, extreme shock. His eyes were wide and he was almost stock still, which suddenly made Sasori very nervous.  
What was going on?  
“Mr. Hayashi…” Mr. Sato breathed out, “Mr. Hayashi didn’t tell you?”  
The redhead knitted his brows together. “Tell me what?”  
The older man heaved a deep, audible sigh before closing the folder and folding his arms on the desk to lean against them, staring into the other male’s amber gaze. “Mr. Akasuna, you’re not losing your job.”  
The nervousness turned into anxiousness as a cold sweat broke out on the back of Sasori’s neck. He felt clammy and dizzy all at once, making it hard to focus.  
This wasn’t making any sense.   
Why wasn’t-?  
“Mr. Deidara Hayashi called me some two weeks or so ago to tell me of the unfortunate news that 20 of my own, top employees would be laid off due to I.S. already having their own trained, experienced programmers. I was outright furious when I heard. It hadn’t been in the original contract and must have been added after I had already signed. We had originally agreed on only 10 employees. Afterwards, I called Mr. Iwa and gave him an ultimatum: either allow all my employees to retain their jobs, or the partnership was off, since I was lied to and deserved that much. It didn’t take long for him to make his decision. He rewrote the contract and everyone kept their jobs.”  
At this point, the redhead was ready to faint.   
What the hell…?  
When had Deidara tried calling Mr. Sato?  
And why hadn’t he told him this?!  
Why hadn’t-?  
Shit…that’s right.  
He hadn’t allowed his roommate to explain himself. He had been so angry, so livid, he hadn’t wanted to hear anything else the blonde tried to say.  
But what he had been trying to tell him was what his own boss had just spoken.  
A new kind of dread began consuming him.  
This time, it was for a very different reason.  
God, he was such a dumbass.  
Everything that had happened was his fault.  
Deidara had only tried to fix things before they got worse.   
And now he was alone in the penthouse.  
“Mr. Akasuna, is everything alright?” his boss was able to reach him through his thoughts. He must’ve looked anxious enough; his hands where clutching the armrests of the chair with such strength, his knuckles were turning white. His heartbeat was going a mile a minute and all his brain could think about was his blonde roommate.  
Deidara…  
He had to back to Deidara.  
Now!  
“I do apologize for leaving so quickly, Mr. Sato,” he suddenly said, standing up, “but I must depart as I have some obligations to attend to, as well as fix a mess that I have put myself in. Have a splendid evening and happy holidays.”  
With that, he exited the office space and nearly sprinted over to the elevators. Once the doors closed, he pulled out his phone and dialed the house number.   
Come on…pick up, brat.  
Please!  
When there was no response, he promptly slammed his finger on the END button and loudly cursed.  
Fuck, this wasn’t good.  
This was so not good.  
When the elevator doors opened, the redhead burst through and out onto the streets, taking a sharp left and sprinting as fast as he could down the sidewalk.  
Walking would’ve taken 20 minutes, but running would get him there in about 7. The night air was cold and harsh against his lungs, making it feel like he was breathing in shards of ice that quickly made him breathless. But he pushed on, not even caring about his own well-being.  
Deidara was his priority.   
On the inside, he was punching himself over and over again, cursing at his stupid ego for never allowing the blonde to explain everything.   
He just hoped the younger male was alright.  
As the penthouse came into view, Sasori became aware of a buzzing against his hip. Sprinting towards the entrance doors, he hurriedly extracted his phone and saw it was Deidara calling him. The smile that formed almost broke his face.   
He accepted the call and placed it to his ear. “Deidara, thank God you finally answered! I’m on my way back now and-”  
“I-I’m sorry, un,” came the extremely hoarse and faint response. The words were so slurred, the redhead barely made them out in the first place. He scrunched his brows together as he listened. “I-I’m s-sorry for everything. I-I d-didn’t mean for any-”  
“Dei, please stop apologizing, it’s okay, I forgive you! I forgive you, so just please don’t-!”  
“I’m sorry, Sasori,” at that, the phone clicked off, leaving Sasori stunned where he stood, which was positioned right outside of the penthouse. He was a statue if only for a few seconds before he was bursting through the front door, not even caring about taking off his shoes as he entered the living room, seeing the state of the kitchen and thanking his lucky stars he had decided to keep his feet covered.  
His shoes crunched over fragmented glass, eyes scanning the numerous shards of broken liquor bottles on the wooden floor. All the lights were off in the penthouse and the air smelled faintly of vomit.   
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned away and gazed at the stairs, dashing over and taking them two at a time until he reached the top, running over to the door that led to Deidara’s room and throwing it open, the smell of puke as rancid as an hour old road kill. Trying to suppress the rise of bile in his throat, he noticed a half bottle of alcohol on the floor, the contents spilt onto the plush carpet. The bed was a rumpled mess, the comforter lopsided and splattered with off-white, nearly clear substance.   
Did Deidara-?  
How long ago had that been?  
Hearing what sounded like a glass falling and breaking in the bathroom, he walked over and tried opening the closed door, to no avail. It was locked and he jiggled the knob, slamming his fist against the wood. “Dei, it’s me, open up!”  
No response.   
He slammed harder. “Deidara, open the door!!!!”  
He heard scuffling.   
“DEI, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!!!”  
He stopped banging long enough to realize that no sound was coming through anymore.   
Shit…shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!!  
Taking a step back, Sasori did the only thing he could think of:  
Raising his right leg, he slammed his foot against the wood next to the knob, the door bursting open and nearly falling off its hinges.  
He stepped on through and gazed at the room.  
Fragments of glass littered the floor, as well as a few droplets of red crimson, which he immediately denoted as blood. His eyes didn’t scan the bathroom long before they landed on the tub.   
Horror struck him to the bone and his heart about nearly stopped beating.  
The water was turned a pink color, faint, but growing in hue. He ran over and didn’t think twice about reaching in and grabbing the limp body below. When Deidara’s face surfaced, he didn’t gasp for air like he should’ve been. His features stayed peaceful, as if he was sleeping.  
As if he was…  
Panic filled the redhead’s blood as he leaned his ear towards his roommate’s mouth, not hearing any breathing coming out. And when he felt for a pulse, there was barely one there.  
It was faint and had jumps.  
And it would eventually give out if he didn’t start breathing soon.   
“Oh my God, Dei, what have you done to yourself?!” even though he knew he couldn’t hear, Sasori still asked the question. Tears were running down his face as he brought the man of the out of the tub and into the bedroom, where he set him on the carpet.  
His eyes scanned the naked body, finally seeing the cuts on the blonde’s wrists. They were still bleeding profusely, but they didn’t look too deep.  
Still, he needed to stop the bleeding.  
Stop the bleeding.  
Stop it.  
Standing up, he went over to one of the drawers and picked out a random under tee, ripping the material into segments. He went back over and immediately tied a suffocating knot around both forearms to stop the flow of blood from traveling any further towards the hands. After that, he covered the cuts with the other shirt fragments, wrapping them in enough layers to soak in the blood.  
After that, he got started on CPR, tilting the head back, pumping the chest three times and placing his mouth of the other’s, watching the lungs against as they were filled with oxygen. He repeated the process once…twice…three times.  
Over and over again.  
And the more failures that proceeded, the more panic wrapped around Sasori.  
Come on, please breathe! For the love of Kami, BREATHE!!!!  
After three more tries, he stopped, eyes wide.  
No…no, he couldn’t lose him!  
He couldn’t lose the only person he cared about and loved!  
Taking out his phone, he dialed 911.  
“911, what’s your emergency?” the voice was annoyingly calm.  
“I need medical assistance, now! I’m reporting an attempted suicide-”  
“Sir, please calm down and explain the situa-”  
“I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN! MY BOYFRIEND IS DYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND YOU’RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN?!?!” Sasori yelled into the phone, anger overpowering his fear.  
Wait…had he just called Deidara his boyfriend?  
They were a couple…right?  
“Sir, I understand, but I need-”  
“How long will it take an ambulance to get here?”  
“…20 minutes, sir, but I-”  
He hung before she could finish.  
He didn’t have 20 minutes.  
With how things were looking…he had, at most, 10 minutes to spare.  
He couldn’t waste any more time.  
He went over and dressed the younger male in whatever he could get his hands on. In one swift movement, he had the blonde’s weight on his back, expertly maneuvering the other’s knees through the crook of his arms. The other’s arms were draped over his shoulders, the bandages around his wrists almost already seeped a dark red.  
“Shit,” the redhead cursed out loud at the sight.  
He worked his way down the stairs, crunching over the broken glass before heading out in the hallway, down the elevator, and out into the cold night.   
A new batch of snow was falling, the sky a greyish blue as the fat clumps fell against the wet sidewalks and streets, a thin layer of white already coating the ground.   
And he ran.  
He ran as fast as his legs could carry both him and Deidara.  
Adrenaline was pumping through his veins a mile a minute, eyes focused straight ahead as bystanders watched with curious gazes and what the problem could possibly be. His heart was beating frantically against his chest and the only thing running through his mind was:  
Deidara.  
Keeping him alive.  
Deidara.  
Being there for him.  
Tears that had been running down his face now began to freeze as the cold air met the water, but he continued to cry.   
He hated himself for allowing this to happen.  
He hated himself for not being there, even though he had told Deidara that he loved him.  
If Deidara died…  
It would be his entire fault.  
No one else was to blame for what had happened.  
Ino and Hidan had tried their hardest to reach out and communicate.  
He had only tried twice, but by then, it apparently had been too late.  
The blonde had made his mind up on what he wanted to do.  
The air was beginning to sting his lungs, but he pushed onward, the sight of the hospital giving him hope.  
Almost there.  
Keep going!  
Keep – wait.  
…What?  
Something was beginning to block his airways and his vision began to blur around the edges.   
What the hell was going on?  
He shook his head, picking up his speed, if that was possible, ignoring the ongoing feeling that he was light-headed.  
Nothing mattered but Deidara.  
Nothing will ever matter more besides Deidara.  
The neon red glow of the ER sign came into view and it felt like Kami, himself, was in front of Sasori. He smiled as tears continued to flow, ignoring the pain growing in the middle of his chest.  
He burst through the automatic sliding doors, causing the employees to gaze him.  
“Please!!!” he wheezed out, tears still flowing. “Please, someone help him! He’s dying! He’s not breathing! PLEASE!!!”  
That was when the light-headedness overcame his senses and he blacked out.


	29. I Don't Care Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm up late, so I might as well upload for you all! I'm sorry that my most recent chapters have continued to end in cliff hangers. Unfortunately, I think the next chapter will do the same...*sobs*...Any who, we're actually coming up towards the end of the story, so prepare yourselves! But as always, please continue enjoying the story and remember to leave comments and kudos! <3333 ^_^

Black.  
That’s all he saw.  
Numb.  
That’s all he felt.  
Silence.  
That’s all he heard.  
All of his senses were dull. If he tried focusing on one particular sense, he would get a glimpse of what it was, but it would vanish in the next second.  
Was he still alive?  
He wasn’t too sure on that one.  
He couldn’t hear his heartbeat, much less feel his lungs rising and falling as they took in oxygen.   
But if he was dead…shouldn’t he see a light?  
All he was seeing was darkness.  
Maybe he was in Hell. Maybe he wasn’t meant for the high road, considering everything he had done to himself.   
Or maybe he was in that dimension that was between Heaven and Hell. The nothingness. Where there was nothing and no one but him, forever floating in a sea of black, devoid of all senses. Maybe he was there because he had so many unfinished tasks back on Earth that were permanently left unfinished because he had decided to take his own life.   
To be honest…if he had no way of making it to Heaven, he would much rather choose Hell.  
At least then he would be feeling something, besides nothing at all.  
Beep.  
What was that?  
Beep.  
There it was again.   
Beep.  
Ugh…make it stop; it was annoying him and giving him a headache.  
Beep.  
His eyelids twitched suddenly, clenching slightly as a bright light peaked through the cracks.  
What the hell…?  
Beep.  
The sound seemed to be coming from the left side of him. There shouldn’t be any noise where he was at, or any light while he was thinking about it.   
So maybe he was in Heaven?  
…No, Heaven wouldn’t have such an annoying noise accompanying his arrival.  
So what was it?  
Beep.  
It almost sounded like –   
Beep.  
A heart monitor.   
What the - ?  
Slowly, he willed his eyelids to spread apart, allowing more light to shine against his irises. It was harsh and unwelcoming, but he needed to know where he was at.  
He opened his eyes more, vision clearing to the point where he could finally make out lights overhead which were covered in frosted glass. A fluid sack was attached to a stand, the IV traveling down and into the crook of his right arm, while a blood sack was attached to the other. When he tried to swallow, his throat felt raw and cracked.  
And that’s when the pain flooded his sensory system.  
His stomach felt full, yet empty, all at the same time, almost as if there was a hole in his abdomen. His chest ached with a pain he couldn’t quite describe, he just knew it hurt. There was a horrible stinging sensation in his wrists and when he gazed down at them, he wasn’t surprised to see them bandaged with clean, white gauze. He was dressed in a normal, blue hospital gown, the bed’s sheets matching his ensemble. A T.V. was mounted up in the right corner of the room, showing a grainy image of a news reporter talking about the latest peak in stock market sales.   
To his left was the heart monitor machine, the rhythmic beeping signaling that his heart was beating normally, though it hurt to breathe, but he was happy to just be breathing at all.  
Further past the machine were the windows that looked out into the hallway, where nurses and doctors rushed around each other in frantic harmony, a few gurneys hurriedly pushing through as well.   
He was all but too familiar with this scene.   
A movement to his right had him turning to gaze at the disturbance, only to find a nurse rummaging through a drawer. She stood up suddenly, as if she felt someone staring at her, and swiveled around to show a pair of gleaming brown eyes. “You’re awake sooner than we anticipated.”  
“Where am I, un?”  
God, his voice was raspy.  
“You’re in the hospital,” the nurse, with a nametag that read Tsunade, explained, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. “You’ve only been out for about six hours or so.”  
“What happened, un?”  
“Well, that’s a little hard to explain,” Tsunade remarked, reaching for the clipboard attached to the end of the bed. She flipped through the pages. “It seems you indigested a fairly large amount of alcohol and medication last night, as well as attempted suicide. When you finally arrived here, you weren’t breathing and your heart had almost stopped beating. You were also suffering from severe bleeding, which needed to be stopped immediately. After we got that under control, we began blood transfusion and gastric lavage.”  
“So my stomach was pumped, un?”  
“Yes, sir, it was,” she went on. “We had very little knowledge of the medication you took and didn’t have the appropriate antidote to counteract the effect of the drugs, so our only option was to pump your stomach before your body soaked it up. Your alcohol consumption was distressful as well. You were suffering from alcohol poisoning, which is another factor as to why we had to pump your stomach immediately. To be frank, Mr. Hayashi, you are incredibly lucky to be alive at the moment.”  
“H-How did I get here, though, un?” Deidara asked. “I don’t remember much, but I remember being alone.”  
“If it hadn’t been for that young man waiting in the lobby, you most likely would not be here right now.”  
“What young man, un?”  
“The one with the red hair.”  
Sasori?  
Is that who she’s talking about?  
Sasori saved him?  
But how did he - ?  
“He came rushing in with you on his back. Seemed as if he had carried you all the way here. Unfortunately he passed out before he could explain things further.”  
Panic swarmed the blonde’s body. He jerked upright to a sitting position. “Is he alright, un? Please tell me he’s okay.”  
Tsunade stood and gently pressed her hand against his shoulder, urging him to lie back down, which he complied. “He’s perfectly okay. He suffered from a mild asthma attack and-”  
“Sasori has asthma, un?”  
“Yes, but that is as far as I can go into detail about Mr. Akasuna’s medical state. Confidentiality agreements prevent me from explaining further, though I gather you would appreciate the knowledge,” she explained. “But when he awoke shortly after his spell, he was able to inform us of what had occurred, as far as what medication you had taken. After that was when we proceeded with the gastric lavage.”  
Deidara didn’t say anything.  
Just allowed the words to soak into his mind.  
Sasori was okay.  
Sasori had saved him.  
But how had he known about his condition?  
“We took the liberty of calling your family, Mr. Hayashi,” Tsunade interrupted his thoughts and he gazed at her with wide eyes. “You what, un?”  
“We called your family.”  
“Why would you do that, un?”  
“Mr. Hayashi, it’s your family. They have a right to know-”  
“Please call me Deidara, un. I swear, every time you say ‘Mr. Hayashi’, I feel like you’re talking to my father.”  
“My apologies, Deidara. We felt it was right to call your family, considering they are related to you and deserve to know why you wouldn’t be going home for the holidays,” Tsunade explained.  
“What day is it, un?”  
“December 24th; Christmas Eve.”  
“…Shit, un,” he raked a hand through his mess of blonde locks, ignoring the intense stinging. “Who did you call?”  
“Just your parents and your cousin, Ino Iwa,” she replied, standing up and making her way over to the door. She gave him a warm smile. “Would you like to see any of them?”  
“…Just Ino for now, un,” he murmured, averting his gaze. He heard her exit the room and disappear down the hallway. Within the next few minutes, the sound of running footsteps echoed against his eardrums and the door opened to reveal his cousin. Her platinum blonde hair was in a messy bun, pale blue eyes wide as she gazed at the man on the bed.   
“Deidara…” she said weakly, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. She rushed over and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. “Thank God you’re okay! I was so worried about you.”  
“Ino, please let go, un. It’s still hard to breathe,” the blonde gasped out, feeling her limbs crushing him. She released her grip, wiping at the tears that refused to stop. “Sorry,” she took a seat in the unoccupied chair, “I was just…I was scared when I got the call. I knew something had happened when you refused to answer my calls. I tried up to three times a day, leaving voicemail after voicemail in the hopes that you would return at least one message. But when the mailbox became full, I began to lose hope.”  
“And that’s when you stopped calling me, un,” he accused, slightly glaring. Ino gave him a flabbergasted expression. “No! I never stopped calling! I continued to call you, Dei!”  
“That’s horseshit and you know it, Ino, un,” he retorted. “I never heard the phone ring after a while.”  
“That’s because you were in a damn alcoholic stupor!” Ino yelled, eyes blazing with anger, which had Deidara shutting his mouth tight. “I started reaching out to Hidan in the hopes that he could get a hold of you, but with no luck! He kept asking me what was going on with you, considering you never thought to explain the original incident, though he’s your best friend, and I had to lie to him! Honestly, Dei, what happened to you to cause you to do this to your - ?”  
“It’s none of your goddamn business, Ino, un!”  
“IT IS MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF, DEIDARA!!!!” she yelled. “Whatever happened to you to cause you do this within less than three weeks must’ve been emotionally traumatizing. So forgive me if I want to know what caused you to want to kill yourself and overdose on your medication!”  
Silence followed her words, a silence that one could easily cut with a knife. It was so quiet that Deidara could hear the blood flowing through his ears. Ino sighed, sitting back down, gaze sincere and empathetic. “Was it Sasori?”  
“What, un?” he looked her.  
“Was. It. Sasori?” she emphasized. The blonde clenched his jaw, averting his gaze. “Like I told you before, it’s none of your business, un.”  
“Did you all have a fight?”   
“…”  
“Deidara, please talk to me.”  
He let a few seconds pass by before responding. He looked at her face. “Yes, we did, un. I never told him about how when HelioTech became partners with Iwa Stratos, he would lose his job. He found out because he read the folder you had given me that had the contract inside, un. He accused me of lying and didn’t give me a chance to explain anything. He walked out of the penthouse, but not before he slapped me and told me he hated me and never wanted to see me again, un.”   
“Dei, I’m sorry, but I’m still confused,” his cousin remarked, twiddling her thumbs in her lap. “I don’t understand why that could have affected you so much. I mean, he’s just your roommate and friend, so that shouldn’t-”  
“Wouldn’t really call him a friend if I’ve had sex with him, un,” he mumbled under his breath.  
But it was still loud enough for Ino to hear.   
She blinked a few times. “W-What did you-?”  
“I HAD SEX WITH HIM, ALRIGHT, UN?!” he screamed at her, eyes blazing with rage. “I am in love with a man named Sasori Akasuna! The night of the party is when we did it, un! It was the morning after that he found the contract and told me he hated me! And after that, he never called or texted me, un! It was like he never even existed in my life! How else was I supposed to feel when the person I was in love with hated me and walked out of my life, un?!”  
“Deidara…you’re gay?”  
“IS THAT THE ONLY THING THAT FUCKING MATTERS TO YOU, UN?!?!” he shrieked, skin stretched taut against his throat from the anger. “If I must repeat myself, I will! I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN NAMED SASORI AKASUNA, UN! And I don’t care what you think, what my uncle thinks, and I surely don’t give a rat’s ass about my own father’s opinion, either! I’m fucking tired of trying to please him and you and disappointing my mother for falling into a family she tried to get away from, un! I’m tired of fucking trying so goddamn hard to receive acknowledgment from people! So to answer your stupid, ignorant, and goddamn pretentious question: I am in love and have made love with another man, un. And if that makes me fucking gay, then so fucking be it. Because I don’t give a flying fuck what people think anymore, un. It’s my life; my fucking rules.”  
He lay back, not even realizing he had sat up during his rant.  
Well…it hadn’t been the way he had wanted to tell Ino that he was in love with Sasori.  
But at least it was out there, along with a few other thoughts that had been eating away at his mind for the past few weeks.  
And such, his cousin just sat there, allowing the words to sink in, fill her brain with understanding. She sighed, averting her gaze. “Deidara…I…I don’t care…what your sexuality is. I never did.”  
“Then why the hell were you trying to set me up so goddamn much before and during the party, un?”  
“You never told me, Dei!” Ino countered, defensiveness lining her voice. “Had I known, I would’ve backed off. Or maybe even possibly have helped you. But I don’t care about what you are. I’ll accept you no matter what. Though I know your dad won’t approve-”  
“Like I said, I don’t give a flying fuck about what my dad thinks, un,” Deidara growled, clenching his hands into fists, hating the stinging in his wrists. “I’m tired of trying to please him. He could disown me for all I care, un. Though I don’t have a job anymore.”  
“Actually you do,” his cousin smiled widely. “My father has decided to allow you to keep your job. He understood you were going through something that needed to be fixed. Though the time you’ve taken off hasn’t been paid leave.”  
“I don’t care, un,” the blonde sighed, relief allowing his shoulders to slump. “I’m just happy both Sasori and I can keep our jobs.”  
“And I’m happy for you both,” Ino said serenely. She sighed, face growing serious. “But what are you going to do about your parents? They’re waiting to see you.”  
“They’re not who I want to see next, un.”  
“Then who is it?”  
Deidara gave a small smile. “Do I have to say, un?


	30. Here's My Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your day! I hope the story is still enjoyable for you all! I'll keep this note shorter than most, but here is Chapter 30! Also, after this, there will only be two more chapters ;-; Please enjoy and remember to leave comments and kudos! <33

Sasori sat in the lobby, bent over to allow his elbows to rest against his thighs, supporting his hands which held his face in pure fear and anxiety.  
Mentally, he was cursing himself over and over again.  
Everything was and felt wrong.  
He hadn’t heard any new news for the past six hours and the waiting was killing him.  
He needed to know if Deidara was alright.  
He cursed at himself for what had happened when they first arrived.  
He had passed out after he had barely set foot inside the hospital, waking up in a random room with a nurse checking his pulse.  
He had sat up and tried to move when the nurse put a firm grip on his shoulder. “Sir, please rest for a second.”  
“I can’t rest when my boyfriend is dying,” he had retaliated, shaking the man’s hand off of him. “I’m fine.”  
“Sir, you suffered from a mild asthma attack.”  
“…I what?”  
“You suffered from a mild asthma attack,” the nurse had explained. “That’s why you passed out. Didn’t you recognize the signs?”  
“If I have asthma, it’s been years since I’ve had an attack,” Sasori had growled, angry that this man was taking precious time away from him being with Deidara.  
“Well, now that you’re better, would you mind telling me of your boyfriend’s condition? If you have any idea as to what he took.”  
With that, Sasori had explained everything, from the possible overdose on Disulfiram and Remeron to the excess consumption of alcohol.  
He hadn’t heard anything since.   
He shook his legs impatiently.  
He had always hated to be kept waiting.  
And this was probably the worst his impatience had been in a long time.  
The sound of footsteps reached his ears and he looked up to see a woman with a platinum blonde bun walking towards him. He stood up and they shook hands. “Pleasure to meet you. You must be Ino.”  
“Yes, I am,” she grinned. “And it’s a pleasure to finally meet my cousin’s roommate.”  
“Well, I-”  
“And boyfriend.”  
The redhead blinked, slightly shocked. “H-He told you.”  
“More like screamed at me, but yes, Deidara told me of the two of you,” she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “And I approve.”  
“W-What?”  
“I’ll be the first to tell you that every single relationship Deidara has ever been in has always ended in failure,” Ino explained. “Every girl that he’s ever dated somehow never truly felt for him the way he felt for them. When Deidara likes or even loves, he does so deeply. He hasn’t been in a relationship since before Grad School. Ever since the first incident, he put dating in the back of his mind. I wouldn’t put it past him to not have been looking for a relationship when he met you.”  
“He was still straight when he met me,” Sasori remarked. “I knew I liked him the second we locked eyes. When I found out we were roommates, I felt like the happiest person in the world. But to be fair, I never tried to change him. The only times I ever pursued anything was when I felt the feelings would be returned. I did confess my feelings to him, not in the hopes that he would feel the same way, but just to let him know.”  
“So you would’ve been happy if he had stayed straight and dated a girl?”  
“…I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t hurt me,” he smiled. “But all I care about is Deidara’s happiness. If he’s happy, then I’m happy. Even if it may not have been with me.”  
Ino’s grin turned wider, showing teeth. “This is why I think you’re the best thing that has ever happened to my cousin,” her expression turned serious. “But if you hurt him like this ever again, I’ll be sure to make you pay.”  
“I take that threat very seriously,” he chuckled, only half-heartedly, though. He looked at the ground with downcast eyes. “I know everything that has happened is my fault. And I’m beating myself up over and over again for it.”  
“He’s awake,” Ino said calmly. Sasori shot his head up to give her a wide gaze. She gave another smile. “He wants to see you.”  
With that, he walked past her and down the hallway, knowing exactly where the room was.  
Finally…he would finally see Deidara.  
Alive and well.  
He reached the door and without hesitation, walked in.  
Deidara sat there, back supported by the pillows. His face looked sunken in, though the shine in his cerulean blue orbs was still bright. His skin looked slightly pale, but seemed to be gaining color. His wrists were bandaged, as well as IVs attached to his arms. At the sound of the door opening, he looked up and Sasori felt his heart clench.  
All his feelings, his emotions, his physical aches, came crashing down in one full wave. As new tears threatened to form, he took the few steps necessary to reach the blonde and cupped the latter’s face in his hands, crashing their lips together in a long-awaited kiss.  
The redhead felt his heart sore out of his chest.   
He wanted to cry, laugh, scream, and shout at just the fact that Deidara was right in front of him, his scent, his essence, his everything invading every one of Sasori’s senses. His hands went from the younger male’s face to clutching the blonde locks, gently, in his fingers.  
“I’ve missed you so much,” he breathed out between kisses. “I’m so sorry for ever leaving you, I’m so sorry for being gone so long.”  
“Sasori, un,” Deidara’s voice was almost a whimper, hands clutching the older male’s arms. “Sasori~”  
The older male pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. The blonde fought the first signs of tears. “Why did you leave me, un?”  
“I was stupid. I was stupid, ignorant, stubborn, and every other word to describe an asshole. I never gave you a chance to explain yourself and everything that has happened was my fault and is my fault.”  
“Sasori-”  
“Just don’t say anything else,” Sasori said. “I’m so sorry for pushing you to do this. I’m so sorry I caused you to do this. I never should’ve walked out and I never should’ve told you I hated you. I’ll never hate you, Dei. Even the day after it happened, the anger was gone. I shouldn’t have stayed away for as long as I did. And I’m so, so, so incredibly sorry.”  
“Sasori, un,” Deidara whispered. They stayed quiet for a while, both just enjoying being in the other’s company. The redhead sighed, gazing down at their laps. “How are your wrists?”  
“They hurt, un,” the taller male mumbled, eyeing his hands. “It’s mostly just stinging.”  
“You’re lucky you didn’t cut any deeper, Dei,” Sasori murmured. “Otherwise you would’ve been dead before I-”  
Sasori stopped talking, not really sure where to continue. He averted his gaze to the windows of the room, not a single soul passing by.   
In that moment…it truly felt like they were the only people on the planet.  
“Sasori, I know what you did, un,” Deidara said, making the former turn back to him. He smiled weakly. “The nurse…explained to me that I would have died back in that bathroom had it not been for you showing up. But how…how did you know that…that I was in trouble, un?”  
“I was on my way back from the office when you called.”  
The younger male knitted his brows in confusion. “I called you, un?”  
“Yeah, you did,” the redhead sat on the edge of the bed. “You must’ve already been so out of it to not remember. You were mumbling, but you kept saying that you were sorry, that you were sorry for everything.”  
“Yeah…I don’t remember much, un,” the blonde agreed, twisting his hands together. “Everything...everything is blank after l I passed out in the bathtub.”  
“So you don’t remember anything?”  
Deidara clenched his jaw. “...It’s hard to explain, truthfully, un.”  
“We have all the time in the world, Dei,” Sasori covered his hands over the others for comfort.  
The blonde swallowed loudly before starting. “When you left…it felt like the whole world was ending, un. I hadn’t felt so much pain in so long. Knowing you weren’t there…that was worse than just being alone in the first place, un. And it affected me much faster than I thought it would. It started getting in the way of my work, un. Four days later, I had an outburst during a meeting and I walked out. I walked out even as my boss threatened to fire me, un. But I didn’t care about losing my job at that point. All that mattered was that you still weren’t returning home, un. You were still gone every time I went back. Not having you around…showed me just how much I really needed you, un. After the outburst, I stopped going to work. I ignored the calls I was receiving, mostly because none of them were from you, un. Even through Hidan being angry at me, I stopped caring about everything. I stopped caring about my wellbeing, un. I stayed in my room almost 24/7, only leaving if to eat something or go to the bathroom. But even then, I wasn’t finding comfort, un.  
“The silence only helped the inner voices,” he paused to take a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I told you this when we confessed everything to each other, but I guess now is the best time, un. We all have these inner voices that speak to us. They speak to us and often tell us right from wrong, un. But my inner voices…they rarely ever want me to be happy. They spoke cold, hard truths and made me believe things that weren’t real, un. They grew immensely through you being away. They thrived on the sadness and loneliness that I was feeling, un. They fed off of that and started talking to me again. I didn’t want to listen to them anymore, un. So I took to drinking in order to get rid of the voices. And it helped; so I kept drinking, un. I drank until I began waking up drunk. Funny thing was that I only threw up twice, which was surprising, considering how much I was drinking, un. But unfortunately, the voices grew immune to the alcohol, but I continued drinking, un.   
“I became so numb. It felt wonderful, un. To not feel the pain anymore, to not feel the ache of your absence, it was incredible. I never wanted to leave that feeling of numbness, un. Unfortunately…that’s when the hallucinations occurred.”  
“You had hallucinations?”  
“How else would you explain why I saw you in my room and we talked, un?” Deidara looked at him with near embarrassment marring his features. “The things you were saying, how you were acting…it was so similar to how you normally are, so that’s why I figured it was real. We spoke for only a few minutes before…”  
He paused, a light pink flush invading his cheeks. “Don’t really think I need to explain any further, if you can understand where I’m going, un.”  
“O-Oh,” the redhead knew what he was talking about. “S-So then…how did you know you were hallucinating?  
“At a certain point, when I opened my eyes…you were gone, un. I thought that you had just run off, but reality hit and that’s when I realized that you never actually were in my room,” the taller male exclaimed. “And when I realized…I hated myself, un. I hated that I had stooped so low as to hallucinate you in my room in the hopes of comforting me. I felt disgusted…sick…mortified at myself. That’s when I became angry, un. I got angry at everything and everyone. And I drank more…and more…and more, un. And with your voicemail playing in the back of my mind, I became even angrier. I thought, “why is he waiting to come back to me? Why doesn’t he just come back now, if he truly loved me?”, un. Yet, through the anger, I wanted to get better. I didn’t want you seeing me how I was, un. So I took my medication. But with the alcohol already in me, the drugs weren’t working, un. I got frustrated and took more while still drinking. It became a pattern until my brain stopped all thought, un. After that…it’s really all a blur.”  
Sasori didn’t know what to say.  
What was he supposed to say?  
Just listening to his roommate’s reasons was enough to reconfirm what he had already known:  
He was the full frontal cause of Deidara’s almost demise.  
And he would never be able to forgive himself for it.  
He shook his head. “How…why…?”  
“I forgive you, Sasori, un.”  
“How can you forgive me?! How can you forgive me, Deidara?” the redhead asked, cheeks stained wet with tears. “I do not, under any circumstances, deserve your forgiveness.”  
For Deidara, he didn’t need to think.  
Why did he forgive Sasori?  
“Because I love you, un,” he smiled sweetly. “And you can’t stay mad at the person you’re in love with. It’s just not possible, un.”  
“…You still love me?”  
“Sasori, I wouldn’t have done the things I did if I didn’t, un.”  
“But why, is what I want to know. Why do you still love me? I mean…” the older male looked away. “I made you attempt suicide. That, alone, made me want to die as well.”  
“Why, un?”  
“Because a world without you…it would be one hell of a lonely world,” Sasori reached up and placed a gentle hand on the younger male’s cheek. “Deidara, you may not see this, but you bring this light with you wherever you go. It travels with you and affects others around you. You make them laugh and smile until tears are running down their faces. You glow with this immense warmth that you’re completely blind to. You may think that your personality changed once you went to Grad School, but Dei…Dei, it didn’t. It expanded and grew in complexity and marvel. God that light, Dei, is what drew me to you and I craved to see it every day. Had you had died, I would never be able to see that light again. That incredible, blinding light.”  
The blonde sat there, stunned.  
Shaking his head, he clutched the hand on his face tightly between his own, his emotions overflowing his better judgment. Tears fell fast and hard sobs began to wrack his chest.  
He was turning into a blubbering mess and he didn’t care.  
Everything from the past two and half weeks came flooding back in a torrential downpour of physical and emotional pain. The absence was so painful, so gut-wrenching. The fact that Sasori was right in front of him, now, was making his heart swell to the size of a hot air balloon.   
“I’m so sorry, un,” he gasped out through sobs. “I’m so sorry I did this.”  
“No, Deidara-”  
“I’m such a fuck up, un!” he yelled, tears falling faster. “I didn’t mean to cause this much pain to you! I just…I couldn’t be alone anymore, un!”  
“…Dei~”  
“I didn’t want to be alone, un!!!” the redhead was quick to pull the younger male into a hug, holding him close as he cried, wetting the former’s jacket with his tears. His body shook harshly in his arms, back jumping from the sobs.  
Sasori pressed his lips against the other’s hair. “You won’t ever be alone again. I won’t allow it.”  
“That’s a fucking lie, un.”  
“No, Dei, I promise. I won’t ever leave again,” the older male felt his own tears falling. “I won’t leave you alone.”  
Deidara just continued to cry. He couldn’t stop and he didn’t want to stop.   
“I love you, un,” he mumbled. “God I love you so much.”  
The older male shook his head, tightening his grip. He said nothing as he just held the younger male against him, holding him until the sobs were gone and the tears were replaced with sniffles. “Are you okay to talk?”  
“Y-Yeah, I think I can, un,” the blonde murmured, pulling away, wiping at his cheeks. “Sorry, I’m just a…fucking blubbering mess.”  
“No, no you’re not,” the redhead moved to place their foreheads together, staring into his blue orbs with his own amber ones. “I still love you even though your face is about as red as my hair.”  
They shared a few minutes of quiet chuckles, then silence until Deidara spoke again. “I’m going to tell my parents about us, un.”  
“Will they approve?”  
“My mom, most likely, but my dad…well, that’s a whole other story, un.”  
“…”  
“But I don’t care, un,” he smiled. “I’m tired of trying to please him. It’s my own happiness that   
matters from here on out, un.”  
“Deidara-”  
“I didn’t answer your earlier question, did I, un?”  
“What question?”  
“Why do I still love you, un? Or better…why do I even love you?”  
“Dei, you don’t have to-”  
“Obviously, when we first met, I was straight, un,” the blonde started, ignoring Sasori’s plea. “I knew I was, even with my best friend being gay. And with me being the oblivious person that I am, I never once thought of your liking me, un. I just took your kindness and caring as an act of friendship or even some way to make up for how you treated me in the café. But as the days progressed and I got to know you…I found myself caring more about you, un. And at first, I thought it was me becoming close friends with you. But upon realizing things…I wanted to be more than friends sooner than I had anticipated, un.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I chose celebrating your birthday with you over going on a date with a girl, un,” Deidara explained. “There was so much planning done to make sure that day was a special one for you. I had dated girls during their birthdays and never had I gone to such lengths with them as much as I did for you, un. But again…I’m oblivious and didn’t see the signs right from the beginning. Later that night, when we were stargazing and you admitted you had seen my medication, I will admit that I was embarrassed, un. Not even Hidan knew about what had happened and here I was, telling my roommate whom I’ve only known for a couple of weeks everything there was to know about me over a bottle of whiskey.  
“One thing led to another and we ended up kissing, un,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I couldn’t remember much the next day, but after a few more went by, the pieces put themselves together and I realized, with then startling realization, that I had enjoyed it. I had enjoyed my roommate, who was another guy, kissing me, un. That was when denial set in. Though something inside me was telling me to just trust my gut, there was a side of me that kept repeating that I was straight, un. It was like that every day for me and I would hate that when I saw you, all I could think about was the kiss. It was driving me insane, which was I avoided you for so long, un. But, then you confronted me and then the incident in my bedroom occurred and that just furthered my confusion. I mean…why would I allow another guy to grab my dick and jerk me off, un? I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t high, I just…let it happen. The next morning, that’s when I decided to ask you why you loved me, un.”  
He smiled at the memory. “And let’s just say I was shocked. Not one girl that I have ever dated has ever said to me what you said that day, un. You made me feel wanted, accepted, special; like I was the only person on this whole planet. I didn’t know how to handle such a confession, un. But it ate at my mind, my confusion on my sexuality growing immensely in the time before party. When that came and I saw you in your suit, I about nearly fainted, un. You looked so…so goddamn handsome. And for a long moment, all I wanted to do was repeatedly tell you that, un. But then your ex showed up and stole you from me and-”  
“So you were jealous.”  
“I told you I was, un.”  
“No you didn’t. You only told me you hated the fact that I was flirting with Komushi. You never admitted that you were jealous.”  
“So you were flirting, un.”  
Sasori rolled his eyes. “It was light-hearted fun and had no meaning behind it.”  
“Then what was that paper he slipped you before I left, un?”  
“His number.”  
“And what did you do with it, un?”  
“I threw it away. Why would I need it when I’ve got a perfectly amazing boyfriend right here?” the redhead leaned in and pecked the blonde on the lips, smirking at the pink flush invaded the latter’s cheeks. “I love it when you blush.”  
“Stop, that’s embarrassing, un,” Deidara moved to turn his head away, but was stopped when pale hands forced him to gaze at the face in front of him. Sasori gave him a sincerely confused expression. “Why do you get embarrassed when I compliment you?”  
“I’ve never taken compliments well, un. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but…I don’t know, it’s hard to explain,” he sighed. “Anyways, after I saw that, I lost it, un. Ino was being annoying and asking too many damn questions and I was fed up with that along with watching you and Komushi and I just…screamed at her. I never wanted to do that, but it happened; I just…exploded, un. I was embarrassed and knew I had to leave, so I did, knowing full well you were following me. We spoke, we yelled, next thing I knew, we were both naked and you were inside me, un.  
“Throughout that whole experience, every question that I had was suddenly answered. I knew I loved you, I knew I never wanted to feel pleasure from anyone else but you, un. I knew I never wanted to be loved by anyone else but you. So when you found out about the job and told me you hated me, I guess that was my breaking point, un. I had had so many disappointments before, but this one took the cake.   
“So Sasori, un,” Deidara smiled, cerulean blue orbs shining, “I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since the day you kissed me, I just didn’t know it yet, un. I fell in love with the way you viewed the world. The way you push forward, despite other’s doubts, un. I fell in love with the way you could find amusement out of anything and everything. How you put my happiness before your own, un. How you treated me even when I accused you of taking advantage of me. I fell in love with you because of who you are as a person. I wanted to become a better person for you, un.”  
“Deidara…”  
“So yes…I, Deidara Hayashi, am in love with a man named Sasori Akasuna, un,” he leaned forward and gave the redhead a quick kiss before pulling away, smiling.  
“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


	31. What COULD Have Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my darlings! Sorry for the late upload! I was away from my laptop for a majority of the day. So, now I am sitting here, eating roasted seaweed, listening to 'All Time Low' by Jon Bellion, drinking citrus green tea, and dying from spring allergies (>.<) as I type out a note for the second to last chapter of this story...womp ;-; I hope you all stick with me to the end! I got a surprise in store for everyone at the end of the last chapter, so stick with me! ;) Anyways, please enjoy Chapter 31 and remember to leave comments and kudos! <3

Three Weeks Later…

It was three weeks later that Deidara was released from the hospital. He had only stayed for so long to receive psychological treatment for his renewed diagnosis of depression and mild anxiety, as well as alcoholism.  
Relapsing wasn’t something he had planned on doing.  
It had just happened.  
Upon leaving, the blonde was prescribed a higher dosage of Disulfiram, which he only had to take when he needed to, and a new medication to counteract both the anxiety and depression, Prozac, which he had to take every day, as well as continue treatment for the next two months.   
And as far as his wrists were concerned, there were permanent scars, but nothing more.  
He had told his parents about his relationship with Sasori, which was met with confusion, acceptance, and slight discomfort from his father, which he had been expecting.  
But he was happy that it was out in the open now.  
He didn’t have to hide anymore.  
When he walked outside, it was past dusk, the moon beginning its ascent into the sky. The stars which he wished he could see were invisible against the backdrop of the city’s lights. Pedestrians walked the sidewalks as the January chill forced them to pop their collars more and pull their scarves a little tighter, while normal, evening traffic thrummed above the wet streets, car horns and bright flashes from pissed off drivers adding to the symphony.   
And there, standing right in front of him, was Sasori. He was decked out in his normal winter attire, fur-lined coat and beige scarf surrounding him. Wisps of his blood red hair caught in the wind, billowing around his angelic face, amber orbs tinted darker because of the night azure, and face completely devoid of facial piercings. Behind him was a stalled taxi cab, the back door opened wide. When the older male caught sight of him, a wide smile spread across his face. “Ready to go home?”  
Deidara didn’t think twice about sprinting forward into the other male’s arms, locking their lips together in a passionate kiss. He didn’t care who saw or what they thought, though a few whistles from a few did pique his interest. He was the first to pull away, smiling as his breath came out in white puffs. “I’m ready, un.”  
With that, Sasori led them into the cab, where he gave the driver the address to the penthouse and the yellow vehicle slowly merged itself back into the chaos. With their hands held and fingers intertwined together, the younger male allowed himself to rest against the other’s shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the world around him drift away.  
He hadn’t felt this calm in months.   
A sudden prod in his arm had him opening his eyes to find Sasori staring at him. “What is it, un?”  
“We’re here.”  
“We made it back already, un?” he gazed out the window, thoroughly surprised to see the entrance to the penthouse only a few steps away.  
He must’ve fallen asleep…  
Sasori went to pay the driver when the man politely declined. “This one’s on me, gentlemen.”  
“Sir, please take this,” the redhead remarked, trying to give him the cash again, but was still met with a shaking head. “You fellas look like you haven’t seen each other in a while. Consider this a ‘Welcome Home’ gift.”  
“Thank you, un,” Deidara smiled, reaching into his wallet and extracting a $100 bill, holding it out to the man. “So consider this our ‘Thank you’ gift in return.”  
The man looked about ready to decline again, but seeing as it was a losing battle, he took the bill and politely tipped his hat. He watched with amused eyes as the two males exited the cab and made their way up to the penthouse.

 

If one were to have rung the bell that night, no one would have answered. In curiosity, said person would try the door, only to find that it had been left unlocked. Walking inside, they would notice that all the lights were completely off, despite the obvious signs that people were in there. Continuing on in, their eyes would land on the trail of forgotten clothes that led the way up the stairs. Following said trail, the person would stop in front of the first door closest to the steps, and if they were quiet enough…  
…They would be able to hear the quiet gasps and moans coming from within.

Deidara threw his head back, his neck and hair falling down the side of the bed, eyes capturing the upside down view of the buildings ahead. He screwed his eyes shut tightly, nails digging into the forearms he was holding onto as another wave of pleasure made him exhale a moan. At the sound of the arousing noise, the man above him began thrusting faster, slamming his hips against the others. He expelled a grunt of his own as the hot walls around his member suddenly constricted. “God, you’re so tight, Dei~”  
“J-Just…AH!” the blonde’s feet dug into the sheets and his back arched off the bed as the redhead unexpectedly rammed himself into that sweet spot deep inside him. The white-hot pleasure sent chills up his spine and caused him to quake all over, goosebumps rising on his skin. “T-There…right there…again…PLEASE!!”  
“With pleasure,” Sasori smirked as he bent down and latched his mouth against the tanned neck under him, sucking on the skin between his teeth as he obliged to the other’s wishes. He went faster, slamming into the blonde’s pleasure spot over and over again, feeling the vibrations of his moans and gasps against his lips.  
It was only a few minutes later that both felt the knots in their stomachs grow to an unbearable size. Reaching between them to start pumping the blonde’s member, Sasori pulled the latter up into a sitting position on his lap, attacking his lips with his own.  
“Ride me, Dei~” he whispered through panted breathes. Deidara nodded, beginning to move up and down, impaling himself with the hot erection repeatedly as he was driven towards the edge. He wrapped his arms around the older male’s neck, passionately kissing him as he felt the coil in his abdomen tighten and then still completely.  
And then it shattered.  
He threw his head back as a near scream ripped through his throat as he released onto their stomachs, only getting a few more thrusts down before Sasori shuddered against him and filled him with his own seed. They rode out their climaxes in satisfied silence, staring into each other’s eyes.  
It was Sasori that spoke first. He took a deep breath and rested his forehead against the other’s tanned chest. “You can’t imagine how amazing it feels to have you in my arms again.”  
“If you feel that way, imagine how I must be right now, un,” Deidara murmured. He moved the other head until he was cupping the redhead’s face in his hands, staring into his amber orbs, smiling. “Three weeks of not being able to see you was pure torture.”  
A faint smile played on Sasori’s lips as he reached with his clean hand to gently grab one of the blonde’s own, turning his head to plant a tender kiss on the scar decorating the wrist. Deidara scrunched his face in disgust at the sight. He averted his gaze as another kiss was placed there. “Stop kissing them, un. They’re ugly.”  
“No they’re not, Dei.”  
“They are a disgusting reminder of what I did to myself and what could have happened, un,” he retorted, eyes still on the carpeted floor. “I hate them so much because I know they’ll never go away completely.”  
“Deidara…” Sasori waited until the younger male looked back at him before continuing. “I’m not saying they’re ugly, but I’m not saying they’re beautiful, either. You were right; these are a reminder of what could have happened. But at the same time, they are a reminder of what didn’t happen. You didn’t die, despite your attempt. And I believe there’s a reason for that. There is a reason you’re still here in this world, wrapped in my arms.”  
The blonde quirked a bemused eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one that told me you didn’t believe in fate, un? That everything that happens is just by pure coincidence?”  
The redhead shook his head, smirking. “I guess I did used to think like that. But that changed when I found out you were okay. Something kept you alive and whatever that was…I will be eternally grateful.”  
“Why, un?”  
“Because whatever that was gave me a second chance to be with you,” he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Deidara’s. “And I am not about to give that up.”  
“Sasori-”  
“I love you, Deidara.”  
A few tears slipped down the younger male’s cheeks, but he smiled nonetheless. “I love you, too, Sasori, un.”  
The next kiss lasted for what felt like forever. Neither pulled away because neither wanted to pull away. But eventually, it was Deidara who did. His mouth hinted at a smile. “Any chance we could take a shower before going to bed, un?”  
“Depends,” Sasori murmured, lips finding the soft spot understand the blonde’s left ear, “are we talking separately or together?”  
“Well couples normally shower together, un,” the younger male replied, getting a slightly shocked expression from the other. He leaned over to whisper into the older male’s ear, “So just know I like my showers hot.”  
With that, he abruptly stood up and darted for the bathroom, laughing maniacally as the redhead chased him inside.  
It wasn’t until after another round of passionate love making surrounded by steam that they finally cleaned up and went to bed.


	32. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! I am sad to announce that this is the last chapter of 'Habits'...*quietly cries*. Thank you all for sticking with me through the story, even those that started reading it last year and waited months for me to begin uploading again >.< To everyone that left comments and kudos, I'm so grateful and thankful for your support! I have a surprise for you all that will be announced at the end of this chapter (though wait until you finish reading it before reading the announcement xD). Any who, I present to you all the final chapter of 'Habits'. I recommend listening to the songs mentioned to get a true feel of the ambience I tried to portray between Sasori and Deidara.

Three Months Later…

First Person POV: Deidara

 

I’m finally fully recovered.  
The scars on my wrists have faded to near invisibility.  
The night after I returned home, I started therapy and went to a psychologist every other day. It was only two months, which honestly flew by faster than I had expected. In no time, I was stopping therapy and ending the sessions with the psychologist.  
I also found the courage to finally tell Hidan everything that had happened to me, from right before Grad School, to the event that took place the night before Christmas Eve.  
Of course he was mad and upset, but at the end of the day, he still gave me a smile that let me know he would never abandon me.  
I don’t have to take the Disulfiram all the time.  
I still have to take the Prozac every day, though, which I find ridiculous.  
I haven’t felt this happy in years.  
And no…  
It’s definitely not the medication talking.  
I have skipped a few days here and there and never felt different from the days when I did take it.  
But I think I have my boyfriend to blame for that.  
See, shortly after I returned home, I started work again, when I could. I signed the contract and the partnership went through, with everyone keeping their jobs, as promised. A few of HelioTech’s employees were actually transferred over to Iwa Stratos Head Quarters, where I currently work, myself.  
And as luck would have it, Sasori ended up being one of the transfers.  
Seeing him while walking through the hallways makes me gleeful.  
Sasori Akasuna makes me happy. He makes me happy in ways I haven’t felt before. No matter how often I see him, my heart will still race or even skip a beat. No matter how many times I kiss him, I will never get tired of the feel of his lips. No matter how many times I see him smile, I will never get annoyed by the sight.  
Sasori Akasuna makes me feel important. He makes me feel like I can do anything and everything I desire in the world, and can accomplish with flying colors. He makes me feel like I have the whole world in my hands. He makes me want to become a better person, not only for him, but for myself, as well.  
He was my savior when I was dying. One of the few people I could trust with all my flaws and secrets. He didn’t give up on me, even when I had hit rock bottom and there seemed to be no way of recovering. He supported me through the therapy sessions, comforting me when I had breakdowns and congratulating me when there were successes.  
But above all…I love Sasori for who he is.  
I love his smile.  
His laugh.  
I love his art, though his view does not agree with mine.  
I love his perseverance through work and everyday life.  
I love his intellect, quick wit, and sarcastic remarks.  
I love his blood red hair and angelic, almond-shaped amber eyes.  
Sasori Akasuna is the love of my life.  
And with him around…  
…I don’t think it will be too hard to break the habits of my past.

First Person POV: Sasori

 

It’s been three months since Deidara’s life has returned to relative normalcy.  
The scars on his wrists were basically gone, and he can go a few days without needing to take his Prozac.  
He signed the contract and the partnership between HelioTech and Iwa Stratos commenced.  
And yes…  
I still have my job.  
But to my surprise, a few employees from H.T., including me, were transferred over to I.S. Head Quarters to work from there.  
I didn’t mind that at all.  
Deidara worked in that same building.  
When I see him walk down the hallway from my office space, there’s still a prominent race of my heart. It still always gets a little harder to think when he’s around, which can get in the way of my work, but not to an extent that could cause worry.  
Deidara Hayashi makes me happy. In my world that was once filled with darkness and loneliness, he brought a light that chased away the black and made me feel whole. He brought back to me what I had lost a long time ago:  
Caring.  
Compassion.  
Empathy.  
He was the force that destroyed the wall that I had built so perfectly in order to protect me. Destroyed it within seconds of me knowing him  
But I wouldn’t change that.  
Deidara Hayashi makes me feel wanted. When he’s in my arms, I feel wholesome, like my life has meaning. I don’t feel alone, like no one loves me. Because when I look down and see that beautifully handsome sleeping face, I know that that man loves me with all his heart.  
I feel wanted, loved. I feel like I mean something to someone.  
But above all else…I love Deidara for who he is.  
I love his grin.  
His cackle.  
I love the way he always views things with a positive outlook. How he’s able to draw a crowd by just being him.  
I love his art, though his view is still up for debate.  
I love the way his voice sounds right when he wakes up in the morning.  
I love his golden blonde hair, cerulean blue eyes, and wide smile.  
Deidara Hayashi is the love of my life.  
And with him around…  
…My old habits will soon fade away without a trace.

One Month Later…

Deidara was fast asleep when light shaking to his arm caused him to arouse from his slumber. He turned to the source, groggily opening his eyes to see Sasori leaning over him. “What is it, un?”  
“Get up.”  
“What time is it, un?”  
“2:15 in the morning.”  
The blonde looked at his roommate with an incredulous stare. “Then why the fuck would I get up at such a time, un? And why are you up??”  
“Now’s not the time for questions; just get up.”  
“Fuck that, you can either join me in bed or not, but I’m going back to sleep, un,” he rolled over until his back was facing the redhead. “Goodnight.”  
With his eyes closed, Deidara felt the weight of the older male shift, and suddenly, his lips were hovering mere millimeters over his ear, whispering, “If you don’t get up, I’ll be forced to dump a bucket of ice cold water on you. Then we’ll see if you want to stay in a wet bed.”  
The blonde shot his eyes open, craning his neck to give the other a death glare. “You wouldn’t try, un.”  
“Oh believe me; I would. Now get up and meet me downstairs. You have five minutes,” with that, Sasori moved away and strode out of the bedroom, leaving the door open as he left. The younger male sighed and sat up, rubbing his disheveled hair with his hand.  
After a quick stretch, he threw the covers off him and stood up, grabbing a pair of sweatpants from the nearby drawer and slipping them on over his briefs. He smoothed out his golden waves as best as he could and made his way over to the threshold, stopping above it when he heard the soft melody of music.  
What the hell…?  
Moving into the hallway, Deidara could make out a faint golden glow from within the living room. Knitting his brows, he strode over to the stairs and made his way down to the first floor. It was when he saw the full view that he stopped dead in his tracks.  
What once housed the coffee table now laid bare, with the surrounding area covered in glowing candles that wafted the smell of vanilla to the blonde’s nostrils. Their golden hue lit up the dark space, and the outside world was barely lit, seeing as it was early in the morning and everyone was asleep. In the background, soft, slow music played serenely.  
What on Earth - ?  
“Do you like it?” came a voice behind him. Deidara swiveled on his heel to find Sasori standing over by the stairs, looking sheepish as he gave him a crooked smile. “I wasn’t sure if the candles were going to be too much, but I went ahead with them.”  
The younger male blinked, surprise marring his face. “You did this for me, un?”  
“Well, yeah, of course I did,” the redhead walked over, stopping in front of him. “This was why I wanted you to get up.”  
“But why, un? I mean, nothing special is going on, so-”  
“Yes there is.”  
“What it is, un?”  
“Your birthday,” Sasori smiled at him, amber eyes alight from the candles around them. “Today’s May 5th.”  
Deidara racked his brain for a second.  
That’s right.  
It was the morning of May 5th.  
Today was his birthday.  
How could he have forgotten?  
Actually, he knew why.  
Work had been asking for so much of his time recently that he had barely any chance to think of anything else besides meetings and conferences.  
Guess that goes to show how much he had been encased in his job.  
Shaking his head, he gazed over at the display. “It’s beautiful, Sasori, un,” he stared back at the older male. “Thank you.”  
Sasori’s smile turned into one that would have made the Cheshire Cat jealous. His eyes were playful as he took a few steps forward before turning around and placing a hand out towards the younger male, who blinked at it in confusion. “What is it, un?”  
“May I have this dance?”  
“You’re seriously asking me to dance, un?”  
“Yes, I am, and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”  
Deidara only gazed at the hand for a few more seconds before taking it with his own. Without question, the redhead moved them over to the empty space of the living room, just as the acoustic version of Sam Smith’s ‘Latch’ began playing over the surround sound speakers, the opening piano riff reaching the two males’ ears.  
Twining the fingers of his left hand with the younger male’s right, Sasori placed his free hand on the other’s bare waist, noticing the slight blush on his cheeks. “Don’t be embarrassed, brat. Couples do this all the time.”  
“Y-Yeah, b-but it’s just-” Deidara tried averting his gaze. His heart was beating out of his chest at the closeness of their faces; they were only but mere centimeters apart. His attempt at aversion was short-lived, though, for the hand that had been on his waist not just a few seconds ago suddenly cupped his chin lightly, forcing him to gaze into the amber orbs that reflected the flames of the candles. “I want you to look at me, okay? While we dance, I only want you to look at me. Can you do it?”  
The blonde gulped, but nodded his head.  
After that, Sasori began swaying, slowly turning in circles, letting his body become warped to the music, examining the way the candles made Deidara’s hair glow even more gold than normal. How his blue eyes were now turned naturally darker because of the atmosphere, and how much he honestly, truly loved him.  
For Deidara, as they danced, his nerves lessened. He felt his body begin to relax and his heart slow down to a normal rhythm. And as he focused on Sasori, he became acutely aware of everything: how the outline of the redhead’s face glowed a faint gold, how his amber eyes seemed to match the color around them, and how his contented smile showed how much he loved him.  
“Can I tell you something?” Sasori suddenly asked. He moved his arms to wrap them around the other’s waist, the latter unconsciously doing the same, though they still swayed to the music.  
“What is it, un?”  
Without a warning, the older male leaned forward and captured the blonde’s lips with his own. He only held the peck for a few seconds before pulling away, smiling at the blush. “Thank you for falling in love with me.”  
“Sasori, that’s-”  
“I’m not saying ‘Thank you’ in the sense that you only love me because I loved you first,” he explained. “I’m saying ‘Thank you’ because I won’t ever be able to tell you how much you loving me means to me. To know I have your love…it makes me the happiest person in the world.”  
Deidara blinked, unable to respond. It’s statements like those that made the blonde realize how truly in love he was with Sasori.  
All his life, he had had relationships where he thought he was in love.  
But every past ‘revelation’ seemed incomparable to when he finally realized he loved the redhead.  
To respond back, the blonde just leaned forward and pressed his lips to the others, pulling away only to press their foreheads together. “I’m going to tell you something that goes against what I believe, but with you, I’ll make an exception, un.”  
“And that is?”  
Only slightly aware that the song in the background had changed over to Christina Perri’s ‘A Thousand Years’, Deidara smiled. “I will love you for all eternity, Sasori Akasuna.”  
Sasori looked on the verge of tears.  
His heart swelled to the size of a hot air balloon.  
The happiness he was feeling was indescribable.  
He tightened his hold on the other’s waist, gazing intensely at the cerulean blue orbs gazing back. “And I will love you for all eternity, Deidara Akasuna.”  
As the beautiful melody of Christina’s voice wafted around them like a melodious fog, the kisses the two shared were like the song: slow, unrushed, passionate, yet reserved, full of life, yet breath-taking.  
They stayed like that for what felt like hours.  
Wrapped in each other’s arms, protected for eternity.  
And as the flames of the candles glimmered against the silver bands wrapped around the left ring finger of each male, they shared one simultaneous thought:  
That they both hoped that one day…  
…Everyone will find the love they truly deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!! So even though this is the end of Habits, you all will not see the last of me quite yet. I have uploaded the first chapter to a new story I have created that involves a new fandom and new characters! Please have a look, read it, and PLEASE leave comments! I want to know if this story will be worth uploading to AO3 and I'm hoping you all find it interesting enough! Want to know who it's about? It involves a great king, a tsundere, and wings ;) Enjoy! <3


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